Posts Tagged ‘Intention’

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Empower Your Miracles

Sunday, February 27th, 2011

In the article Clarify Your Intention, I invited you to set an intention and formalize it as a statement. Part of the exercise was to identify those whom your intention would serve and to imagine how it would serve them. I believe when you add service to others, your intentions grow wings. Suddenly what you want is no longer grounded, no longer plodding along. Once in flight, it soars swiftly and easily into the miracle.

Service, at this miracle-level, is given without conditions, carries no judgment, and holds no expectations. You reach out to others, simply to help them along their way, to enrich their experiences, to empower them.

Giving and Receiving

One of the biggest obstacles to such simple service is thinking that what someone else wants conflicts with or obstructs what you want.

Say, for instance, you love the city life you’ve created, and your significant other wants to move into a cabin in the mountains. Or you want your daughter to go to college, and she wants to be a ski bum in the winter and write during the summer. Or you want to implement a new process at work and your boss doesn’t want anything to change. Or your neighbor supports gun control and you want to carry.

When your values, ideals, preferences and desires conflict with those of someone else, where does service come in?  You can’t even understand what they want; let alone support it.

It is, of course, important to stay true to your integrity, which may make such situations seem non-negotiable. Perhaps they are. How can you compromise on the second amendment, or not give your best at work, or let your daughter ruin her life, or uproot and leave friends and family for the sake of some mid-life crisis?

On the other hand – assuming miracle-making service is given without conditions, carries no judgment, and holds no expectations – what would happen if you removed any conditions you’ve imposed, stopped judging, and released your expectations?  What if you stepped outside your own agenda and chose to truly understand the other person’s position?

So, your husband wants to simplify and move to a cabin. You’ll have to set your own preferences aside in order to recognize his underlying motivations. Some of those reasons will be more obvious (and perhaps more acceptable to you) than others. It may be easy to understand the need to simplify, but can you empathize enough to actually feel the urge to live closer to nature, to detach from past paradigms, to go looking for something that’s been missing?

So, your daughter wants to ski and write. If you can set your agenda aside, you’ll have a better chance of recognizing her hunger for freedom, her creativity, her love of adventure, her determination to listen to her heart and find her own way. Where you see a college education as a good way to both knowledge and security, she may see it as a good way to erode her soul.

So, you want to innovate and your boss wants to stagnate. Do you know anything about his obligations?  Are you privy to the pressures from his investors, his board of directors, or his family’s traditions?   Can you appreciate his efforts to do the best he can with what he’s got?

So, you think your neighbor wants to ban all guns, wants stern laws and stiff penalties. Have you ever asked him what gun control means to him?  Have you ever listened to the reasons supporting his concerns?

Becoming neutral – exercising acceptance, empathy and compassion – is the first step toward service at the Creator level. (See The Power of Emotion.)

Mastering Your Emotions

The second step is to become the master of your own emotions

When you’re in conflict with someone else, you see your reasoning as logical and your arguments as valid. You are steadied by your facts and supported by your common sense. Naturally, you’re passionate about what’s right.

But what if your passion – and that of the other person – creates and maintains the conflict?  What if the factors of the situation are actually secondary?

When you deem your position to be right (or even just mostly right) and the other person’s position to be wrong, you are in Interpreter mode.

Consider again the above examples.

Perhaps you resist the idea of moving to the mountains because: the whole idea is scary and overwhelming, you resent that your feelings don’t get more consideration, you deplore the prospect of roughing it, you want to protect what you’ve already built, you believe your spouse is immersed in a temporary and unrealistic fantasy.

Perhaps you resist your daughter’s plan for her life because you’re anxious for her, you’re disappointed in her choices, you’re certain a college education is necessary. Maybe deep down you envy and resent her free-wheeling ways.

Perhaps you resist your boss’s inertia because you’re certain you know a better way, you’re frustrated your suggestions aren’t given more consideration, you’re irritated by his attitudes and fears, you long for more responsibility and recognition, you’re afraid at this rate you’ll soon be out of a job.

Perhaps your differences with your neighbor are only partly about guns. Sure you believe in the right to carry, and you think he’s naïve, his dog barks half the night and poops on your lawn, and half of his front yard is an unsightly, poorly-tended vegetable garden.

Such underlying emotions are all from Interpreter mode, and Interpreter emotions always produce struggle. And the more you struggle, the stronger the conflict grows.

If you’ve already dropped your conditions and released your expectation, if you’ve already chosen neutrality, you’re halfway there. From that place of calm it’s fairly easy to release any remaining Interpreter emotions. And when you refuse to indulge in interpreter mode habits, you access more of your own power.

You also ease others away from their Interpreter tendencies by not adding the fuel of your so-called “passion” to their fires.

Mastery comes as you practice consciously choosing Partner mode emotions instead. When you operate from Partner mode, you create cooperation instead of conflict. For instance:

Imagine how discussions of whether or not to move to the mountains would be different if you replaced fear with trust, resentment with affection, aversion with tranquility, frustration with harmony, and suspicion with respect.

Imagine how your relationship with your daughter would improve if you replaced anxiety with confidence, disappointment with admiration, certainty with respect, envy with contentment, and impatience with gratitude.

Imagine how your dissatisfactions at work would abate if you replaced frustration with eagerness, ambition with willingness, longing with tenacity, and fear with confidence.

Imagine how the tension between you and your neighbor would ease up if you replaced arrogance with friendliness, helplessness with amusement, hostility with patience, and vexation with recognition.

The higher you move on the scale of emotions, the more personal power you access and the more you become the master of your emotions. The more you master your emotions, the more wisdom and empowerment you bring to the situations of your life.

Whenever you bring wisdom and empowerment into any situation, you serve others as well as yourself. You serve by releasing tension, by shedding fresh and clear light on situations, by making some of your enlightenment available to others.

When you empower others through your understanding, acceptance, encouragement, cooperation, and love, you expand your influence, gain credibility, form alliances, broaden your base, and roll out the welcome mat. What you give to others comes back to you.

Partner emotions always result in cooperation. When you free yourself from conditions, judgments and expectation, you open the door to a far wider range of possibilities than exist in Interpreter mode. When you are in full mastery of Partner emotions, best good becomes probable. You become an agent in bringing about the best good of others. You provide extraordinary service when you take yourself out of someone else’s picture.

The Universal Whole

This expansive energy you now experience and generate also strengthens your connection, partnership and oneness with the universe. In Partner mode, it’s easy to trust the universe will support you and others at the same time. Conflicts dissolve in best good because almost always the best good of others is also your best good.

Consider these ways in which the universe partners with you:

1.    The universe never judges. Your outcomes result directly and inevitably from the energies you generate – your thoughts, your actions and your emotions. There is no score-keeper-in-the-sky recording on a tally sheet whether you’re good or bad, marking you down for “bad” choices and rewarding you for “good” ones.

2.    On the universal level there are no arbitrary or unstated conditions. The rulebook never changes. You get out according to what you put in, and that’s that.

3.    The universe is never disappointed in you, because the universe holds no expectations. You do what you do, and you experience the results of your choices. If the universe has any desires for you, they are for your growth, your joy, your well-being and your best good. There may be hope that you will receive these miracles, and there may be rejoicing when you do; nevertheless, there will always be love and encouragement when you don’t.

Does this partnership with the universe support you, empower you, serve you?

What if you supported, empowered, and served others, following this model?

When you extend to others what the universe extends to you, you help strengthen the universal whole. The more you serve in this way, the stronger you become. The more you expand your Partner and Creator influence, the more others will move to higher levels of calm, cooperation and oneness.

Service and The Modes of Power

As a quick review, consider that the way you serve reveals your mode of power.

If you subjugate yourself, you are in Victim mode. This subjugation can occur in two ways. You can cede your power to someone else. Or you can submit to the emotions themselves. Whether you let others control you or you let your emotions dominate you, you relinquish your self.

If you serve reluctantly, you are in Interpreter mode. Almost all emotions in this mode have a sub-context of reluctance. You give because you must, or should, or have ulterior motives. Sometimes you want to avoid pain; sometimes you strive to come out ahead through  manipulation. Often, if you could see another option, you’d take it.

If you detach your emotions from your service you are in Observer mode. Neutral service takes little energy on your part, feels optional, and promises no particular benefit – and not offering it carries no penalty. Such gentle service can be as simple as offering a smile to a stranger, making a joke to ease tension, or holding the door for someone.

If you cooperate, you are in Partner mode. Overt generosity requires an emotional investment. You consciously and mindfully open your heart and help the other person in a pro-active way. Your service might be physical, but it can as easily be thoughtful or emotional. You want the other person’s success, the other person’s growth, the other person’s happiness and wellness, without putting it in the context of your own success or happiness.

If you bless, empower and trust, you are in Creator mode. At this level you become one with the other person – even if you remain in disagreement. You become one with the universe in sustaining and facilitating. You easily and effortlessly invest peace, love and joy in their efforts. You trust the other person’s best good as you trust your own.

Serve and Soar

Every worthy intention benefits someone else. As you align yourself with the miracle you have chosen to manifest, incorporate service into your efforts and watch those efforts take flight.

Service always imbues intention with greater power and swifter attainment.

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Mindfulness

Sunday, February 20th, 2011

Consider the ways in which thoughts, actions and emotions are the three powerful and creative energies of your life.

You know all about actions, those physical things you do with your body.  You know thoughts motivate and move you in certain directions.  And you experience every day the power your emotions have on your moods, your relationships and the state of your health.  When you bring these three forces – actions, thoughts, and emotions – into one congruent whole, when you live intentionally, you open the way for miracles.

These three forces always interact to create a result.  They must.  There is no alternative.

When you are aware and focused, these aspects of yourself create what you want and bring it into existence.

However, even when you are unaware, incongruent, and living by accident, these three energies interact to create a result.  They are your life forces, and they strive to satisfy your desires.  The trouble is, if you think you want one thing, yearn emotionally for something else, and act in favor of something else again, these forces become conflicted and bring turmoil to your life.  For instance, if you are in a difficult, combative relationship with someone (or something), at some level you have injected combative energy into that relationship.

On the other hand, in the smooth, easy, cooperative relationships of your life, your thoughts, actions and emotions are unified with love, generosity, confidence, and oneness – and that’s what you receive.

Putting in; Getting out

What you put in creates what comes out. If you want to know what you’re putting in, look at what’s coming out.

Assume there is an area or two of your life in which you’d like to get a different result.  You know you need to put something else in, but you’re not sure what you need to change.

Sometimes it helps to come at this challenge from a different angle, so consider using different words:

Action   =   Doing

Thoughts   =   Having

Emotions   =   Being

In your experience, which comes first?  Do you do, in order to have, in order to be?

That’s the typical order for most people.  For instance:

  • You want a loving, intimate relationship.  Obviously, you’ve got to do – meet people, go on dates, get to know someone, make peace with the person you’re with.  Then you can have – a boy friend/girl friend/significant other.  And then you can be in a satisfying relationship.
  • You want wealth.  You can easily come up with a list of things to do – get the right degree, start investing, initiate a savings plan, market more effectively, etc.  These actions enable you to have – credentials, the right job, something to start investing with, a larger base.  Then you can be rich.
  • You want to be at the top of your game.  You review the actions of those who have gone before – study, practice, learn, network, perform, create a business plan.  Through hard work you can have – skills, finesse, contacts, a product.  And then you will be among the best.

This is the obvious, common sense, Western-culture way to approach anything you want to achieve.

For Better Results

The miracle way works in the opposite, counter-intuitive direction.

To make miracles, be first, then have, and leave doing for last.  For this radical approach to make sense, we have to redefine the terms just a bit.

Doing is about taking action; it’s also about partnering – especially with the universe.  Of course you must focus, learn, practice, implement, etc.  That’s your part.  To accept the universe as your partner, you must also welcome, attract, be willing, agree, appreciate, honor, etc.

Because we’re associating having with thoughts, let’s look at it as having the mental resources you want to possess:  knowledge, abilities, skills, qualities of character, attitudes, beliefs, insights, wisdom, etc. (Basically, what you might be able to take with you when you die.)

Being refers to being in your personal power, and that’s determined by your emotional state.  How you feel is how you are.  Whatever your emotional state, that emotion resonates throughout your entire being, and then it vibrates outward.  These outward vibrations affect everyone and everything they touch.  They are the power you generate, just as the sun generates the power of heat and light.

Now let’s put this in the context of real life, using the above examples.

If you want a loving, intimate relationship.

  • Identify what kind of person do you want to be in this relationship – loving, generous, kind, happy, considerate, neat,  adventurous.  (It might help to look at what kind of person you were in past relationships and review how that worked for you.)
  • What you want to have may include:  attitudes, such as patience, good sense of humor, confidence, compassion; skills and abilities, such as communication, tenderness, better organization, scuba-diving; beliefs, such as that you are loving and lovable?
  • Lastly, what can you do to further the above?  Practice, put yourself out there, stop arguing, release fear, go dancing, buy gear. laugh more, believe it’s possible?  Receive?  Welcome?

If you want wealth/abundance.  Ask yourself the same questions:

  • Determine the kind of person you want to be: confident, generous, willing, open, aggressive, optimistic?
  • What you want to have may include:  attitudes, such as an expansive outlook, honesty, generosity, attentiveness; skills, such as financial knowledge, market acumen, better proficiency in your field; and what you need to believe, such as money is your friend, or money is easy, or you are aligned with prosperity.
  • Finally, what can you do to further the above?  Study, practice, bless your work, network?  Receive?  Appreciate?  Attract?

If you want to be at the top of your game.

  • What kind of person will you have to be? Confident, respectful, determined, productive, willing, optimistic, humble?
  • What attitudes will it serve you to have? Serenity, tenacity, respect, excellence?  Wisdom?  What skills will you have to acquire?  Subject knowledge, proficiency, insight?  What belief will serve you?  That your abilities are a divine gift?
  • What can you do to further the above?  Study, practice, perform, write, invite challenges, give it away?  Welcome?  Nurture?

Put it on Paper

Take a piece of paper, and write your intention statement across the top. (See Living With Intention) Take a minute to feel that intention.  Imagine it as real, as a done deal, as manifested in your life.

Draw a grid with three columns and three rows below your intention statement.  Label the columns Be, Have, Do.  Label the Rows Today, This Week, This Month.  Because you’re probably in the habit of thinking of what to do first, I suggest you start with the far right column – Do – and work your way left.

The first row of the worksheet is labeled Today.  In the Do square at the far right, identify what you can to today to further your intention.

An intention I’m working on currently is:  With enthusiasm and gratitude I welcome and receive money in a steady, abundant flow.  I love money and it loves me.

I filled in the Do-Today square of my grid with:

  • Blog
  • Welcome 3 new clients.
  • Personally invite people into my manifestation workshop
  • Refuse my habitual distractions

In the Have-Today square, I wrote:

  • Peace
  • Wisdom
  • Love
  • Enthusiasm
  • Money
  • Clients
  • Greater sense of purpose

In the Be-Today square, I’ve identified:

  • Serene
  • Confident
  • Attentive
  • Spiritually magnetic
  • Willing
  • Enthusiastic
  • Happy

Clearly, blogging is a physical function – a do.  My part is to sit at my computer, think, compose, post.  I partner with the universe by inviting wisdom and insight. (Also by inviting clients and students.)

In order to welcome, invite, attract, and serve, I must have peace. Having peace about money right now is a bit challenging because my bank account is pretty slim, but just performing this exercise brought a surprising level of serenity.  Much of having, as I wrote last week, is just getting out of your own way.

Which brings me to being.  Being serene helps me have peace.  Being willing and receptive opens the door so abundance can come into my life.  Being attentive helps me have focus, so I can do the next thing that comes up for me to do – receive.

In coming up with your program, I advise starting at the right and working left.  When you want to implement your program, I encourage you to start at the left and work right.  Remember, the only time frame for implementation is today.

Now consider the coming week.  When you expand your time horizon just that much, what changes?  Again, think from right to left; implement from left to right.

Here’s my program for the week:

Be:

  • Confident
  • Serene
  • Attentive
  • Generous
  • Conscientious
  • Happy

Have:

  • Commitment
  • Consistency
  • Focus
  • Love
  • Enthusiasm
  • Wisdom
  • Confidence
  • Money

Do:

  • Post blog
  • Welcome 6 new clients
  • Receive students in the new manifestation workshops.
  • Attract enough money to pay my rent.

When I’m looking at seven days rather than one, I can come up with more things to do. To get it all done, I’m going to consciously have more going on within me.  Which means I have to be at a higher level of my personal power.

Now, project forward for one month.  What can you do during the next thirty days to further your intention?  In order to accomplish all that, what qualities will you choose to have (adopt, improve, be open to, focus on)?  And what emotions (mode of power) will you generate, operate from, be?

Here is my plan for the coming month:

Be:

  • Serene
  • Happy
  • Enthusiastic
  • Generous
  • Sure
  • Open
  • One
  • Productive

Have:

  • Wisdom
  • Receptiveness
  • Willingness
  • Creativity
  • Empathy
  • Focus
  • Abundance

Do:

  • Organize thinking for next book.
  • Work with 15 clients per week.
  • Post weekly blogs.
  • Open the floodgates of abundance.

Once you’ve aligned your actions, thoughts, and emotions on paper, begin by letting the emotions expand within you, then focus your thoughts, and finally, act accordingly.

In past blogs I’ve made the point that what is up to you, while how is up to the universe.  Unifying your life forces, however, is as aspect of how that belongs to you.  Only you can choose how you will feel, how you will think, and how you will act.  Only you can decide who you will be, what you will have, and what you will do.

(Note: I wrote and published this article in 2009.  I am happy to report my prosperity intention is smoothly and delightfully coming to fruition.)

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Growth as a Goal

Sunday, September 19th, 2010

As a life coach, I am committed to helping my clients make their lives work better.  Since what that means is up to them, I usually start with the question, “What do you want?”  And almost always the answer is some variation of, “Something different from what I’ve got.”

If you are experiencing some level of dissatisfaction in one or two areas of your life, you know the feeling.  You know what you’ve got.  You might know exactly what you want instead – or you might not.  You might believe something else is possible – or you might not.  You might want to make the most of the hand you’ve been dealt – or you might want to change the rules, maybe pull an ace out of your sleeve.

Identifying what you believe to be possible is as important as deciding what you want.  And what you believe to be possible will directly correlate to your level of Personal Power.

What You Belief to be True is True

For those operating from Victim mode, nothing looks possible.  A sense of futility reinforces a belief in helplessness; emotions such as fear, resentment, anger, envy, loneliness, and anxiety support the belief in futility; actions tend to be a choice between fight or flight.  They may yearn for something else, but they believe it to be impossible.  Victim mode is a pit, and the and the walls of the pit are all the person can see.

For someone operating from Interpreter mode, the view of what’s possible is amazingly more expansive.  Interpreter mode is a mire, with solid ground in clear sight.  Options begin to immerge, even if they all seem fraught with difficulty.  The themes of fight and flight morph into themes of hard work and rebellion.  An Interpreter of the hard work theme might decide to gain more knowledge, acquire the proper tools, accumulate the right credentials, obey all the rules, etc.  An Interpreter of the rebellion theme might decide to blame and complain, undermine the competition, emigrate to another country, defeat the enemy, not make waves, etc.  Either way, Interpreters believe in struggle as much as they believe in possibilities.

Those who operate from Observer mode stand on solid ground.  Because they can see in any direction, everything becomes possible.  They’re more humble than hurt, more pragmatic than skeptical, and far more curious then certain.  Even though they acknowledge the worst could happen, they accept the best is at least as likely.  Their belief in the possible reveals pathways and doors that someone struggling in the mire cannot see.

Those operating from Partner mode have chosen a general direction and are moving forward.  They may not know all the twists and turns of the road ahead, but by choosing this particular direction they eliminate a host of other possibilities.  What they want becomes probable.

Those who operate from Creator mode believe what they want to be inevitable.  If they make wrong turns, they trust the detour will benefit them.  They may dally along the way, and good things will come from the delay.  Obstacles are valuable challenges, hindrances bestow blessings.  What they’ve chosen becomes the only possible result.

The movement from what you have into what you want is always a growth process.  What you currently have matches what you believe is possible, and your beliefs reflect the way your thoughts, emotions and action merge together.  When you want something else instead, you have to believe the new something is possible, and you have to bring your thoughts, actions and emotions into congruence with that new belief.

Change a Belief and you Change Yourself

In order to have something different, or do something different, you have to be different.  And that means growth.

Imagine Victim mode as an acorn buried underground.  Instead of “fight or flight” the options are grow on don’t grow.  When you choose to grow you move into Interpreter mode, and that’s like sending out the first tendrils of roots and stem into the hard, dark earth, running into rocks and other roots and risking being eaten by whatever feeds on tender growing things underground.  Growing into Observer mode is like bursting through the surface.  You experience sun and rain, day and night, warm and cool, and you can see the possibility of becoming a viable, healthy tree.  As you Partner with both nourishment and adversity, you continue to grow.  Your trunk becomes stronger and taller, you branch out, and you trust the probability of your future as a beautiful oak.  Ultimately, you mature into Creator mode.  Inevitably, you become the originator of future forests.

Sometimes, in deciding to transition from what is to something else, it’s easy to forget that growth is part of the deal.  Let’s take the Law of Attraction, for example, with its basic principle of, “Give your attention to your Intention.”  So you set a clear Intention, and you come up with a good positive affirmation or a rhythmic mantra for meditation, and you strengthen your focus on your Intention.

If your Intention manifests, you have experienced personal growth from your efforts.  If you your Intention doesn’t manifest, you have not.

Growth will begin when you believe what you want is possible – and that often includes a paradigm shift.  Growth will include mastering your thoughts and emotions at higher levels of power.  Growth may include forgoing old habits and/or gaining new competencies.  For growth, you must expand your awareness, become more mindful, and develop a more trusting relationship with your intuition.  Thus, growth becomes an essential aspect of manifesting your Intention.

When the Intention is for Growth

For some people, Personal Growth is the main objective rather than a means to an end.  While for most of us, growth is the way to achieve an Intention, for them the Intention is the way to achieve growth.  For instance, I have two clients who have both set Intentions for greater prosperity.  One wants to break free of old beliefs he acquired during childhood about money being scarce and difficult on the one hand and a burden on the other.  To do this he must leave the old stories behind, see money as neutral and stop judging himself for past choices.  The other sees prosperity as a condition of wholeness.  For her, more abundance is secondary to mastering the principles of Partner mode.

These two clients are at different stages of growth.  Even though their Intentions are essentially the same, one is growing in Personal Power from Interpreter  to Observer in order to achieve greater prosperity.  For him, the starting point is to believe money can come easily.  She wants to master Personal Power at the Partner level, and she’s using her Intention as her classroom.  Her starting point is to believe her wholeness unconditionally encompasses abundance.

Manifesting an Intention has three basic steps:

  1. Set an Intention that is true for you.
  2. Bring your thoughts, actions and emotions into congruence with your Intention.
  3. Receive.

Manifesting Growth by way of an Intention requires a bit more mindfulness:

  1. Achieve the calm of neutrality.
  2. Recognize the power of choice.
  3. Believe what you want is inevitable.
  4. Set a true Intention.
  5. Surrender into willingness.
  6. Receive.

At this moment in time, your level of Personal Power produces what you currently have.  To achieve something else, put the necessary effort and attention into your own growth so you can be in harmony with your wants.

(If you find value in what I write, you might like to experience what can be achieved through one-on-one coaching.  The first session is always complementary.  Write me at kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

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Posted in Beliefs, Cause and Effect, Creator Mode, Interpreter Mode, Observer Mode, Partner Mode, Personal Growth, The Law of Attraction, Victim Mode, intentions, manifestation | 3 Comments »

Attraction and Detraction

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

(If you would like more information about personal life coaching, or would like a free introductory session, please contact me:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

Perhaps you’ve heard of the Law of Attraction.  It’s been going around for a long while, with such catch phrases as:  “Thought precedes action.”  “You are what you think about.”  “Anything the human mind can perceive it can achieve.”

Almost everything I’ve ever read about this law considers thoughts to be the magnetic force.  The more focused the thought, the more magnetic power it has.  If you think about money (or health, or love, or happiness), and you give it your full attention, it will come to you.

Philosophically, I accept this principle.  But in my experience, thoughts are only a part of the power.  Actions and emotions are equally necessary.  You must bring thoughts, actions and emotions into congruence, and any misalignment can skew the result.

Aligning the Law of Attraction

Say, for instance, you want to loose weight.  You know the key actions – eat better and exercise more.  In addition to acting appropriately to your goal, you decide to think yourself thin.  So you put together an affirmation, “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight.”  And you repeat this affirmation all the time:  when you’re building a healthy salad for lunch, when you’re jogging on the treadmill, when you’re walking toward the mall from the far distant corner of the parking lot, when you’re taking a shower.

So far, so good.  You’re solid with two pieces of the formula – but your ideal weight stays stubbornly out of reach.  Time to bring in supporting emotions.  Love is probably the strongest healing energy, so you decide to love your body, love your thinness, love yourself as a thin person.  You also decide to enthusiastically enjoy being your ideal weight.  With this inclusion of supporting emotional energy, you might find the weight peeling away.

Or you might not.  And if not, you’re blocking it.  The block might be an action – perhaps you’re still taking in more calories than you’re burning.  It might be an emotion – perhaps you’re impatient, investing in expectation, comparing yourself to others, or holding some other kind of judgment.  Or it might be a thought.  Affirmations in and of themselves are not magic.  Just repeating what you want to be might not get you where you want to go.  If you carry a belief that contradicts what you want, you may be investing as much in the Law of Detraction as in the Law of Attraction.

Beliefs are extremely powerful.  They’re like fences, like boxes.  They hold you in, they limit your progress, they establish boundaries beyond which you cannot go.  To break past them, you must dismantle them.

An exercise I find both helpful and powerful is to write out your intention statement or affirmation, use the word “but” as a conjunction, and create a compound sentence with whatever comes up after the “but.”  For example, “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but keeping weight off has always been a struggle for me.”  Repeat at least ten times, letting other fears, objections, past experiences, and beliefs come to the surface:  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but I can’t resist dessert.”  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but when I was young and tiny I felt insignificant.”  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but it won’t last.”

Once you have your list of “buts,” sort them and start to dissolve them.  Most such barriers fall into one of three categories.

  • Some reflect the present, your current situation.  Reframe those and use new affirmations to embed a new belief in your subconscious:  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, and thin is my new reality.  I am and I will be.”  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, and I easily resist dessert – even Key Lime Pie.”
  • Some are rooted in the past, old experiences or deeply-rooted beliefs about yourself.  For those, explore the story that supports the belief:  Were you insignificant?  Was your thin stature the reason?  Use logic to help you disengage from a story that probably had no basis to begin with.  For increased power, extend love and compassion to the child or adolescent you used to be, who adopted those beliefs.  Again, a new affirmation can strengthen your revised thinking.  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, and I add significant value in every situation.”
  • Some project into the future.  For those, identify the strongest emotional energy that will help you create the future to your liking.  Any partner or creator emotions will support and sustain future results.  Consider the creative power of something such as, “With delight and trust, I celebrate my idea weight every day.

Recognizing the time zone of your “buts” will help you identify the most effective ways to dissolve them.

The above suggestions are starting points.  Sometimes the first removal exercises work like magic.  Sometimes, however, other forces interfere with The Law of Attraction at a deeper level.

The Law of Detraction

The comparison of The Law of Attraction with magnetism works beautifully if you think of your desire as a magnet and what you want as iron filings.  Just increase the intensity of your desire, and you will pull more “filings” toward you.  But if what you want is another “magnet” you’ll run into the properties of polarization.

Consider magnets:  Each has a positive and a negative pole.  The only way two can connect is through opposite poles.  If they both present the same polarity, they repel each other.

In metaphysical terms this could be called The Law of Detraction:  Misaligned energies repel each other.  You have to be appropriately aligned with what you want in order to attract it.  Otherwise, your energy and the energy of what you want repel each other.  What you want must be as eager to connect with you as you are eager to connect with it.

It’s been my observation that in most cases what you want wants you.  (When what you want is human, however, that person brings a full range of human complexities into the equation so attraction is also more complex.)  If you want money, money wants you.  If you want health, health wants you.  If you want peace, peace wants you.  Very simple.

If you aren’t attracting what you want, if it isn’t responding eagerly and positively to your “attraction,” you can safely assume something is out of alignment.  Since you are the chooser, since you are the person with free agency, you alone have the potential to find the misalignment and repair in.

The Law of Detraction kicks into action any time you operate from Interpreter mode.  Every judgmental emotion interferes with attraction.  Every thought, belief, assumption, expectation or story that mires you in struggle or limitation disrupts the polarity of your energy.  Every action that doesn’t support what you want deters the positive action you desire.  This detraction  occurs whether you are the generator of the disruptive energy, or whether you assign the interference to your intention.

For example, Shelley* wanted to switch jobs to one that’s truer for her.  She set the following intention:  “With enthusiasm and joy, I relish my new job.  What I bring to my work is accepted and respected by others.”  She practiced generating feelings of enthusiasm and joy from within.  She’d worked through layers of uncertainty about the economy and her competition and her own ability to perform at higher levels.  She sent out a bunch of resumes and responded to some ads, and for weeks nothing moved.  One day, in frustration, she said, “What more can I do?  Maybe my ideal job doesn’t exist.”

I suggested we take a closer look at her perception of what was going on.  Did the job not exist?  Or did she believe, it didn’t exist?  She realized she’d never worked at a job she truly enjoyed.  She always made do, took whatever came along, settled.  I asked her to consider whether she would emit different energy if she unconditionally believed this idea job existed –  instead of believing it didn’t.  Since she had done her own inner work on this (when she affirmed enthusiasm and joy, it was real), I invited her to shift the focus of her intention statement from her own energy to the energy of the job:  “My idea job exists and it wants me.  It welcomes me, and we do beautiful work together.”  Within a week she had an interview, and a week later she had a job offer.

Here’s a set of simple questions to assess whether you’ve got Attraction or Detraction most at work with one of your intentions:

  • Are you getting what you want?  (Is your intention clearly stated?  It is true for you?)
  • Have you aligned your own thoughts, actions and emotions and thereby dismantled any barriers?
  • Are you giving your intention sufficient attention by reinforcing your aligned thoughts, actions and emotions?  (In other words, are you sticking with the program?)

If you answer yes to these three questions and what you want is still not opening up for you, take a serious look at your energetic relationship with what you want:

  • Accept that the object of your intention wants you as much as you want it.
  • Convey to the object of your intention that you want to be equal partners.
  • Ask it what it wants from you.
  • Do your best to provide what it wants.
  • Receive its best in return.

Edward* is doing this with his violin.  To Edward, the first two steps were already givens.  Then he asked his violin what it wanted from him, and it suddenly occurred to him to disregard his chin rest.  So he did, and removing that physical barrier between his body and the violin immediately changed his relationship with his instrument.  Since then he’s connecting with his violin more as a partner than a possession, and his musicianship has moved to a whole new level.

When you accept what you want as a partner at this energetic level, I suspect you will experience The Law of Attraction in surprising new ways.
*  Not their real names

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What You Have is True for You

Sunday, June 6th, 2010

(I am a life coach.  If you would like personal help in applying the principles I explore in this blog, please contact me through my web site.)

A TRUE INTENTION MUST be true for you.  It must resonate with you, be congruent with you, be in accord with your world view.  To bring something into existence, your thoughts (including beliefs and assumptions) must align with it; your emotions must be harmonious with it, and your actions must support it.  When those conditions are met, you will get what you want.  Your intention becomes reality.

This formula, in accordance with any scientific formula, works both ways.  Your reality is comprised of the alignment of your thoughts, emotions and actions.  What you have now conforms to what’s currently true for you.

“Wait!” you say.  “I don’t want my current degree of scarcity (or conflict, or pain, or confusion, or loneliness).”

Of course you don’t.  (Neither do I.)  But you’re aligned with it.  (And so am I)

However, in order to create something else, sometimes it’s necessary to first become un- aligned with what you currently have.  And that often includes recognizing why what you have now is true for you.

Here are four possible ways something you don’t really want could have become true:

1. You have a deep emotional tie to it.

Emotions are learned – and we learn them early.  In The Biology of Belief, Bruce Lipton describes how the emotions of parents can be conveyed to an unborn child.  This seems to apply to both parents, so it may be genetic rather than simply physiological.  If your mother (or perhaps your father) was sad during your gestation, that sadness could imprint on the proteins that carry the messages of your DNA.

And then, children easily pick up the emotions of their parents and caregivers.  If your parents always worried about money, you certainly picked up on their fears and doubts.  If they felt insecure with each other, you probably absorbed levels of mistrust and withdrawal.  Etc.

Thus, you may have a strong but deep emotional tie to sadness.  Or your troubled relationships with money could have roots to your early childhood.  Or your inability to be intimate may reflect your parents’ misgivings about each other.

However, just because such deep ties formed early does not mean they’re cast in concrete.  Emotions are always a choice – even those you acquired before you were born.  Not only that, emotions are the key to your personal power.  Recognize those emotions, acknowledge they have been true for you, and you begin the process of uprooting them and planting something else in their place.  Every time you exchange one disempowering emotion for one with more power, you grow stronger – and you change what’s true for you.

2. You’ve accepted a false premise.

There’s an axiom in computer programming that is a new way of stating an old principle:  Garbage in, garbage out.  Faulty premises produce false conclusions.  And yet, human beings have a tendency to accept conclusions without testing the premises.

Likewise, observed (but unproven) conclusions often promote faulty premises.  For example, if you have a 5, and you want to know how you got 5, you can say that 5 comes from 3 and 2.  That’s correct.  But what if your particular 5 is the sum of 4 and 1?

A real life example I encounter often comes when people analyze a health issue.  Perhaps someone has asthma (or tendonitis, or an ulcer, or a recurring cold) and wants to solve it.  They start looking for the components, and quite logically the first components they look for are physical.  When they discover the allergies and sensitivities that trigger asthma symptoms, they come up with a 2 + 3 = 5 equation, the 2 being a genetic predisposition, and the 3 being environmental factors.  Based on that equation, the treatment for asthma focuses on removing (or treating) the environment factors.  And yes, the asthma abates.

Except what if this particular asthma in this individual is a 1 + 4 problem?  The 1 might be environmental, and the 4 might be emotional.  Treating the symptoms still leaves the largest element of the equation unresolved.  (See books by Louise Hay and Karol Truman on this subject).  Or the components might by 1+1+1+2, with the numbers representing factors yet to be discovered.

Whatever your persistent issue, examine one or more of the following as an unidentified premise:

  • You have an unresolved emotion.  If anger, grief, anxiety, disappointment, resentment, etc. are buried in the body, their toxic nature is as dangerous as any environmental contaminant.
  • You get a payoff.  Generally, when behaviors are rewarded they are repeated, and they often become habitual.  Common rewards include:  more attention from others, control over others, a reprieve from an expected punishment, an exemption from something you don’t want to do, freedom from responsibility, a good excuse.
  • You’re staging a good defense.  When faced with problems too big to handle, people often retreat.  Illness, poverty, loneliness, etc., become coping mechanisms of choice.
  • You’re employing a good offense.  The drive to conquer can produce results as debilitating as the desire to run away.  Aspiration, greed, hostility, lust, pride and possessiveness can  result in illness, poverty and loneliness, etc.

As with emotions, when you recognize a self-defeating element in any equation, you’ve taken the first step toward breaking free of a “truth” you don’t want and adopting one that’s congruent with what you do want.

3. You’ve formed an attachment.

The Buddah concluded life is suffering and all suffering is attachment.  Whether you can currently see it or not, if you suffer you probably have some kind of attachment to your current reality.

Sometimes such attachments are obvious.  Perhaps you want a partner (lover, spouse, business partner, comrade), but you prize privacy more.  Perhaps you want health, but you’ve come to rely on your doctor.  Perhaps you want an active, adventurous life, but you’re attached to safety.

Because money has been one  of my challenges, I approach it with the techniques I suggest to others.  Very recently, I probed for any attachment I might have regarding it, and I discovered an attachment to scarcity.  At first, I labeled it “minimalism,” but I realized its true name very quickly.

Since money has been scarce my entire life, I can assume deep emotional roots:  My parents were very good at doing without.  My father did all the home maintenance; my mother made all our clothes and cooked from scratch.  When I was a teenager I realized I had adopted a strategy of not wanting.  By not wanting, I avoided disappointment and resentment and could just be happy.  As a young wife, I followed  my mother’s pattern.  I made my children’s clothes (often from scraps) and I cooked from scratch.  I am very, very good at doing without.

It’s been challenging to realize I formed an attachment to getting along without, especially when that extends to an attachment to scarcity.  I’d much rather have plenty, prosperity, abundance.

When releasing attachment, it’s important to avoid simply substituting a different attachment.  It’s the attachment that causes suffering.  As the opposite of attachment, consider appreciation, peace, respect, and gratitude.

4. You have an ego investment.

Several years ago, in a book on yoga philosophy, I read a definition of ego I particularly like.  Unfortunately, I don’t remember the name of the book or the author so I can’t cite it, but the gist was that ego is when you need others to see you as you see yourself and/or you need to keep proving that how you see yourself is true.  I like this approach to ego because it doesn’t deny the self.  For instance, you can be smart and know you’re smart.  You don’t have to deny you’re smart, and you don’t need other people to know you’re smart.

Consider whether you have an ego investment in your current reality.  (I have to admit, I have had an ego investment in being a minimalist.)

Here are a few examples of how this can play out to keep you where you are – and how you can break the cycle:

  • You see yourself as competent.  The more problems you solve, the more you prove your competence (to yourself or others).  Thus you have lots of problems to solve.  To manifest a less complicated life, acknowledge your competence and stop needing to prove it.
  • You see yourself as sensitive.  The more you react to other people’s emotions, the more you prove your sensitivity.  Thus, other people’s needs have higher priority than your own.  To manifest more personal fulfillment, acknowledge your sensitivity and stop needing to prove it.
  • You see yourself as a sick person, and you need other people to take your illness seriously.  Their acknowledgment of your illness may be more important to your ego than your wellness.  To move toward wellness, stop claiming the disease or condition.  Call it a sinus infection, not “my sinus infection.”  Call it a back ache, not “my aching back.”
  • You see yourself as productive.  The subconscious often translates this to busy, so the busier you are the more productive you feel.  Consequently, you fill up your days and weeks and years with tasks and activities, and you have little time for what you really want.  Let go of a need to prove you’re productive and you’ll find more satisfaction.

So, what is true for you?

What’s true for you is what you believe to be true.  All the above ways can contribute to “truth,” in that they influence your results. But when you look at them logically and/or connect with them at the heart level, you may see they have nothing to do with your authentic self, with your infinite nature.

At any given moment – including this one – you can make a new choice.  You can sever an emotional tie that seeps your power and choose an emotion that supports you.  You can trade a false premise for one that’s accurate.  You can release attachment and find neutrality.  You can surrender any need to prove something about yourself and accept where you are at this moment on your life’s journey.

When you break free of an old belief and call it a lie instead of truth, what’s true for you changes.  It adapts to your new beliefs and your new choices, and you will experience new results.

Since I try to walk my talk, here’s the current status of my own story:  I realized I was attached to scarcity.  I realized I didn’t want to simply exchange attachment to scarcity for attachment to money.  But I do want prosperity, so I’ve been choosing appreciation and enthusiasm.  I’ve been embracing prosperity with love (instead of doubt).

And I’ve been getting more checks in the mail.  I’ve had more inquiries from potential clients.  I’ve had fewer cancellations for appointments.  It’s only been a week, so I don’t know what’s cause and effect and what’s coincidence.  I do know I’m going to continue along this path.

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What Matters Most

Sunday, April 25th, 2010

I RECENTLY STARTED WORKING with a new client, and one of the first things we do in coaching is identify something the client wants. Only after we’ve clearly identified a goal can we go to work on developing the skills, understanding and practices to convert the goal into a miracle. The goal must be true for the client – clear, pure, congruent and unflinching. And the client must be willing to be true to the goal.

My new client runs a restaurant, and he would definitely like to see his business succeed. He’d like it to attract a strong and loyal customer base, and he’d like it to pull a healthy profit. So I helped him visualize his success and create an intention statement to support that vision and we began the process of unifying thoughts, actions and emotions. One week of working with the intention statement and he knew it wasn’t true for him. He’s bored, and he’s tired. He wants something else more.

Knowing what you want – truly, honestly, enthusiastically and confidently want – can be challenging. Life is varied and complex. And so are you. One day you want health and vitality most, and the next day love and companionship moves to the top of the list. The next day your professional success becomes the brightest goal. And the next day torrential rains flood your basement, or you catch the stomach flu, and all you can do is deal with what’s in front of your nose or in your pants. Today we’re going to explore life-long patterns for clues about what matters most.

What matters most to you? is a multiple choice question with three possible answers: a) What you do. b) What you have. c) Who you are.

Of course, everyone acts, everyone possesses, and everyone exists. But we don’t all do so with the same emphasis, or the same priority, or the same energy. And on any given day we bring different levels of mindfulness or awareness to the various aspects of our lives.

We tend to fall back to our default positions when we’re tired, distracted, anxious, or focusing on something else.

Those default positions provide the clues we’re looking for. When you’re willing to examine them, rethink them and choose mindfully, you become truer to yourself and your life.

What You Have

Having equals possession. Several years ago, it occurred to me that what I had had me. Actually, I think I thought about it in terms of what I owned also owned me. Since I was fairly footloose and moving often, I hated being owned by stuff I’d acquired through the years.

Almost as soon as I put it in those terms, I began to see having in terms broader that just “stuff.” I saw my attitudes, beliefs, values, and relationships belonged to me. I began questioning one preference or idea after another. Do I have this, or does it have me? It became very freeing to claim the beliefs and values that mattered to me and discard the ones that didn’t.

As you assess what you have in terms of what matters to you, consider the following:

ATTITUDES: You’ve acquired attitudes throughout your life – adopting some, rebelling your way into others – until you have a pretty full set. Some attitudes derive from beliefs, some from values, some from experiences, some from the interpretation of events or the behaviors of others. If an attitude furthers something you value, such as your profession, or your well-being, or your prosperity, or your personal power, you can be confident it’s aligned with what matters to you. If an attitude gets in your way or slows you down, you might want to examine it. Sometimes such interfering attitudes provide hidden benefits, so there’s benefit in looking at it from all sides.

RELATIONSHIPS: Each of your relationships brings something unique to your life. Some – such as family and close friends – are more important than others. Some have more influence, some are more satisfying, some are more challenging.

Sometimes it’s not the intimacy of a relationship that matters, but what the relationship brings into your life. For most people, relationships are the most important arena for growth of all life’s experiences. Teachers, mentors, parents, and other models help us understand what works, either directly or by example. From our adversaries – competitors, enemies, challengers (or parents, partners, children), etc. – we often learn what doesn’t work. All relationships arise because we need them; many end when that need has been met. Sometimes we can tell how much a relationship matters to us by how long it lasts. With joyful relationships it’s easy to acknowledge what the relationship brings and why it endures. Long-term challenging relationships also serve in some way. They matter until they don’t.

VALUES: Like attitudes, your set of values is always a work in progress. You can determine how much a specific value means to you by becoming mindful of how intensely you cling to it. For instance, if you held bravery as an immutable value, you might insist on standing against a danger that could kill you. Sometimes, values are relative. For example, honesty might matter more than peace, or peace might matter more than honesty.

An aspect of having values is recognizing that you have value. The degree to which you matter to yourself can impact your intentions. It’s hard to be true to an intention that requires strength or courage or vision, if you believe you have none.

Recognizing what you have sets the stage for examining what you do with what you’ve got.

What You Do

Here in the U.S. one of the first questions we tend to ask of each other is, “What do you do?” And generally, what we’re really asking is, “What kind of work do you do?”

About ten years ago, I asked this of a man I’d just met, and he rolled his eyes and said, “Oooh, the do question,” and then he turned to talk to someone else, leaving me to gape at his shoulder. Yes, I was asking what he did for a living, but I hadn’t specified. Doing could mean do for fun, do in your spare time, do in times of crisis, do in bed, do with money, etc.

Consider this question from the perspective of what you do with your resources. In addition to the resources noted above, you use the following resources every day, and as such you do them.

TIME: The biggest chunks of time tend to be fixed. For most people, one third of what they do is work and one third is sleep. Only about one third of what they do can be considered discretionary. So look first at what you do with that “free” time, and explore what that tells you about yourself.

One of my default activities is crossword puzzles, and I don’t particularly like how easy it is for me to indulge. When I’ve explored why I don’t “kick the habit” I find I like that there’s no risk, just enough challenge, and I can’t fail. Another default activity is hiking. Again, no risk, some challenge, and I can’t fail. These choices tell me that although I like challenge I’m not much of a risk taker. Since I find this is also true in my work, I know that in order for a choice to be true for me, it probably needs those two qualities.

After looking at your discretionary time, take a peek at both sleep and work. Do you find struggle or satisfaction? Satisfaction usually indicates a high level of partnership with what’s true for you. Struggle usually indicates you’re not aligned what matters most.

TALENTS: When I was young, I had an uncertain idea of “talent.” I mostly saw it as what other people were good at and I wasn’t. I was surrounded by people who were better than I at art, music, dance, math, athletics, style, making friends – the list goes on. Recently, I heard a quote that we measure our insides against other people’s outsides. Since I evaluated myself that way until well into adulthood, I know the toll exacted by comparison.

You have talents, gifts, abilities, strengths, etc. What do you do with them? Do you nurture them? Do you trust them? Do you manifest them? If you do, they clearly matter to you. If you neglect them, something else matters more. So then it’s time to ask, “What matters more to me than this relationship?”

Again from my own experience, even after I realized I probably had talent as a writer, I avoided writing for years. I was content to hold it in reserve, to tell myself I’d be a writer when I grew up. One day – when I was about 34 – I realized I was afraid to test it. What if I tried and failed? Then who would I be? Holding the hope I was a writer mattered more than actually writing. So I took the plunge and started writing, and I’ve been writing ever since.

Talent covers an enormous range of skills and abilities, including anything that engages the mind, the body, the heart or the soul. Active engagement with your talents will support and develop them. Talents allowed to lie fallow still exist, and can be brought to life at any time.

MONEY: Perhaps what you do (or don’t do) with your money is more important or more urgent than what you do with your time or your talent. Perhaps you agree with the adage that time is money. Perhaps other uses of time seem frivolous compared to making money. Perhaps you see money as the primary prerequisite to determine what you do with either time or talent. Because in today’s economy money is necessarily high on the list of essential resources, what you do with money often reveals a great deal about what matters. Does it for you?

ENERGY: Energy as one of your resources includes your physical vitality. However, the degree to which you’ve mastered your emotions may be an even stronger factor. Yes, you will have more energy if you eat healthy foods, exercise consistently and sleep well. Those good habits will not compensate for energy depleted by such draining emotions as anger, resentment, anxiety, frustration, impatience, doubt, envy, greed, loneliness, etc. Every emotion generates an energy that affects your well-being. If having energy matters to you, look to your emotions and choose those that enhance feelings of well-being and vigor.

Who You Are

Rising directly from having values, is being what you value. For instance, it’s difficult to have resilience without being resilient, or have health without being healthy. And this same principle hold true in the other direction. If you are resilient, you will have resilience.

On every level, being true to yourself encompasses doing that which matters most and having that which matters most. I couldn’t be a writer until I actually wrote. I wouldn’t be a coach if I didn’t practice my profession. But in both cases, I knew it my heart I was before I actually did.

Just as doing and having help you be who you are, being who you are helps you do and have.

How it Matters

So let’s return to my new client. Could he create the miracle he wants? Sure. If it were true for him and he could be true to it.

He has a restaurant, and he’s starting to feel it has him more than he has it. He values the relationships he has with his staff, his customers, and his community. But he also has other values which aren’t being me. It’s no longer fun for him, and it doesn’t provide the stimulation or the adventure he yearns for. His waning interest breeds dissatisfaction, and that dissatisfaction affects his relationships. Therefore, although he still works hard, he may not be using other resources effectively. Certainly he’s not getting the full energetic benefit of his emotions, since his emotions are often those of frustration and struggle. It’s almost impossible for him to be a successful restaurateur when his heart isn’t in it anymore.

So we look at what matters most, starting with the kind of person he wants to be: adventurous, generous, and true to himself. Then we look at what he has: intelligence, education, experience, energy, the strong relationships of a loving family and a supportive community, and a strong history of successful endeavors. And then we consider what he wants to do with those resources. (Since this story is still in the making, it’s too soon to predict the end.)

I encourage you to use these three ways of identifying what matters most to you when establishing an intention or setting a goal.

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