Posts Tagged ‘Energy’

Observer Challenges

Sunday, January 1st, 2012

In my recent post titled The Creation Conundrum, I ended with one of the challenges of  Observer Mode, the difficulty of staying in neutral.  As with a car, when you shift out of gear you take away one of your means for control.  When the transmission’s disengaged, the car will easily follow the path of least resistance.

To stay in neutral emotionally, you must maintain equanimity.  You can use your breaks – refuse to let momentum pull you into Interpreter Mode.  You can use your gas pedal – consciously chose an emotion from Partner Mode.  Or you can use the transmission – hold steady with the emotions of Observer Mode.  Which one you choose depends on where you are parked, how hard it was to get there, how urgent you are to go somewhere else, and how full your gas tank is.

First Challenge – Stay in Neutral

To be in neutral emotionally is to have reached a relatively flat surface.  It doesn’t take much of a shove to start coasting back down the hill again.  However, your response to a shove will depend not on the steepness of the hill but the difficulty of the climb.  Very likely, in some areas of your life you can stride up a steep slope with ease, while in other areas you struggle to surmount a slight incline.  The energy required to go backward is inverse to the energy it took to go forward.  If you achieved the plateau of neutrality with little effort, it will probably take a huge effort to push you back down into judgment.  If it took a concerted effort to become neutral, a little tap might send you sliding down.

There’s an emotional position in Observer Mode I haven’t mentioned yet.  It’s the state of healthy discontent.  Often, discontent takes the form of judgment, much like consternation or discomfort or irritation.  It can also be the soul’s yearning for best good.  You possess a basic instinct to be the best person you can be, to serve the world and mankind to the best of your ability, and to gain mastery, empowerment and enlightenment.  In Victim or Interpreter Mode, it’s easy to loose touch with that instinct, but the spark will never die out completely.  When you reach Observer Mode, you essentially add energy to the spark, and it flames into life.  The resulting sense of healthy discontent will pull you toward Partner Mode.

Whether you can put yourself in gear and step on the gas will depend on your reserves.  Staying in neutral a while gives you a chance to refuel, to get to know yourself better, to enjoy the view, to study your road map, to take stock of your options.  In Observer Mode you have 100 times the personal power you had in Interpreter Mode, and it may take some time to discover the full range of your new capabilities.

When you are free of judgment, your possibilities include: child-like levels of enjoyment and delight, security as in a mother’s arms, clarity like rain-fresh air, the hope of a new day, and in-the-now acceptance.  It may take practice to fully make use of your expanded ability to marvel, to savor, to give thanks, to enjoy, to relax, to be.

Eventually, you will know your emotions are secure, you will know it would take more than a nudge (or a shove, or a blast) to knock you into a state of less power.  Refueled, your innate desire for growth, for maximizing yourself, will propel you up the next slope.

Second Challenge – Accept the Possibilities

Another new challenge of Observer Mode is that of dealing with infinite possibilities.

Interpreter Mode makes things difficult, while Observer makes things possible.

When you leave Interpreter Mode for Observer Mode, the sudden vista of what’s possible can be both overwhelming and confusing.  If you could see the spectrum of possibilities as a continuum, everything you don’t want would stretch off to the left and everything you do want would stretch off to the right.  You could easily pivot to the right and march straight in the direction of what you want.

In actuality, the landscape is not flat or even.  It spreads out in every direction, with hills and dales, broad avenues and dead-ends, successes and failures, comfort and discomfort, security and danger.

In Interpreter Mode your options seemed mostly “bad,” and you could count it a win if you made the best of a bad situation.  In Observer Mode the possibility certainly exists that you could make a mistake.  Except as soon as you fear choosing badly, you slide back into judgment.  And this presents another conundrum for the Observer:  How do you remain neutral in this landscape in which everything (good and bad) is possible?

The answer can be found within the personal power you access when you become the observer.

As with all modes, the power that becomes available to you exists in the emotions of that mode.  Mastering the power you’ve accessed is yet another challenge of Observer Mode.

Third Challenge – Master the Emotion

Each of the emotions of Observer Mode has its own power, its own energy.  When you experience one of these emotions, you tap into the energy and embody its power.  If you want to experiment with this a bit, try the following:  Sit quietly.  Get into the now by letting go of all judgments and becoming neutral.  Then pick an Observer emotion and think of something that will evoke that emotion within you.  Spend a moment or two observing the way your body responds to that emotion.  Then pick another and repeat the process.  Take note of the shifts of energy in your body.

As I tried the experiment myself, when I evoked compassion I felt my heart swell.  When I evoked curiosity, my face and forehead relaxed.  And when I evoked amusement, I chuckled.

No two people experience emotional energy in exactly the same way, so pay attention to how it feels to you.  And if you can’t sense the energy immediately, no worries.  You wouldn’t expect to play the piano the first time you sat at the keyboard.

Here’s something you can do – sort of like a first finger piano exercise:  Find a quiet place and seclude yourself for ten or fifteen minutes.  Choose any Observer emotion and let it fill your consciousness.  The following guide might help:

  • Think about what that emotion means to you.
  • Thing about times when you’ve experienced that emotion.
  • Remember what generated that emotion within you.
  • Identify any current aspect of your life that might benefit from receiving that emotion.

Take admiration for instance.  You could begin by mentally cataloguing things you admire (sunsets, great art, beautiful bodies, skyscrapers, thick hair, a good book, a job well done).  Then bring any one of these things to mind and recall your admiration.  Next let your body recall the sensations of admiration.  And when your thoughts and your body are connected to the emotion of admiration, recall something that’s going on in your life right now (frustration at work, an interest you want to pursue, tight money, the times you spend with your best friend).  Now send admiration toward that aspect of your life (something you admire in a co-worker, what you admire most about what interests you, the good things money will buy, the way your friend listens to you).  Enjoy the calm produced by the admiration you first evoke, then feel, then send out.

Consider the time spent engaged in this sort of practice as holding sacred space.  Let it become sacred by honoring it and giving it high priority.  Do not profane it with Interpreter or Victim emotions.  When you schedule the time and dedicate yourself to feeling the energy of Observer emotions, being the energy of Observer emotions, you will discover you can:

  • Neutralize your conflict.
  • Ease your pain.
  • Smooth your way.
  • Send others encouragement.
  • Open doors.

When you use the power of Observer Mode emotions for these purposes, you will look out over the landscape of possibilities more objectively.

When you review any downside, you will do so with patience and courage.  Just because you can observe the possibilities on the left side of the continuum doesn’t mean you’ll head in that direction.

When you explore the possibilities on the right side of the continuum, you will do so with curiosity and excitement.  You’ll see them as real options.

Fourth Challenge – Serve Through Neutrality

Have you ever noticed the calming effect of some rooms or buildings?  Researchers are studying the impact on mood and productivity of such things as color, ceiling height, the sharpness or roundness of corners and the placement of furnishings.  Sometimes the calm space you enter will have structural elements that contribute to that energy.  Other times the calm will be generated by the emotional energy of the person or group that uses the space.

When you are firmly in Observer Mode, your personal power includes the ability to calm others.  The calming energy of your neutrality will touch everything within your immediate vicinity.  It will also reach across time and space when you think of someone or something and focus your  emotions in that direction.

In my previous blog, I mentioned my client who said, in reference to moving out of Interpreter Mode, “But that wouldn’t be any fun!”  In reply, I said to him, “It’s a different kind of fun.”

Observer Mode presents many challenges, perhaps more than I’ve mentioned today.  Conflict is not one of them.  In addition to calm, I expect you will find meeting these challenges to be agreeable, confidence building, constructive, liberating, and healing.

(If you would like more information about personal life coaching, or would like a free introductory session, please contact me:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

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Posted in Mind Power, Observer Mode, personal power, service | 26 Comments »

Getting What You Want

Sunday, December 11th, 2011

To paraphrase Shakespeare:  What to choose and what not to choose, that is the question.

Followed, of course, by all manner of other questions:  What choices are actually within my power?  What if what I want is not within my power to obtain or achieve?  What if I make a mistake?  What if I don’t deserve it?  What if God has something else in mind for me?  How do I go about getting it?  What if I fail (stumble, look stupid, hurt someone else in the process, lose)?  What if I get it, and end up disappointed (again)?  Etc.

Choosing can be difficult for many reasons, starting with the need to know yourself pretty well and including the limits of the human imagination.  No matter how creative you are, it’s impossible to envision every outcome.  And it’s especially impossible to envision the best way for something to come about.

So here you sit, facing the questions of what to choose (or not choose), besieged by additional questions and limited by your imagination.  And held captive by your assessment of yourself.  Now what?

Well, you can wait for something to happen and hope it’s good.  You can fall back on old habits and old choices and make the best of it.  You can find ways to explain your immobility:  reality, the economy, your obligations, your fears, other people, ego, your lack of resources (money, education, talent, opportunity).  You can look for a sign.  You can experiment with the options you see.  You can go to work on becoming better acquainted with yourself.

You can learn to make miracles.

The Nature of the Miracle

Traditionally, miracles carry a religious connotation, occurring as a result of divine intervention.  You pray, and the gods respond in your favor – if they favor your request.  When I first began to explore the idea of miracles, I realized I held a core belief in the laws of the universe.  I believe natural laws govern all outcomes, and even the gods work within the laws.  I concluded if we can’t see how an outcome happens, we simply do not understand the laws.  (I’m even more convinced of that since I’ve been studying quantum physics.)

For most of my life, I’ve been observing patterns and then dissecting the patterns to discover the contributing factors.  One of the most powerful insights I’ve gained over the years is that any energy or entity “out there” wants our best good.  Completely.  In all things.  Without exception.  Cosmic Consciousness (or God, or The Source, or whatever you want to call it) wants us to be happy, healthy, wealthy, wise, successful, and abundant.

That entity wants us to know ourselves, to know love, to gain enlightenment, to access the full measure of our personal power, and to serve powerfully.  There are no trade-offs.  We don’t have to sacrifice something in order to receive something.  We don’t need to have abundance in order to be happy, or health in order to be wise, or love in order to serve, or service in order to know love.

Of course, if you believe in such trade-offs, they become true.  But what if they aren’t true?  What if you could believe in miracles without limitations?  What if you could believe in your own best good?  What if you could believe your best good was your birthright?  What if you could believe that just because you were born on this planet you were given the right to enjoy the full fruits of life?

I’m going to assume you do believe this, and you do want Your Best Good.

Who Knows What’s Best?

Let’s explore Best Good a bit more deeply.  First of all, recognize Your Best Good is best for you, and you are the only arbiter.  No one on this planet knows what’s best for you better than you do – although cosmic consciousness might.  Your parents don’t know, your teachers didn’t know, your boss doesn’t know, your neighbors don’t know, you minister doesn’t know, your therapist doesn’t know.  No one else knows.  Everyone else will see your best good through their own lenses, and their lenses will be tinted by such factors as their beliefs, their experiences, their values, their view of you, and what’s in it for them.

But, you may be saying, I don’t know what my best good is!  Yes, you do.  At least your soul knows.  Your mind has probably been listening to others for too many years to be able to sort what you know from what everyone else says.  However, your heart and your body have ways of communicating that knowledge to you, if you are willing to listen.

I envision the methodology for making miracles to have three parts.  Each part of the model is an action point and requires your full commitment .

First – Choose, and Choose Truly

First, the choice you make must a true for you – and you must be willing to be true to it.  If you make a choice that is not true for you, you will know it in one of two ways:  1) You won’t be able to hold the intention.  It will simply slip out of your mind and out of your life.  2)  You’ll start getting messages from your true self.  Those messages will begin with a nudge, a pinprick of discomfort, a slip-up somewhere:  you’ll come down with a cold, your car won’t start, you’ll lose a computer file, etc.  (This is not to say every slip-up is a message, but it pays to explore the possibility.)

If you pay attention to the first message and correct your course, you’ll soon be on your way to Your Best Good.  If you ignore the first message, the second will be stronger:  the flu, perhaps, or a rear-ender, or a crashed hard-drive.

If the second message slides past without acknowledgment, and you continue to pursue a choice that isn’t true for you, each successive message will be stronger still.  Pay attention to your pain, whatever form it takes.  It could be serving as a wake-up call, as a seer stone, as a magnifying glass, as a window to your soul, as a reflection of a past un-true choice, etc.

Choices in favor of Your Best Good will always result in less pain, less suffering, less struggle, fewer obstacles, a faster pace, and greater peace.

Second – Align With Your Choice

This section is tricky because it’s absolutely impossible to see the unification – the alignment – take place.  The only way you can know whether or not you’re aligned is to look at the result.  If what you have chosen isn’t happening, you’re not aligned with it.  You’re aligned with whatever is happening.

The mis-alignment can be in your thoughts, in your emotions, or in your actions.  Since actions are the most observable, it’s fairly easy to assess whether they’re in unity with your choice.  If you’ve chosen to be healthy, are you living healthily?  If you’ve chosen to write a book, are you actually writing?  If you’ve chosen to build a business, are you focused on service?

Conscious thought is also fairly easy to monitor, just tune into your mind and listen.  Are you critical or creative?  Are you distracted or determined?  Are you candid or calculating?

Sub-conscious thoughts, beliefs and emotions are more subtle, but they are not invisible.  They show up in such non-subtle ways as trials, tribulations, and pain.

During three recent coaching sessions I worked with people in physical pain.  One client had pain in her shoulder and numbness in her forearm, one had sciatica, and one had irritable bowel syndrome.  In each case, we looked for emotional conflicts by probing for the metaphorical message in the pain.  Once the client found the message, listened to it, and made a different choice, the pain eased up.  My client with shoulder and arm issues, found a belief that it was her responsibility to be the “good right arm” of others, and in accordance with that belief she was investing an excessive amount of energy in other people’s goals.  She decided to refocus her attention on her wholeness and best good.  My client with sciatica realized the pain began when she let herself be drawn into a situation she didn’t like and became angry with herself.  We revisited the incident and she chose calm instead of anger.  My client with the irritated bowel found he was taking responsibility for the emotions of others.  As soon as he identified this burden and acknowledged he had chosen to take it on, he was able to release it.

In each case, when my client recognized the inner conflict and released the part that wasn’t in alignment with Best Good, the pain subsided or disappeared.

Third, Receive the Miracle

Receiving may seem like a no-brainer.  If you choose truly, and if you unify your thoughts, actions and emotions, of course you’re willing to receive!

However, since the miracle will be Your Best Good, it might not look exactly like you envisioned when you first made your choice.  You’ve heard the old story of the guy sitting on his roof during a flood, praying for deliverance and turning away rescuers because he expected God to magically transport him away from danger.  You can’t know in advance what the miracle will look like, what form it will take, or how it will show up in your life.  Be willing to open your arms and embrace the miracle that comes.  Sometimes the miracle is the end result, and the only thing left for you is to celebrate.  Sometimes the miracle is an opportunity, and it’s up to you to stride through the door and proceed eagerly up the path.

Wanting Your Best Good is not a substitute for more specific choices.  If you want to write a best-selling novel, decide what that would feel like to you, and choose it.  Unify your thoughts, actions and emotions with that choice.  Then let go of any expectation, any concept of what that must look like.  Go to work; keep your emotions in partner or creator mode, and willingly receive Your Best Good.

The universe will then deliver the miracle.

(If you would like more information about personal life coaching, or would like a free introductory session, please contact me:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

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Mindfulness

Sunday, February 20th, 2011

Consider the ways in which thoughts, actions and emotions are the three powerful and creative energies of your life.

You know all about actions, those physical things you do with your body.  You know thoughts motivate and move you in certain directions.  And you experience every day the power your emotions have on your moods, your relationships and the state of your health.  When you bring these three forces – actions, thoughts, and emotions – into one congruent whole, when you live intentionally, you open the way for miracles.

These three forces always interact to create a result.  They must.  There is no alternative.

When you are aware and focused, these aspects of yourself create what you want and bring it into existence.

However, even when you are unaware, incongruent, and living by accident, these three energies interact to create a result.  They are your life forces, and they strive to satisfy your desires.  The trouble is, if you think you want one thing, yearn emotionally for something else, and act in favor of something else again, these forces become conflicted and bring turmoil to your life.  For instance, if you are in a difficult, combative relationship with someone (or something), at some level you have injected combative energy into that relationship.

On the other hand, in the smooth, easy, cooperative relationships of your life, your thoughts, actions and emotions are unified with love, generosity, confidence, and oneness – and that’s what you receive.

Putting in; Getting out

What you put in creates what comes out. If you want to know what you’re putting in, look at what’s coming out.

Assume there is an area or two of your life in which you’d like to get a different result.  You know you need to put something else in, but you’re not sure what you need to change.

Sometimes it helps to come at this challenge from a different angle, so consider using different words:

Action   =   Doing

Thoughts   =   Having

Emotions   =   Being

In your experience, which comes first?  Do you do, in order to have, in order to be?

That’s the typical order for most people.  For instance:

  • You want a loving, intimate relationship.  Obviously, you’ve got to do – meet people, go on dates, get to know someone, make peace with the person you’re with.  Then you can have – a boy friend/girl friend/significant other.  And then you can be in a satisfying relationship.
  • You want wealth.  You can easily come up with a list of things to do – get the right degree, start investing, initiate a savings plan, market more effectively, etc.  These actions enable you to have – credentials, the right job, something to start investing with, a larger base.  Then you can be rich.
  • You want to be at the top of your game.  You review the actions of those who have gone before – study, practice, learn, network, perform, create a business plan.  Through hard work you can have – skills, finesse, contacts, a product.  And then you will be among the best.

This is the obvious, common sense, Western-culture way to approach anything you want to achieve.

For Better Results

The miracle way works in the opposite, counter-intuitive direction.

To make miracles, be first, then have, and leave doing for last.  For this radical approach to make sense, we have to redefine the terms just a bit.

Doing is about taking action; it’s also about partnering – especially with the universe.  Of course you must focus, learn, practice, implement, etc.  That’s your part.  To accept the universe as your partner, you must also welcome, attract, be willing, agree, appreciate, honor, etc.

Because we’re associating having with thoughts, let’s look at it as having the mental resources you want to possess:  knowledge, abilities, skills, qualities of character, attitudes, beliefs, insights, wisdom, etc. (Basically, what you might be able to take with you when you die.)

Being refers to being in your personal power, and that’s determined by your emotional state.  How you feel is how you are.  Whatever your emotional state, that emotion resonates throughout your entire being, and then it vibrates outward.  These outward vibrations affect everyone and everything they touch.  They are the power you generate, just as the sun generates the power of heat and light.

Now let’s put this in the context of real life, using the above examples.

If you want a loving, intimate relationship.

  • Identify what kind of person do you want to be in this relationship – loving, generous, kind, happy, considerate, neat,  adventurous.  (It might help to look at what kind of person you were in past relationships and review how that worked for you.)
  • What you want to have may include:  attitudes, such as patience, good sense of humor, confidence, compassion; skills and abilities, such as communication, tenderness, better organization, scuba-diving; beliefs, such as that you are loving and lovable?
  • Lastly, what can you do to further the above?  Practice, put yourself out there, stop arguing, release fear, go dancing, buy gear. laugh more, believe it’s possible?  Receive?  Welcome?

If you want wealth/abundance.  Ask yourself the same questions:

  • Determine the kind of person you want to be: confident, generous, willing, open, aggressive, optimistic?
  • What you want to have may include:  attitudes, such as an expansive outlook, honesty, generosity, attentiveness; skills, such as financial knowledge, market acumen, better proficiency in your field; and what you need to believe, such as money is your friend, or money is easy, or you are aligned with prosperity.
  • Finally, what can you do to further the above?  Study, practice, bless your work, network?  Receive?  Appreciate?  Attract?

If you want to be at the top of your game.

  • What kind of person will you have to be? Confident, respectful, determined, productive, willing, optimistic, humble?
  • What attitudes will it serve you to have? Serenity, tenacity, respect, excellence?  Wisdom?  What skills will you have to acquire?  Subject knowledge, proficiency, insight?  What belief will serve you?  That your abilities are a divine gift?
  • What can you do to further the above?  Study, practice, perform, write, invite challenges, give it away?  Welcome?  Nurture?

Put it on Paper

Take a piece of paper, and write your intention statement across the top. (See Living With Intention) Take a minute to feel that intention.  Imagine it as real, as a done deal, as manifested in your life.

Draw a grid with three columns and three rows below your intention statement.  Label the columns Be, Have, Do.  Label the Rows Today, This Week, This Month.  Because you’re probably in the habit of thinking of what to do first, I suggest you start with the far right column – Do – and work your way left.

The first row of the worksheet is labeled Today.  In the Do square at the far right, identify what you can to today to further your intention.

An intention I’m working on currently is:  With enthusiasm and gratitude I welcome and receive money in a steady, abundant flow.  I love money and it loves me.

I filled in the Do-Today square of my grid with:

  • Blog
  • Welcome 3 new clients.
  • Personally invite people into my manifestation workshop
  • Refuse my habitual distractions

In the Have-Today square, I wrote:

  • Peace
  • Wisdom
  • Love
  • Enthusiasm
  • Money
  • Clients
  • Greater sense of purpose

In the Be-Today square, I’ve identified:

  • Serene
  • Confident
  • Attentive
  • Spiritually magnetic
  • Willing
  • Enthusiastic
  • Happy

Clearly, blogging is a physical function – a do.  My part is to sit at my computer, think, compose, post.  I partner with the universe by inviting wisdom and insight. (Also by inviting clients and students.)

In order to welcome, invite, attract, and serve, I must have peace. Having peace about money right now is a bit challenging because my bank account is pretty slim, but just performing this exercise brought a surprising level of serenity.  Much of having, as I wrote last week, is just getting out of your own way.

Which brings me to being.  Being serene helps me have peace.  Being willing and receptive opens the door so abundance can come into my life.  Being attentive helps me have focus, so I can do the next thing that comes up for me to do – receive.

In coming up with your program, I advise starting at the right and working left.  When you want to implement your program, I encourage you to start at the left and work right.  Remember, the only time frame for implementation is today.

Now consider the coming week.  When you expand your time horizon just that much, what changes?  Again, think from right to left; implement from left to right.

Here’s my program for the week:

Be:

  • Confident
  • Serene
  • Attentive
  • Generous
  • Conscientious
  • Happy

Have:

  • Commitment
  • Consistency
  • Focus
  • Love
  • Enthusiasm
  • Wisdom
  • Confidence
  • Money

Do:

  • Post blog
  • Welcome 6 new clients
  • Receive students in the new manifestation workshops.
  • Attract enough money to pay my rent.

When I’m looking at seven days rather than one, I can come up with more things to do. To get it all done, I’m going to consciously have more going on within me.  Which means I have to be at a higher level of my personal power.

Now, project forward for one month.  What can you do during the next thirty days to further your intention?  In order to accomplish all that, what qualities will you choose to have (adopt, improve, be open to, focus on)?  And what emotions (mode of power) will you generate, operate from, be?

Here is my plan for the coming month:

Be:

  • Serene
  • Happy
  • Enthusiastic
  • Generous
  • Sure
  • Open
  • One
  • Productive

Have:

  • Wisdom
  • Receptiveness
  • Willingness
  • Creativity
  • Empathy
  • Focus
  • Abundance

Do:

  • Organize thinking for next book.
  • Work with 15 clients per week.
  • Post weekly blogs.
  • Open the floodgates of abundance.

Once you’ve aligned your actions, thoughts, and emotions on paper, begin by letting the emotions expand within you, then focus your thoughts, and finally, act accordingly.

In past blogs I’ve made the point that what is up to you, while how is up to the universe.  Unifying your life forces, however, is as aspect of how that belongs to you.  Only you can choose how you will feel, how you will think, and how you will act.  Only you can decide who you will be, what you will have, and what you will do.

(Note: I wrote and published this article in 2009.  I am happy to report my prosperity intention is smoothly and delightfully coming to fruition.)

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Get Out of Your Own Way

Sunday, February 13th, 2011

I call one of the manifestation steps “Purify,” or the but exercise. You may remember the exercise I suggested in Becoming Congruent. You write your intention statement across the top of a sheet of paper, use the conjunction but to form a compound sentence, then complete the sentence with whatever comes up when you say but.

For instance, if you wanted to manifest a better relationship with someone – partner, spouse, child, boss, etc. – you might compose an intention statement like this:  “With love and tranquility, I welcome a loving, healthy relationship with (insert name).”  You would then say but and let your doubts and frustrations come up one after the other. For example, your list might look something like this:

but . . .

. . . she’s impossible.

. . . we hardly talk any more.

. . . we’ve said things to each other neither of us can take back or forget.

. . . her way of doing things drives me nuts.

. . . I’m not sure we respect each other any more.

. . . she’s unwilling to change.

. . . we’ve been to counseling and we  still have the same problems.

. . . I’m willing to meet her half way but she has to take the first step.

By letting your fears and uncertainties flow to the surface, you are now able to address them. In my article titled Pacify Your Obstacles, I suggested techniques for healing the past, living in the present, and visualizing the future you want to create. [If you’ve tried one or more of these techniques, I invite you to share your experiences.]  Each of these techniques focuses on emotions and explores their creative power. As I’ve often written, emotions are the key to all manifestation.

­Recognize the Source

Today I’d like to return to the concept of obstacles and address those that continue to block you.

Last summer I drove from Colorado to Seattle. During my three days on the road, I had a lot of hours with myself to think and do inner work – which is one of the reasons I like road trips. During the drive home, while working on one of my intentions, I realized the most important thing I could do for myself is get out of my own way.

In order to do that, I had to review the ways I erect barriers for myself. Then I considered ways I’ve seen clients put up roadblocks, and I came up with quite a list. Perhaps you’re like me and have long experience with one or more of the following:

  • Holding expectations.
  • Setting conditions.
  • Saying “no,” or “not yet” or “soon.”
  • Clinging to what you know.
  • Believing how is up to you.
  • Giving power to past experiences.
  • Letting others influence us with their beliefs and opinions.
  • Not trusting your own power.

When you review your list of buts you may find them to be examples of the above barriers. When you review your list of barriers you will probably discover your own unique pattern of ways you get in your own way. Following are some  strategies for stepping aside and allowing best good to manifest.

Become the Observer

Recognize the driving force behind every obstacle will be a Victim or Interpreter emotion. (Refer to the Emotions List.) Such emotions always create misery and struggle. When you live with these emotions you are effectively creating your own obstacle course. By releasing or discarding the emotions you clear the way for something else. Fear exists only if you create it, or hold onto it, or stake it like a dragon in the path ahead of you. You can discard such emotions by saying, “I’m finished with that belief, that state of being.”  Choose an emotion from Observer mode and adopt it instead.

Give up Expectations and Conditions

Expectations and conditions usually play off each other.

You have an idea of how things should be, and when you picture that as the only acceptable outcome you create an expectation . Then, expecting a certain outcome, you attach a list of conditions that must be met in order for that outcome to be acceptable.

For instance, if your boss is impossible, look at what you want her to be instead. Gentle?   Efficient?  Prompt?  Prepared?  Nice?  Visionary?  A better communicator?  Less chatty?  More like you?  Less like you?  Almost always, when we create expectations, the picture includes aspects that suit us, and we rarely consider what suits the other person or is realistic to the situation.

So we establish the conditions that will bring the person or situation into conformity with our expectations. For instance, what conditions must be met before you consider your boss to be reasonable?  Does she have to return messages in a more timely manner?  Does she have to stop criticizing you when others are present?  Does she have to acknowledge your work more publicly?  Does she have to stop taking long lunch breaks?  Does she have to wear her hair differently?  Does she have to take elocution lessons?  Generally when one person has complaints about another person, the complaints are not the problem. The problem lies in the expectations, and until acceptance replaces judgment, the conditions will keep morphing and become increasingly un-meetable.

Perhaps you think a better relationship with your boss means she’ll be nicer and more respectful of you. Well, yes, that would be good. Perhaps you think the way to make that happen is to confront her, or to have someone else intervene in your behalf, or to go to HR. Those are all how solutions, and when you focus on how (your conditions), you’ll lose track of what (your intention). What if your best possible relationship with her is a restructuring of the organization?  Or a promotion for you?  Or maybe that you get another job?  Or one of a hundred other possibilities?  You can’t know how the better relationship will come about. Be willing to trust best good, and get out of the way.

Take away the judgment, become the observer, give the other person the benefit of the doubt, and the relationship will change. (This is also true of non-human conflicts and relationships.)

Release Past History

If what has been in the past has power in the present or future, you have bestowed that power.

Perhaps you want to be healthy, but you’ve been ill in the past. Your past experience establishes a pattern, and you project that pattern into the future. Try revising your history to one of health. Imagine yourself as a healthy child, a robust teenager, a vigorous adult. Visualize it, feel it, and notice how your body responds.

Perhaps you want to be wealthy, but you have a history of scarcity. Because money has always been in short supply, you have established a belief about your relationship with money that now sits in front of you like a concrete wall. To dismantle the wall, rewrite your history. Adopt a past of abundance, of wealth, with a steady flow of money gushing through your life. Imagine yourself financially secure, handling your debts, never lacking. Let the sense of abundance expand within you. When you change your belief, you change your reality.

To change your history, stop saying, “I always ____.”  Instead, say, “I used to _____, but now I ______.”  “Now I’m healthy.”  “Now I have plenty.”  “Now I love my work.”  “Now I’m worthy of love.”  “Now I’m happy.”

Again, emotion is the key. Adopt the emotions of yes instead of no, and see what happens.

Stop Waiting

The weather won’t be better next year. You won’t be younger. The kids won’t be less trouble. You won’t be more prepared. The economy won’t be sufficiently different. If you want to, you can think of a myriad reasons to delay.

Simply say “yes.”  When it comes to taking on something new, you will always be naïve. No one knows what something will be like until they’ve experienced it first hand. (Until you’ve had a baby you can’t know what it’s like. Sure, you can read the books and buy the furniture and change your schedule, but then the baby arrives and you discover a thousand things you never imagined.)

Perhaps you’ve decided to stop waiting for the right time, the right conditions. You’ve taken the first step and set an intention. Good for you!

How are you doing with aligning your emotions, thoughts, and actions?  Or are you waiting until you’re not so scared?  Are you hoping the obstacles will go away by themselves?  Are you waiting for the other person to change?  Are you putting all your energy into doing the right things?

Most people start by taking action. They think they must do something in order to have something in order to be something. Then if what they do doesn’t produce the desired result, they conclude they can’t, or that it just wasn’t meant to be.

Try moving in the other direction. Start with your emotions. Be the happiness you want, the love you want, the abundance you want, the wholeness you want. Then redirect your thoughts. Have the positive attitude, the better frame of mind, the creative energy, the forward momentum. Finally, adopt new habits of doing things. Cooperate rather than challenge. Appreciate rather than envy. Recognize instead of criticize. Trust rather than resent.

By being, you have, and by having, you will do.

Moving Forward

Barriers can, of course, come from other sources besides yourself. These suggestions specifically address those you established and/or have all allowed to remain. When you change your approach and start removing those obstacles, it’s very likely the ones you didn’t erect will lose their obstructive power.

And it’s always good to remember not all barriers need to be removed. Sometimes you can simply step over them and be on your way. You probably have more power to engineer your path and your future than you know.

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Posted in manifestation, personal power | 3 Comments »

Pacifying Your Objections

Sunday, December 19th, 2010

When I first realized the power of emotions, I thought of them as prayers.  (Or wishes, or desires, or intentions, or choices.)  I saw happiness as a prayer for more happiness, and misery as a prayer for more misery.  Then I began to also see thoughts as prayers and actions as prayers.  For the past fifteen years, my observations have affirmed and expanded that original idea, and I have come to see the power of combining these three energies into a congruent whole

Congruence Produces Results

When thoughts, actions and emotions are joined toward something, that something results.  This is true whether the result is something you want or something you don’t want.

For most people, most of the time, results occur more by accident than by intention.  For instance, you probably have no intention to catch the cold bug that happens to be going around.  But if you have the thought/belief that illnesses are passed by germs, the emotion/acceptance that you’re vulnerable, and an action/contact with those germs, you’ll be congruent about catching cold.  You can easily catch it by accident.

The recognition of congruence is easy when what you have is what you like, enjoy, delight in, appreciate, love, or are at peace with.  It’s much more difficult to acknowledge a potential alignment with the troubling aspects of life – conflicts, illnesses, hardships, frustrations, lacks, etc.

When you look at what you don’t like in your life, perhaps you experience dislike, frustration, impatience, grief, fear, anger, or some other emotions from Victim or Interpreter mode.  It’s natural to wonder how you can possibly be aligned with something you so passionately don’t want.  It isn’t necessary to dissect or analyze the experiences of your past for the answer.  Simply look at your results and the energy that produces those results.  Are you suffering?  The energy of Victim mode emotions produces suffering.  Are you struggling?  The energy of Interpreter mode emotions produces struggle.

Remember, all emotions have power.  All thoughts have power.  And all actions have power.  Everything in your life indicates these three powers are pulling together in the same direction – or in conflict with each other.  If you change any one of the three, you will get a different result.

Today we’re going to do a little time traveling in order to de-energize what you don’t want – and energize what you do want.

In my previous blog (Becoming Congruent), I suggested a “But” exercise.  From that exercise, you’ll notice past experiences tend to be at the heart of many of your buts. Not all, of course.  Some will have to do with your current circumstances, and a few will reach into the future.  Take a moment to review your list and mark which is which.  Mark those rooted in the past with P, those centered in the present with C (for Current), and those projecting into the future with F.

To illustrate, here’s the sample intention I used last week.  I labeled long-held beliefs with P because such beliefs tend to have such deep roots into the past.

With delight and gratitude I enjoy unrestrained financial abundance, but:

  • I’m stuck in a job that barely pays the bills. (C)
  • Every time I try to feel abundance my stomach tightens up. (C)
  • The economy’s so bad, where would any new money come from? (F)
  • I’m farther in the hole than I’ve ever been before. (C)
  • Money is the root of all evil. (P)
  • The rich only get that way on the backs of the poor. (P)
  • I have to make sure everyone else is okay first. (P)

Change the Past

In science fiction, one of the primary challenges of time travel is to not interfere with history.  One little change in the past could completely obliterate the present as you know it.  For instance, what would happen to you if one set of your great-great grandparents didn’t conceive your great grandparent?  Or what would your childhood have been like if your father did different work?  Or what would your current situation be if you’d gone to a different school?

Look at your but list and choose one of those you marked with a P.  What if one little thing had been different in the past?  Would that but have the same power?

To change the past in a positive way, you will travel back in time and “rewrite” the event that originated the but, or influenced it, or reinforced it.  While there may be no mechanism to travel through time physically, metaphysically you can revisit your past and powerfully re-create your current reality.

Here’s one of the buts from the above list:  But I have to make sure everyone else is okay first.

Beliefs such as this may have resulted from a single event, but more likely they take shape through repetition.  The seed may have been planted when you were forced to share your toys, nurtured at functions (including your own birthday parties) where guests were served first, cultivated when you were instructed to watch out for your little brothers and sisters, etc. until you came to believe other people’s needs take precedence over your own.

Using the but you selected from your own list, travel back in time to a situation from the past that reinforced your belief.  It doesn’t matter if the situation actually happened or is simply representative.  It does matter that you can re-experience the feelings of the situation.  Also, the more meditative and experiential you can become, the better.  You’ll be moving through the situation emotionally, and you’ll control the clock so you can stop the action at any time.

Begin by letting your memory travel back to the situation you have in mind.  Imagine yourself at the beginning of the scene, when your emotions were in the neutral-to-happy range.  Say you’re happily playing by yourself with your toys when another child arrives.  Or you’ve just finished blowing out the candles on your cake and it’s time to serve it to your guests.  Or you’ve been left in charge of your cute little sister.

Now let the scene unfold until the moment when your needs or wants get pushed into the back seat.  Stop the clock.  Recognize this a choice point for you.

Of course, back in the past you couldn’t know you had a choice.  You were young, you were still forming your world view, you were vulnerable.  You couldn’t orchestrate the situation to please yourself.  (Violators will be prosecuted!)  Yet you felt something.

Start the clock and move through the scene just long enough to recognize what you felt then:  angry, frustrated, guilty, belittled, miserable, resentful, helpless, bitter, defensive, ashamed?  Stop the clock again.

With the clock stopped, acknowledge your emotion as one from Victim or Interpreter mode.  From your current wisdom you know Victim mode emotions result in pain and suffering; Interpreter mode emotions result in struggle.  The emotion you experienced then has been affecting your life ever since.  So, since you’re traveling back in time, now’s your chance to change the past.  And since you’ve stopped the clock and can pause it for as long as you want, take the time to decide how you would like to react instead.  Emotions from Observer mode will neutralize the old belief, Partner emotions will generate new opportunities, and Creator emotions will produce best good.

When you know the emotion you want to experience instead, choose it.  Generate it within you.  Feel it.  Let this be the mode you operate from.  Now start the clock again.

As you let the scene continue, the other players will try to follow the old script.  But when you use your chosen emotion to motivate new dialogue and responses, they will have to follow your lead and adapt to your new choices.  Pay attention to what happens within yourself as the scene plays out.  Notice any shifts that occur.

In science fiction, any changes to the past usually occur within the characters, with no permanent changes to history.  (Except they may have fixed something that had broken.)  When the characters return to their present, it’s often to the present they knew before, but they themselves have gained a measure of enlightenment.  In your reality, you will probably experience a similar inner transformation, and that inner transformation will impact your current circumstances.  You will have changed the past in one small way, and that change will also change the present.

Choose the Present

For this technique, return to your but list and select an item you identified with an C for Current:  But I’m farther in the hole than I’ve ever been before. Compared to changing the past, choosing the present is fairly straightforward, although it requires the same meditative and experiential attention.

  1. Identify the emotion(s) most entangled with this very present but.  For instance, my example may generate insecurity.  (Ah, I’m feeling insecure.)
  2. Recognize the creative power of the emotion you’ve been experiencing.  (Insecurity about money makes me feel sick to my stomach.)
  3. Acknowledge your power to choose your emotions.  (Oh my, I’ve been choosing to feel insecure.)
  4. Decide what you’d rather feel, what would be an antidote for insecurity.  (Hope.  I want to feel hopeful.)
  5. Relax into what you want to feel instead.  This step requires conscious willingness to replace the old habitual emotion with the new intentional emotions.
  6. Choose to operate from that new space.

When you replace insecurity with hope you move from Interpreter mode to Observer mode, and you will experience calm.  If you choose a Partner mode emotion, such as gratitude or eagerness or tranquility, new and unexpected opportunities will open up for you.  If you choose a Creator emotion such as delight or peace or optimism, your best good will unfold.

Connect with the Future.

You already travel into the future to create the present.  When your time machine is powered by Partner or Creator emotions, your visits empower your congruence with all that you enjoy and appreciate in your life.  When your time machine is powered by Victim or Interpreter emotions, you strengthen your congruence with those things you passionately dislike.

This technique will help you become more intentional about using the future to become more congruent with what you do want.

Most likely, when you look at the but statements you’ve labeled with an (F) for Future, you’ll find fear or worry.  In my example:  The economy’s so bad, where would any new money come from? Embedded in this are the Interpreter emotions of self-doubt, trepidation, worry, anxiety, and also a bit of helplessness from the anger and woe of Victim.

Such emotions make the future look dark and dismal, and if you draw such fear from the future into the present, the present becomes dark and dismal.  Even if today is bright and sunny and you have money in the bank and work scheduled on the books, you may find it impossible to enjoy any security in the now.  In other words, you’re using the future to create the present.

Imagine the time continuum between the present and the future as an assembly line belt.  The belt runs continuously, forward from you into the future and from the future back to you.  The now-emotion you put on the belt scrolls into the future, and the future scrolls the result back to you now.  Because this is a continuously running loop, the emotion you put on the belt determines your future and your present.

To try this, select one of your (F) but statements:  The economy’s so bad, where would any new money come from?

Review your intention statement.  Perhaps you’ve already selected an emotion or two to energize this intention:  With delight and gratitude I enjoy unrestrained financial abundance.

Generate the emotions of delight and gratitude within you.  Let the energy of them circulate through your body. Feel them.  Be them.  Let them expand within you and radiate from you.  Put them on the conveyor belt and send them into the future.

Now, receive what the future puts on the conveyor belt and returns to you.

Congruence is Power

There is no one way to become congruent, to align with what you want.  Sometimes it’s a process of dismantling or deconstructing.  Sometimes it requires release or surrender.  Sometimes all you have to do is become willing and welcoming.  Sometimes it involves practice or assembly.  Regardless of the ways or means of becoming aligned, when your thoughts, actions and emotions form a single, congruent prayer in unity with what you want, what you want must result.  And the results are often immediate.  When those three aspects of your power click together into a congruent whole, the miracle happens.  (The final result may take a little time.  You probably won’t loose those 20 pounds instantly.)

If the miracle hasn’t happened yet, stay mindful of your congruence.

For one-on-one coaching to create a new reality, please email me directly:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com

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Posted in Choice, Congruence, Making Miracles, intentions, manifestation, personal power | 2 Comments »

The Give and Take of Energy

Sunday, October 31st, 2010

A few days ago, a friend of mine sprained her ankle.  Since we both like to explore metaphysical connections, we ended up discussing pain – specifically in terms of her ankle, and generally in terms of personal power.

She sprained her ankle, and her body experienced pain.  This is the body’s natural, biological response, and it’s important in a survival sense.  Through pain, the body says, “I’m injured.  Attend to the injury.  Don’t ignore it or make it worse.” My friend rubbed a medicinal salve into the injured joint, wrapped it, applied ice and elevated it.

After we spent half an hour speculating about what’s going on in her life that might have attracted the injury in the first place and what lesson there might be for her in the experience, we focused on the energy of pain and its relationship to personal power.  Both of us found my model – the Diamond of Mastery – very useful as a vocabulary for deeper understanding.

Every situation – especially painful ones – provide an opportunity to lose personal power or access it, to extract energy or supply it.  My friend was laying there with her injured foot propped up.  In very simple terms, she had three choices:  be miserable, be neutral, be healed.  We explored the ramifications of each option from a power perspective.

Depleting Power

The most powerless state of being is, of course, Victim Mode.  Those who function at this level believe they have no power and believe there’s no help to found.  Their thoughts, actions and/or emotions reinforce this position.

Being a victim always infers helplessness.  As soon as someone believes they are helpless, that belief becomes their truth, and they become helpless.  They let go of personal power as if it were water and they have no way of holding onto it.  Emotions that reflect helplessness include despair, anxiety, distress, and woe.  Those emotions reinforce thoughts of helplessness such as:  I can’t.  There’s no way out.  This is too hard (or painful, or terrifying) for me to bear. Such thoughts drive them to actions of withdrawal or suffering, such as complaint, blame, anxiety, addiction, isolation, etc.

Being a victim also often presumes innocence – especially from the victim’s point of view.  However, as soon as someone believes themselves free of accountability or complicity they become co-conspirators with their plight.  Thoughts such as I didn’t, I’m in the right, or That’s wrong generate emotions that reinforce strife – contempt, outrage, resentment, blame, guilt, fanaticism, etc.  Resulting actions include retaliation, destruction, oppression, and vengeance.

Misery can take any of these forms.  Misery is like opening a vein and letting your personal power simply drain out of you.

Searching for Power

Until this conversation with my friend, I had never seen Interpreter Mode as a state of searching.  I’ve included such emotions as ambition, desire, yearning, possessiveness and envy in that category, but I hadn’t thought about them in terms of searching for one’s own personal power.  As we were talking about the energy of pain, I could see how moaning, impatience, and unhappiness were not only forms of resistance, but the longing for personal power.  In a way, these emotions say to the injury (or the source of the injury), “You’ve taken away my power and I want you to give it back to me.”

This can apply to any painful situation – lack of money, trouble in a relationship, frustration on the job, an illness.  And although something that’s not whole may have the power to fix itself, it doesn’t have the power to fix you.  Behaviors that reject or resist the situation may actually be efforts on your part to find strength or personal power.  But pulling energy away from something that’s broken will never strengthen you.  Whining, swearing, protesting, lamenting, fuming, moaning or disagreeing may be your cries for help, but they drain away healing energy.  They weaken the injury itself.  You and the situation both lose.

Hoarding Power

Since my friend’s not the type to fret or moan, the discussion to this point was mostly academic.  With the injury so fresh, she was perfectly content to indulge in an afternoon of no expectations.  But she has a job and a home and responsibilities, and it’s easy to think in terms of what’s wrong, of what’s in the way.  We pursued the question of limitations.

How much does any external circumstance limit personal power?  We were able to create a long list of resources we had seen as limited and/or limiting at one time or another.  We agreed time, money, education, health, and energy were the most common, and we realized that when someone feels limited, the most likely reaction is to conserve.  People want to not waste time, save money, preserve their health, budget their energy.  The same applies to personal power – when we feel our power is limited, we try to conserve, to save, to preserve.  To hoard.

But what if there were no limitations?  What if by not hoarding personal power, we not only expanded it but everything else as well?  The more my friend and I played with this idea, the more we realized it actually works the other way around.  Controlling time, saving money, preserving health and budgeting physical energy drain away huge amounts of personal power.  If we could see time and money and health and physical energy as free and flowing and abundant, we’d also have a more abundant supply of personal power.

Observing Power

In the trade-offs between gaining and losing, there’s a mid point of neutrality that’s actually quite powerful.  This is when you remove all resistance and simply be with what is.  I’ve had quite a lot of experience with holding neutrality in times of stress and physical adversity, so my friend agreed to let me coach her a bit around the pain in her ankle.  First we did some calming exercises (Calm and Curious), then I encouraged her to relax any resistance, to ease away from the hurt, to think about the area around the injury that didn’t hurt and let the area of injury simply become empty space.

If resistance drains positive power away from an injury, then non-resistance lets the components of the injury get on with a natural healing process.  When you can simply observe what is rather than label it, deny it, argue with it, or try to control it in some other way, you stop being an energy drag.  Without drag or depletion, every injury heals more quickly.

Directing Power

“So now what?” my friend asked.  “I have to admit my ankle hurts less, but I don’t feel like dancing.”

I imagined a conduit between her and her injured ankle, flowing with energy.  If frustration and complaint draw energy away from the injury, and neutrality stops the flow of energy so the ankle can preserve whatever wasn’t lost when the injury occurred, what would make energy flow back into the ankle and accelerate healing?

Well, probably Partner Power.  So we looked at the list again, and my friend identified three emotions she thought would be most helpful to her:  cheerfulness, appreciation and trust.  She could be cheerful even if she hurt, she certainly appreciated her ankle and how well it had supported her all her life, and she trusted all would soon be well.  I suggested she call up those emotions and direct them toward her ankle.  She agreed that sounded like a lot more fun than worrying about how long it would take to heal.  Every time she thought about her ankle in some limiting way, she would turn off that draining energy and send cheerful, restorative energy toward it.

Reinforcing Power

I suspect that everyone is born with the potential for unlimited access to infinite power.  I also suspect that almost from the moment we’re born we start perceiving limitations.  Few of us are taught to use our thoughts, our actions, our emotions, and our instincts in ways that energize us and expand our potential.

Where you perceive you can, then you can.  And where you perceive you can’t, then you can’t.  Explore the areas of can to discover the components of your facility.  What you find then becomes your guidebook for how to turn any can’t into a can.  And then, the more willing you are to transfer your proven strengths, the more you apply correct principles, the more you practice, the more you will notice change and growth.  Reinforce what works, and what works will work better for you.

Think in terms of giving energy rather than taking it.  The more you give, the more you gain.  The more you take, the more you lose.  This choice exists in every situation – and it’s always yours to make.

For personal help in identifying your strengths and Personal Power, and then translating those strengths into results, please contact me directly.  Email:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com

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Posted in Acceptance, Beliefs, Calmness, Cooperation, Healing, Interpreter Mode, Mind Power, Observer Mode, Partner Mode, Trust, Willingness, personal power | 40 Comments »

Look Differently, See Differently

Sunday, October 24th, 2010

It’s been said in Utah that everyone’s a Mormon – a Mormon, a non-Mormon, or an ex-Mormon.  Recently I heard a terrific reply – “Yeah, and everyone’s a chicken, a Chicken, or a non-Chicken, or an ex-Chicken.”

Clearly, it’s a matter of perspective.  If you happen to be a chicken, you probably see everything from the perspective of chicken or not-chicken.  (Do you suppose they have any concept of ex-chicken?)  As a person, you have probably never considered yourself to be a non-chicken.

No, you’re not a chicken, you’re a human being.  And human beings have a strong tendency to think in dichotomous terms – even when we can see the shades of gray.  Everywhere you turn there’s some way of looking at yourself that’s either/or:  Conservative/Liberal, Artistic/Scientific, City/Rural, Rich/Poor, Introvert/Extrovert, Nerd/Jock.  More sophisticated systems, such as Meyers-Briggs or the Ennead, bring other facets into the mix, expanding the number of possible factors.  Up to a point, such systems can expand our awareness; they can also become just another set of labels.  And labels, by nature, are always constraining.

Today, I want to explore some different ways of looking at yourself and your choices.

Character Traits

As a self-aware person you probably try to be mindful of both what you’ve got going for you and your challenges.  From a dichotomous perspective, you could sort the various aspects of your character into two columns – strengths and weaknesses.  But just naming them doesn’t tell you much about either.

Instead, consider the ways your “weaknesses” contribute to your “strengths.”  What if you’ve acquired your strengths because of something you consider a weakness?  What if a perceived weakness actually intensifies your strengths?  For instance:

  • Perhaps you’re always late.  Others (and maybe yourself) consider this a flaw – an insensitivity to other people’s time, a lack of self-discipline, carelessness, an insult, etc.  Perhaps you’re also highly creative, unrestricted, more in-the-clouds than on-solid-ground.  What if you’re creative because you’re unrestricted?  Or what if you can’t keep track of time because you give your creativity full rein?
  • Perhaps you have a poor memory.  You’re fully aware of this lack, and it’s always been a challenge.  Perhaps you’re also an expert in your field (maybe several different fields).  What if you delve more deeply into subjects because achieving understanding is your way to work around not being able to remember?  Or what if because you prefer to explore, you never committed any energy to cultivating your memory?
  • Perhaps you are extremely introverted, shy, unwilling to call attention to yourself. You often feel left out, even invisible.  Perhaps you’re a natural, instinctive observer and you’ve gained great wisdom through paying close attention to what goes on around you.  What if you pay attention to details others miss because you are quiet and reserved?  Or what if you think you’re shy only because you can’t observe as well when you’re caught up in the noise and drama of the crowd?

In one sense, the greatest strength and the greatest weakness are often opposite extremes of the same trait.  Even when you can’t see a continuum between something you consider a strength and something you consider a weakness, it’s entirely possible they expand each other.  In many instances, a strength contributes to a weakness, and a weakness contributes to a strength.

Features

When you’re shopping for a car, you decide the features you’re looking for – sun roof, heated seats, all-wheel drive, trunk space, etc.  When you’re looking for a job, you have a list of features you want – local, good hours, challenging but not stressful, benefits, etc.  When you’re looking for a romantic relationship, you have a list of desirable qualities – honest, good humor, age range, education level, shared values, etc.

If you find a car you like (or a job or a potential partner), but it doesn’t have everything on your list, you have to decide whether what is there matters more than what’s not there.

What if you fall in love with a car for a reason not on your list?  Say it’s a beautifully elegant hybrid, and when you sit at the wheel it feels as if it was crafted just for you, but it doesn’t have a sun roof or all-wheel drive.  You decide you can live without those features and you buy it.  So now it’s yours.  When you’re driving it around, do you care about what it doesn’t have?  Or do you appreciate what it does have?  To achieve the highest level of enjoyment with your car, find value in both what it has and what it doesn’t have.

Jobs and relationships are, of course, more complicated than cars simply because people are more complicated than machinery.  However, the same general rules apply.  When you’re giving your attention to what is not, you’re not giving your attention to what is.

Also, what is not might be contributing to what is. The remote, over-committed boss you complain about because you don’t get enough supervision might be the very reason you have a huge amount of autonomy and responsibility.  Your achievements at work might be possible because you have to self-manage and make up your job as you go.

It’s almost impossible to sort through the elements of a situation or a relationship and come out with an accurate picture of the ways the various factors influence each other.  It’s easier to appreciate what is and what is not, to honor what is and what is not, to celebrate what is and what is not.

Perceptions

Artists talk about negative space – the spaces between.  The trick is to look at the empty spaces and see what’s there.  This is a counter-intuitive approach.  We tend to look for what is there, to recognize the shape and color of what we can see.  When you look at a tree, you are more likely to look at the limbs and the leaves than at the shape of the sky between branches.

This tendency to look at what is applies to all aspects of our lives.  We tend to consider what we see as true and what we don’t see as not true.  Unfortunately, what we see is heavily influenced by such factors as upbringing, beliefs, experience, education, even personality.  When we believe something, we tend to look for supporting evidence – and what we look for we tend to see.  We’re also likely to reinterpret what we see to support a belief we already hold.

For example, do you believe other drivers are rude or considerate?  Either way, you can probably cite myriad instances to support your opinion.  As an experiment, I challenge you to start looking for evidence supporting the opposite of what you believe.  If you believe all drivers are rude, start noticing acts of consideration.  If you believe all drivers are considerate, start looking for rudeness.  Either way, you will find what you start looking for.

In Practice

Here are some examples of areas where a shift in perception can help you produce different results:

  • If you think your child is a brat, start looking for evidence of gentleness, consideration, good humor, or resilience.
  • If you think money is hard, start looking for evidence of ease, good fortune, plenty, or comfort.
  • If you think you have a terrible job, start looking for evidence of kindness, cooperation, appreciation, efficiency, or good results.
  • If you think your body is falling apart, start looking for what works well, where you don’t hurt, and notice when you feel good.

To take it one step further, act as if . . .

  • Your child is a delightful, enjoyable person.
  • Money comes easily and shows up unexpectedly.
  • The people you work with are kind, cooperative, appreciative and produce good results.
  • Your body is strong and healthy and wants to help you enjoy life.

When you look for something, you will probably find it.  When you bring your own positive, willing, eager energy to something, it will begin to respond in kind.

If you want to create different results in any area of your life, I invite you to contact me and investigate personal life coaching.

For a free exploratory session, write me at:   kathy@kathyjacobson.com

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Truth and Consequences

Saturday, July 31st, 2010

(If you would like more information about personal life coaching, or would like a free introductory session, please contact me:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

In an old parlor game called Truth or Consequences, on your turn you had to choose between telling the truth or accepting the consequences.  This was a game of risk.  Someone else got to ask a question to which you had to answer with the truth.  If you didn’t want to risk the truth, you could choose to take the consequences.  Of course, you got no advance notice of what the consequences would be.  You might have to go outside and howl at the moon or kiss the person next to you.  Since either answering the question or performing the consequence would put you in an uncomfortable spot, you were likely to end up embarrassed.  The relationship between truth and consequences was always either-or.

Life often feels as risky as the old game.  Sometimes we can see a direct correlation between a choice and result, but often events seem random.  Accidents happen.  The unforeseen takes us by surprise.  Yet it’s hard to be satisfied with non-answers.  There had to be a cause.  Surely there were clues.  There must be reasons why.

One of the conundrums of wanting to know the cause-and-effect of some things is that we then have to accept that all things are governed by the same laws.

If, as Newton stated in his Third Law of Motion, “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction,” then everything that happens in our lives is a result of something that came before.  Do our personal lives conform to Newton’s Laws?  Or are we playing Truth or Consequences.

Facts vs. Truth

First, we want to discover the facts – and so things get interesting right from the start.  Many things in life are factual and irrefutable, such as the diameter of the earth and the speed of light.  If the sun’s shining, it’s hard to argue otherwise.

But do The Facts necessarily equal The Truth?

Some things, such as mathematical equations, can be identified in purely scientific terms.  Most things, especially living things, develop around a subjective backbone.  The Facts filter through our perceptions, beliefs, cultural norms, etc, and influence our Truth.

No matter how determinedly we try to stay neutral about an event (or a relationship or a situation), we can never be totally objective.  (I’ve been practicing neutrality regarding weather for years, and I never complain, but I still chill when my body cools and I still sweat when I get hot.  Because my body reacts to temperature, I am subjectively more or less comfortable.)   We’re human.  We process things with our bodies, our minds and our emotions.  We see things through our personal set of filters.  We draw conclusions.  We care how things turn out.

And because we care, we influence the result.  Our thoughts and emotions become contributing factors that affect The Truth.

For example, say you have a challenging relationship with your mother.  Perhaps she criticizes or complains about something(s) that matters to you – your taste in clothes, the person you’ve chosen as a life partner, your profession, what you feed your kids, etc.  Such criticism has been going on for so long you can hear it coming before she opens her mouth.

If you were to compile a list titled The Facts, it might look something like this:

  • She’s controlling.
  • She doesn’t want me competing with her.
  • She thinks she’s the only one who knows anything.
  • I’ll always be her “baby.”
  • She twists everything I say.

If you’re self-aware enough to admit you add to the problem, you might include:

  • I always get defensive.
  • I’m always primed for an argument.
  • We don’t seem to speak the same language.

For everything on the list, you can come up with Facts to substantiate your points.  But your mother can use equally specific Facts to justify her behavior.

So, here you are, with examples, reasons, perceptions, convictions, beliefs, etc.  Where, in this mess of Facts is the Truth?

The Truth is in the Consequences

One way to understand a situation is to tease apart the end result until you find the component parts.

Assuming the universe operates in a logical, consistent manner, true processes will always be replicable.  Mix the right proportions of hydrogen and oxygen and you’ll get water.  Every time.  Mix the right combination of resentment and contempt and you’ll get war.  Every time.  It’s just that in human interactions, the “right combination” means different things in different situations, depending on different criteria (such as the differences in personalities).  Still, if you have water, you know you can break it down into hydrogen and oxygen.  If you have war, you can break it down into resentment and contempt (with any number of additional elements thrown in for good measure).

Every situation can be reversed engineered to discover the component parts.  When people are involved, the components usually consist of a core belief and an central emotion, and here lies The Truth of the situation.  Consider the following possible combinations:

  • Being alone might result from the combination of the belief that, “I’m not welcome,” and the emotion of insecurity.
  • Not enough money might result from the combination of the belief that, “Money is evil,” and the emotion of aversion.
  • An aching back might result from the combination of the belief that, “It all rests on my shoulders,” and the emotion of doubt.

Let’s see if we can find a reasonable Truth of  the conflicted relationship I used as an example.  A relationship involves more than one entity (even your relationship with yourself), but the only part you directly influence is your own.  So even though your primary frustration may arise from your mother’s behaviors, it’s important to look first at what you bring into the conflict.

Perhaps you get defensive because you believe some variation of, “I’m not good enough.”  Quite a number of emotions could be central to such a belief:  resentment, self-doubt, defensiveness, contempt, yearning, misery, envy, etc.

Perhaps you believe some variation of, “She’s a bitch.”  Your central emotion might be hate, contempt, disdain, rebellion, anger, asperity, etc.

Whatever you believe and whatever you feel, you bring your own subjective energy to every encounter with your mother.  Your energy is one of the contributing elements.   Of course, her energy also contributes, but as in any chemical formula, if you change one element – or even the quantity of one of the elements – you get an entirely different compound.

Create the Consequences You Want

To produce different consequences, you have to change the Truth.  To change The Truth, change the energy.  To change the energy, make different choices.

(How’s that for a scientific formula?)

You don’t need to go searching for The Old Truth before you adopt A New Truth.  The Truth is what you feel and what you believe.  Without knowing precisely which emotion you’ve been radiating, you can choose the one(s) you want to exude instead.  Without deciphering the exact belief contributing to your past results, you can adopt a new belief that will serve you better.

Let’s get specific:

Say you want to change the fact that you’re alone.    Choose an emotion that radiates confident, welcoming energy, such as humor, pleasure or enjoyment.  Internalize the belief that will become the backbone of your new reality:  “I’m surrounded by people who like me.”  “I like others and others like me.”  “I eagerly respond to invitations to participate.

Say you want to increase your prosperity.  Choose which empowering emotion will best support your decision – love, enthusiasm, joy, exuberance, delight, gratitude, generosity.  And choose which belief will break any paradigms of scarcity:  “I happily welcome financial abundance.”  “I love money and money loves me.”

Say you want to heal an aching back.  Choose an emotion that infuses you with confidence – calmness, resilience, assurance, humor.  Find a belief that frees you of any sense of burden:  “I trust my family to have the strength and ingenuity to take care of themselves.”  “I am surrounded by partners, and I receive their love and support.”

Any shift in perception is a new choice which moves you into a different energy field.  To check this out, try a little experiment.  First, think of some recent event in which you felt delighted, happy or excited.  Review it a time or two in your mind, then notice what’s going on in your body.  How does your face feel?  Your hands?  Your shoulders?  Your stomach?  Now remember a recent situation in which you felt angry, annoyed or resentful.  Replay that incident in your mind a couple of times and pay attention to what happens to your body.  What changes in your face, your hands, your shoulders, your stomach?  Now switch back to the enjoyable situation.  If you had a scowl did it switch to a smile?  If your hands clenched, did they relax?  Etc.

Energy radiates in every direction.  It impacts other people and influences situations in much the same way it affects your body.  If you bring harsh, angry, disgruntled energy into a situation, that negative energy bombards others.  If you bring cheerful, confident, welcoming energy, that positive energy relaxes others.

Because energy, either negative and positive, affects the subjective response of everything it encounters, it changes The Truth as seen by all participants.

Let’s return again to my example of a conflicted mother-child relationship.  The decision to inject peace and acceptance into every encounter with your mother changes your subjective truth.  You see yourself through a different lens; you see her through a different lens.  This changes the energy between the two of you and that changes the energy of the situation.  Your peaceful, accepting energy permeates her energy field and changes her subjective Truth.  It’s like placing a new filter over the lens through which she views your encounters.  These changes in Truth change the Consequences.

Once you know how the two Truths of emotion and belief produce your Consequences, you can adopt the formula into all aspects of your life:

Positive energy creates Positive Truth produces Positive Consequences.

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Expand Your Energy

Sunday, May 2nd, 2010

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE who can choose what you want. You are the only one who can create what you want. You are the only one with power over your life. When it comes to choice, you determine your itinerary and you hold the keys. You are the deciding vote, the commander-in-chief, the leader of the pack, the beginning and the end. The creator.

You’ve been deciding what all your life, and the results you currently enjoy – or don’t enjoy – are the consequences of your choices. The universe must – and does – support every choice you align with.

It behooves you to make choices wisely and mindfully. Wisdom in choosing generally encompasses choices that are true for you, choices you support with thoughts, actions and emotions. Once you make a conscientious choice and align with it, energies from beyond yourself will gather with supportive power. Such as:

Energies of the earth. You are one with humanity, with nature, with every aspect of life on earth, and with the earth itself, and all these energies want best good. At this level best good means, of course, best good for the earth. And best good for the whole rises most easily from the best good of the individual parts. Imagine yourself as an agent for good on earth. Open your mind to the energies of the earth; they will support what’s true for you. When you merge with these energies, you are likely to feel great happiness.

Energies of the heavens. The energies holding our solar system together flow through you. The laws that govern the relationships between the sun and its planets, between the planets and their moons, are the same laws that govern your relationships with the results of your life. Nothing occurs that doesn’t conform to these stellar laws, but these laws empower more than you can imagine. Open your body to the energy of the solar system. When you are connected, you are likely to feel great enthusiasm.

Energies of the universe. These powers are so vast you might find them a bit overwhelming to even contemplate, but every speck in the universe contributes to them and is influenced by them. They flow through every atom, every particle, every wave of energy – including you. The atoms of your body were present at the origin of the universe, and in that sense you were present at the beginning. You have the power of creation within you. You can create anything you can imagine. Anything you can imagine, you can create. When you are connected, you are likely to feel great love.

When you want something that is true for you, it automatically connects with these amazing energies. Let them empower your choice. Let what you choose become real for you, in your mind, in your body, in your heart. Let your connection with your choice be so strong that it chooses you.

If you can imagine it and bring it to life with belief, you are already on your way to alignment with it. Following are a few ways you can continue to strengthen your connection with energies greater than yourself.

Choose Your Words

In folklore and fairy tales, words have power. To put power into sufficient motion to receive the desired result, the words have to be exactly right. Mis-speaking an incantation produces catastrophic results – sometimes the very opposite of the desired magic.

In real life, words have power, not as incantations or magic formulas but through their effect both within and without.

From within, words impact your subconscious. The subconscious is very literal, and unless restrained by other factors it believes everything it hears. It can hear, “I’m a mess,” and believe “I’m M.S.” (multiple sclerosis). It can hear, “I’m knee-deep in trouble,” and trouble your knees. When rephrasing beliefs, find words that say what is rather than what is not. Evidence suggests the subconscious skips right over the not and reinforces what is. For instance, “I am pain free,” rather than, “I have no pain.”

Your words impact what is outside of you in two different ways. First, by the reactions of other people to what you say and the tone in which you say it. You have probably observed the ways words affect relationships – kind words induce kind feelings; harsh words provoke harsh feelings.

Second, your words and the beliefs behind them affect the world. If you repeatedly say such things as, “I’m afraid to go out after dark,” not only does your subconscious supply symptoms of fear as soon the sun sets, your fear emits energy that attracts danger. Depending on the intensity of your fear and whether others in your neighborhood share that fear, the danger might show up as more stay dogs running around your neighborhood, street lights burning out at a faster than normal rate, teenagers cruising the local streets, increased burglaries, etc.

You, as the speaker of your words, are the generator of their power. When you choose words, you also, perhaps subconsciously, choose the energy embedded in them, the emotion they carry, the impact they will have, and the results you want to create with them. The more consciously you choose your words, the more you contribute purposeful power.

You can become more familiar with the power of your own words by paying attention to the power of other people’s words. Notice how the moods of others affect you. Someone else’s happy attitude can lift your spirit. The complaints of others can reinforce any feelings of powerlessness you might have. Someone else’s enjoyment of something can infect you with enthusiasm. And someone else’s fears might evoke anxiety in you.

Words have power. When you acknowledge that power and recognize yourself as a power source, you will become more adept at using words for positive creation.

Evoke Happiness

When listening to music, you can easily tell the difference between a lilt and a dirge. Executed with the same diatonic scale, they use different keys, different chords, different tempos, etc., and they evoke different emotions. A lilt lifts the spirits, gets the toe tapping, and brings lightness. If a dirge doesn’t specifically evoke sadness, it reflects it.

In the same way a lilt lightens a mood, happiness will bring light, quick energy to an intention. Happiness adds buoyancy, enthusiasm, optimism, trust, and speeds the pace of fulfillment. In this way, happiness is the most creative energy. Because happiness is a very light emotion, it lifts your desires off the ground. Intentions fueled by happiness require less of other kinds of energy, they require less work and they run into fewer complications.

You will experience greatest happiness when you are most connected to the energies of the earth. Your happiness then channels universal power to you and through you, and on into your intention. Happiness aligns with best good. And the very second (the very nano-second) you choose best good and open the happiness channel between you and best good, best good will pour out upon you, because your best good supports the greater good.

Add Service

There are many levels at which we relate and respond to each other. Blood ties may be the strongest, as socio-biologists have been proposing for years. In almost every species, an individual first gives assistance to the relative with the most shared genes. After family, ties expand to clan, tribe, village, town, race, country, and species, with life itself as a distant last. Such strata of caring reflect our ability to identify with others. We identify most closely with those we know best and those most like us. The more foreign or alien someone or something is, the less their needs and/or plight resonate with us.

This may be the way of humankind, but it is not the way of the universe. The universe has no “chosen people,” – nor even any chosen life forms. Everything is creation and everything has worth. As the “rulers” of this planet, we human beings have assumed our sentience somehow makes us blessed. We tend to be egoistic, selfish, and acquisitive; we tend to focus on our own survival and our own success.

Mystics, prophets and sages through the ages have taught the importance of transcending this aspect of our humanness. They teach love, compassion, charity, and cooperation. They teach, “love one another,” “do unto others,” “turn the other cheek,” etc. They teach that every choice has a consequence and that human beings acquire karma.

You do not operate in a vacuum. Every choice you make and every emotion you feel emits energy. That energy does not travel in a straight line, nor does it fade off into nothingness. It radiates in all directions and it expands outward. As it expands, it may grow less dense but it does not grow less potent. Whenever your energy meets another bit of energy, there is an energy exchange. You have some kind of impact on everyone you meet (and everything you encounter or use).

When you emit kind, loving, happy energy, you create and serve. When you emit dour, mean, or hateful energy, you destroy. The kind of energy you attach to your desires and intentions attracts that kind of energy from the pool of available energy. The pool of what’s available might be filled by the universe itself, but more likely it’s filled by the billions of living creatures who have and are contributing their thoughts, emotions and actions.

Since like attracts like, if you want to draw loving, happy energy from the pool, you must emit loving happy energy. If you want to draw benefit, give benefit. If you want abundance, love, success, health, and joy, give abundance, love, success, health, and joy to others. Infuse your choices with a sense of service, generosity, magnanimity, graciousness and love.

Love and service channel the wisdom of the universe to you and through you, and on into your intention.

Choose and Use

Choose what you want. Empower it with congruent thoughts (words) and emotions. Enlist the powerful happiness energy of the earth, the enthusiastic energy of the heavens and the loving energy of the universe. Hold best good for yourself and others. Let your positive energy work for you, for humanity, and for all life.

Be the good you want to see in the world.

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