Posts Tagged ‘creation’

The Creation Conundrum

Sunday, December 18th, 2011

Emotions are creative energy.

That bare-bones statement gives rise to all kinds of difficult questions with potentially untenable answers.  In The Secret of Personal Power I raised the question I find the hardest to get my mind around:  Do people who are truly victims of circumstance create the disasters that befall them?  I believe the answer is no. Good things happen to bad people.  Innocent people fall victim to war, famine, earthquakes, floods, genocide, illness, etc.

So  let’s draw a line between the victims of those kinds of harsh realities and someone who’s caught up in the emotions of Victim mode.  When such emotions as anger, hate, despair, fear, jealousy, malice, contempt and panic are raging, and you are caught in their power, you feel helpless.  Regardless of the situation or the actions of someone else, the sense of helplessness comes from overwhelming emotion.  Emotions in this mode have all the power.  You see no way out, and you function by reaction rather than intention.  Such reactions tend to of two types:  fighting back or giving up.

Since all emotions have creative power, when such Victim emotions are raging they reinforce, intensify, multiply, compound.  The more you reiterate your fear, the greater the danger will seem.  Dwelling on anger adds fuel to the fire.  Reviewing your hurts magnifies your pain.  Whether your emotions actually make the situation worse is irrelevant; the emotions get bigger, or deeper, or more dangerous, or less acceptable, and the nature of the situation will conform to the emotions.

And thus we encounter a creation conundrum:  Do pain and suffering create the emotions of victim mode or do the emotions of Victim mode create pain and suffering?  I think the potential exists for it to work both ways.

Interpreter Power

When you leave Victim Mode, you multiply your personal power by 100.  You no longer feel totally helpless.  You start looking for answers and solutions.  Unfortunately, the solutions you attempt rarely solve the problem.  You’re still sick, lonely, poor, unhappy, frustrated, anxious, skeptical, depressed, etc.  That’s because the emotions of Interpreter mode create struggle.

The hallmark of Interpreter Mode is judgment, and by definition judgment is non-acceptance.  Non-acceptance is resistance.  And what you resist persists.

In Interpreter Mode, you make up motivations, comparisons, definitions, descriptions and many, many other forms of stories.  In Interpreter Mode, these stories infiltrate your self-talk.  Whenever you make a declarative statement about yourself, “I am _____,” you have decided something about yourself, and by your declaration you contribute to the creation of you as _____.   For instance, if you declare you are humiliated, you help create a reality of humiliation.

Sometimes such statements summarize your current condition:  “I am tired.”  “I am frustrated.”  “I am enjoying myself.”  Such summaries come in three different forms:  complaints, observations and declarations.  If your statement is a complaint, it indicates you’re operating from Interpreter Mode, and you are feeling relatively powerless.  If it’s a neutral observation, you’re in Observer Mode, and we’ll get to that in a minute.  If it’s a declaration, your words have Creator power.

When you hear yourself complaining, you can immediately take a step into greater power by recognizing there must be other possibilities.  Those possibilities may not come to you immediately, but declaring they must exist takes you into Observer Mode.

So traffic is bad during rush hour.  Can you change your schedule?  Can you switch to a different mode of transportation?  Can you take better advantage of that block of time?  Can you create a different reality for yourself?

So your child is impossible.  Can you get to know her better?  Can you acknowledge her strengths rather than judge her weaknesses?  Can you discover what’s really bothering her?  Can you create a better relationship with her?

Of course, it’s possible to stay in Interpreter Mode while you’re looking for possibilities, but any form of judgment will entangle your options in resistance and struggle.  Use the tried and true brainstorming technique of writing down every idea that comes to you without stopping to evaluate.  You’ll be surprised how often the best option turns out to be the one you initially have the most resistance to.

When you form an opinion about yourself and make self-declarations based on that opinion, that opinion is likely based on limited or mis-information:  “I don’t like carrots.”  “I’m not athletic.”  “I can’t sing.”

Perhaps you believe you don’t like carrots because when you were little, your Great Aunt Hilda always served them creamed.  Perhaps you believe you’re not athletic because your family had a ping-pong table in the basement when you were twelve and you always lost.  Perhaps you believe you can’t sing because you’re measuring your ability against that of Pavarotti or Julie Andrews.  Whatever the reasons, the more you repeat these statements the truer they become.  Once they become true, you may hate carrots even when prepared by a five-star chef; you may refuse to attempt any sports, even those that don’t require speed or good hand-eye coordination; and you might enjoy singing with the church choir, but you’ll never find out.

The conundrum I find in Interpreter Mode is:  “How do I know what’s true for me vs what I perceive to be true for me?  Am I limited by my perceptions even if I want to create something else?”  Creating best good begins with choosing your wholeness first and being committed to what’s true for you.

Observer Power

When you leave the resistance of Interpreter Mode, you discover the emotions of Observer Mode create calm.  When you operate from calm you are 100 times more powerful than when you operate from struggle, and the creative power shifts from the emotion to you.

The “secret” of moving from Interpreter to Observer is simple.  Stop judging.

Recently, one of my clients  had been caught up in judgment in a couple of situations in his life.  In all other areas he felt calm and centered, but with two or three people he couldn’t forget the injuries he’d experienced at their hands.  He named the costs of holding onto his judgment (headaches, anxiety), and during our session I kept nudging him toward neutrality.  Finally, he said, “But that wouldn’t be any fun!”  With that statement he identified the challenge:  it’s possible to get a kind of perverse enjoyment from Interpreter level emotions.

Perhaps one of the things we look for when we make up our interpretations and stories, is evidence we’re not guilty, it’s not our fault, we couldn’t help it, someone else caused this, it was an accident, nobody’s perfect, we tried our hardest.  Etc.  We resist the very possibility we played a role or own a share of the responsibility.  Well, stop judging.  Extend compassion to yourself and others.  When you do, you create room for growth and development.

When your observations come from curiosity, patience or hope, you create and expand your choices.  When you relax rather than resist, your entire body responds and you enjoy greater health and well-being.  Whereas judgment is harsh and unbending, neutrality is soft and fluid.

Because the hallmark of Observer Mode emotions is neutrality, the energy you experience changes.  Because you are not in constant conflict, you are not in constant tension.  You are safe, sheltered from the storm, freed from conflict, in the now.  Adversity looses its sting.  You may know you still face challenges, you are not intimated by them.  You may know times are still tough, you recognize it’s temporary.  You recognize you have accessed the power to:

  • Change at least some aspects of the situation.
  • Change your perception of the situation.
  • Look for options.
  • Trust your intuition.
  • Choose the emotions you want to feel.

My client’s statement, “But that wouldn’t be any fun!” gives rise to the Observer conundrum:  Do conflict and challenge mean the same thing, or is challenge without conflict possible?  In my experience it’s totally possible to have challenge without conflict .

Observer Mode is the most slippery of all the modes because there’s no such thing as an objective observer.  As soon as you observe something, you put it in context of your life, your values, your preferences, your expectations, your aspirations.  You become the subject of your observation, and you will move in one direction or another.  You will either slide back into Interpreter Mode, or you will edge into Partner Mode.  The direction you move will depend on whether you choose judgment or cooperation.

(If you would like more information about personal life coaching, or would like a free introductory session, please contact me:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

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Detachment

Sunday, June 12th, 2011

If you were constructing a house, you would stay attentive to the integrity of each part. You would make sure all the attachments were strong and secure and every joint was tight. You would use the right connectors for the right materials to prevent slippage, warping, instability, or any other kind of structural failure. Your materials would include nails, screws, brads, stables, glue, cross-braces, etc. You would want your house to withstand hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, or whatever might befall it.

Most people try to achieve integrity in their lives with the same diligence and control. They work hard to prevent any slippage of their view of life, any warping of their beliefs, any instability in their relationships, or any structural failure in themselves. If they are operating from the Victim or Interpreter modes of power, they probably pursue this stability with such materials as guilt, threat, humiliation, illness, contention, control, anger and fear. When these materials are applied to life situations, stability disintegrates and the hoped-for integrity evaporates.

A better way to achieve integrity in yourself and strengthen the bonds in your life is to relinquish control and employ trust instead. Trust develops your inner power, strengthens the integrity of your relationships, and increases stability. Trust is the primary component of unconditional acceptance, and another name for unconditional acceptance is detachment.

Let’s look at some ways of applying detachment and explore the benefits of mastering it.

Love with Detachment

Consider the important relationships in your life. Do you see any correlation between how much you feel loved by others and how much you feel judged by them?  Of course, someone can do both–love you and judge you–but not at the same time.

And you can both love others and judge them–but not at the same time.

Emotional detachment contains no judgment, no conditions, and no expectations. And when there are no expectations, no conditions and no judgment, you can be at peace with whatever happens, accepting it unconditionally, even transcending it. If love is not judging, then love is detachment.

Likewise, since detachment is without judgment, to be detached is a means of extending love.

Love the people in your life through detachment. Let them be who they are without judgment. Let them do the best they can without imposing conditions. Let them contribute to the relationships you have with them without expectations. You will enjoy stronger relationships.

Love your life through detachment. Welcome your experiences without judgment. Let your path open up before you without cluttering it with conditions. When challenges arise, meet them with no expectation of potential failure or ultimate conquest. You will enjoy less anxiety and more serenity.

Love your life choices through detachment. Refuse to judge past choices.  Don’t restrict present choices by imposing conditions. Resist burdening future choices with expectations. You will open the door to more possibilities.

Love your intentions through detachment. Let your desires be expansive, whole, beautiful and daring; never judge an idea before it has a chance to take root and grow. Free your dreams of conditions; never subject them to the approval of others. Resist loading up your goals with expectations of what they must (or could, or should) look like upon fulfillment. You will invite miracles.

Loving through detachment gives your love integrity, impeccability, and power. With loving detachment you can receive best good, whatever that happens to be.

Find Serenity through Detachment

Imagine an uncracked, whole flask, holding liquid easily with no stress, no strain. It just sits there, peacefully doing its job. No fear of failure. No anxiety about how well it does its job.

Imagine yourself, whole, peacefully fulfilling your purpose, with no stress, no strain, no fear of failure. See yourself working from your own power, untroubled by what others think, able to focus on your own behavior.

To achieve this level of inner peace, adopt a peaceful attitude toward yourself and toward others. Avoid states of mind that weaken your personal integrity, such as impatience, anxiety, fear, guilt. Sidestep any mental or emotional positions that limit detachment, including:

The Judge. As the judge you establish standards, employ yardsticks, give ratings, etc. The need to measure and evaluate binds you to perceived success and/or failure. If you keep wishing for perfection, the failure to find it creates anxiety and frustration.

The Questioner. Neutral observation empowers you, but over-active examination keeps you attached to past behavior. If you review every detail, note every action, replay every conversation, or churn over every thought, you experience anxiety.

The Mega-Analyst. Your brain is an amazing organ for intelligence, achievement and empowerment. It can also be a power-sink. Moderate analysis opens your mind to possibilities. Too much analysis creates circular thinking, which limits possibilities.

The Controller. You can never create a specific desired outcome. Because you can never control all the variables, no pre-determined expectation can ever happen. Not even your own behavior is wholly within your control, and you cannot know the desires of other people, let alone their choices. You cannot govern external influences nor arrange circumstances so things play out in a certain way. As they say, expectations are prearranged disappointments.

The Victim. In relationships, if you need someone else to meet your needs, you hand your power and your serenity over to that person.  You cede your power when you decide you cannot meet your own needs, and you lose your serenity because you can never know when, or where, or even whether those needs will be met.  Your unmet needs become a burden for both the other person and the relationship, and your disappointment becomes a for you.

When you let go of expectations–about self, about others, about situations and about outcomes–you gain serenity. When you approach situations with serenity, you can remain detached.

Detach through Willingness

Consider two ways of approaching something:  willfulness and willingness. Willfulness can contain many essential qualities (vision, determination, persistence, etc.), but it implies force, control, regulation, domination and other factors that limit possibilities. Willingness, on the other hand, encompasses all the essential qualities of willfulness without assuming the limitations

Willingness detaches from restraining rules and beliefs. Willingness opens the door for your infinite partner to have a hand in the results. Willingness lets others play their part without forcing a script into their hands. Willingness invites the miracle.

Most beliefs and rules you’ve been holding onto have probably become good, familiar friends. You’ve kept them close because they promised stability and offered certainty. You’ve depended on them to provide integrity, but instead of sealing the leaks and strengthening the core, they cause stress fractures. It’s physically and emotionally impossible to control every aspect of your life, to prevent every mischance, and to force other people into compliance with your view.

Willingness loosens the glue that binds you to old patterns. It requires nothing of you but openness.  Open your eyes and ears. Open your hands and heart. Allow best good to come in through every clear channel. Live by your own true light and let others follow whatever light shines for them.

Yes, you have wants and desires and needs and hopes. Yes, many of these desires are true for you and you want to be as true to them as you can. No, you cannot control the outcome. Let your infinite partner handle the details while you enlarge your wisdom, enhance your power, and practice your skills.

Trust yourself to see what’s good for you and what isn’t. If an old rule doesn’t work, ditch it. If an old belief limits you, change it. If an old paradigm binds you, slip the knots. If others try to exert control over you, bless them and walk away. By the same token, release others from any control you’ve tried to exert over them.

Detach and Create

Have you ever watched a child build a castle from mud?  This creative child uses the resources at hand to pile and shape the mud into some recognizable form:  if the mud is too thick, add more water; if it’s too thin, add more dirt. Walls can be reinforced with sticks, the foundation shored up with stones. However, with no knowledge of the physical properties of mud the process is haphazard at best. And the resulting structure may or may not resemble a castle.

Most people create their lives the same way. They take the materials at hand and do the best they can with them, adding a bit more raw material here, stabilizing it with whatever they can find, reinforcing where necessary, hoping for the best. Most people have no knowledge of the physical, emotional or spiritual properties of life, which would allow them to leave the haphazard construction of mud castles and become the architect.

The first step is to choose living on purpose over living by accident–to decide mud isn’t the only raw material available to you.

The second step is to walk away from the mud. Because it is familiar, mud can have a strong emotional pull, but if all you know to do is keep adding water and dirt, pretty soon you’re in the mire. To free yourself, detach. Stop struggling. Stop resisting. Stop fighting. Stop trying to control. Relax. Release. Float to the top. Only when you’ve let go of any attachments you have to the mud can you create something else. When you have floated to the top of the mire, your infinite partner will grasp your hand and pull you free and help you create whatever you want.

You cannot become the creator of your life as long as you hold onto even a handful of mud.

Detach for Empowerment

You are the magic lamp of your own power. Even if you never call upon your power, if you are strong, sure and true, your power maintains its awesome majesty, waiting for you to get around to using it. If you are not true to yourself, however, you leak power continuously. Your power doesn’t like this. It doesn’t mind idling along until needed, but it really hates watching itself dribble away.

All negative and/or destructive emotions are like strong acid eating away at you from within.  They weaken the structural vessel of you until your power seeps out.

To find the leaks, probe for the attitudes, beliefs and attachments that activate the emotions by asking such questions as:

  • What do you hate?  Why?  What do you gain from keeping hate alive and letting it eat at you?
  • What angers you?  Why?  Who or what are you trying to control?  Is anger motivating you toward positive action or destruction?  Would a different approach be less toxic?
  • What shame do you live with?  Why?  Whose rules are you trying to obey?  Whose beliefs belittle you?  What if you took that power away from them?
  • What disappointments haunt you?  What keeps you longing for a different outcome in something you can’t change?
  • What losses diminish you?   What if you could look forward instead of behind?

To heal the leaks, recognize that every emotion has two extremes–one extreme strengthens and the other weakens. In every emotion-charged situation, you choose one or the other–what strengthens or what weakens. In many situations, you can simply choose the emotion that strengthens you:  love, generosity, hope, compassion, etc. In some situations, however, you must first detach from an emotion that dis-empowers you. For instance, if the strengthening emotion in a given situation is courage, you may be able to simply choose courage. But if you have a pattern of recklessness, you may need to choose not-recklessness just to plug the power leak.

Choose to detach from any emotions eating away at your soul, at your power. You will stop leaking power when you detach from weakening behaviors, from the need to control, from un-true relationships, from things you cannot change, from limiting beliefs, etc.

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Clarify Your Intention

Sunday, December 5th, 2010

Consider the difference between willfulness and willingness.  Willfulness is filled with determination, urgency and control, and is an expression of force.  By contrast, willingness is filled with acceptance, partnership and welcome, and is an expression of power.  Personal power.

For an intention to have power, it must be true for you and you must be willing to be true to it.  The truth of an intention often becomes clearer as the intention itself becomes clearer.  As you understand an intention more fully, you often understand yourself more fully.  Greater understanding tends to strengthen your willingness to receive what you want.

I once worked with a client who wanted to manifest an intimate relationship.  She’d been alone for a while, and she had a busy, full life, and she’d decided she wanted a partner to share it with.

We spent most of the coaching session focusing on what that would look like to her and how it would feel, and then I asked, “If a fabulous guy knocked on your door tomorrow and said, ‘Here, I am,’ would you say, “Come right on in, I’m excited to have you become part of my life.”  My client look a moment or two to imagine it, then shook her head.  “No, I don’t think I would.”

When she looked truly at her heart she realized she wasn’t willing to change her life, even to accommodate a loving, intimate relationship.

Wanting What You Want

Manifestation is as easy as, “Ask and you shall receive.”  The missing element of that promise is:  “Unless you want something else more.”  Almost always, when you want something and can’t seem to make it happen, you’re resistant at some level.

Want can also mean not wanting: not wanting change, not wanting to take a risk, not wanting to look too deeply within, not wanting to be different, not wanting to challenge old beliefs, etc.

Fear of the unknown is probably the strongest form of resistance, and such fears are often so deeply buried they’re difficult to identify.  What if success changes the structure of your relationship?  What if you fail?  What if something takes more time or energy or resources than you bargained for.  What if you can’t even see around the first bend, let alone all the way to the finish line?

Following are some ways to strengthen your willingness to receive what you want.  They help you assess what pulls you in that direction.

Define Your Terms

In a previous blog, I invited you to create an intention statement.   Such statements don’t have to be specific or detailed.  You probably have a general sense of what the words you’ve chosen mean to you.  Or maybe you only sort of know what you mean.  Take a few minutes to dig into what the  words and phrases you’re using truly mean to you.  If you want to write a best-selling novel, what does “best-selling” mean to you?  If you want work that provides a good income, does “good income” mean a specific dollar figure or a level of comfort or a degree of security?  If you want greater inner peace, what does peace look like to you?

Do this with each part of your statement.  If you’ve referred to the way your intention will benefit others, what do you mean?  Perhaps you want to heal others.  Does that mean by laying on of hands or by helping them make healthier choices?  Perhaps you want to empower others.  What does their empowerment look like to you?  Perhaps you want to provide a good time through your music or your stories.  Does that mean you’re a catalyst for fun?  Pleasure?  Escape?  Laughter?

By clarifying what you mean, you strengthen your partnership with your subconscious and with the universe.  When you say/think/pray that word or phrase, there’s no ambiguity, it becomes a shorthand communication.  You know exactly what you mean.  You don’t have to remind yourself that “abundance” means a million dollars (or a steady flow of money or freedom from want, or confidence about money rather than fear).  The images of fulfillment follow naturally, and the clarity you have established provides an adhesive so that with repetition and focus your intention grows bigger and stronger.  As fulfillment expands within you, all the forces involved also focus and strengthen to bring about your best good according to your own definition.

Connect With Your Values

You have acquired your personal values system as a result of many influencing factors throughout your life.  Some of them came from the beliefs and practices of your family, some from your religious or spiritual training, and some from your culture and education.  For instance, from your family you may value thrift, order, togetherness, hard work, etc.  From your religion, you may value charity, obedience, compassion, etc.  From your education, you may value knowledge and challenge; from your culture, etiquette and respect.  Of course, from those same sources you may have realized you couldn’t adopt the values of others.  You may value freedom more than obedience, independence more than unity, creativity more than compliance, achievement more than good manners.

From among your assortment of values, identify those that support your desires.  The values you have adopted and live by reflect what’s true for you.  Therefore, if your intention is true for you, your values will support it.  Identify the principles and ideals that reflect and confirm your intention.

Say for instance you’ve decided to manifest financial abundance, and to you that means an income two or three times greater than you’re currently earning.  Say your parents held a strong value for hard work and believed money is honorable only if earned by the sweat of your brow.  But you want to write a book.  No manual labor involved.  You may not want to discard the value of hard work, but you may need to redefine it to mean steady, consistent focus.  Or you may realize you value curiosity and commitment more than hard work.  Take the time to identify these supportive values.

Understand Your Motives

Next consider your supportive motivations.  Why to you want what you want?  Do you want abundance for greater peace of mind? So you can travel?  So you can invest in an idea or a project?  So you can give it away to some worthy cause?  So you can describe yourself as rich?  For the power and status of it?

For the purposes of being true to your intention, all motives have the same power.  There are no “worthy” or “unworthy” motivations.  Only your commitment matters.  It is extremely important, however, that your motivations are true for you.  Do you want to earn a Ph.D. because you should, because it’s expected in your family?  Then the motivation is probably not yours, but theirs.  Or do you want the learning and the degree?

Listen to your heart.  What propels you from within to pursue the path you have chosen?

Create With Your Emotions

Finally, what are your supporting emotions?  You will have identified some or all of these emotions while setting your intention.  As you work with your intention statement, others will emerge.  Read your intention statement aloud, listen to it with your heart, and identify the emotions that arise.  Do you feel happy, peaceful, enthusiastic, jubilant, determined?  Write them down.  These emotions have creative power.

These three aspects of what’s true for you – values, motivations and emotions – will support, sustain, and nourish your manifestation effort.  Whenever you feel doubt or uncertainty, reconnect with these aspects of what your original intention means to you.

Make the Commitment

Now ask yourself this important questions:  What will I have to give up? Currently, you’re devoting your time and energy toward your reality as it is now.  Your intention will change the balance of your life in some way.  Will it require time you currently dedicate to something else?  Will it require you to refocus your energy?  Will it cost money?  Will it challenge your creativity?  With you have to break an old habit?  Will you have to give up a long-held belief?

When I was writing fiction (and not selling what I wrote), I realized I held a deep fear that my success would negatively impact my marriage.  If I had been asking these questions then, I would have answered:  I have to give up that fear.

Expand into Yourself

And a final point to consider:  Who will I be as a result? Currently, you see yourself as a person who does not have what you have stated you want.  If you change your thinking, your beliefs, your habit patterns, your focus, and/or your priorities, you will be someone who does have.  What differences do you imagine might occur?  If you give up fear (guilt, poverty, anger, depression, loneliness, frustration), who will you be?

Can you see yourself as healthy?  Happy?  Strong?  Confident?  In your power?  On purpose?  Whole?  Can you see yourself as the creator of your life?  Can you see yourself in partnership with the universe?  Take a moment and feel the power of having/being/doing.  Feel the truth of it.  Know it’s already within you, and your willingness will bring it into fullness.

Reinforcing Your Intention

Now that your intention is becoming clearer and stronger, I encourage you to work with your statement every day.  Use the emotions you’ve associated with this intention.  Let them expand within you.  Let the energy of them circulate through your body.  Repeat the words of your intention.  Visualize what you want as finished, complete, manifest, fulfilled.  Express your gratitude for it.  See yourself serving with this intention and through it.

The time you dedicate to this practice can be the same fifteen or twenty minutes every day, i.e. 3:30 p.m.  Or you can attach it to something you already do every day:  when you wake up but before you get up, just before you go to sleep, after breakfast, in the shower.  Or you can keep it in your head and heart throughout the day, repeating it often and frequently evoking the emotions by which you will manifest it.

Establish a “sacred” space around your practice, in that you do not profane it with fear, doubt, objections, ill-will toward anyone else, or self-judgment.  Reverence this time as your communion with your soul, with your intention, with those you want to serve, and with the universe.  However, in the beginning, if doubts and objections should arise, keep a piece of paper or a notebook handy and jot them down.  Observing and naming any resistance will acknowledge to your subconscious that you’re paying attention.  Keeping a log will allow you to focus on the intention rather than the potential problems.

As you continue through this process, this sacred space will become more and more important to you, and you will find your practice becoming increasingly powerful.

I provide one-on-one empowerment coaching.   Feel free to contact me personally by emailing me directly:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com

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Posted in Beliefs, Choice, Clarity, Making Miracles, Willingness, intentions, manifestation | 4 Comments »

Living With Intention

Sunday, November 21st, 2010

Every moment of every day you make choices.

Very likely only a small percentage of these choices give you pause, since most of them are subconscious, requiring no deliberation.  Sometimes the choice is reflexive, such as jumping at loud noises or laughing at a good joke.  Sometimes the choice was made long ago and has become a habit, such as whether to fasten your seat belt or brush your teeth.  Sometimes the choice is cultural, such as wearing shoes in restaurants or saying grace before a meal.  Sometimes the choice is personal, such as what you prefer to eat for breakfast or the route you take to work.  Such choices, once made, function like pre-sets on your radio, freeing you from constant evaluation and decision-making.  They help you save the energy of fine tuning for more important stuff.

Pre-set, however, may also keep you locked into patterns that no longer serve you.  Most people draw conclusions about life from incomplete evidence or faulty premises.  Such conclusions become beliefs and habit patterns, and are often accepted as “truths,” and they can extend across the full spectrum of your life.  For example, at some point you chose what you believe about . . .

  • Yourself:  I’m funny/serious, I’m an introvert/an extrovert, I’m dumb/intelligent, I’m athletic/clumsy.
  • The way the world works:  Life is struggle, life is good, life’s a bitch and then you die.
  • Humanity:  people are basically evil, people are basically good.
  • Specific people:  He’s trustworthy, she’s caring, he’s harsh, she’s sly, she’s creative, he’s solid.

Early Choices Influence Later Decisions

Even though in many cases, such beliefs feel true, sure and incontrovertible, they are all choices, which means other possibilities exist.  Still, as long as you hold a certain view, it forms the basis for myriad other decisions:

  • If you have decided you’re clumsy, how does that influence other choices such as the work you do, the activities you participate in, the people you associate with, the parties you attend, etc?
  • If you have decided life is good, how does that influence the way you handle money, the work you’ve chosen, the things you do for fun?
  • If you have decided people are basically evil, how does this affect where you live, the way you do business, the defenses you erect around yourself, even the way you walk down the street?
  • If you have decided your child is irresponsible, how does that influence other choices such as the permissions you grant, the gifts you bestow, the allowance you set, the rules you impose?

Yet how many of these beliefs did you acquire intentionally?  How many did you adopt from someone else?  How many are based on tested premises and how many are based on assumptions?  How many are true for you?

Of course, many of the factors of your life seem accidental:  you had little choice regarding your parents, your gender, the country of your birth, or your genetic structure.  Others were determined by someone else:  You had little choice regarding the work your parents did, the neighborhood you grew up in, your family’s religion, or your primary education.

Given you had no control over the above factors, how much do you now live by accident, and how much do you live on purpose?

Choose to Live on Purpose

Most people live by accident, even when they would prefer to live on purpose.  For instance, did you choose the work you do, or did you sort of fall into it?  You probably chose the neighborhood you live in, did you choose the city, the state, the country?  Whether or not you were born into it, did you choose your current religion?

Any un-examined aspects of your life tip the scale in favor of by accident. Any aspects you have examined and chosen consciously tip the scale in favor of on purpose. Whenever you’re on auto-pilot, the scale tips toward by accident. When you live mindfully, you live on purpose.

Mindfulness is key.  Through mindfulness, you discern what’s true for you and what’s not.  When you persist in something that is not true for you, there are always consequences.  Your soul rebels, your body suffers, the endeavor takes more effort, success is difficult if not impossible.  By paying attention to the signals, you gain self-knowledge and you can make wiser choices.

I have a basic rule regarding manifestation:  An intention must be true for you, and you must be willing to be true to it.  In this post, I’m going to probe the second half of this rule – being willing to be true to what you want.

Listen to Your Resistance

If something is not true for you, your entire being will resist.  Your intuition will provide uneasiness, your emotions will register unhappiness and frustration, your body will send signals of unwellness, etc.  As soon as you acknowledge the messages and make a different choice, the struggles will abate.

When you resist something that is true for you, you will experience the same kinds of messages.  Your soul will ache to go in the direction of your best good, you will experience unhappiness and feelings of loss, your body will send signals of unwellness, etc.

An acquaintance of mine was born with a phenomenal artistic ability.  When he was young he believed in himself and saw himself as an artist, but somewhere along the line he began to doubt.  He knew art was true for him, and he yearned for it all his life, but he was never willing to be true to it.  Someone once said, “Don’t die with the music still inside.”  My acquaintance died with his art still inside.

If you’ve been resisting something that’s true for you, you can make a different choice any time you want.  You do not have to explore your psyche or your past to discover why you’re resisting.  You do have to leave Interpreter Mode.  You do have to stop indulging in all fears, reasons, blame, resignation, doubts, frustrations, rationalizations, etc. that support your resistance.  You do have to open both your heart and your mind to your “music.”  Your talents and abilities and your core values reveal your truth.  The universe supports your truth.  When you trust your truth, every aspect of that truth becomes available to you.

Willingness is Key

Such willingness begins with choice.  You may be fully aware of what’s true for you, yet still resist receiving it.  Here’s a basic program for unleashing the innate power of something that’s already true for you.

1.  Identify something you want in a general (even vague) way.  It could be something you want to have – a house, job, family, health, peace, etc.  It could be something you want to be – kind, rich, happy, successful, etc.  It could be something you want to do – travel, build a business, paint, get married, etc.  Identify it.  Name it.  Put it into words

2.  Imagine what you want as finished, complete, yours.  What emotions come up for you?  What draws you toward this thing you want?  Imagine how will you feel when this is what you have, who you are, what you do.  Will you feel happy, confident, at peace, giddy, ecstatic, grateful, proud

3.  Identify who besides yourself this will serve and how it will serve them.  You are not the only one who will benefit from what you want.  All true intentions include others in some way.  Perhaps what you want will serve others directly; for instance, if you want to be a doctor you will help people to better health.  Perhaps your service will be less direct; for instance, artists serve by creating their work and giving it to the world.  Perhaps your service is intimate and personal, i.e. loving someone.  Perhaps you serve the world generally simply by generating positive energy.

4.  Describe what you want.  Using words, dive into it.  Feel it, taste it, revel in it.  Immerse yourself in it.  Let it expand, solidify, evolve, mutate.  Jot down any particulars that comes to mind:  what components it includes, where it could take place, additional aspects of how it feels, where it might lead.

Before step 5, I’d like to make a couple of observations about intention statements.

  • The words themselves are not magic.  Regardless of your beliefs about the power of words, the words themselves have no power – the power is in the emotions that support the words.  Words have only the power you give them.
  • The more you empower your words with high-level emotions, the more powerful your statement will be as a tool and the more benefit you will receive from it.
  • If something else works better for you than words, (such as meditation or visualization) let the words help you identify your intention and connect with the creative emotions in a way that is true for you.

5.  Identify the following components that will comprise your intention statement.

  • Choose an emotion or two from Partner Mode or Creator Mode to use in bringing what you want into reality.   Select those with power for you, that resonate with you, and that will help connect you with what you want.  You may want to use the emotions you chose in step 2, or you may want something with more creative power.
  • Claim ownership of what you want, by phrasing your intention in first person.  When you put yourself in the picture, you become the creator, you assume the power of your intention.
  • Choose a strong verb.  Use present tense, as if it were a done deal.  Consider the following variations and see which seems strongest and/or most appropriate to you:  I am welcoming.  I welcome.  I have welcomed.  I am.
  • Get specific.  Name what you want:  a successful business, optimal health, a new car, a happy relationship.  Throw in as many adjectives as you like:  you might prefer thriving, profitable and customer-focused to successful.  If you like, add the outcome you envision:  and we’re blissfully happy together.

6.  Put these four components – creative emotion, noun, verb, intention – together in a statement.  Here are some examples.

  • With joy and authenticity I enjoy exuberant prosperity.
  • With delight and gratitude, I live and love happily with my new significant other.
  • With confidence and enthusiasm, my business doubles in size and service.
  • With generosity and serenity, I send my manuscript out into the world to be enjoyed by millions of readers.

Spent 15-20 minutes every day processing this statement (this intention) into your mind, your heart, and even your body.  Imagine it as a done deal, as real, as a miracle.  Let the energy of it fill your body and resonate within you.  Create it from within as possible, then as probable, then as inevitable.

As you work with this statement, you may find yourself using different words and revising the order of those words.  Let it evolve; it’s likely to become more and more true for you as you allow your subconscious to contribute.  As you empower with this statement with time and energy, you will bring what you want to life.

And have fun.  Don’t take it too seriously or fill it with expectation.  Let what you want come to you.

For the past fifteen years or so I have been helping people manifest what they want.  If you would like help creating what you want,  please contact me and let’s chat.  If, after the initial call, you decide to experience a coaching session, the first one is always on me.  Write me at kathy@kathyjacobson.com.

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Posted in Attraction, Creator Mode, Interpreter Mode, Partner Mode, Willingness, intentions, manifestation, personal power | 8 Comments »

Growth as a Goal

Sunday, September 19th, 2010

As a life coach, I am committed to helping my clients make their lives work better.  Since what that means is up to them, I usually start with the question, “What do you want?”  And almost always the answer is some variation of, “Something different from what I’ve got.”

If you are experiencing some level of dissatisfaction in one or two areas of your life, you know the feeling.  You know what you’ve got.  You might know exactly what you want instead – or you might not.  You might believe something else is possible – or you might not.  You might want to make the most of the hand you’ve been dealt – or you might want to change the rules, maybe pull an ace out of your sleeve.

Identifying what you believe to be possible is as important as deciding what you want.  And what you believe to be possible will directly correlate to your level of Personal Power.

What You Belief to be True is True

For those operating from Victim mode, nothing looks possible.  A sense of futility reinforces a belief in helplessness; emotions such as fear, resentment, anger, envy, loneliness, and anxiety support the belief in futility; actions tend to be a choice between fight or flight.  They may yearn for something else, but they believe it to be impossible.  Victim mode is a pit, and the and the walls of the pit are all the person can see.

For someone operating from Interpreter mode, the view of what’s possible is amazingly more expansive.  Interpreter mode is a mire, with solid ground in clear sight.  Options begin to immerge, even if they all seem fraught with difficulty.  The themes of fight and flight morph into themes of hard work and rebellion.  An Interpreter of the hard work theme might decide to gain more knowledge, acquire the proper tools, accumulate the right credentials, obey all the rules, etc.  An Interpreter of the rebellion theme might decide to blame and complain, undermine the competition, emigrate to another country, defeat the enemy, not make waves, etc.  Either way, Interpreters believe in struggle as much as they believe in possibilities.

Those who operate from Observer mode stand on solid ground.  Because they can see in any direction, everything becomes possible.  They’re more humble than hurt, more pragmatic than skeptical, and far more curious then certain.  Even though they acknowledge the worst could happen, they accept the best is at least as likely.  Their belief in the possible reveals pathways and doors that someone struggling in the mire cannot see.

Those operating from Partner mode have chosen a general direction and are moving forward.  They may not know all the twists and turns of the road ahead, but by choosing this particular direction they eliminate a host of other possibilities.  What they want becomes probable.

Those who operate from Creator mode believe what they want to be inevitable.  If they make wrong turns, they trust the detour will benefit them.  They may dally along the way, and good things will come from the delay.  Obstacles are valuable challenges, hindrances bestow blessings.  What they’ve chosen becomes the only possible result.

The movement from what you have into what you want is always a growth process.  What you currently have matches what you believe is possible, and your beliefs reflect the way your thoughts, emotions and action merge together.  When you want something else instead, you have to believe the new something is possible, and you have to bring your thoughts, actions and emotions into congruence with that new belief.

Change a Belief and you Change Yourself

In order to have something different, or do something different, you have to be different.  And that means growth.

Imagine Victim mode as an acorn buried underground.  Instead of “fight or flight” the options are grow on don’t grow.  When you choose to grow you move into Interpreter mode, and that’s like sending out the first tendrils of roots and stem into the hard, dark earth, running into rocks and other roots and risking being eaten by whatever feeds on tender growing things underground.  Growing into Observer mode is like bursting through the surface.  You experience sun and rain, day and night, warm and cool, and you can see the possibility of becoming a viable, healthy tree.  As you Partner with both nourishment and adversity, you continue to grow.  Your trunk becomes stronger and taller, you branch out, and you trust the probability of your future as a beautiful oak.  Ultimately, you mature into Creator mode.  Inevitably, you become the originator of future forests.

Sometimes, in deciding to transition from what is to something else, it’s easy to forget that growth is part of the deal.  Let’s take the Law of Attraction, for example, with its basic principle of, “Give your attention to your Intention.”  So you set a clear Intention, and you come up with a good positive affirmation or a rhythmic mantra for meditation, and you strengthen your focus on your Intention.

If your Intention manifests, you have experienced personal growth from your efforts.  If you your Intention doesn’t manifest, you have not.

Growth will begin when you believe what you want is possible – and that often includes a paradigm shift.  Growth will include mastering your thoughts and emotions at higher levels of power.  Growth may include forgoing old habits and/or gaining new competencies.  For growth, you must expand your awareness, become more mindful, and develop a more trusting relationship with your intuition.  Thus, growth becomes an essential aspect of manifesting your Intention.

When the Intention is for Growth

For some people, Personal Growth is the main objective rather than a means to an end.  While for most of us, growth is the way to achieve an Intention, for them the Intention is the way to achieve growth.  For instance, I have two clients who have both set Intentions for greater prosperity.  One wants to break free of old beliefs he acquired during childhood about money being scarce and difficult on the one hand and a burden on the other.  To do this he must leave the old stories behind, see money as neutral and stop judging himself for past choices.  The other sees prosperity as a condition of wholeness.  For her, more abundance is secondary to mastering the principles of Partner mode.

These two clients are at different stages of growth.  Even though their Intentions are essentially the same, one is growing in Personal Power from Interpreter  to Observer in order to achieve greater prosperity.  For him, the starting point is to believe money can come easily.  She wants to master Personal Power at the Partner level, and she’s using her Intention as her classroom.  Her starting point is to believe her wholeness unconditionally encompasses abundance.

Manifesting an Intention has three basic steps:

  1. Set an Intention that is true for you.
  2. Bring your thoughts, actions and emotions into congruence with your Intention.
  3. Receive.

Manifesting Growth by way of an Intention requires a bit more mindfulness:

  1. Achieve the calm of neutrality.
  2. Recognize the power of choice.
  3. Believe what you want is inevitable.
  4. Set a true Intention.
  5. Surrender into willingness.
  6. Receive.

At this moment in time, your level of Personal Power produces what you currently have.  To achieve something else, put the necessary effort and attention into your own growth so you can be in harmony with your wants.

(If you find value in what I write, you might like to experience what can be achieved through one-on-one coaching.  The first session is always complementary.  Write me at kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

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Posted in Beliefs, Cause and Effect, Creator Mode, Interpreter Mode, Observer Mode, Partner Mode, Personal Growth, The Law of Attraction, Victim Mode, intentions, manifestation | 3 Comments »

Attraction and Detraction

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

(If you would like more information about personal life coaching, or would like a free introductory session, please contact me:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

Perhaps you’ve heard of the Law of Attraction.  It’s been going around for a long while, with such catch phrases as:  “Thought precedes action.”  “You are what you think about.”  “Anything the human mind can perceive it can achieve.”

Almost everything I’ve ever read about this law considers thoughts to be the magnetic force.  The more focused the thought, the more magnetic power it has.  If you think about money (or health, or love, or happiness), and you give it your full attention, it will come to you.

Philosophically, I accept this principle.  But in my experience, thoughts are only a part of the power.  Actions and emotions are equally necessary.  You must bring thoughts, actions and emotions into congruence, and any misalignment can skew the result.

Aligning the Law of Attraction

Say, for instance, you want to loose weight.  You know the key actions – eat better and exercise more.  In addition to acting appropriately to your goal, you decide to think yourself thin.  So you put together an affirmation, “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight.”  And you repeat this affirmation all the time:  when you’re building a healthy salad for lunch, when you’re jogging on the treadmill, when you’re walking toward the mall from the far distant corner of the parking lot, when you’re taking a shower.

So far, so good.  You’re solid with two pieces of the formula – but your ideal weight stays stubbornly out of reach.  Time to bring in supporting emotions.  Love is probably the strongest healing energy, so you decide to love your body, love your thinness, love yourself as a thin person.  You also decide to enthusiastically enjoy being your ideal weight.  With this inclusion of supporting emotional energy, you might find the weight peeling away.

Or you might not.  And if not, you’re blocking it.  The block might be an action – perhaps you’re still taking in more calories than you’re burning.  It might be an emotion – perhaps you’re impatient, investing in expectation, comparing yourself to others, or holding some other kind of judgment.  Or it might be a thought.  Affirmations in and of themselves are not magic.  Just repeating what you want to be might not get you where you want to go.  If you carry a belief that contradicts what you want, you may be investing as much in the Law of Detraction as in the Law of Attraction.

Beliefs are extremely powerful.  They’re like fences, like boxes.  They hold you in, they limit your progress, they establish boundaries beyond which you cannot go.  To break past them, you must dismantle them.

An exercise I find both helpful and powerful is to write out your intention statement or affirmation, use the word “but” as a conjunction, and create a compound sentence with whatever comes up after the “but.”  For example, “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but keeping weight off has always been a struggle for me.”  Repeat at least ten times, letting other fears, objections, past experiences, and beliefs come to the surface:  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but I can’t resist dessert.”  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but when I was young and tiny I felt insignificant.”  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but it won’t last.”

Once you have your list of “buts,” sort them and start to dissolve them.  Most such barriers fall into one of three categories.

  • Some reflect the present, your current situation.  Reframe those and use new affirmations to embed a new belief in your subconscious:  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, and thin is my new reality.  I am and I will be.”  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, and I easily resist dessert – even Key Lime Pie.”
  • Some are rooted in the past, old experiences or deeply-rooted beliefs about yourself.  For those, explore the story that supports the belief:  Were you insignificant?  Was your thin stature the reason?  Use logic to help you disengage from a story that probably had no basis to begin with.  For increased power, extend love and compassion to the child or adolescent you used to be, who adopted those beliefs.  Again, a new affirmation can strengthen your revised thinking.  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, and I add significant value in every situation.”
  • Some project into the future.  For those, identify the strongest emotional energy that will help you create the future to your liking.  Any partner or creator emotions will support and sustain future results.  Consider the creative power of something such as, “With delight and trust, I celebrate my idea weight every day.

Recognizing the time zone of your “buts” will help you identify the most effective ways to dissolve them.

The above suggestions are starting points.  Sometimes the first removal exercises work like magic.  Sometimes, however, other forces interfere with The Law of Attraction at a deeper level.

The Law of Detraction

The comparison of The Law of Attraction with magnetism works beautifully if you think of your desire as a magnet and what you want as iron filings.  Just increase the intensity of your desire, and you will pull more “filings” toward you.  But if what you want is another “magnet” you’ll run into the properties of polarization.

Consider magnets:  Each has a positive and a negative pole.  The only way two can connect is through opposite poles.  If they both present the same polarity, they repel each other.

In metaphysical terms this could be called The Law of Detraction:  Misaligned energies repel each other.  You have to be appropriately aligned with what you want in order to attract it.  Otherwise, your energy and the energy of what you want repel each other.  What you want must be as eager to connect with you as you are eager to connect with it.

It’s been my observation that in most cases what you want wants you.  (When what you want is human, however, that person brings a full range of human complexities into the equation so attraction is also more complex.)  If you want money, money wants you.  If you want health, health wants you.  If you want peace, peace wants you.  Very simple.

If you aren’t attracting what you want, if it isn’t responding eagerly and positively to your “attraction,” you can safely assume something is out of alignment.  Since you are the chooser, since you are the person with free agency, you alone have the potential to find the misalignment and repair in.

The Law of Detraction kicks into action any time you operate from Interpreter mode.  Every judgmental emotion interferes with attraction.  Every thought, belief, assumption, expectation or story that mires you in struggle or limitation disrupts the polarity of your energy.  Every action that doesn’t support what you want deters the positive action you desire.  This detraction  occurs whether you are the generator of the disruptive energy, or whether you assign the interference to your intention.

For example, Shelley* wanted to switch jobs to one that’s truer for her.  She set the following intention:  “With enthusiasm and joy, I relish my new job.  What I bring to my work is accepted and respected by others.”  She practiced generating feelings of enthusiasm and joy from within.  She’d worked through layers of uncertainty about the economy and her competition and her own ability to perform at higher levels.  She sent out a bunch of resumes and responded to some ads, and for weeks nothing moved.  One day, in frustration, she said, “What more can I do?  Maybe my ideal job doesn’t exist.”

I suggested we take a closer look at her perception of what was going on.  Did the job not exist?  Or did she believe, it didn’t exist?  She realized she’d never worked at a job she truly enjoyed.  She always made do, took whatever came along, settled.  I asked her to consider whether she would emit different energy if she unconditionally believed this idea job existed –  instead of believing it didn’t.  Since she had done her own inner work on this (when she affirmed enthusiasm and joy, it was real), I invited her to shift the focus of her intention statement from her own energy to the energy of the job:  “My idea job exists and it wants me.  It welcomes me, and we do beautiful work together.”  Within a week she had an interview, and a week later she had a job offer.

Here’s a set of simple questions to assess whether you’ve got Attraction or Detraction most at work with one of your intentions:

  • Are you getting what you want?  (Is your intention clearly stated?  It is true for you?)
  • Have you aligned your own thoughts, actions and emotions and thereby dismantled any barriers?
  • Are you giving your intention sufficient attention by reinforcing your aligned thoughts, actions and emotions?  (In other words, are you sticking with the program?)

If you answer yes to these three questions and what you want is still not opening up for you, take a serious look at your energetic relationship with what you want:

  • Accept that the object of your intention wants you as much as you want it.
  • Convey to the object of your intention that you want to be equal partners.
  • Ask it what it wants from you.
  • Do your best to provide what it wants.
  • Receive its best in return.

Edward* is doing this with his violin.  To Edward, the first two steps were already givens.  Then he asked his violin what it wanted from him, and it suddenly occurred to him to disregard his chin rest.  So he did, and removing that physical barrier between his body and the violin immediately changed his relationship with his instrument.  Since then he’s connecting with his violin more as a partner than a possession, and his musicianship has moved to a whole new level.

When you accept what you want as a partner at this energetic level, I suspect you will experience The Law of Attraction in surprising new ways.
*  Not their real names

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Posted in Making Miracles, The Law of Attraction, Uncategorized, intentions | 4 Comments »

The Power of Thoughts

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010

I have robins nesting above my front door. With a ring-side view, I watch the comings and goings of the parents, and I love seeing the four chicks crane their necks with open beaks as they wait for food. The parents seem to spend the entire day hunting.

I’m pretty sure the parent robins operate from instinct. They found a good, safe place for the nest, they took turns keeping the eggs warm, and now they spend their waking hours feeding their young. The adult actions are totally dedicated to the survival of the babies.

Last week, I explored the range of actions that contribute to or hinder human endeavors. Through unrelenting and focused effort, these robins are keeping their babies alive, and the babies get bigger, stronger, more capable by the hour. Similarly, anything we do with unrelenting and focused energy will produce the fruits of our labors.

Except we erect barriers in two ways the robins do not – with our thoughts and our emotions. What if the parent robins ever felt resentful, or frustrated, or angry, or irritated, or unhappy or self-doubting, or any of the other emotions a normal human parent experiences? Or what if they got caught up in some story and let the story influence their choices? Can you imagine a robin thinking, “I can’t help it that my mother didn’t teach me to catch worms.” Or, “I just have no talent for this.” Or, “The chicks over there are learning how to fly already. What’s wrong with mine?”

With the ability to think, humans have the ability to create both possibilities and limitations. The things we believe establish the boundaries of the possible. When people believed the world was flat, no one sailed beyond the limits of the known world. Even explorers were bound by what they believed. As the adage says, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

Because most people recognize the way thoughts can create limitations or break through them, we have the ubiquitous advice to “think outside the box.”

Except, thoughts are always connected to emotions – that’s simply the way the brain is wired. And that poses the question: Which comes first, the thought or the emotion? I’ve pretty much concluded it doesn’t matter. Perhaps the emotion motivates the thought, perhaps beliefs set the stage for the emotion. I find it more helpful to recognize the level of personal power from which a person is operating, and focus on accessing that inner power from a higher level.   kathyjacobson.com/blogs/Pages/Diamond.html

Today I’m going to explore thought as one of the three primary components of personal power, and consider how it joins with action and emotion.

To begin, here’s a brief summary of the five modes of power I’ve identified:

1. VICTIM mode, where everything looks impossible, is characterized by helplessness and creates pain and suffering.

2. INTERPRETER mode, where things look difficult, is characterized by judgment and creates struggle.

3. OBSERVER mode, where possibilities expand, is characterized by neutrality and creates calm.

4. PARTNER mode, when the possible becomes probable, is characterized by cooperation and creates opportunity.

5. CREATOR mode, when the probable becomes inevitable, is characterized by oneness and creates best good.

In each of these modes, your emotions, your actions and your thoughts interact to bring about the results. At the lower levels, the interactions themselves are filled with conflict. You want something (emotion), you can see no way it’s possible (thought), so you do nothing or do the wrong thing (action). At the higher levels, the three energies come together in unity and strengthen each other. Let’s look at the role of thought.

Victim Thinking

Those operating from VICTIM mode believe in their own powerlessness. Circumstances, events, and/or other people hold them fast. From a seed of “can’t” grow the many themes of self-directed helplessness, such as:

1. I don’t deserve better.
2. Nothing I do makes any difference.
3. Why do things like this always happen to me?
4. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
5. I might as well be dead.
6. If only I had their advantages.
7. I’m handicapped by my age (or race, or gender, or class, or family, or education, etc.)

Equally common are the themes or other-directed helplessness:

1. They hate me.
2. My parents (or society, or friends, etc) let me down.
3. If only they were caring, available, honest, responsible, etc.
4. It’s the economy (or food labeling, or the political system, or immigrants, or the jerk down the street who lets his dog bark, etc.)
5. I’m being cheated (or persecuted, or ignored, etc.)
6. They need a scapegoat, and I’m it.

From either direction, the stories reinforce VICTIM emotions – fear, anger, jealousy, loneliness, resentment, etc. – which spurs the individual to some kind of VICTIM action – fighting, fleeing, withdrawing, etc. The concerted energies of emotion, action and thought amplify helplessness.

Even though people operating from VICTIM mode believe (even relish) the reinforcing stories of their helplessness, they retain the ability to say, “No more of this.” At the higher levels of this mode, an individual will look for a way to climb out of the darkness. Those at the lower levels will continue to suffer, or they will become aggressive toward their “persecutors.” At this level there is no room for compromise.

Thankfully, very few people operate from VICTIM mode 100% of the time; for most of us it’s a part-time condition. But if you’re caught the downward spiral of helplessness, you are the victim.

In previous articles, I’ve explored ways to break out of VICTIM mode using emotions and actions. The first and easiest way to change your thinking, is to precede your habitual thought with maybe. Maybe they hate me. Maybe my parents let me down. Maybe they’re not as uncaring as I believe.

Just allowing one opening for another possibility opens a passages way into the much greater power of INTERPRETER mode.

Interpreter Thinking

This level of thinking keeps you in struggle, conflict and drama. So if you’re getting results of that nature, pay attention to your thoughts. Or, conversely, notice your thoughts first then look for the results they’re creating.

Listen first for who’s the major player in your thoughts. Is it I? “I need.” “I don’t like.” “I get so frustrated.” “I don’t have time for this.” “I’m miserable.” “I can’t seem to get my act together.” “I deserve to have things go my way.”

Or is it someone else (boss, spouse, neighbor, insurance companies, The President, they). “He never listens to me.” “She never comes through.” “He’s too smart for his own good.” “They’re making out like bandits.” “They should show a little compassion.”

Either way, if you listen closely, you can hear the struggle, the undercurrent of limited possibilities, the sense there’s little you can do about the situation. Complaints always signal INTERPRETER mode.

Such thoughts establish and reinforce the conditions of your reality. They become the motif of your story, and the more the story replays in your thoughts, the more it compounds and strengthens the struggle (or conflict, or drama).

Since one of the characteristics of INTERPRETER mode is judgment, listen for any undercurrent of judgment in your thoughts. If you find it, you’ll have also found one of the contributors to your struggle.

The stories you tell yourself when you’re operating from INTERPRETER mode are never true. You make them up. Sure, they probably contain elements of truth, but not enough truth to support your conclusions and/or convictions. So, here are two easy thoughts you can use to break free of judgment and move into neutrality.

1. “They are (or I am) doing the best they can.” (When you first start using this technique, your habitual story will rear up and say, “Uh uh!” Keep at it until the old story learns it’s not the boss of your mind.)

2. “Since I’m making this up, some (or all) of it isn’t true.”

When you introduce a new possibility into the old story, you change the energy level of your thoughts, which also energizes both your emotions and your actions. Like Columbus, you’re more willing to brave the unknown. Your barriers and limitations take two giant steps outward. And when you move into OBSERVER mode, the energy shift is often so strong you can feel it physically.

Observer Thinking

When you are the observer, you are neutral. You are more likely to ask questions than jump to conclusions, and the primary question of OBSERVER mode is What if . . . ? The best scientists, philosophers, explorers, writers, musicians, artists, statesmen, leaders, visionaries and healers, approach their work with this question. Some historical examples include,

1. What if the sun doesn’t revolve around the earth? (Copernicus)
2. What if I am because I think? (Descarte)
3. What if we could get to China by going west? (Columbus)
4. What if I put the notes together in this way? (Mozart)

Bring the What if question into your own sphere, and see what happens:

1. What if I approached this problem from a different direction?
2. What if I stopped fighting with my son about cleaning his room?
3. What if I listened first before expressing my opinion (or stating my need)?
4. What if I stopped griping and started looking for something I can do to change things?
5 What if stopped hating my neighbor’s barking dog and sent out peaceful vibes instead of angry ones?

Neutral thoughts settle the emotions and promote possibility thinking which encourages exploration and experimentation, mediation and negotiation. You gain more time, more energy, a broader vision, and because you generate calm from within, the circumstances and situations around you become more settled and easier to deal with. Being the observer neutralizes both struggle and pain.

Partner Thinking

If you could turn every associate, every adversary, every competitor, every client, every enemy into a partner, what would your life be like?

Think about this for a minute. What if, whenever you disagreed with someone, the first assumption was always, “Somewhere in this mess is something we both agree on.”

That common place always exists, but victims can’t find it because they believe in their own helplessness, and interpreters can’t find it because they’re constantly comparing. And while observers know the common place exists, their first priority is to preserve calm. At the partner level, you’re willing to take risks, stride forward boldly, challenge others (in positive ways, of course) – and be challenged.

The expansive thinking of PARTNER mode begins with confidence. You believe it’s all possible. You can visualize what you want with clarity and courage. You recognize distractions as obstacles and sidestep them. The actions of others never pull you off message. Where the seed of INTERPRETER thoughts is “I can’t,” the seed of PARTNER thoughts is, “Why not?”

Two of the strongest attitudes of this mode are:

1. “I don’t have to do this alone.” From this position, you start looking for partners, and/or you see everyone and everything as a partner.

2. “Everything I do for others, I do for myself.” This particular thought generates both generosity and gratitude.

You have certainly experienced PARTNER mode. There have been times in your life (are areas of your life) where everything feels synchronous, events happen in the right order, all participants stay happy and willing, and you’re in the flow. Very likely, you have a clear, true vision; you deal with or dismiss doubts as they arise; your emotions are eager, friendly, harmonious, perhaps audacious; and others are drawn in by your enthusiasm.

Take those same attributes and attitudes and apply them to the more taxing aspects of your life – and see what happens.

Creator Thinking

The hallmark of CREATOR mode is oneness. Oneness with yourself, oneness with your efforts, and oneness with the infinite. Your thoughts, emotions and actions unify in such a complete whole that when you think something, you also feel it and act it. Likewise, when you act something, you think it and feel it; and when you feel something, you think it and act it. The direction from which you come at something doesn’t matter because as soon as it enters your thoughts or your emotions or your actions, it becomes manifest.

Typical thoughts that contribute to this level of being include:

1. I am (or It is).
2. How far can I actually go with this?
3. I’m invincible.
4. I am never alone.
5. I love.

Start From Where You Are

There it is. The big picture. I hope you feel inspired and motivated, since this is possible for every human being. Or perhaps you look at the higher levels and think, “But that’s impossible,” or “What’s wrong with me that I’m not there?”

Stop! This is about growth, and growth is a growth process. You have to plant the seed, nurture the seedling, cultivate the growing plant, and husband the tree. If you’re operating from VICTIM mode in one area of your life, adopt practices that move you into INTERPRETER mode. From INTERPRETER MODE, grow into OBSERVER mode. OBSERVER mode provides a platform for PARTNER mode. And mastery of PARTNER mode propels you into CREATOR.

You may operate at different times or in different circumstances from any of these modes, or from each of them. The more you understand them, the more you’ll be able to use them to further your own growth.

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If you would like some personal guidance in applying the principles in this blog, please visit my website: www.kathyjacobson.com You will find information about life coaching in general, and about coaching with me.

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