Archive for the ‘The Law of Attraction’ Category

Mindfulness

Sunday, February 20th, 2011

Consider the ways in which thoughts, actions and emotions are the three powerful and creative energies of your life.

You know all about actions, those physical things you do with your body.  You know thoughts motivate and move you in certain directions.  And you experience every day the power your emotions have on your moods, your relationships and the state of your health.  When you bring these three forces – actions, thoughts, and emotions – into one congruent whole, when you live intentionally, you open the way for miracles.

These three forces always interact to create a result.  They must.  There is no alternative.

When you are aware and focused, these aspects of yourself create what you want and bring it into existence.

However, even when you are unaware, incongruent, and living by accident, these three energies interact to create a result.  They are your life forces, and they strive to satisfy your desires.  The trouble is, if you think you want one thing, yearn emotionally for something else, and act in favor of something else again, these forces become conflicted and bring turmoil to your life.  For instance, if you are in a difficult, combative relationship with someone (or something), at some level you have injected combative energy into that relationship.

On the other hand, in the smooth, easy, cooperative relationships of your life, your thoughts, actions and emotions are unified with love, generosity, confidence, and oneness – and that’s what you receive.

Putting in; Getting out

What you put in creates what comes out. If you want to know what you’re putting in, look at what’s coming out.

Assume there is an area or two of your life in which you’d like to get a different result.  You know you need to put something else in, but you’re not sure what you need to change.

Sometimes it helps to come at this challenge from a different angle, so consider using different words:

Action   =   Doing

Thoughts   =   Having

Emotions   =   Being

In your experience, which comes first?  Do you do, in order to have, in order to be?

That’s the typical order for most people.  For instance:

  • You want a loving, intimate relationship.  Obviously, you’ve got to do – meet people, go on dates, get to know someone, make peace with the person you’re with.  Then you can have – a boy friend/girl friend/significant other.  And then you can be in a satisfying relationship.
  • You want wealth.  You can easily come up with a list of things to do – get the right degree, start investing, initiate a savings plan, market more effectively, etc.  These actions enable you to have – credentials, the right job, something to start investing with, a larger base.  Then you can be rich.
  • You want to be at the top of your game.  You review the actions of those who have gone before – study, practice, learn, network, perform, create a business plan.  Through hard work you can have – skills, finesse, contacts, a product.  And then you will be among the best.

This is the obvious, common sense, Western-culture way to approach anything you want to achieve.

For Better Results

The miracle way works in the opposite, counter-intuitive direction.

To make miracles, be first, then have, and leave doing for last.  For this radical approach to make sense, we have to redefine the terms just a bit.

Doing is about taking action; it’s also about partnering – especially with the universe.  Of course you must focus, learn, practice, implement, etc.  That’s your part.  To accept the universe as your partner, you must also welcome, attract, be willing, agree, appreciate, honor, etc.

Because we’re associating having with thoughts, let’s look at it as having the mental resources you want to possess:  knowledge, abilities, skills, qualities of character, attitudes, beliefs, insights, wisdom, etc. (Basically, what you might be able to take with you when you die.)

Being refers to being in your personal power, and that’s determined by your emotional state.  How you feel is how you are.  Whatever your emotional state, that emotion resonates throughout your entire being, and then it vibrates outward.  These outward vibrations affect everyone and everything they touch.  They are the power you generate, just as the sun generates the power of heat and light.

Now let’s put this in the context of real life, using the above examples.

If you want a loving, intimate relationship.

  • Identify what kind of person do you want to be in this relationship – loving, generous, kind, happy, considerate, neat,  adventurous.  (It might help to look at what kind of person you were in past relationships and review how that worked for you.)
  • What you want to have may include:  attitudes, such as patience, good sense of humor, confidence, compassion; skills and abilities, such as communication, tenderness, better organization, scuba-diving; beliefs, such as that you are loving and lovable?
  • Lastly, what can you do to further the above?  Practice, put yourself out there, stop arguing, release fear, go dancing, buy gear. laugh more, believe it’s possible?  Receive?  Welcome?

If you want wealth/abundance.  Ask yourself the same questions:

  • Determine the kind of person you want to be: confident, generous, willing, open, aggressive, optimistic?
  • What you want to have may include:  attitudes, such as an expansive outlook, honesty, generosity, attentiveness; skills, such as financial knowledge, market acumen, better proficiency in your field; and what you need to believe, such as money is your friend, or money is easy, or you are aligned with prosperity.
  • Finally, what can you do to further the above?  Study, practice, bless your work, network?  Receive?  Appreciate?  Attract?

If you want to be at the top of your game.

  • What kind of person will you have to be? Confident, respectful, determined, productive, willing, optimistic, humble?
  • What attitudes will it serve you to have? Serenity, tenacity, respect, excellence?  Wisdom?  What skills will you have to acquire?  Subject knowledge, proficiency, insight?  What belief will serve you?  That your abilities are a divine gift?
  • What can you do to further the above?  Study, practice, perform, write, invite challenges, give it away?  Welcome?  Nurture?

Put it on Paper

Take a piece of paper, and write your intention statement across the top. (See Living With Intention) Take a minute to feel that intention.  Imagine it as real, as a done deal, as manifested in your life.

Draw a grid with three columns and three rows below your intention statement.  Label the columns Be, Have, Do.  Label the Rows Today, This Week, This Month.  Because you’re probably in the habit of thinking of what to do first, I suggest you start with the far right column – Do – and work your way left.

The first row of the worksheet is labeled Today.  In the Do square at the far right, identify what you can to today to further your intention.

An intention I’m working on currently is:  With enthusiasm and gratitude I welcome and receive money in a steady, abundant flow.  I love money and it loves me.

I filled in the Do-Today square of my grid with:

  • Blog
  • Welcome 3 new clients.
  • Personally invite people into my manifestation workshop
  • Refuse my habitual distractions

In the Have-Today square, I wrote:

  • Peace
  • Wisdom
  • Love
  • Enthusiasm
  • Money
  • Clients
  • Greater sense of purpose

In the Be-Today square, I’ve identified:

  • Serene
  • Confident
  • Attentive
  • Spiritually magnetic
  • Willing
  • Enthusiastic
  • Happy

Clearly, blogging is a physical function – a do.  My part is to sit at my computer, think, compose, post.  I partner with the universe by inviting wisdom and insight. (Also by inviting clients and students.)

In order to welcome, invite, attract, and serve, I must have peace. Having peace about money right now is a bit challenging because my bank account is pretty slim, but just performing this exercise brought a surprising level of serenity.  Much of having, as I wrote last week, is just getting out of your own way.

Which brings me to being.  Being serene helps me have peace.  Being willing and receptive opens the door so abundance can come into my life.  Being attentive helps me have focus, so I can do the next thing that comes up for me to do – receive.

In coming up with your program, I advise starting at the right and working left.  When you want to implement your program, I encourage you to start at the left and work right.  Remember, the only time frame for implementation is today.

Now consider the coming week.  When you expand your time horizon just that much, what changes?  Again, think from right to left; implement from left to right.

Here’s my program for the week:

Be:

  • Confident
  • Serene
  • Attentive
  • Generous
  • Conscientious
  • Happy

Have:

  • Commitment
  • Consistency
  • Focus
  • Love
  • Enthusiasm
  • Wisdom
  • Confidence
  • Money

Do:

  • Post blog
  • Welcome 6 new clients
  • Receive students in the new manifestation workshops.
  • Attract enough money to pay my rent.

When I’m looking at seven days rather than one, I can come up with more things to do. To get it all done, I’m going to consciously have more going on within me.  Which means I have to be at a higher level of my personal power.

Now, project forward for one month.  What can you do during the next thirty days to further your intention?  In order to accomplish all that, what qualities will you choose to have (adopt, improve, be open to, focus on)?  And what emotions (mode of power) will you generate, operate from, be?

Here is my plan for the coming month:

Be:

  • Serene
  • Happy
  • Enthusiastic
  • Generous
  • Sure
  • Open
  • One
  • Productive

Have:

  • Wisdom
  • Receptiveness
  • Willingness
  • Creativity
  • Empathy
  • Focus
  • Abundance

Do:

  • Organize thinking for next book.
  • Work with 15 clients per week.
  • Post weekly blogs.
  • Open the floodgates of abundance.

Once you’ve aligned your actions, thoughts, and emotions on paper, begin by letting the emotions expand within you, then focus your thoughts, and finally, act accordingly.

In past blogs I’ve made the point that what is up to you, while how is up to the universe.  Unifying your life forces, however, is as aspect of how that belongs to you.  Only you can choose how you will feel, how you will think, and how you will act.  Only you can decide who you will be, what you will have, and what you will do.

(Note: I wrote and published this article in 2009.  I am happy to report my prosperity intention is smoothly and delightfully coming to fruition.)

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Posted in Making Miracles, The Law of Attraction, manifestation | Comments Off

Becoming Congruent

Sunday, February 6th, 2011

As sentient beings, we approach everything from three directions at once.  We view them through our emotions, we think about them, and we act – not necessarily in that order.

Our best results come when these three tactics work in harmony with each other, when we’re congruent.  In fact, you can recognize the areas of your life where you are congruent by looking at your results.  If you’re getting what you want, you’re in alignment.  If you’re not getting what you want, one of these forces doesn’t mesh with the other two.

Alignment begins by making sure what you want is true for you and that you can be true to it.  Your congruence with what you want is the first step of alignment, but sometimes being true to what you want can be challenging.  Even when it feels true and you know it comes from your heart, you’re beset by doubts or objections or experiences that deny the possibility of attainment.  Then it’s time to search out your impediments and remove them from your path.

Identify the Impurities

For a good way to I way to identify your obstacles and objections here’s something I call The “But” Exercise.

Write your intention at the top of a piece of paper.  For instance,

With delight and gratitude I enjoy unrestrained financial abundance.

Then turn your statement into a compound sentence with the word but, and finish with whatever fear, belief, or doubt comes up.  Since you probably have more than one fear or doubt, repeat this exercise at least 10 different ways.

If you’ve been working with an intention statement on a daily basis, it’s very likely some objections have been intruding.  This is your chance to commit them to paper:

With delight and gratitude I enjoy unrestrained financial abundance,

  • But I’m stuck in a job that barely pays the bills.
  • But every time I try to feel abundance my stomach tightens up.
  • But the economy’s so bad, where would any new money come from.
  • But I’m farther in the hole than I’ve ever been before.
  • But money is the root of all evil.
  • But the rich only get that way on the backs of the poor.
  • But I have to make sure everyone else is okay first.

If you discover more than ten obstacles, keep going.  Perhaps you know your strongest doubt already, so it comes up first.  Continue anyway just to probe for anything else.  If you’re not sure what’s stopping you, this is a good way to release your subconscious.  Maybe you’ve got such an array of doubts you could find twenty without batting an eye.  However it is for you, this is the first step toward dissolving your objections and becoming completely congruent with your intention.

This exercise may take some time.  You may need to come back to it a couple of times.  Stay open and receptive.  You may discover some old beliefs embedded in your subconscious.  You may be able to articulate a persistent fear.  You may be confronted by an attitude or opinion that surprises you.  Write them all down.  If you resist your resistance, you give your obstacles permission to block you.

Now, with your list in hand, read through the buts and select the one you perceive to be the strongest.  Which one do you believe hinders you the most?

Dissolve the Obstacles

And now, dissolve the obstruction.  For clarity’s sake, I’m going to number the “steps,” although in practice they often overlap.

1.  Write your complete, compound statement on a fresh piece of paper (your original intention and the but you’ve decided to dissolve).

With delight and gratitude I enjoy unrestrained financial abundance, but the rich only get that way on the backs of the poor.

2.  Examine your statement for implications and connotations and take note of what you find.  There’s quite a lot embedded in this example, including disdain for the rich (and a reluctance to become one of them), fear of becoming manipulative and exploitive, and identification with the poor.  Your own statement may be equally loaded.

3.      Consider what you would like to believe instead.  Perhaps you already consciously accept something else, even while your subconscious holds onto an attitude or belief that clearly doesn’t serve you.  You might find it helpful to think of neutralizing the old belief.

  • I can be rich and loving at the same time.
  • Some of the richest people in the world are also the most generous.
  • Money is merely a form of energy, and all energy can be used for either good or bad.
  • Creative endeavors produce as much wealth (perhaps more) than exploitive endeavors.
  • While exploitation exaggerates the difference between rich and poor, cooperation benefits everyone.

4.      Work with your list to come up with a statement of belief that strongly replaces the old one:

I cooperate with and empower others in every way, and we all prosper.

5.      Envision this as true.  Feel it as true.  Let it expand within you until you can observe your supportive and prosperous relationships with everyone.  What emotions come up for you?  What emotions do you think would most actively create this?  Love?  Delight?  Enjoyment?  Gratitude?  Serenity?  Generosity?

Remember, all emotions are creative.  You create according to the emotions you experience and generate.  Whereas Victim emotions create pain and suffering and Interpreter emotions create struggle, Observer emotions create calm, Partner emotions create opportunity and Creator emotions connect with your best good.

If some latent Victim emotion continues to reside within you, no matter how illogical or convoluted, that emotion retains the power to block what you want.  However, it’s impossible for any Victim emotion to reside in the same space as any Creator emotion.  You can neutralize fear, hate, anger, jealousy, etc. with love, kindness, peace, joy, etc.  Always.

To eradicate Victim or Interpreter obstacles, identify an emotion one step up the chart and choose to feel it instead.  Then identify an emotions one step up from that and adopt that one.  Keep going until you can access one of the Partner or Creator emotions.  Then incorporate one or more of those emotions into this new statement.

I lovingly cooperate with others and generously empower them, and we all prosper.


6.    Now replace your original but with and to form a new compound statement.

With delight and gratitude I enjoy unrestrained financial abundance, and I lovingly cooperate with others and generously empower them, and we all prosper.

Align

Your new compound sentence may sound a bit cumbersome.  When you recognize the parts of your statement and their importance, you can abridge the statement while retaining the power of it.  Your statement encompasses the following:

1.    What you want. In the example I’m using, this is abundance.  Yours might be an improved relationship, greater health, a successful business, wholeness, making a living with your talent.

2.    Why you want it or the service you’ll provide. The example circumvents the belief that when some win others lose and focuses on win-win.  Your motives can be personal or broad.  If your own peace of mind is more important to you than world peace, focus on your own peace of mind.

3.    The emotion(s) you’ll use to create what you want.  In the example, the emotions are delight, gratitude and love.  Yours might be peace, enthusiasm, vigor, or anything from Partner or Creator mode.

By understanding these parts, you can sit with your intention without using any words at all:  imagine what you want, evoke the creative emotions, feel it as a done deal.   It’s impossible to know when or in what manner your intention will manifest, so relax and observe.

I provide one-on-one coaching in Personal Power and Manifestation.  Please write to me at kathy@kathyjacobson.com

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Posted in Congruence, Creator Mode, Interpreter Mode, Observer Mode, Partner Mode, The Law of Attraction, Victim Mode, intentions, manifestation | 7 Comments »

Be Your Magnetic Self

Sunday, November 14th, 2010

Almost anywhere you turn, you can run into a concept called “The Law of Attraction.”  It’s the latest iteration of ancient wisdom.  Two and a half millennia ago, the Buddha said, “As we think, so we become.”

Yes, what we think is critical to our results.  This does not mean it’s possible to think something into existence.  Napoleon Hill, the author of Think and Grow Rich and a major modern source on the subject said, “First comes thought; then organization of that thought, into ideas and plans; then transformation of those plans into reality.”  Somehow thoughts need to be transformed into reality, and transformation always takes energy.

Energy requires a power source.  In the physical sense, that’s the sun; one way or another all available  energy comes from the sun.  In the metaphysical sense, where does personal power some from?  Actually, I don’t know; maybe we also get it from the sun.  What I do know is that every human being has an unlimited amount of personal power stored inside, sort of like the sun.  Most of us tap into a very miniscule amount of inner power, so maybe a more apt analogy would be a volcano.  Consider the vast energy of a latent volcano, and imagine a tiny wisp of steam escaping through a geyser pool.  We possess that vast energy, but we use only that wisp of steam.

As you live your life, this infinite power source matters in two ways – the amount you access at any given time, and the pressure that builds inside when you keep that energy closed off.

Your power to “attract” comes from within.  Attraction is magnetism.  (Okay, so you’re a volcano and a magnet.)  Magnetism pulls.  You energize your connection with what you’ve chosen, and that creates the pull.  When you entice what you’ve chosen to come to you, it’s more likely to come.  Nothing pushes.

Except no two people engage their magnetic energy in exactly the same way.  In this article I’m presenting four approaches.  One may immediately resonate with you, or you may want to experiment until you discover the way that will work most powerfully for you.

Think

An amazing number of sources advise getting out of your head.  Or to avoid the “paralysis of analysis.”  Or to stop over-thinking.  Some experts even claim the mind’s the enemy.

What they really mean is, “Don’t think yourself into a pit.”  When you get caught up in some story, that story is probably wrong, and faulty premises always produce faulty conclusions.  But that’s not the fault of the mind.  The mind is an excellent, highly-evolved, most wonderful aspect of the human state.  Use your mind well, and it will assist you in marvelous ways.  Be confident of your mind and yourself, and confidence will turn on your magnetic field.

Confidence is freedom from doubt.  To increase your confidence, try the following:

  • Honor your past accomplishments.

Do you find yourself downplaying your role in something that went well?  Perhaps you’ve been taught not to toot your own horn, or not to get a swelled head, or not to get too big for your britches.  Break free of those restrictions and recognize your strengths, your abilities, your contributions.  Make this self-assessment of your accomplishments as a neutral observer.  Send both the harsh judge and the meek supplicant out of the room.  For this exercise, you need neither humility nor ego; you do need detachment and curiosity.

  • Acknowledge your talents and abilities.

Every human being is gifted.  Your gifts may have shown up early in your life, you may have grown up honoring and cultivating them.  Maybe you didn’t start to discover what you’re good at until you had a chance to explore and experiment.  Perhaps your faults and flaws and weaknesses were more readily reinforced than your strengths.  Turn off every one else’s voice besides your own and recognize your strengths.  Honor who you are.  Also honor who you are not.

  • Recognize the ways in which your choices are true for you.

If you try to force fit yourself into something that is not true for you, you will experience struggle and disappointment.  If you resist something that is true for you, you will experience struggle and unhappiness.  Untrue choices never respond well to the Law of Attraction.  True choices come with ease and joy.

  • Invest your awareness in whatever you’ve chosen.

Be mindful.  Stay attentive.  Visualize.  Affirm.  Reinforce.  Love.  Enjoy.  Imagine the result of what you want.

Act

Action is probably the point of most disagreement when it comes to the Law of Attraction.  On the most ethereal end of the scale, where the emphasis is on thinking something into existence, action is often scorned.  On the most practical end of the scale, action is The Way – if you don’t do, you don’t get.

For some people, action is the most important component, and therefore the essence of their personal power.  However, power responds better to some implementations than others.  Action likes to be invited, not forced.  In fact, enjoyment is the most important ingredient in all actions intended to attract.  Invite what you’ve chosen to attract to come out and play.

To increase enjoyment, try the following:

  • Delight in your self, in your choices, in your partners, and in The Infinite.

To increase your delight in yourself, imagine yourself as a loving parent entranced by a toddler.  Imagine you are the toddler and a loving parent applauds and encourages everything you do.  Even if you’re stumbling around and making mistakes, let yourself experience surprise and delight at you just being you.

To increase your delight in your choices, imagine each choice as a Christmas present, unwrap it and rediscover every wonderful thing that makes it attractive to you.

To increase your delight in your partners (including those of non-human nature), identify them, reach out to them with acceptance and appreciation, and celebrate their contributions to your efforts.

To increase your delight in The Infinite, think of the best friend you ever had, the one you’ve always had the most fun with.  Then imagine The Infinite in that role, with a sense of humor and a sense of adventure, a friend who hates to be left behind.

  • Realize your talents and abilities are both opportunity and responsibility.

Here you sit, a bundle of creative talent and energetic ability.  It’s as if you are both artist and studio.  You are all the paints and canvases and palettes and brushes.  You are also the artist who can turn you into a masterpiece.  You can.  And you have everything you need.  And if you don’t, who will?

  • Reinforce your choices by your actions.

Look at what you want to attract.  Choose it.  Then assess what you need to learn, what skills you need to acquire, what effort might be required to reach the level you aspire to.  Then go to work.  You can’t be a best-selling novelist without putting words on a page.  You can’t run a marathon without putting in the miles.

  • Engage all your partners in the how.

I often advise my clients to concentrate on what and surrender how to The Infinite.  Expand that idea.  Reach out to every person or thing or energy involved in your endeavor and invite their help.  Let your friends, your tools, your resources, and your beliefs be a part of the action.

Feel

Emotion is energy.  Every emotion you experience emits an energy that goes somewhere.  When you’ve chosen something you want to attract, your feelings matter.  They help or they hinder.  They rarely do nothing.

This is true for everyone, but for some people emotional energy impacts their ability to attract more than either thoughts or actions.  For these people, Emotions can be obstacles that block attraction in ways Thoughts and Actions can’t break through.  If your attractive power comes from your heart, your best approach is to remove those emotional barriers and open the flow.  The key is tranquility, which is essentially freedom from stress.

To increase tranquility, try the following:

  • Release all attachments and expectations.

To release attachments, let words like should, must, necessary, and can’t become signal lights.  When they enter your thoughts, recognize them as indicators of an emotional attachment to something that causes stress – such as a belief.  No, it’s not all up to you.  No, you don’t have to work twice as hard.  No, what you’ve chosen doesn’t have to be difficult.  Yes, you have within you all the abilities and strengths needed for this choice.

To release expectations, expand your vision of the possible.  Make a list of all the possibilities you can think of – good and bad.  Recognize it’s all possible, then cross off the ones you don’t want.  This lets all those you consider acceptable to move from possible to probable.  You make way for your Best Good.

  • Believe your talents and abilities are aligned with your best good.  Believe a miracle is possible

Take the previous suggestion one step further.  Imagine the most miraculous way your choice could manifest.  Let your emotional response to that probability expand until your entire body tingles with it.  Relax into that energy without letting it congeal into an absolute, and then carry that tranquility around with you.

  • Give and take in equal portions.

Most people who access their power through the heart find it easy to give.  They tend to be caregivers, teachers, ministers, healers, and giving is what they do.  Many of them find it difficult to be on the receiving end.  Welcome the efforts of your partners, your patients, your congregation, your students, and The Infinite to help you on your way.

  • Energize your choices with your emotions.

Removing resistance and stress must come first.  Once you’ve achieved tranquility, add those creative emotions that will energize your magnetism:  respect, compassion, gratitude, peace and authenticity.

Leap

Do you often get ideas that seem to come out of nowhere?  Maybe a creative solution to a problem, or a sudden urge to walk down an unknown street and turn into the first restaurant you come to, or a decision to go back to school.  Perhaps you can find the seeds of thought or latent emotions that inspired it, but you couldn’t track back through the progression that took you from Point A to Point B.

Sometimes you look at such intuitive leaps and think, “Yeah!  Of course!  Exactly what I was looking for.”  Sometimes you think, “Really?  That’s got to be the craziest thing ever.”  Intuition can be both disconcerting and energizing.  If you’re operating from some level of struggle or judgment, it’s generally wiser not to leap.  If you’re operating from some level of calm or creativity, the energy can pull you in the direction of something you’ve chosen to attract.  To improve the magnetism of your intuition, let yourself reside in a state of willingness.

To increase willingness try the following:

  • Believe what you choose is possible.

You know the old saying, “Whether you believe you can or you believe you can’t, you’re right.”  Well, it’s true.  From a place of calm neutrality, probe for what you believe about yourself and what you’ve chosen to attract.  If your current belief doesn’t allow for it to be possible – even probable – decide what you want to believe instead, and adopt the new belief.

  • Synchronize your choices with your talents and abilities.

You have the talent and the ability to do (or have, or be) whatever you choose.  If those talents and abilities are not fully developed, or if you are not employing them fully, bring them up to speed.  Become the person who does (or has, or is) whatever it is you’ve chosen.

  • Simplify your thoughts, action and emotions.

Perhaps when you’ve made some intuitive leap, you’re one of those people who has to make it make sense.  Relax.  Let go of all those loose ends you’re grasping at.  Let whatever you’re wrestling with assume its simplest, easiest form.  Let it tell you what to do with it.

  • Facilitate what you’ve chosen to attract by getting out of your own way.

Any leap can become encumbered.  Add a touch of fear, a dab of protection, a bit of defensiveness, a sprinkle of meekness, and before you know it you’re facing a major obstacle of your own making.  How can you possibly expect whatever your trying to attract to get through?  Dismantle such roadblocks.  Clear the way.  If you believe your choice is possible, you can also believe it’s easy.

If what you’ve been trying to attract remains elusive, I invite you to contact me for empowerment coaching.  Email me at kathy@kathyjacobson.com.

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Posted in Acceptance, Attention, Attraction, Body Power, Calmness, Choice, Cooperation, Curiosity, Gut Power, Heart Power, Mind Power, Miracles, Neutrality, Possibilities, Surrender, The Law of Attraction, Trust, Willingness, personal power | 43 Comments »

(N)Ever Surrender

Sunday, October 17th, 2010

I first encountered the concept of surrender in a manifestation class many years ago, and it made no sense to me.  Even though I understood the idea, (intellectually, at least) of surrendering one’s struggles to God, this was a manifestation class.  We were talking about choosing and creating and attracting, and I didn’t see what I was supposed to surrender.  I could see quite clearly various aspects and behaviors I could adopt – but surrender?

Well, during the years since then, I’ve come to realize surrendering is relative.  There are things to ever surrender, and there are things to never surrender.  Today I’m going to put some of them into context with each other.

Personal Power and Guarantee

In life, there can be no guarantees, and yet our culture seems to demand them.  Wherever we see danger, we look for protection.  Everywhere we look we see rules, regulations, safety features, alarm systems, guard rails, insurance policies, fences and armies, all devised to save us from harm.  But if you demand security from others – from the government, from parents, from the legal system, from social custom, from an employer – you are basically saying, “My well-being is your responsibility, not mine.”

Of course, it can be very comforting to place that responsibility in someone else’s lap.  Then, if anything goes wrong, you have someone else to blame, maybe someone to turn to for compensation.  However, when you cede responsibility, you also cede personal power.

To avoid surrendering your personal power, surrender your need for a guarantee.  Or, conversely, when you retain and strengthen your personal power, you release your need for a guarantee.

Every human being has within them the potential for unlimited personal power, the potential to become the creators of their own lives.  (Although, we’re not all born into equally conducive environments.  You, for instance, have more freedom to access your power than a starving mother in the Sudan.)   You have within you the powers of peace, love, joy, awe, delight, optimism and authenticity.  When you cultivate these aspects of your personal power, when you trust them and use them to create your life, you create your own well-being and your own security.  Never surrender your personal power; always surrender the need for a guarantee.

Discernment and Judgment

In our lexicon, judgment has two meanings.  In one sense, it has an objective meaning with clear distinctions – something is right or wrong, legal or illegal, pure or sinful.  In another sense, it’s subjective and relies on perception, encompassing the full range of from bad to good.  Perception, of course, is relative to present circumstances, past experiences, embedded beliefs, future expectations, etc.  For instance, snowy weather might be “terrible” to a commuter and “terrific” to a skier.  A beautiful chocolate torte might be “fabulous” to a connoisseur and “obscene” to an ascetic.

In both the objective and the subjective sense, judgment generates struggle.  Once you judge something “good” or “bad”, you impose limitations, and limitations induce conflict.  Let’s look at some every-day situations to see how this unfolds.

  • You have a co-worker who dominates meetings with rambling monologs.  You judge this associate to be annoying, or stupid, or a pain-in-the-neck.  As soon as she starts talking, your resentment kicks in and you tune out.  When you stop caring about what she has to say, you also stop seeing than anything good can come out of the meeting.
  • You and your brother are on opposite sides of the political spectrum.  You’re “right” and he’s wr—oops, “left.”   You wish he’d open his eyes to the facts, and he acts like you’re the one who’s stupid.  You can’t even talk to each other any more without calling each other names.
  • You’ve been a procrastinator all your life.  At various times you’ve judged this as “lazy,” “free-spirited,” “rebellious,” or “insecure.”  By now, you’ve given up trying to understand it, you just know it’s an insufficiency.  You hate it in yourself, it causes you stress, but you’ve pretty much concluded there’s nothing you can do about it.

Judgment increases stress and decreases possibilities.  So, what if you surrendered judgment?  What if you simply let go of any need to see things as right/wrong, good/bad/ full/empty, in/out?  What would you have left?  Discernment.

When you surrender judgment, you surrender limitation and conflict.  When you lay claim to discernment, you open yourself to possibilities and cooperation.  Let’s look at the above situations and see the difference.

  • Where judgment translates into annoyance at the rambling co-worker, discernment stays focused on the purpose of the meeting.  Discernment can separate contribution from distraction and look for the win-win.  Discernment can tease out what’s going on beneath the surface and bring benefit into the open.
  • Where judgment erects fences, discernment finds common ground.  Discernment asks questions instead of labeling and dividing.
  • A personal strength is often the other end of a continuum of a trait that’s been labeled a flaw or weakness.  “Procrastinators” may be at their most creative while they’re delaying.  A “bad memory” may be the gateway to greater depths of understanding.  Being “too cautious” may be an assessment process, the weighing of options to find a wiser approach.

Never surrender your discernment; always surrender the need to impose judgment.

Choice and Victim-ness

Victims don’t have options.  Or at least they believe they don’t.  If you believe you have no choice in some area of your life, in that area you have surrendered your free will.  The moment you surrender free will, you become a victim.

Choice exists in every situation, in every realm, under every circumstance.  Sometimes the circumstances may seem impossible, such as a genetic condition, or the situation of your birth, or the state of the economy, or an earlier choice than now feels binding and irredeemable.  Every day, either consciously or subconsciously, you say “yes” or “no” to that situation.  If you say “yes,” you agree to be a victim and surrender the pursuit of other possibilities.  If you say, “no,” you start looking for further options, hidden opportunities, unrecognized solutions.

Never surrender your freedom of choice; always relinquish the ties that bind you to victim-ness.

Enjoyment and Attachment

Attachment is a binding.  You become bound up with something, glued to it, and now you carry it around with you wherever you go.  You might be attached to another person, a principle, a belief, a goal, your houses, an animals, a cause, your friends, your enemies, a car, a habit, a perception, an outcome, etc.  Any separation from the object (or effort to separate) causes you anxiety and/or pain.

Enjoyment, by comparison, has no strings.  With enjoyment, you’re free to stay or leave – and so is whatever you’ve become attached to.

Emotions are key components of both attachment and enjoyment.  The difference is in the kind of emotion you’re applying, and what you expect as a result.  The emotions of attachment always include an element of desperation – as if without the object of your attachment you will be less in some way.  Such emotions include fear, desire, hatred, anxiety, concern, insecurity, rigidity, guilt, grief, certainty, etc.  The emotions of enjoyment are always expansive:  affection, openness, contentment, delight, trust, fun, confidence, etc.

Never surrender your enjoyment (of life, of others, of today, or the hidden treasures in challenging situations); always surrender your attachment to the things and circumstances of your life that are not yours to control.

Self and Ego

By definition, ego is simply another name for self.  By connotation, however, it carries all kinds of burden.  It’s used as a stand-in for pride, self-importance, conceit, vanity, arrogance, etc.  In that guise, it becomes the enemy of the self, almost the anti-self.

The best description of ego in this sense came from a little book on Hindu philosophy I read a decade or so ago.  Ego is when you believe something about yourself and it becomes important to you that others see you the same way.  Any trait or feature of yourself applies here – beauty, intelligence, extroversion, spirituality, productivity; irresponsibility, brashness, rebellion, superiority.

To surrender ego without surrendering yourself, recognize all the true and precious aspects of you.  Let go of any need for others to see you in any certain way.

Strength and Guilt

Guilt drains away strength.  Guilt appears when you perceive you acted wrongly.  Perhaps you said the wrong thing, or lost an opportunity, or hurt someone, or make a bad choice, or over-reacted, or committed a sin, or didn’t exercise, or broke your diet, or spent too much money, etc., etc., etc.  You believe yourself in error (or worse).  In a case against yourself, you decide the verdict first and then you act as the prosecutor, the judge and the jury.  You refuse to call any witnesses in your own behalf.  And then you sentence yourself, and you surrender to some self-imposed punishment.  You abandon any good feelings toward yourself, such as kindness, or compassion, or trust, or gentleness, or joy, or any other indicator of inner strength – because you don’t deserve them.

And when you surrender your strength, you also relinquish any power you have to make amends, to change, to learn, to improve, to recoup, to compensate, to rebuild.

Never surrender your strength.  See it as the way to identify your contribution to the events and circumstances of your life.  See it as a form of divine guidance, steering you through the shoals of challenge.  Instead, surrender  all pangs of guilt that eat at you from the inside, gnawing at both your mind and your heart.

Neutrality and Defensiveness

I’m not sure whether the old saying, “The best defense is a good offense,” was first applied to football or to war.  Not being a fan of either, I’m also not sure how well it works in either case.  I do know it’s often applied in interpersonal relationships, and in those situations it’s never effective.

In relationships, defensiveness is deadly.  It will eventually destroy all companionship, respect, love, trust, ease, enjoyment, and peace.  All the attitudes I’ve suggested in this article for surrender (and many others) usually result in defensiveness.  You will become defensive if you expect a guarantee, if you judge yourself or the other person, if you’re prone to victim-ness, if you’re attached to something that matters more than the relationship, if you have an ego need, if you feel guilty.

The best cure for defensiveness is to surrender it.  To become neutral.

When you are neutral, you can see the other person’s point of view, you can look for more options, more possibilities become visible, you plug up the holes from which you leak personal power, and you can discover your strengths.

One thing that is true:  when you stop being defensive, you also stop being offensive.

The What and The How

A true statement of surrender is, “Let go, and let God.”  Stop trying to control all the little details, and trust The Infinite.

But what is God’s job, and what is your job?  Choice is always your job.  God cannot choose for you.  Free will is more than a right, it’s an obligation.  A responsibility.  When you surrender choice, you surrender will, and without will all that remains is chaos.

What you want is up to you.  Never surrender your intention, your ability to choose.  Never surrender your ability to see options, to imagine the possible.  Never surrender your confidence that you can create the life you want.

Always surrender the how. You don’t have to be able to see every step of the way between where you are now and where you want to go.  How is not up to you.  Trying to control how, constricts possible solutions and limits potential miracles.

Good personal life coaching helps you explore possibilities and gain more effective tools.  For a free introductory coaching session, write me at:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com

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Posted in Beliefs, Calmness, Free will, Making Miracles, Possibilities, The Law of Attraction, manifestation | 1 Comment »

Growth as a Goal

Sunday, September 19th, 2010

As a life coach, I am committed to helping my clients make their lives work better.  Since what that means is up to them, I usually start with the question, “What do you want?”  And almost always the answer is some variation of, “Something different from what I’ve got.”

If you are experiencing some level of dissatisfaction in one or two areas of your life, you know the feeling.  You know what you’ve got.  You might know exactly what you want instead – or you might not.  You might believe something else is possible – or you might not.  You might want to make the most of the hand you’ve been dealt – or you might want to change the rules, maybe pull an ace out of your sleeve.

Identifying what you believe to be possible is as important as deciding what you want.  And what you believe to be possible will directly correlate to your level of Personal Power.

What You Belief to be True is True

For those operating from Victim mode, nothing looks possible.  A sense of futility reinforces a belief in helplessness; emotions such as fear, resentment, anger, envy, loneliness, and anxiety support the belief in futility; actions tend to be a choice between fight or flight.  They may yearn for something else, but they believe it to be impossible.  Victim mode is a pit, and the and the walls of the pit are all the person can see.

For someone operating from Interpreter mode, the view of what’s possible is amazingly more expansive.  Interpreter mode is a mire, with solid ground in clear sight.  Options begin to immerge, even if they all seem fraught with difficulty.  The themes of fight and flight morph into themes of hard work and rebellion.  An Interpreter of the hard work theme might decide to gain more knowledge, acquire the proper tools, accumulate the right credentials, obey all the rules, etc.  An Interpreter of the rebellion theme might decide to blame and complain, undermine the competition, emigrate to another country, defeat the enemy, not make waves, etc.  Either way, Interpreters believe in struggle as much as they believe in possibilities.

Those who operate from Observer mode stand on solid ground.  Because they can see in any direction, everything becomes possible.  They’re more humble than hurt, more pragmatic than skeptical, and far more curious then certain.  Even though they acknowledge the worst could happen, they accept the best is at least as likely.  Their belief in the possible reveals pathways and doors that someone struggling in the mire cannot see.

Those operating from Partner mode have chosen a general direction and are moving forward.  They may not know all the twists and turns of the road ahead, but by choosing this particular direction they eliminate a host of other possibilities.  What they want becomes probable.

Those who operate from Creator mode believe what they want to be inevitable.  If they make wrong turns, they trust the detour will benefit them.  They may dally along the way, and good things will come from the delay.  Obstacles are valuable challenges, hindrances bestow blessings.  What they’ve chosen becomes the only possible result.

The movement from what you have into what you want is always a growth process.  What you currently have matches what you believe is possible, and your beliefs reflect the way your thoughts, emotions and action merge together.  When you want something else instead, you have to believe the new something is possible, and you have to bring your thoughts, actions and emotions into congruence with that new belief.

Change a Belief and you Change Yourself

In order to have something different, or do something different, you have to be different.  And that means growth.

Imagine Victim mode as an acorn buried underground.  Instead of “fight or flight” the options are grow on don’t grow.  When you choose to grow you move into Interpreter mode, and that’s like sending out the first tendrils of roots and stem into the hard, dark earth, running into rocks and other roots and risking being eaten by whatever feeds on tender growing things underground.  Growing into Observer mode is like bursting through the surface.  You experience sun and rain, day and night, warm and cool, and you can see the possibility of becoming a viable, healthy tree.  As you Partner with both nourishment and adversity, you continue to grow.  Your trunk becomes stronger and taller, you branch out, and you trust the probability of your future as a beautiful oak.  Ultimately, you mature into Creator mode.  Inevitably, you become the originator of future forests.

Sometimes, in deciding to transition from what is to something else, it’s easy to forget that growth is part of the deal.  Let’s take the Law of Attraction, for example, with its basic principle of, “Give your attention to your Intention.”  So you set a clear Intention, and you come up with a good positive affirmation or a rhythmic mantra for meditation, and you strengthen your focus on your Intention.

If your Intention manifests, you have experienced personal growth from your efforts.  If you your Intention doesn’t manifest, you have not.

Growth will begin when you believe what you want is possible – and that often includes a paradigm shift.  Growth will include mastering your thoughts and emotions at higher levels of power.  Growth may include forgoing old habits and/or gaining new competencies.  For growth, you must expand your awareness, become more mindful, and develop a more trusting relationship with your intuition.  Thus, growth becomes an essential aspect of manifesting your Intention.

When the Intention is for Growth

For some people, Personal Growth is the main objective rather than a means to an end.  While for most of us, growth is the way to achieve an Intention, for them the Intention is the way to achieve growth.  For instance, I have two clients who have both set Intentions for greater prosperity.  One wants to break free of old beliefs he acquired during childhood about money being scarce and difficult on the one hand and a burden on the other.  To do this he must leave the old stories behind, see money as neutral and stop judging himself for past choices.  The other sees prosperity as a condition of wholeness.  For her, more abundance is secondary to mastering the principles of Partner mode.

These two clients are at different stages of growth.  Even though their Intentions are essentially the same, one is growing in Personal Power from Interpreter  to Observer in order to achieve greater prosperity.  For him, the starting point is to believe money can come easily.  She wants to master Personal Power at the Partner level, and she’s using her Intention as her classroom.  Her starting point is to believe her wholeness unconditionally encompasses abundance.

Manifesting an Intention has three basic steps:

  1. Set an Intention that is true for you.
  2. Bring your thoughts, actions and emotions into congruence with your Intention.
  3. Receive.

Manifesting Growth by way of an Intention requires a bit more mindfulness:

  1. Achieve the calm of neutrality.
  2. Recognize the power of choice.
  3. Believe what you want is inevitable.
  4. Set a true Intention.
  5. Surrender into willingness.
  6. Receive.

At this moment in time, your level of Personal Power produces what you currently have.  To achieve something else, put the necessary effort and attention into your own growth so you can be in harmony with your wants.

(If you find value in what I write, you might like to experience what can be achieved through one-on-one coaching.  The first session is always complementary.  Write me at kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

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Posted in Beliefs, Cause and Effect, Creator Mode, Interpreter Mode, Observer Mode, Partner Mode, Personal Growth, The Law of Attraction, Victim Mode, intentions, manifestation | 3 Comments »

Attraction and Detraction

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

(If you would like more information about personal life coaching, or would like a free introductory session, please contact me:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

Perhaps you’ve heard of the Law of Attraction.  It’s been going around for a long while, with such catch phrases as:  “Thought precedes action.”  “You are what you think about.”  “Anything the human mind can perceive it can achieve.”

Almost everything I’ve ever read about this law considers thoughts to be the magnetic force.  The more focused the thought, the more magnetic power it has.  If you think about money (or health, or love, or happiness), and you give it your full attention, it will come to you.

Philosophically, I accept this principle.  But in my experience, thoughts are only a part of the power.  Actions and emotions are equally necessary.  You must bring thoughts, actions and emotions into congruence, and any misalignment can skew the result.

Aligning the Law of Attraction

Say, for instance, you want to loose weight.  You know the key actions – eat better and exercise more.  In addition to acting appropriately to your goal, you decide to think yourself thin.  So you put together an affirmation, “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight.”  And you repeat this affirmation all the time:  when you’re building a healthy salad for lunch, when you’re jogging on the treadmill, when you’re walking toward the mall from the far distant corner of the parking lot, when you’re taking a shower.

So far, so good.  You’re solid with two pieces of the formula – but your ideal weight stays stubbornly out of reach.  Time to bring in supporting emotions.  Love is probably the strongest healing energy, so you decide to love your body, love your thinness, love yourself as a thin person.  You also decide to enthusiastically enjoy being your ideal weight.  With this inclusion of supporting emotional energy, you might find the weight peeling away.

Or you might not.  And if not, you’re blocking it.  The block might be an action – perhaps you’re still taking in more calories than you’re burning.  It might be an emotion – perhaps you’re impatient, investing in expectation, comparing yourself to others, or holding some other kind of judgment.  Or it might be a thought.  Affirmations in and of themselves are not magic.  Just repeating what you want to be might not get you where you want to go.  If you carry a belief that contradicts what you want, you may be investing as much in the Law of Detraction as in the Law of Attraction.

Beliefs are extremely powerful.  They’re like fences, like boxes.  They hold you in, they limit your progress, they establish boundaries beyond which you cannot go.  To break past them, you must dismantle them.

An exercise I find both helpful and powerful is to write out your intention statement or affirmation, use the word “but” as a conjunction, and create a compound sentence with whatever comes up after the “but.”  For example, “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but keeping weight off has always been a struggle for me.”  Repeat at least ten times, letting other fears, objections, past experiences, and beliefs come to the surface:  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but I can’t resist dessert.”  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but when I was young and tiny I felt insignificant.”  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but it won’t last.”

Once you have your list of “buts,” sort them and start to dissolve them.  Most such barriers fall into one of three categories.

  • Some reflect the present, your current situation.  Reframe those and use new affirmations to embed a new belief in your subconscious:  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, and thin is my new reality.  I am and I will be.”  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, and I easily resist dessert – even Key Lime Pie.”
  • Some are rooted in the past, old experiences or deeply-rooted beliefs about yourself.  For those, explore the story that supports the belief:  Were you insignificant?  Was your thin stature the reason?  Use logic to help you disengage from a story that probably had no basis to begin with.  For increased power, extend love and compassion to the child or adolescent you used to be, who adopted those beliefs.  Again, a new affirmation can strengthen your revised thinking.  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, and I add significant value in every situation.”
  • Some project into the future.  For those, identify the strongest emotional energy that will help you create the future to your liking.  Any partner or creator emotions will support and sustain future results.  Consider the creative power of something such as, “With delight and trust, I celebrate my idea weight every day.

Recognizing the time zone of your “buts” will help you identify the most effective ways to dissolve them.

The above suggestions are starting points.  Sometimes the first removal exercises work like magic.  Sometimes, however, other forces interfere with The Law of Attraction at a deeper level.

The Law of Detraction

The comparison of The Law of Attraction with magnetism works beautifully if you think of your desire as a magnet and what you want as iron filings.  Just increase the intensity of your desire, and you will pull more “filings” toward you.  But if what you want is another “magnet” you’ll run into the properties of polarization.

Consider magnets:  Each has a positive and a negative pole.  The only way two can connect is through opposite poles.  If they both present the same polarity, they repel each other.

In metaphysical terms this could be called The Law of Detraction:  Misaligned energies repel each other.  You have to be appropriately aligned with what you want in order to attract it.  Otherwise, your energy and the energy of what you want repel each other.  What you want must be as eager to connect with you as you are eager to connect with it.

It’s been my observation that in most cases what you want wants you.  (When what you want is human, however, that person brings a full range of human complexities into the equation so attraction is also more complex.)  If you want money, money wants you.  If you want health, health wants you.  If you want peace, peace wants you.  Very simple.

If you aren’t attracting what you want, if it isn’t responding eagerly and positively to your “attraction,” you can safely assume something is out of alignment.  Since you are the chooser, since you are the person with free agency, you alone have the potential to find the misalignment and repair in.

The Law of Detraction kicks into action any time you operate from Interpreter mode.  Every judgmental emotion interferes with attraction.  Every thought, belief, assumption, expectation or story that mires you in struggle or limitation disrupts the polarity of your energy.  Every action that doesn’t support what you want deters the positive action you desire.  This detraction  occurs whether you are the generator of the disruptive energy, or whether you assign the interference to your intention.

For example, Shelley* wanted to switch jobs to one that’s truer for her.  She set the following intention:  “With enthusiasm and joy, I relish my new job.  What I bring to my work is accepted and respected by others.”  She practiced generating feelings of enthusiasm and joy from within.  She’d worked through layers of uncertainty about the economy and her competition and her own ability to perform at higher levels.  She sent out a bunch of resumes and responded to some ads, and for weeks nothing moved.  One day, in frustration, she said, “What more can I do?  Maybe my ideal job doesn’t exist.”

I suggested we take a closer look at her perception of what was going on.  Did the job not exist?  Or did she believe, it didn’t exist?  She realized she’d never worked at a job she truly enjoyed.  She always made do, took whatever came along, settled.  I asked her to consider whether she would emit different energy if she unconditionally believed this idea job existed –  instead of believing it didn’t.  Since she had done her own inner work on this (when she affirmed enthusiasm and joy, it was real), I invited her to shift the focus of her intention statement from her own energy to the energy of the job:  “My idea job exists and it wants me.  It welcomes me, and we do beautiful work together.”  Within a week she had an interview, and a week later she had a job offer.

Here’s a set of simple questions to assess whether you’ve got Attraction or Detraction most at work with one of your intentions:

  • Are you getting what you want?  (Is your intention clearly stated?  It is true for you?)
  • Have you aligned your own thoughts, actions and emotions and thereby dismantled any barriers?
  • Are you giving your intention sufficient attention by reinforcing your aligned thoughts, actions and emotions?  (In other words, are you sticking with the program?)

If you answer yes to these three questions and what you want is still not opening up for you, take a serious look at your energetic relationship with what you want:

  • Accept that the object of your intention wants you as much as you want it.
  • Convey to the object of your intention that you want to be equal partners.
  • Ask it what it wants from you.
  • Do your best to provide what it wants.
  • Receive its best in return.

Edward* is doing this with his violin.  To Edward, the first two steps were already givens.  Then he asked his violin what it wanted from him, and it suddenly occurred to him to disregard his chin rest.  So he did, and removing that physical barrier between his body and the violin immediately changed his relationship with his instrument.  Since then he’s connecting with his violin more as a partner than a possession, and his musicianship has moved to a whole new level.

When you accept what you want as a partner at this energetic level, I suspect you will experience The Law of Attraction in surprising new ways.
*  Not their real names

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Posted in Making Miracles, The Law of Attraction, Uncategorized, intentions | 4 Comments »