Archive for the ‘service’ Category

Observer Challenges

Sunday, January 1st, 2012

In my recent post titled The Creation Conundrum, I ended with one of the challenges of  Observer Mode, the difficulty of staying in neutral.  As with a car, when you shift out of gear you take away one of your means for control.  When the transmission’s disengaged, the car will easily follow the path of least resistance.

To stay in neutral emotionally, you must maintain equanimity.  You can use your breaks – refuse to let momentum pull you into Interpreter Mode.  You can use your gas pedal – consciously chose an emotion from Partner Mode.  Or you can use the transmission – hold steady with the emotions of Observer Mode.  Which one you choose depends on where you are parked, how hard it was to get there, how urgent you are to go somewhere else, and how full your gas tank is.

First Challenge – Stay in Neutral

To be in neutral emotionally is to have reached a relatively flat surface.  It doesn’t take much of a shove to start coasting back down the hill again.  However, your response to a shove will depend not on the steepness of the hill but the difficulty of the climb.  Very likely, in some areas of your life you can stride up a steep slope with ease, while in other areas you struggle to surmount a slight incline.  The energy required to go backward is inverse to the energy it took to go forward.  If you achieved the plateau of neutrality with little effort, it will probably take a huge effort to push you back down into judgment.  If it took a concerted effort to become neutral, a little tap might send you sliding down.

There’s an emotional position in Observer Mode I haven’t mentioned yet.  It’s the state of healthy discontent.  Often, discontent takes the form of judgment, much like consternation or discomfort or irritation.  It can also be the soul’s yearning for best good.  You possess a basic instinct to be the best person you can be, to serve the world and mankind to the best of your ability, and to gain mastery, empowerment and enlightenment.  In Victim or Interpreter Mode, it’s easy to loose touch with that instinct, but the spark will never die out completely.  When you reach Observer Mode, you essentially add energy to the spark, and it flames into life.  The resulting sense of healthy discontent will pull you toward Partner Mode.

Whether you can put yourself in gear and step on the gas will depend on your reserves.  Staying in neutral a while gives you a chance to refuel, to get to know yourself better, to enjoy the view, to study your road map, to take stock of your options.  In Observer Mode you have 100 times the personal power you had in Interpreter Mode, and it may take some time to discover the full range of your new capabilities.

When you are free of judgment, your possibilities include: child-like levels of enjoyment and delight, security as in a mother’s arms, clarity like rain-fresh air, the hope of a new day, and in-the-now acceptance.  It may take practice to fully make use of your expanded ability to marvel, to savor, to give thanks, to enjoy, to relax, to be.

Eventually, you will know your emotions are secure, you will know it would take more than a nudge (or a shove, or a blast) to knock you into a state of less power.  Refueled, your innate desire for growth, for maximizing yourself, will propel you up the next slope.

Second Challenge – Accept the Possibilities

Another new challenge of Observer Mode is that of dealing with infinite possibilities.

Interpreter Mode makes things difficult, while Observer makes things possible.

When you leave Interpreter Mode for Observer Mode, the sudden vista of what’s possible can be both overwhelming and confusing.  If you could see the spectrum of possibilities as a continuum, everything you don’t want would stretch off to the left and everything you do want would stretch off to the right.  You could easily pivot to the right and march straight in the direction of what you want.

In actuality, the landscape is not flat or even.  It spreads out in every direction, with hills and dales, broad avenues and dead-ends, successes and failures, comfort and discomfort, security and danger.

In Interpreter Mode your options seemed mostly “bad,” and you could count it a win if you made the best of a bad situation.  In Observer Mode the possibility certainly exists that you could make a mistake.  Except as soon as you fear choosing badly, you slide back into judgment.  And this presents another conundrum for the Observer:  How do you remain neutral in this landscape in which everything (good and bad) is possible?

The answer can be found within the personal power you access when you become the observer.

As with all modes, the power that becomes available to you exists in the emotions of that mode.  Mastering the power you’ve accessed is yet another challenge of Observer Mode.

Third Challenge – Master the Emotion

Each of the emotions of Observer Mode has its own power, its own energy.  When you experience one of these emotions, you tap into the energy and embody its power.  If you want to experiment with this a bit, try the following:  Sit quietly.  Get into the now by letting go of all judgments and becoming neutral.  Then pick an Observer emotion and think of something that will evoke that emotion within you.  Spend a moment or two observing the way your body responds to that emotion.  Then pick another and repeat the process.  Take note of the shifts of energy in your body.

As I tried the experiment myself, when I evoked compassion I felt my heart swell.  When I evoked curiosity, my face and forehead relaxed.  And when I evoked amusement, I chuckled.

No two people experience emotional energy in exactly the same way, so pay attention to how it feels to you.  And if you can’t sense the energy immediately, no worries.  You wouldn’t expect to play the piano the first time you sat at the keyboard.

Here’s something you can do – sort of like a first finger piano exercise:  Find a quiet place and seclude yourself for ten or fifteen minutes.  Choose any Observer emotion and let it fill your consciousness.  The following guide might help:

  • Think about what that emotion means to you.
  • Thing about times when you’ve experienced that emotion.
  • Remember what generated that emotion within you.
  • Identify any current aspect of your life that might benefit from receiving that emotion.

Take admiration for instance.  You could begin by mentally cataloguing things you admire (sunsets, great art, beautiful bodies, skyscrapers, thick hair, a good book, a job well done).  Then bring any one of these things to mind and recall your admiration.  Next let your body recall the sensations of admiration.  And when your thoughts and your body are connected to the emotion of admiration, recall something that’s going on in your life right now (frustration at work, an interest you want to pursue, tight money, the times you spend with your best friend).  Now send admiration toward that aspect of your life (something you admire in a co-worker, what you admire most about what interests you, the good things money will buy, the way your friend listens to you).  Enjoy the calm produced by the admiration you first evoke, then feel, then send out.

Consider the time spent engaged in this sort of practice as holding sacred space.  Let it become sacred by honoring it and giving it high priority.  Do not profane it with Interpreter or Victim emotions.  When you schedule the time and dedicate yourself to feeling the energy of Observer emotions, being the energy of Observer emotions, you will discover you can:

  • Neutralize your conflict.
  • Ease your pain.
  • Smooth your way.
  • Send others encouragement.
  • Open doors.

When you use the power of Observer Mode emotions for these purposes, you will look out over the landscape of possibilities more objectively.

When you review any downside, you will do so with patience and courage.  Just because you can observe the possibilities on the left side of the continuum doesn’t mean you’ll head in that direction.

When you explore the possibilities on the right side of the continuum, you will do so with curiosity and excitement.  You’ll see them as real options.

Fourth Challenge – Serve Through Neutrality

Have you ever noticed the calming effect of some rooms or buildings?  Researchers are studying the impact on mood and productivity of such things as color, ceiling height, the sharpness or roundness of corners and the placement of furnishings.  Sometimes the calm space you enter will have structural elements that contribute to that energy.  Other times the calm will be generated by the emotional energy of the person or group that uses the space.

When you are firmly in Observer Mode, your personal power includes the ability to calm others.  The calming energy of your neutrality will touch everything within your immediate vicinity.  It will also reach across time and space when you think of someone or something and focus your  emotions in that direction.

In my previous blog, I mentioned my client who said, in reference to moving out of Interpreter Mode, “But that wouldn’t be any fun!”  In reply, I said to him, “It’s a different kind of fun.”

Observer Mode presents many challenges, perhaps more than I’ve mentioned today.  Conflict is not one of them.  In addition to calm, I expect you will find meeting these challenges to be agreeable, confidence building, constructive, liberating, and healing.

(If you would like more information about personal life coaching, or would like a free introductory session, please contact me:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

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Recognize Your Truth

Sunday, March 13th, 2011

A while ago, I wrote an article called “What’s true for you?” Today I’d like to expand on that topic by exploring some of the aspects that comprise personal truth.

Your Life

Quite a number of facets comprise your physical life experience. You have biographical data:  name, age. parents’ names, place of birth, place of residence, etc. You have biological data:  height, weight, hair color, and all the other factors governed by your DNA. You have educational experience with accumulated academic knowledge, and you have a job history with acquired professional knowledge.

You have a personal history that includes the places you’ve lived, the people you’ve loved, the illnesses you’ve endured, the accidents you’ve survived, etc. And you also have a personal history that didn’t happen, such as the places you haven’t lived, the schools you didn’t attend, the people you didn’t love, the jobs you didn’t take.

So how many of these facts, figures, choices and experiences are true for you?  How many of them may not necessarily have been true for you, but helped illuminate what is true for you?

Perhaps you’ve worked jobs you weren’t suited for. They helped you learn how important it is to employ your skills, talents and preferences in your work.

Perhaps you’ve loved people who weren’t a good match for you, whether it was the boy in third grade who chased you around the playground every recess, or the cheerleader girlfriend who liked you because you were on the football team, or an emotionally unavailable spouse. They helped you understand yourself, recognize your vulnerable areas, realize what matters to you in a relationship.

You may or may not have grown up in a home that recognized your worth. Either way, what did you learn from the experience?

You may or may not have been given a name that fits you. Have you learned to like it?  Have you changed it?  Either way, what have you learned about self-labeling?

You may or may not be living in an environment that nurtures you. What inner power are you finding in that environment?   What would you like instead?  Why?

There’s an old adage that advises you to bloom where you’re planted.  The wisdom of this advice lies in the opportunities for personal growth provided by the circumstances of your life. Regardless of location, you can make the most of any situation. When you’ve gained all there is to gain, or when you feel the call of another place, you can choose to transplant yourself.

If, however, you uproot yourself before you’ve learned what that situation has to teach, you’ll just take yourself with you. Pretty soon the new situation will provide the same frustrations, challenges, disappointments and pain as the old one.

An exploration of the situations of your life can help you discover ever-deeper levels of who you are. You become clearer about what you want and why you want it. You gain understanding about yourself within relationships.  And you understand the service you can offer to the world.

When your life is true for you, you resonate with it. You experience more peace, better health, greater abundance, and deep inner joy. Choose a life that is true for you, and be true to the life you have chosen.

Your Value System

Many religious apologists claim moral and ethical behaviors derive from a belief in a deity. Atheists who choose the high road believe morality motivates simply because it produces better results than immorality.

Whether you acquired your moral sense from the teachings of your church or from an observance of natural consequences, the results are the same. Some behaviors and qualities of character work better in society and inspire you to better choices, some create conflict in society and lead to personal chaos.

There have been many teachers throughout history, some religious, some not, who have offered advice about which behaviors and character traits produce the best results. A search on the Internet will produce myriad lists, systems, discussion boards, and advice columns.

These lists of values, virtues, ethics, and qualities are more likely to illuminate what’s out there, what’s possible and what others believe than expand your own self-understanding.

The virtues and qualities that are true for you will pass your own personal tests. Consider the following challenges:

  • You understand what the virtue or quality means to you. For instance, what does honesty mean, or compassion, or temperance, or humility?
  • You observe the value it adds. In what situations does it add value?  Are there situations when it might confuse rather than enlighten?  Is it ever neutral?
  • You decide if it’s worth the effort. To what extent does it come easily to you?  Are you already living it?  Is it difficult for you?  Is some aspect of it is not true for you?
  • You recognize its value to you. Does it strengthen you?   Or do you feel disempowered by it.

No one is born with a fully developed values system – not even the saints; we all have to develop our own. Your personal value system does not include every trait or quality someone at some time has considered a virtue. Very likely it does not even include every quality you’ve been taught to believe is a virtue.

You have a values system, whether you have been conscious of it or not. However, if you’ve adopted one that is not true for you, you will experience confusion and self-doubt. If it is true for you, it will enhance and empower your life.

Your Intuition

You have an inner voice that speaks truth to you. It’s been called many names at various times including:  your conscience, the holy spirit, your spirit guides, an angel, your spirit animal, the ancestors, etc.

This voice obeys several rules in its communication with you, including:

  • It responds to and with whatever emotional energy you’re emitting.
  • It speaks in the languages you are most familiar with – your spoken languages, of course, but also the languages of your thoughts. It arises from your frame(s) of reference and uses your metaphors, your analogies, your symbolism, etc.
  • It works from within your worldview. If your worldview is narrow and specific, so is your inner voice. If your worldview is curious and expansive, so is your inner voice.
  • It is limited or not-limited by your sense of your own self. The truer you are to yourself, the truer the messages you receive from your inner voice. If you are confused, conflicted, or specifically focused, your inner voice must speak from wherever you are at a given moment.

Let’s consider each of these rules.

Your energy. When your emotions are positive, you open a clear channel and the messages come through without interference. Negative energy acts like static, interrupting and distorting the messages of your soul, sometimes making it difficult for you to discern them, sometimes obscuring them completely.

Your language. Sometimes you may hear your inner voice as an actual voice speaking verbal words. More often, you will get an idea, or feel the need for caution, or know it’s time to act, or just know one choice is better than another. Sometimes your inner voice uses something you’ve already focused your attention upon to give you a message to yourself. Your work or your avocation may be the metaphorical structure for the lessons of your life. For instance, a doctor who explores caves will think in different images and use different metaphors than a landscaper who knits.

Your worldview. If you think the world is flat, your inner voice will work within that framework in providing you with truth. If you believe people are out to get you, your inner voice must work within that context. If you see the universe as your partner, you inner voice will be able to speak to you with the wisdom of the ages.

Your self. You intuition can communicate only within the scope of how well you know yourself and how much you trust yourself. The truer you are to yourself, the better you know yourself, and the more open you are to knowledge and growth, the more straightforwardly your inner voice will be able to speak to you.

Your Desires

We live in a time and a society where more choices are more available than ever in the history of mankind. From almost every angle, we are encouraged to imagine, to dream big, to acquire. While this kind of encouragement helps us explore what’s possible, it rarely includes the disclaimer:  “You can achieve anything you want, as long as what you want is true for you.”

Not everything you might put on a Dream List would necessarily be something you truly want, or would work for, or would pay the price for. Your true desires, however, are not only within your reach; they want you as much as you want them.

Here are some of the ways you can differentiate a true desire from one that is not:

  • A true desire will not have a “should” attached to it.
  • A true desire comes from your heart.
  • You already have the talents (if not the skills) to achieve a true desire.
  • A true desire will fit within your value system.
  • Your intuition will always inform a true desire.
  • The universe is always your eager partner when you pursue a true desire.

One of the ways you can recognize a less-than-true desire is to examine why you want it.

Reasons that often indicate a need for re-alignment with a desire include:

  • If someone else thinks it’s a good thing for you to want.
  • Only to make money or to acquire fame or power.
  • Because it’s tradition.

Such reasons are not stop signs, more like yellow flags. If your desire meets the go qualifications listed above, and you can make someone else happy, or make money, or get famous, or conform to tradition, terrific. Such motivations can easily be within your value system and be true desires of your heart. The important thing is this:  Make sure what you want is true for you, and make sure you can be true to it.

A true desire is not necessarily easy. It might be damn challenging. Pursuing a true desire with your whole heart will always bring rewards greater than you imagined when you began. You might not get exactly what you thought you wanted, but whatever you achieve will exceed your wildest imagination.

Your Service

You serve your world, your community, your fellow human beings, and yourself in many ways. You serve with your attitudes, with your energy, with your talents, with your efforts, and with your intentions. Sometimes you give your time, sometimes your money, sometimes your emotional support.

However, not all of the kinds of service the world needs will be true for you. The world needs doctors, and you might be a musician. The world needs musicians, and you might be tone deaf. The world needs both warriors and peacemakers. Humankind needs both scientists and mystics. Communities need adventurers as well as homebodies. Families need nurturers and breadwinners. You need to give the service that is true for you.

Some forms of service are particularly well marked as “service,” such as volunteer work, donations to charities, ministering to the poor, and anything identified as charity. Other kinds of service are much less noted, but of equal value:  spreading good cheer through a smile or a touch, laughing together, staying connected, showing respect and appreciation, receiving gracefully, extending unconditional acceptance, etc. By such actions and attitudes, you raise the energy level of wherever you are, of whatever you are doing. When you lift someone’s spirits, their energy expands, and together you send more goodness into the world than either one of you could alone. This expansion of good energy becomes exponential, as each person carries it from the starting place to the next person, the next activity.

In this way, being the truest person you can be becomes the greatest service you can give. Being true to yourself expands you energetically, and as your energy expands, your goodness reaches more people, and goodness embraces people in love, which frees their good energy. Good energy always has more power than negative energy, so in this way you expand peace and love in the world. In this way, you serve yourself, your neighbors, your community, your country, and the world itself.

Choose Congruence

Each of these factors – your life, your value system, your intuition, your desires and your service – can reveal the truth of you to you.

Observe them. Become mindful of yourself. Recognize your emotions, and acknowledge the results those emotions bring into your life. Do some emotions bring your closer to your truth?  Do some put distance between you and who you have the capacity to be?

Quite likely, if you are in misery or struggle, you are not aligned with what’s true for you. Conversely, the emotions that produce calm, cooperation and/or oneness, increase your congruence with your own truth.

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Wholeness and Enlightenment

Sunday, January 16th, 2011

Several months ago, I posted an article titled What’s True for You.  I presented ways you could identify what’s true for you or not true.  Basically, the pursuit of something that’s not true for you is usually motivated by Interpreter mode emotions.  Since Interpreter mode results in struggle, if you are experiencing struggle, you are in some way out of alignment with your own truth.

Today I’m going to expand on that theme, focusing more on what is true for you.

Imagine a circle divided into three wedges.  Imagine the wedges represent your thoughts, actions and emotions, and the circle represents your wholeness.  When the wedges are intact and united, the circle is complete and you are congruent.  This congruent circle represents your wholeness.  When you are congruent, you are complete.  You are also  the captain of your soul and connected to the infinite.

While I designated the three aspects of wholeness as thoughts, actions and emotions, they can as easily be called:

  • Empowerment: Using the infinite power within you.
  • Mastery: Mastering yourself, your purpose and your intentions.
  • Enlightenment: Listening to the truth of your heart.

Today, I’m focusing on enlightenment.  Only by listening to the truth of your own heart can you be true to yourself, and only by mastering yourself and your purpose can you access the infinity of your inner power.

Enlightenment

I first heard the term “enlightenment,” in high school in reference to The Age of Enlightenment, a period during the eighteenth century when Western philosophy focused on reason as the stronger legitimacy for authority than inheritance.  Seemed pretty enlightened to me.

When I began to hear the term used in connection with spirituality, my sense of it grew foggier.  It seemed to mean an esoteric connectedness, achieved only by a few and only through intense meditation and after years of practice.  I puzzled over that one for years.  It seemed to deny the enlightenment that comes through the process of gaining wisdom.

When you consider listening to the truth of your heart, do dozens of questions arise for you, such as:  How do I listen?  How do I distinguish my voice from all the other voices in my head?  How do I know if what I’m hearing is true?  What exactly am I supposed to listen for?  Do your questions continue to pile on from here?

The following factors may help sort through the mix and find more of what’s true for you.

Your Values System

Many religious apologists claim moral and ethical behaviors derive from a belief in a deity.  Most atheists and agnostics who live according to a moral or ethical code, claim morality produces better results than immorality, so a values system is simply logical.

Whether you acquired your moral sense from the teachings of your church or from an observance of cause and effect, the results are the same:  some behaviors and qualities of character work better in society and inspire you to better choices; some create conflict in society and lead to personal chaos.

All human beings are strong in some areas and weak in others, and your true values system will not include every trait or quality someone at some time has considered a virtue.

If you find a certain quality to have value yet believe you do not currently possess it, you have the power to choose it.  Decide firmly that it is something you want to incorporate into your life, and visualize what it represents to you.  Say, for instance, you want flexibility.  What would more flexibility bring into your life?  Less stress?  More peace?  More room to maneuver?  Focus on the results of flexibility – the peace, the room, the freedom, the lightness.  Feel  those qualities in your meditations and practice them in your life until they become a done deal.

Similarly, if a certain quality is not true for you, or if you are not aligned with it, you will experience confusion and self-doubt.  You have the power to un-choose it, to stop trying to force fit it into your life, and thus see yourself and your true values more clearly.

When something is true for you, and you are aligned with it, it will enhance and empower your life.  Your task, then, is to become more aware of what is true for you and become more attuned to it.

I encourage you to make a list of the qualities or virtues you believe you possess  – or would like to adopt.  Journal about each one and what it adds to your life.  Observe the emotions that flow within you as you write about each one.  Any that are not true for you will probably evoke emotions of judgment and struggle.  Those true for you will likely evoke Partner or Creator emotions.

Your Intuition

You have an inner voice that speaks truth to you.  It’s been called many names at various times including, your conscience, the holy spirit, your spirit guides, an angel, your spirit animal, the ancestors, the still small voice, etc.

This voice obeys several rules in its communication with you, including

  • It responds to and with whatever energy you’re emitting.
  • It speaks in the language you use.  Your spoken language, of course, but also the language of your thoughts.  It uses your metaphors, your analogies, and your symbolism.
  • It works from within your worldview.  If your worldview is narrow and specific, so is your inner voice.  If your worldview is curious and expansive, so is your inner voice.
  • It is limited or not-limited by your sense of your own self.  The truer you are to yourself, the truer the messages you receive from your inner voice.  If you are confused, conflicted, or specifically focused, your inner voice must speak from wherever you are at a given moment.

Let’s consider each of these rules.

First, your energy.  When your energy is positive, you open a clear channel and the messages come through without interference.  Negative energy acts like static, interrupting and distorting the messages, sometimes making it difficult for you to discern them, sometimes obscuring them completely.

Second, your language.  Sometimes you may hear your inner voice as an actual voice speaking verbal words.  More often, you will get an idea, or feel the need for caution, or know it’s time to act, or just know one choice is better than another.  Sometimes your inner voice uses something you’re already focusing you attention upon to give you a message to yourself.  Your work or your avocation may be the metaphorical structure for the lessons of your life.

Third, your worldview.  Your inner voice wants to speak to you in expansive ways, to encourage partnership and creativity.  The less you judge the world, the more you release your intuition to speak truth to you.

Fourth, your self.  You intuition can communicate only within the scope of how well you know yourself and how much you trust yourself.  The truer you are to yourself, the better you know yourself, and the more open you are to knowledge and growth, the more straightforwardly your inner voice will be able to speak to you.

If there is an area of your life where you don’t fully trust your own judgment, I encourage you to choose to become more attuned to your inner voice in that area.  Practice pausing to listen before any decision.  Stop.  Become calm (see Clarify Your Intention).  Review the possibilities as you know them.  Listen to your inner voice.  Proceed without haste.  At first you may not recognize the difference between instinct and impulse, so simply watch what happens.  You will begin to notice when your instinct speaks truly, and as you trust it, it will speak more often.

Your Desires

Your true desires are not only within your reach, they want you as much as you want them.

Here are some of the ways you can differentiate a true desire from one that is not:

  • A true desire will not have a “should” attached to it.
  • A true desire comes from your heart.
  • You already have the talents (if not the skills) to achieve a true desire.
  • The universe is always your ready partner when you pursue a true desire.

A true desire is not necessarily easy. It might be damn challenging.  Pursuing a true desire with your whole heart will always bring rewards greater than you imagined when you began.  You might not get exactly what you thought you wanted, but whatever you achieve will exceed your wildest imagination.   (See Expand Your Possibilities.)

Your Service

Some forms of service are well-marked as “service,” such as volunteer work, donations to non-profit organizations, ministering to the poor, and anything identified as charity.  Other kinds of service are much less noted, but of equal value:  spreading good cheer through a smile or a touch, laughing together, staying connected, showing respect and appreciation, receiving gracefully, extending unconditional acceptance, etc.  By these actions and attitudes, you raise the energy level of wherever you are, of whatever you are doing.  When you lift someone’s spirits, their energy expands, and together you send more goodness into the world than either one of you could alone.  This expansion of good energy becomes exponential, as each person carries it from the starting place to the next person, the next activity.

In this way, being the truest person you can be becomes the greatest service you can give.  Being true to yourself expands you energetically, and as your energy expands, your goodness reaches more people.  Your goodness embraces people with love, which frees their good energy.  Good energy always has more power than negative energy, so in this way you expand peace and love in the world.  In this way, you serve yourself, your neighbors, your community, your country, and the world itself.

You can of course, continue your forms of traditional service, donating money, volunteering, and ministering to those in need, especially if they are true for you.  To multiply the service you provide with your hands and your wallet, bring your good energy, your joy, and your love into the doing and the giving.

These are a few of the ways you can listen to the truth of your heart and bring your emotions into congruence with your thoughts and actions.  I believe enlightenment follows congruence.

For personal guidance in bringing your thoughts, actions, and emotions into congruence, please contact me directly by emailing me at kathy@kathyjacobson.com

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