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The Power of Choice

Sunday, October 30th, 2011

Once, while exploring Observer mode with a client this week, I commented on the ways choices multiply as you become neutral.  With a laugh, she said, “But I already have too many choices.  That’s part of my problem.”  (link to Diamond of Power)

This week I’ll explore further the relationship between power and choice.  This relationship can be summed up with a single question: Who has the power and who has the choice?”

The Who in this question is important.  Even though we’re discussing personal power –  the power you have inside of you to be, to do, and to have – your power responds to and interacts with the power of others.  The category others includes every person you meet or deal with.  It also includes such inanimate aspects of your life as work, money, time, space, energy, sleep, tools, equipment, ideas, beliefs, etc.  Your relationship with others always has an emotional component, so when we discuss emotions and power, we’re also discussing relationships.

Let’s look at relationships, choices and power as they correlate to the modes we’ve explored so far.

Victim

In Victim Mode the other is always a “persecutor”, and that persecutor is perceived to have all the power – and therefore all the choices.  If the victim sees any options, the choice is limited to Fight, flight or freeze? Mostly, victims simply act as the situation demands.

Imagine for a minute you’re the one operating in Victim Mode.  The emotion engulfing you is fear.  You’re seriously in fear of your life, as if a snarling man-eating tiger were stalking you.  You can’t win in a fight.  You can’t outrun the danger.  So you freeze.  You try to become invisible.  With survival at stake, you will appease if possible, submit if necessary.

Or what if the emotion raging inside you is anger?  Fierce, unrelenting, body-shaking anger.  You’re not going to run away.  You’re not going to play dead.  No, by god, you’re going to fight, and you’re going to win.

Or what if you’re struck by revulsion strong enough to turn your stomach?  No hanging around here.  Run like hell.

For most people, most life situations are never that extreme.  Most of us do, however, experience instances or events when some emotion from Victim Mode overwhelms us.  I remember getting into an altercation with my brother when I was perhaps 20 years old.  I was engaged to be married and my soon-to-be husband had a front row seat for our little sibling drama.  I can’t remember the argument itself.  I do recall my brother pushed me away from the TV to change the channel (this was long before remote control), and I was so furious I kicked him in the back.

I’m sure I’ve had other moments of such rage in my life; this one sticks with me because we had such a special audience.  What amazes me, looking back, is the degree to which I was the victim of my anger.  I let anger take over, and in that black rage I acted purely on instinct.  I didn’t think.  I acted impulsively, lashing out with the handiest weapon, which happened to be my foot.  After I kicked my brother, my fiancé calmed me down and described to me that I could have ruptured my brother’s kidney.

In Victim Mode, the true “persecutors” are the emotions.  We become powerless in their thrall.  Our perception of what’s possible becomes so narrow we stop thinking, we can only react.  The emotion itself makes the choice for us:  fight, flight, freeze.

You can spot Victim Mode by the following clues:

  1. You’re engaged in a battle that consumes most of your thoughts and energies.
  2. There’s something you avoid at all costs.
  3. You are immobilized.

It’s possible to be in Victim Mode in one or two areas of your life and function quite effectively otherwise, but Victim emotions tend to be so strong and drain off so much of your energy and attention they impede everything else.

Also, it’s important to recognize that while in Victim Mode you cannot be the Observer of your own behavior.  You can observe it later, but when besieged by such emotions you do not have access to your power of neutrality.

Interpreter

When you move into Interpreter Mode the role of other is no longer filled by a “persecutor.”  Rather, challengers, adversaries, opponents, enemies, competitors, antagonists, etc. fill the role.   In Interpreter Mode, the emotion itself no longer owns all the power.  Rather, power shifts to the shoulders of the players, and the strongest player has the most power.

Of course, who’s strongest depends on who’s measuring, and an interpreter tends to grant the power of the measuring stick to someone else, either directly or indirectly.

For instance, if you need someone to acknowledge, validate or approve of you, you hand them the measuring stick.  In order to gain their approval, you must meet their standard.

If you aspire to something that seems attainable but elusive, such as wealth, success, beauty, holiness, style, happiness, etc., chances are you’ve adopted someone else’s measuring stick.  (The measuring stick can belong to some group of people.)

If you feel perpetually on the brink of disaster, you have avoided grasping hold of the measuring stick of your own security.  You assume that something others finds harmful must also be dangerous for you.

One of the consequences of measuring is a preoccupation with blame and responsibility.  You become so concerned with what they did or what they should do that you neglect your own part.  You want someone else to atone, to make it better, to pay damages, to level the playing field, to apologize, to come clean, to grovel.  Until the other acts in one of these restorative ways, you are justified in feeling resentment, anxiety, loss, deprived, miserable, unhappy.

At 21, I embarked quite naively on the adventure of marriage – and the marital tiffs began almost immediately.  I experienced bewilderment, frustration, misgiving, guilt, and probably a dozen other interpreter emotions.  My husband and I were at each other constantly.  If the house was a mess, I’d get defensive at the slightest indication of criticism.  If we couldn’t afford something, one word from me would send him into a spin.  Neither of us knew how to own our emotions.  We both wanted the other person to make things better.  “If he would only _______, I’d be happy.”   “If she would only ______, things would run so much more smoothly.”

About ten years into the marriage, I claimed my own happiness.  Again, the details elude me, but I recall sitting alone in the living room, struggling with whatever was specifically wrong at the time.  I said to myself, “No more.  I’m not going to let his negativity stand in the way of my happiness.”  That declaration didn’t improve the marriage – and I still operated from Interpreter Mode a good share of the time – but by that choice I  accessed more of my personal power.

You can spot Interpreter Mode by the following clues.

  • You feel others (people and situations) have more power than you do.
  • You want others to make things better.
  • Something (the situation, other people, yourself) doesn’t measure up.

The first step into claiming your power and claiming your choices is to become the Observer of your emotions.  (Link to March 8, 2009)

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Observer Power

Sunday, October 16th, 2011

Like cars in amusement parks, our direction is often determined through -collisions.” –Yahia Lababidi

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote of my shift away from the assumption we all create our own realities.  Sometimes it’s easy to see a correlation between intention and result; far more often the relationship seems strained or non-existent.  The more I struggled with cause-and-effect at this level, the more I came to believe accidents do happen.

However, while I see no evidence everyone creates their own realities in every situation, I still believe we can create the lives we want.  I believe we do influence our results far more than we realize.  I came to frame this as living On Purpose rather than living By Accident.

The more we choose to live On Purpose, the more we avoid living By Accident.  Today, I’ll focus on becoming the Observer as a first step toward living more fully on purpose.

By Accident or On Purpose

Living By Accident seems to be the general result of operating from Interpreter Mode.   Once I accepted that emotions have power, I had to question the various ways the different emotions exert their power.  Some emotions attract, some create, some reinforce, some block, some prohibit, and some contribute.  The more we understand the power of emotions, the greater our ability to wield that power purposefully.

When we’re in Interpreter Mode, however, we tend to let our emotions take charge.  We may defer to them, succumb to them, or let them rule us.  If we try to fight our emotions, we wage war against ourselves.  Whether we submit to them or defy them, they influence our lives and our choices.

During my training to become a coach, we were given the assignment to develop our own coaching model.  I had been gestating my philosophy of cause-and-effect for many years, so I played around with ways to express it.  I came up with a three step process:

  1. Choose what you want (set an intention)
  2. Align your thoughts, actions and emotions with each other and with your intention
  3. Receive the miracle

The Model in Action

As I’ve used this model in my work with clients, sometimes the process is clear, straight-forward and effective:  Choice + Unification = Miracle.  Occasionally, a client struggles with making a choice; more often the real work comes in unifying thoughts, actions and emotions.  Wherever the struggle arises, the very presence of struggle indicates Interpreter Mode.  So we work together to acknowledge the emotions generated by the struggle and then we probe for the judgment that triggers the emotion.  Then we look to Observer Mode and find an emotion from that level to release the judgment.  As soon as someone moves from Interpreter to Observer, the struggle evaporates.

The same process will work for you:

  1. Become mindful of the struggle.
  2. Acknowledge your emotions.
  3. Probe for the judgment embedded in what you feel.
  4. Use an emotion from Observer Mode to release the judgment.

Stepping into Observer Mode

There is one small snag that can throw this process into chaos – beware the tendency to judge yourself for judging.  Especially be mindful of judging your own emotions.  If you criticize something you feel, what you feel doesn’t go away, it just goes into hiding.

Unfortunately, self-judgment is almost inevitable.  Parents, ministers, teachers, counselors, and others with influence ( including friends and enemies) join together in teaching us the difference between what’s good and what’s bad.  Most of us equate positive emotions with “good” and negative emotions with “bad”.  We don’t want to be bad, we don’t want other people to think we’re bad, so we try not to let “bad” emotions show.

Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I know I shouldn’t feel that way.”?  The fact is, you do feel that way.  The emotions at Interpreter level are human nature.  You’re human.  Naturally you feel that way.  You experience hunger, frustration, sorrow, bitterness, certainty, worry, exasperation, etc. etc. etc.  And if you’re not willing to become mindful of those feelings, acknowledge them, and understand them, they become buried alive inside your heart, your mind and your body.  They exert their influence, silently but effectively, affecting your health, your relationships, your productivity and your results.  It’s not a matter of should or shouldn’t. It’s a matter of cause-and-effect.

You can, however, choose something else anytime you want.  That’s the power of choice.  When you’re in the middle of a struggle, when you’re operating from Interpreter Mode, the easiest way to choose something else is to become neutral about what is.

Being able to Observe what is and relax judgment creates the strongest foundation for any purposeful choice.  (Not just your choice of emotions.)  If you want more money, become neutral about your current income level.  If you want better health, become neutral about your infirmities.  If you want a relationship, become neutral about your loneliness.

Neutrality has power

When I first started exploring the power of neutrality, I used the word acceptance. I would say, “Accept what is.”  And almost always, I’d get an argument.  Most people think to accept meant to accommodate, to acquiesce, to abide, to tolerate.  Most people think it means resigning one’s self, giving in, perhaps giving up.  Whatever is wrong becomes the enemy, and the way to deal with an enemy is to fight, rebel, battle against, dispute.  No acceptance, no negotiation, no quarter.  No one wants to be a quitter or a loser.

Of course not.  You want to conquer, overcome, win, succeed.  Unfortunately, fighting keeps the war going.  Rebellion incites the enemy.   Disputation opens the way for more arguments.  Resistance increases tension, and struggle increases agitation.  I began to see every conflicted situation as a great big mire of quicksand.  Although I have never personally experienced quicksand, I know the folklore.  The more you struggle, the more you sink; to get free, stop struggling and let your body float to the top.  Once you’re floating on top, it takes very little effort to propel yourself to solid ground.

All emotions at interpreter level indicate a struggle against something, and the more you struggle, the more you resist what is, the more the quicksand pulls you in.  To rise to the surface of the quicksand, stop struggling.  Become the Observer.  Let go of whatever you’re struggling with, and it will let go of you.  When you find yourself on solid ground, it feels miraculous.

Open the Door to Possibilities

You can look around and see what’s possible.  You have more time.  You have more energy.   You have access to more resources.  You can recruit allies.  You have options.

Perhaps, when you are struggling in quicksand, you can imagine something else, but the struggle monopolizes you.   The struggle, far more than the situation, holds you captive.  In Observer Mode, you can see possibilities, opportunities, prospects, ways and means.  You can take fresh stock of your resources.  Gratitude becomes your mantle.  Ease replaces effort.

Entering observer mode is like getting out of debt.  No more hidden fees, no more monthly payments, no more collection notices.  Every emotion in Interpreter Mode exacts a toll.  Emotions in Observer Mode cost nothing – and more than that, they bestow blessings.

Costs and Benefits

One of the costs of Interpreter Mode is the interference these emotions interject into your choices.  Whenever you are mired in Interpreter Mode, your view of possibilities will be severely restricted.  How can you see what’s possible when you’re so busy trying not to sink you can’t wipe the mud out of your eyes?  When you view is this obstructed, you cannot be true to yourself.  Observer Mode is like washing the windows or taking off the blinders.  Suddenly you can see more clearly and more truly.  Observer Mode lets your heart speak clearly, lets your mind think clearly, and lets you direct your actions more surely.

One of the blessings of observer Mode is the freedom from struggle.  Find self-acceptance and you relax self-doubt.  Find amusement and you relax impatience.  Relax dread and you find excitement.  Find tolerance and you relax disappointment.  Find hope and you relax melancholy.  Observer Mode blesses you with ease.

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The Gateway to Personal Power

Sunday, October 2nd, 2011

This week, I’ll focus entirely on the Interpreter Mode of personal power for the following reasons.

  1. Interpreter is probably the most common mode in human nature.
  2. I believe Victim and Interpreter emotions are the source of all human ills.
  3. Moving out of Interpreter Mode moves you out of the struggle.
  4. When you operate from Observer mode, everything becomes easier.

If some aspect of your life is difficult or unsatisfying, very likely you are approaching the situation or condition from Interpreter Mode.  You resist it, you struggle with it, and you are imposing a judgment on the situation, on other people, or yourself.  When you withdraw judgment, the struggle eases; when you stop resisting, the problem abates.

I’d like to share a little detail I didn’t include in the story of my bicycle accident a couple of weeks ago:  I experienced almost no pain.

My memory of the first days after the accident is hazy, and I seem to recall some soreness where the crossbar smacked into my thigh.  But the road burns on my face didn’t hurt.  I experienced no headaches as a result of the concussion.  My wrenched jaw didn’t hurt.  I hardly noticed the broken teeth.  I felt no after-effects from the surgery to repair my eye socket.  Of my own accord, I took no pain medications of any kind.  (I don’t know what they gave me in the hospital.)

I found this very curious, but then I found the whole thing quite fascinating.  I was more intrigued than dismayed with the assortment of injuries, with the concussion’s effects on my memory, balance and stamina, with having double vision, and by the rates at which different injuries healed.  But why so little pain?  The more I considered that question, the more it puzzled me.  About six years after the accident, I found a probable answer while preparing material for a seminar on happiness.

Observer Power

I did not judge the accident or my injuries.  I didn’t resist.  I didn’t struggle.  I experienced curiosity, relief (that it wasn’t worse), serenity and trust.  I trusted I would heal eventually, and I was willing to let the healing happen at its own pace.  I focused on how I could make the best of the state I was in, and I went patiently on with my life.  Later, as I began to work with my new model of personal power, I began to see I stayed in the modes of Observer and Partner.

My ability to avoid Interpreter Mode didn’t come automatically, or even naturally.  For most of my life I was very adept at such energies as annoyance, irritation, frustration, embarrassment, envy, guilt, hostility, misgiving, defensiveness and pride.  When I finally started to recognize the fruit I harvested by nurturing such a crop, I began to select different seeds.  I didn’t set an intention to have a “painless recovery from a traumatic accident”; I just wanted a happy, peaceful life.

After years of practice, the connections seem clear to me:  judgment equals pain; acceptance equals no pain.  All emotions and states of mind from Victim or Interpreter Mode generate adversity of some kind.

An Uneven Balance

Back when I taught novel writing, I began compiling a list of emotions as a “cheat-sheet” for writers.  Later, I sorted that list into the various modes and came up with my current Emotions List.  So far that list includes at least twice as many Interpreter emotions than any other mode, and 4½ times more than for Creator.  As I mentioned previously, the fight/flight/freeze mechanism characterizes all Victim emotions.  All Interpreter emotions share the element of judgment.  Observer emotions are neutral.  Cooperation marks partner emotions, and oneness is the hallmark of creator.

To access your personal power at the Observer level, you must be willing to leave judgment behind.  When you choose neutrality over judgment, most (if not all) the trials, tribulations and adversities of your life will ease up.

Living Life Now

This does not mean “bad” things will never again happen to you in your whole life.  I’m assuming you have no desire to retreat to a hermit’s cave and seek enlightenment through isolation.  I’m assuming you want to live, love, aspire, experiment, experience, and grow.  I’m assuming you will create new challenges for yourself – and if you don’t, life will no doubt supply you with some.  By thus engaging with your life, you will continue to gain self-knowledge, you will sometimes stumble and sometimes transcend, you will occasionally discover hidden pockets of judgment.  When you stop operating from Interpreter Mode, you will find more blessing than hardship in the events of your life.  Everything in your life will flow more easily.

The Gateway to Personal Power

So, let’s look at ways to become the Observer.  We’ll start by observing what happens in Interpreter Mode.

An event occurs and your brain responds with an emotion.  You experience this emotion somewhere in your body:  your gut, your throat, your heart, your lower back . . . somewhere.

You now have 17 seconds in which to respond to the emotion.  You can internalize it in some way – ignore it, act on it, think about it, bury it, etc.  Or you can dismiss it.  I encourage you to use those 17 seconds to acknowledge it, to become mindful of it.  Notice it and name it.  An emotion you ignore looks exactly like one you dismiss in that they both leave your consciousness.  However, an ignored emotion tends to take up residence in your body and busily generates its result.  (For instance, resentment results in neediness.)   An emotion you acknowledge and dismiss simply goes away.  This level of mindfulness is the very essential first step in accessing the power of your emotions.

However, if you don’t manage to dismiss it, here are two ways to deal with it:

You can deal with the emotion directly.  You’ve named it, now own it.  Say to yourself, “I’m choosing to feel _______.”  When you consciously take responsibility for the emotion, your subconscious mind recognizes your power to choose something else.  You will probably find yourself accepting this power to choose and instinctively choose to feel something else instead.

You can listen to it.  Pay attention to the story the emotion gathers to itself.  In and of themselves, stories help us make sense of a situation, make sense of the emotions we feel and look for options.  Unfortunately, in Interpreter mode the story always contains an element of judgment.

  • The story may be as simple as “That’s bad.” or “That’s good.”  “It’s her fault.” or “It’s all my fault.”
  • The story may assign motives – and the motives assigned will contain judgment:  “He’s stupid.” Or weak, or unconscionable, or a coward, or immoral, or wrong.
  • The story may rationalize behaviors:  “I just took the facts into account.” or “Given the circumstances. . . ” or “I couldn’t just stand there.” or “I wasn’t about to get involved.”
  • The story may deny options:  “I didn’t see.” or “I have to protect myself.” or “She made me.” or “I had no choice.”

Once you can see the judgment in the story, use an emotion from observer mode to retell the story without judgment.  For instance, respect will remove the scale of good/bad, right/wrong; compassion will reassign motives; humility will discourage rationalization; and courage will illuminate options.

You may find yourself in resistance to the emotion.  Perhaps you feel beset by anxiety, loneliness, embarrassment, ambition, doubt, envy, or some other interpreter emotion.  The presence and power of the emotion overwhelm you, and you want to be free.  Keep in mind that by judging it, you hold onto it as firmly as it holds on to you.

Open yourself up to it.  Say to the emotion, “Show me everything you’ve got!”  When you approach the emotion itself from the Observer mode, with curiosity, tolerance, courage, patience or courage, the balance of power shifts from the emotion to you.  As the emotion loses its power and you access more of yours, you discover it to be ephemeral – nothing but air.

Identify an antidote.  While every emotion in Interpreter mode produces an unfavorable result, each one also has an antidote.  I first encountered the concept of emotional antidotes while reading the transcripts of a symposium the Dalai Lama held on destructive emotions. The lama who discussed the idea said an antidote is specific to the emotion.  Not having access to his list, I’ve worked with clients by asking them to imagine which emotion would be the logical antidote to their situation.  We then work with whatever they come up with, and that seems to produce the results we want.  Consider the following examples, then choose your own antidote for your own Interpreter emotion:

Emotion =   Antidote

Doubt   =   Optimism

Frustration  =   Patience

Anxiety   =   Calm

Irritation    =   Niceness

Pride   =   Humor

We all operate across a spectrum of emotions.  Sometimes, in some situations, we’re caught by Victim or Interpreter emotions.  Other times we operate from Observer mode.  On occasion we soar into the realms of Partner or Creator.  When you can see yourself functioning mostly as Observer with shorter and more infrequent dips into Interpreter, you will also notice your fluctuations are elevated.  Sure there will be occasional slips, but as Observer becomes your natural state, Partner emotions will beckon more frequently.

It’s all a journey.  Where you are is where you are.  The choices you can see are your choices.  And your interpretation is your reality – until you choose a different path.

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The Power of Emotions

Sunday, September 25th, 2011

I ended last week’s blog with the statement:  “How is not about action, but about emotion, and therefore the how is as much up to us as the what.  First we have to choose what we want, then we must choose the emotions that will facilitate it.”  This week, I’m going to share my thinking about the relationship between emotion and personal power.

The more I work with clients, the more I see the best results come when I can help them focus on accessing their personal power.  Situations come and go; skills, tools and understanding go on forever.  Knowledge is transferable.  Wisdom and power are the keys of creation.  So I keep thinking about the relationship between wisdom and personal power, and I find emotion central to both.

Perhaps you’ve had the experience of being in the presence of someone whose emotions are running high.  The person might be excited, angry, happy, depressed or in love, and radiating the energy of that emotion until it fills the room.  Such strong emotions are often described in energy terms:  light or dark, hot or cold, fast or slow.

Perhaps you’ve been observant about your own emotions, and recognize the energy associated with them.  When you’re happy or loving, you might feel that as light, or warm or fast.  When you’re angry or sad, you might feel that as dark, or cold or slow.

Clearly emotions are energy.  Does this mean emotions are also power?

Emotions of Power

A couple of years ago, a model for different modes of personal power began to take shape in my mind. I’ve been using this model with clients ever since, and I’m finding it an incredibly useful tool.  I call it the Modes of Mastery Diamond, with five levels of personal mastery identified as Victim, Interpreter, Observer, Partner, and Creator.

The lowest mode is Victim, and the emotions of this mode include (but are not limited to) hate, envy, anger, grief and despair.  Someone beset by such strong emotions feels and reacts like a victim.

The strong, intense emotions of this mode tend to overpower the person experiencing them.  The defining characteristic of this range of emotions is powerlessness.  It’s important to note that an individual operating in this mode becomes victim to the emotions as much as to any physical threat.  In effect, the emotions own all the power.  Choice is limited to self-protection:  to fight, to run, or to freeze.

This extremely narrow range of possibilities is what puts Victim at the bottom point of the diamond.  If we were to quantify personal power (which we can’t), we might assign a 1 to Victim power, meaning not much.

Breaking Free of Victim

I see the next mode as the Interpreter Mode because the emotions of this level compel us to make up our stories.  The emotions of this mode include frustration, impatience, apprehension, embarrassment, desire and insecurity.  In this mode we want to know who, what, when, where, why and how.  We assign blame and we take credit.  We rationalize, accuse, explain, judge, and defend.  In Interpreter Mode we want to fix or destroy, reward or punish.  We assign winners and losers.

The defining characteristic of this mode is judgment, and struggle and resistance always accompany judgment.

Whether you are judging yourself, someone else, your situation, or your past choices, when you look at something as bad or good, you are operating in Interpreter Mode.  When whatever you’re dealing with seems hard, takes a great deal of energy, or seems like a battle, you’re operating in Interpreter Mode.

On the up-side, Interpreter Mode is perhaps 100 times more powerful than Victim Mode.  When beset by an Interpreter emotion, the emotion may still have a stronger grip on you than you have on it, but you start looking for options.  You may not like any of the options you see, you may feel it’s a choice between two evils, but you look for alternatives, solutions, and answers.  In this mode you will see more difficulty that possibility, but you can envision, aspire, set a goal.  If a Victim has the power of 1, an Interpreter has the power of 100.

On the down-side, it’s from the Interpreter Mode that we wage wars, seek revenge, hold grudges, demand restitution, want respect, get defensive, etc. etc. etc.

Stepping into Power

When we’re able to stop judging, we take a giant step up in personal power and become the Observer.

In Observer Mode we experience a significant power shift.  We stop letting the emotions drive us.  Emotions in this mode include awareness, flexibility, amusement, curiosity, gentleness, and hope.  In this mode, we leave the judge’s bench and take a seat in the witness chair.  In this mode we’re more likely to say, “That’s interesting,” than “That’s terrible.  We’re more likely to say, “It is what it is,” than “If only _____ would change.”  We let go of our stories.

The primary characteristic of the Observer is neutrality.  There is no good or bad, no winning or losing, no assigning blame, no taking credit, no struggle and no resistance.

The Diamond is wider in Observer Mode than any other because in this mode we see winning as well as losing, success as well as failure, plenty as well as lack, love as well as loneliness.  This huge expansion in possibilities and taking ownership of our emotions is what gives the Observer 100 times more power than the Interpreter.  On our totally arbitrary and unscientific scale, Observer has a power rating of 10,000.

The strongest technique I know for moving from Interpreter to Observer is to become mindful of your emotions.  Notice them.  Name them.  Acknowledge them.  Practice saying, “Ah, I’m choosing to feel frustrated (or angry, or impatient, or sorry for myself, or smug).”  By the very act of observing what you are experiencing – and not judging yourself for feeling it – you step into Observer Mode.

Choosing

I call the next mode Partner because in this mode we move from witness to participant.  We don’t just step into the game, we help write the rules.

The primary characteristic of this mode is cooperation, and includes such emotions as authenticity, cheerfulness, gratitude, affection and fun.  We left re-activity behind in Interpreter Mode, now we become pro-active.  We willingly take the first step, go the second mile, find the point of agreement, negotiate the win-win.  We welcome the cooperation of our tools and equipment, our associates, our adversaries, strangers, other drivers, our bodies, talents, and the universe.

The Diamond narrows in Partner Mode because we have sufficient inner strength to jettison the possibilities we don’t want.  We can discard failure and keep success, we can throw out lack and choose plenty, we can open the door to companionship and shut out loneliness.  We thrust aside what we don’t want in favor of what we do want.  By our choices, we narrow the vast range of possibilities we could see in observer mode into probabilities.  We begin to see that anything we want wants us.  We know choosing is both our opportunity and our responsibility.  We choose willingness over willfulness.

And as we continue our exponential assent into our own personal power, the Partner Mode is 100 times more powerful than the Observer Mode, which equals 1,000,000.  (Remember, these numbers are symbolic, intended to help us get a feel for the rate of expansion in power.)

Creating

I see the final and highest mode of personal power as the Creator, and the key characteristic of being a Creator is harmony.  Emotions of this mode include love, joy, peace, delight and awe.  When fully operating through the emotions of this mode, anything you choose must happen.  You are in a state of oneness with yourself, with other people, with the energies of the universe.  You are attuned to best good and you manifest best good.  By your choices, and through your emotions, you narrow probabilities into inevitabilities.

Again, accessing personal power at multiples of 100, the power mode of Creator is 100,000,000.  A bit mind-boggling, isn’t it?

Most of us move from one mode to another depending on the situation, our confidence in that situation, our wellness at the time, what else is going on it our lives, the strength of our beliefs associated with the situation, any other beliefs that may be in play, and a host of other criteria.  Things happen.  We react, or judge, or respond, or stay neutral, or choose something else.  Sometimes we actually create the outcome we want.  The power of the Creator is within each of us.  As sentient human beings, living in a place and at a time in history when choice has become our mantle, we have the opportunity to access all the power within us.

We process.  We struggle.  We try.  We practice.  We falter.  We feel.  We learn.  We grow.  And, of course, that’s what life is all about.

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The “Secret” of Personal Power

Sunday, September 18th, 2011

Several years ago, a book (and DVD) called The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne, became all the rage in New Thought circles and quickly spread across the country and throughout the world.

When I watched the DVD, I was struck by several things:  First, what it had to say wasn’t secret.  The great thinkers from every religious and philosophical tradition throughout the world have known it – and taught it.  Second, it focused too much on financial rewards.  (But as my wise friend Claire maintains, money is one of the easiest things to manifest, so we can learn a lot by starting there.)  Third, it skimmed too lightly across the essential aspects of emotion, gratitude and service.

My own thinking started turning in this direction in the mid-eighties.  I participated in a motivation/success program that focused on goal setting, and while much of it made sense to me, something was missing.  Eventually, I began to see personal creation is not just about willpower; the emotions play an extremely essential role.  What we decide with our heads has no power at all without the emotional support of what we believe in our hearts.  I can practice piano with the same diligence as a concert pianist, but as long as I believe I have no talent, I will remain a mere technician at the keyboard.  (I don’t know what would be possible if I believed I had talent.  I’m pretty sure I’d get a different result.)

Obedience to Law

Early on, I decided if we (as human beings) have the power to manifest or create what we want, that power has to obey natural laws.  We may not yet know the law (after all, gravity behaved the same way before Newton wrote his law as afterward, and relativity was relativity before Einstein put it into words.)  The universe works because natural laws conform to some kind of order.

After several years of certainty that we each create our own realities, I started seeing evidence that maybe we don’t.  Bad things happen to good people: babies are born with birth defects and get cancer; accidents and suicide bombers target the innocent and guilty alike; genocide and earthquakes kill thousands.

About 8 years ago, I had a pretty bad bike accident, broke my face, spent a night in ICU with a concussion, and still bear some of the scars.  I couldn’t see any way I was “attracting” such a personal disaster; and besides, I truly believed I was invulnerable.  (Isn’t belief 90% of creation?)  Then 9/11 happened.  I knew 3000 people didn’t have a death wish – and the many thousands of their families and friends did not all have some subconscious wish for pain and grief.

Affirmations

And what about the times when affirmations worked for me and when they didn’t?  For instance, at one time during my career as a romance novelist, I decided to put what I knew about manifestation to work.  Using the cover off a real book, I pasted the name of my book over the real title and my name over the real author’s name.  I tacked this visual representation of what I wanted above my computer.  I decided a reasonable time by which my book would be picked up by an editor.  I focused my attention on this outcome.  Months before that date arrived, my manuscript was rejected.  (So I gave up writing for life – for the fifth or sixth time.)

A couple of manuscripts later, for several months, I worked with the affirmation, “Every day in every way, the value of my work grows in the minds of others.”  On New Year’s eve, an editor called offering a contract on my book – when we all knew the publishing industry pretty much shuts down between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day.

So why did this effort at affirmation “work” when the previous one had not?  Was it pure coincidence, or did I somehow influence the result?

If that had been my only experience with manifestation, I’d probably attribute it to coincidence, but I’ve had dozens of such experiences – and so have my clients.  After years of observation and of processing and reprocessing, I’ve identified a significant  pattern.

The Power of Emotion

I believe the difference between my first unsuccessful attempt at “creating” the sale of  a manuscript and my second successful effort was my emotional state.

The first time, my heart wasn’t in it.  My head did all the right things: setting the goal, visualizing, affirming, focusing, willing it into existence.  But it was only an intellectual effort. I certainly wanted it, but my motives were money and validation.  Maybe I cared about that particular story, but probably not, since I can barely remember it.  Mostly I had been writing for years and wanted something to show for it.  I wanted to prove I could do it, to contribute to the family coffers, to get rich. Perhaps I even wanted to prove to myself the mind has power over matter.

At this point, it’s important to note that I never much liked romance novels, and I didn’t really believe in romance.

The second time, I left all those mind motivations behind.  I became much more interested in being true to myself, in being in tune with my talents and abilities.  I wanted to use those talents and abilities the best way I could, and I didn’t care whether it was through writing a novel or some other means.  I had become willing rather than willful.

When I look back at my bike accident, and the choices I was making at the time, I see a similar thread running through that event.  About three years earlier, I had finally, truly, given up writing – at least writing romance novels.  Not having a plan for what to do instead, I went back to school and earned a B.A in anthropology.  After graduation, still not having a plan for what to do next, I moved in with my parents to help care for my ailing father.  An opportunity for work came my way, and I took it – not as a life work, but as a good way to make a living and a good way to postpone choosing what I would do next.  The closest I can come to my contribution to that accident is that I wasn’t on purpose.  I began to speculate that if one isn’t living on purpose, one is living by accident.

Perhaps most of us live by accident most of the time.  Perhaps the key to “The Secret” is to start choosing.  And perhaps the key to choosing is to choose something that is true for us.  When I decided to become a writer, that was true for me. When I decided to become a writer of romance novels, that was not true for me.  When I (finally) decided not to write romance novels any more, that was true for me.  When I stopped writing entirely, that was not true for me.

Many of you have heard me say, “What is up to us.  How is up to the  universe.”  The more I’ve worked with this and observed it, the more I believe it’s true.  Most of us jump directly into the how at the first indication of a problem, but when we jump into the how before we know the what, we end up with the wrong what.  We put our efforts into fixing symptoms instead of problems, we focus on the vehicle rather than the goal.  I am coming to see that how is not about action, but about emotion, and therefore the how is as much up to us as the what.  First we must choose what we want, then we must choose the emotions that will facilitate it.  °

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Incremental Steps

Sunday, July 10th, 2011

Last week I referred to the process I call “revolution to revelation,” going round and round – the same issue, the same kinds of experiences, the same challenges – until something you’ve seen or heard or experienced suddenly makes sense and transports you into new understanding.  Today, I’ll explore ways to make this process purposeful instead of accidental.

I think this kind of progress is important in accessing personal power and in manifesting what you want.  The art of manifestation corresponds directly to your relationship with your power. The ability to access the infinite power you already possess seems essential to your ability to manifest.

Accessing Power

When I first started coaching, I’d encourage clients to simply replace a disempowering emotion with an empowering one.  For instance, if someone was mired in resentment, I’d ask, “What do you want to feel instead?”  This seemed easy enough to me, except we weren’t achieving the desired results.

As I continued to study emotions, I began to see they fell into natural groups according to the results they produced.  These groups became the Modes of Mastery  diamond, and when I used that model, we started to see lasting change.  I realized real progress comes by moving systematically from one mode to the next.  Of course, you can experience a big leap and enjoy the resulting burst of exalted emotion, but permanent access to Partner or Creator power requires consciously mastering each mode along the way.  Since using a more incremental approach, I’ve been more effective as a coach, and my clients have experienced longer-lasting results.

Following is a quickie review of each mode:

Victim mode includes those strong, imperative emotions that result in a sense of helplessness.  You may be in a situation that initiates or contributes to a reality of helplessness, or you may be immobilized only from within.  Either way, such emotions as fear, hate, anger and resentment close off possibilities until it looks as if there is no way out.

Interpreter mode is recognized by judgment and results in struggle.  This includes any emotion that results in such judgments as comparison, blame, measurement, fault-finding, complaint and envy.  In this mode you have sufficient personal power to see possible solutions, but since the emotions produce struggle, the alternatives may seem to have more cost than benefit.

Observer mode is neutral.  The more judgment you can release, the calmer you feel.  As the observer you can see a vast spectrum of possibilities, and you are able to make more reasoned choices.

Partner mode emotions include any that connect and form cooperative relationships.  The range of possibilities begins to narrow again because you have the personal power to eliminate the options you don’t want.  The possible becomes probable.

Creator mode emotions bring you into a oneness with yourself, other people, the world, and the infinite.  When you live such emotions as love, peace, and happiness, the probable becomes inevitable.

When I assembled the list of emotions (included again this week), I put them in alphabetical order.  The emotions of each mode share characteristics, but they do not all have equal power.  I made no effort to prioritize them by strength because the words that describe emotion tend to mean different things to different people.  For instance, I might consider disappointment a deeply weakening emotion; for you it might be a temporary state.  I also included synonyms to assist in finding the word that best describes how you feel.  Trepidation and consternation may mean essentially the same thing, but you know if you’re feeling one or the other.

I’ve encouraged you often to identify the emotion you’re feeling, look to the next mode for an emotion that would be a logical step into a higher level of power.  Sometimes, however, your next “revolution” might take you to an emotion within the same mode, but one with less (or more) energy.

For example, this week, a friend of mine said she was feeling angry.  She’d asked a roommate to move out of her house, and feelings were running a high.  My friend already knew that by feeling angry she was giving away her anger to the other person.  She also knew she’d prefer to feel compassion, but that seemed pretty remote.  So I suggested an incremental approach, and this is how it went:

From Anger to Irritation to Disappointment to Sadness to Calm to Compassion

I suggested some of the steps; she suggested others.  At each transition, she felt her heart easing and her body relaxing.  The entire process took less than five minutes.

It often doesn’t work that fast.  If your anger, like my friend’s, is recent and not especially deep, you can probably shift out of it quickly – as she did.  If you’ve been holding it most of your life, you may have to take many tiny, incremental steps, then practice each step for days or weeks before you’re able to move onto the next one.

Wherever you are, identify an emotion you can move to fairly easily.

The diagram below illustrates the journey from fear to joy.  Because fear allows the least amount of personal power, it’s in the middle; joy, with the most expansive personal power, is outermost.  The progress each revolution makes is very incremental – and the time it takes to make one revolution will be very individual.

In actual practice, your starting place might be anywhere along the way.  Your path may not require as many steps as I’ve included.  You might identify your progressive steps with an entirely different set of emotions.  You may transition through some emotions so quickly you hardly notice; others might take a few revolutions.

Recognize the progression as a journey.  Also recognize each transition from one mode to another will impact every area of your life.  For instance, you may be anxious over something that’s going on at work yet staying in observer mode everywhere else.  Emotions, however, are as contagious within an individual as they are from one person to another.  If you don’t deal with the anxiety at work, it can contaminate the more satisfying areas of your life. When you address the anxiety and work your way out of it, the improved energy will also increase your power everywhere else.

Movement Strategies

The strategies for moving from one mode to another follow a basic do-have-be pattern.   Even though I’ve maintained this do-have-be cycle can begin anywhere, it actually correlates pretty will with the modes of power.

From Victim to Interpreter:

Because the primary characteristic of Victim mode is helplessness, the first step is to grasp the strands of non-helplessness that are within your reach.  Regardless of your circumstances, your emotions are nearest at hand.

Start by recognizing and acknowledging what you feel.  The more precisely you identify your emotions, the better.  Do you feel anger or fury?  Loneliness or contempt?  Hate or resentment?  Outrage or revulsion?

Once you’ve named the emotion, own it.  Your circumstances or the actions of others may reinforce a belief in your own helplessness, but no one besides yourself has any power whatsoever over your feelings.  Be willing to say, right out loud, I’m choosing to feel _____.”

These two things – naming the emotion then owning it – are powerful things you can do. The more you do them, the more you’ll empower yourself to choose something else.

If, however, the emotion feels too good to let go, be okay with that.  Maybe it feels right to be angry, or resentful, or guilty, or jealous.  If so, give yourself permission to indulge in it.  In fact, set aside a time to rant and wallow.  Mark 30 minutes (or 10, or 60, or a week) off on your calendar and make an appointment with yourself to really dig in and explore and expand and put your heart into it.  Then go for it.  For the full 30 minutes (or 10, or 60, or the whole week) focus on making the most of the emotion.  See if you can actually hold the emotion, on purpose and with intention, for the entire time you’ve set aside.

When you’re ready to move out of the disempowering emotion, choose your next step.  Keep it small and easy.  Big steps are intimidating and can set you up for failure before you even begin.  If moving from wrath to tolerance feels impossible, identify some interim steps, for instance

From wrath to anger to bitterness to indignation to irrication to exasperation to disappointment to sadness.

Once you reach Observer mode, you may be able to identify a pathway that could take you clear to Creator mode:

From sadness to tolerance to indifference to curiosity to amusement to acceptance  to sympathy to gratitude to respect to delight to love.

From Interpreter to Observer:

In Interpreter mode, doing is natural and necessary.  You want to fix, change, repair, improve, mend, control, construct, systematize, etc.  Unfortunately, the emotions of Interpreter mode are those that judge, blame, complicate, interfere, confuse, deconstruct, challenge, deplete, etc., and that makes everything more difficult.

To leave Interpreter mode, you must leave the impeding emotions behind so you can adopt the ones that will support, encourage, cooperate, and empower.  The intermediate resting place between judgment and cooperation is the calm of Observer mode.  The calming exercises I’ve presented before are very effective.  Here’s a quick recap:

To calm your body:

  • Breathe deeply.
  • Open your senses.
  • Be in nature
  • Expand your body from within.

To calm your mind:

  • Count your blessings.
  • Laugh out loud.
  • See truth.
  • Be present.

To calm your emotions:

  • Smile.
  • See beauty.
  • Be silly.
  • Evoke a neutral emotion.

(For more explanation, see “Calm and Curious.”)

Another strategy is to focus on the qualities of Observer mode emotions and implement them into your life – again in small ways.  Such emotions as amazement, curiosity, excitement, humility, awareness, resilience, etc. are also qualities you can practice.  When you let these qualities guide your actions, their energy becomes more accessible to you.

Consider such incremental doing steps as:

  • To gain amazement, try to be amazed at something every day.
  • To gain resilience, identify one thing you find threatening and find little ways to become more familiar with it.
  • To gain simplicity, analyze one of your normal routines and find one little step you can eliminate.  Or take one rarely used item off a crowded shelf and get rid of it.
  • To gain flexibility, observe your body and notice when it stiffens up.  Then review the situation and look for one little way you can bend.

From Observer to Partner:

Taking actions steps is a very strong way to move from Interpreter into Observer.  To transition from the neutrality of Observer to the synergy of Partner, it’s necessary to transition from doing to having.  Look at the list again and insert a have in front of each attribute.  For example:

have acceptance
have affection
have appreciation
have cheerfulness
have kindness
have modesty
have openness
have gratitude
have concern
have willingness

These qualities are yours for the having if you’re willing to accept them, receive them, access them, open up to them, let them come forth.  Of course, you can ask, “What can I do to show more appreciation?”  If you give that question your full attention, you’ll soon notice that when you have appreciation, doing it comes easily and automatically.

From Partner to Creator:

Creator mode is a state of being. You don’t have to act, try, work at, practice or perform.  You just are.

To reach this mode, follow the same process as moving from observer to partner.  Recognize the emotion you want to access and be the qualities of that emotion.

be cheerfulness
be enthusiasm
be serenity
be authenticity
be love
be joy
be peace
be delight

Remember, when it comes to personal power, nothing’s consistent or immobile.  We each have a personal range that generally spans three modes.  Someone habitually in Victim mode can swing into Observer mode, just as someone habitually in Creator mode will also swing into Observer mode.  Have confidence in the incremental steps of your own journey, and you will continue to move your personal range inch by inch up the scale.

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Empower Your Miracles

Sunday, February 27th, 2011

In the article Clarify Your Intention, I invited you to set an intention and formalize it as a statement. Part of the exercise was to identify those whom your intention would serve and to imagine how it would serve them. I believe when you add service to others, your intentions grow wings. Suddenly what you want is no longer grounded, no longer plodding along. Once in flight, it soars swiftly and easily into the miracle.

Service, at this miracle-level, is given without conditions, carries no judgment, and holds no expectations. You reach out to others, simply to help them along their way, to enrich their experiences, to empower them.

Giving and Receiving

One of the biggest obstacles to such simple service is thinking that what someone else wants conflicts with or obstructs what you want.

Say, for instance, you love the city life you’ve created, and your significant other wants to move into a cabin in the mountains. Or you want your daughter to go to college, and she wants to be a ski bum in the winter and write during the summer. Or you want to implement a new process at work and your boss doesn’t want anything to change. Or your neighbor supports gun control and you want to carry.

When your values, ideals, preferences and desires conflict with those of someone else, where does service come in?  You can’t even understand what they want; let alone support it.

It is, of course, important to stay true to your integrity, which may make such situations seem non-negotiable. Perhaps they are. How can you compromise on the second amendment, or not give your best at work, or let your daughter ruin her life, or uproot and leave friends and family for the sake of some mid-life crisis?

On the other hand – assuming miracle-making service is given without conditions, carries no judgment, and holds no expectations – what would happen if you removed any conditions you’ve imposed, stopped judging, and released your expectations?  What if you stepped outside your own agenda and chose to truly understand the other person’s position?

So, your husband wants to simplify and move to a cabin. You’ll have to set your own preferences aside in order to recognize his underlying motivations. Some of those reasons will be more obvious (and perhaps more acceptable to you) than others. It may be easy to understand the need to simplify, but can you empathize enough to actually feel the urge to live closer to nature, to detach from past paradigms, to go looking for something that’s been missing?

So, your daughter wants to ski and write. If you can set your agenda aside, you’ll have a better chance of recognizing her hunger for freedom, her creativity, her love of adventure, her determination to listen to her heart and find her own way. Where you see a college education as a good way to both knowledge and security, she may see it as a good way to erode her soul.

So, you want to innovate and your boss wants to stagnate. Do you know anything about his obligations?  Are you privy to the pressures from his investors, his board of directors, or his family’s traditions?   Can you appreciate his efforts to do the best he can with what he’s got?

So, you think your neighbor wants to ban all guns, wants stern laws and stiff penalties. Have you ever asked him what gun control means to him?  Have you ever listened to the reasons supporting his concerns?

Becoming neutral – exercising acceptance, empathy and compassion – is the first step toward service at the Creator level. (See The Power of Emotion.)

Mastering Your Emotions

The second step is to become the master of your own emotions

When you’re in conflict with someone else, you see your reasoning as logical and your arguments as valid. You are steadied by your facts and supported by your common sense. Naturally, you’re passionate about what’s right.

But what if your passion – and that of the other person – creates and maintains the conflict?  What if the factors of the situation are actually secondary?

When you deem your position to be right (or even just mostly right) and the other person’s position to be wrong, you are in Interpreter mode.

Consider again the above examples.

Perhaps you resist the idea of moving to the mountains because: the whole idea is scary and overwhelming, you resent that your feelings don’t get more consideration, you deplore the prospect of roughing it, you want to protect what you’ve already built, you believe your spouse is immersed in a temporary and unrealistic fantasy.

Perhaps you resist your daughter’s plan for her life because you’re anxious for her, you’re disappointed in her choices, you’re certain a college education is necessary. Maybe deep down you envy and resent her free-wheeling ways.

Perhaps you resist your boss’s inertia because you’re certain you know a better way, you’re frustrated your suggestions aren’t given more consideration, you’re irritated by his attitudes and fears, you long for more responsibility and recognition, you’re afraid at this rate you’ll soon be out of a job.

Perhaps your differences with your neighbor are only partly about guns. Sure you believe in the right to carry, and you think he’s naïve, his dog barks half the night and poops on your lawn, and half of his front yard is an unsightly, poorly-tended vegetable garden.

Such underlying emotions are all from Interpreter mode, and Interpreter emotions always produce struggle. And the more you struggle, the stronger the conflict grows.

If you’ve already dropped your conditions and released your expectation, if you’ve already chosen neutrality, you’re halfway there. From that place of calm it’s fairly easy to release any remaining Interpreter emotions. And when you refuse to indulge in interpreter mode habits, you access more of your own power.

You also ease others away from their Interpreter tendencies by not adding the fuel of your so-called “passion” to their fires.

Mastery comes as you practice consciously choosing Partner mode emotions instead. When you operate from Partner mode, you create cooperation instead of conflict. For instance:

Imagine how discussions of whether or not to move to the mountains would be different if you replaced fear with trust, resentment with affection, aversion with tranquility, frustration with harmony, and suspicion with respect.

Imagine how your relationship with your daughter would improve if you replaced anxiety with confidence, disappointment with admiration, certainty with respect, envy with contentment, and impatience with gratitude.

Imagine how your dissatisfactions at work would abate if you replaced frustration with eagerness, ambition with willingness, longing with tenacity, and fear with confidence.

Imagine how the tension between you and your neighbor would ease up if you replaced arrogance with friendliness, helplessness with amusement, hostility with patience, and vexation with recognition.

The higher you move on the scale of emotions, the more personal power you access and the more you become the master of your emotions. The more you master your emotions, the more wisdom and empowerment you bring to the situations of your life.

Whenever you bring wisdom and empowerment into any situation, you serve others as well as yourself. You serve by releasing tension, by shedding fresh and clear light on situations, by making some of your enlightenment available to others.

When you empower others through your understanding, acceptance, encouragement, cooperation, and love, you expand your influence, gain credibility, form alliances, broaden your base, and roll out the welcome mat. What you give to others comes back to you.

Partner emotions always result in cooperation. When you free yourself from conditions, judgments and expectation, you open the door to a far wider range of possibilities than exist in Interpreter mode. When you are in full mastery of Partner emotions, best good becomes probable. You become an agent in bringing about the best good of others. You provide extraordinary service when you take yourself out of someone else’s picture.

The Universal Whole

This expansive energy you now experience and generate also strengthens your connection, partnership and oneness with the universe. In Partner mode, it’s easy to trust the universe will support you and others at the same time. Conflicts dissolve in best good because almost always the best good of others is also your best good.

Consider these ways in which the universe partners with you:

1.    The universe never judges. Your outcomes result directly and inevitably from the energies you generate – your thoughts, your actions and your emotions. There is no score-keeper-in-the-sky recording on a tally sheet whether you’re good or bad, marking you down for “bad” choices and rewarding you for “good” ones.

2.    On the universal level there are no arbitrary or unstated conditions. The rulebook never changes. You get out according to what you put in, and that’s that.

3.    The universe is never disappointed in you, because the universe holds no expectations. You do what you do, and you experience the results of your choices. If the universe has any desires for you, they are for your growth, your joy, your well-being and your best good. There may be hope that you will receive these miracles, and there may be rejoicing when you do; nevertheless, there will always be love and encouragement when you don’t.

Does this partnership with the universe support you, empower you, serve you?

What if you supported, empowered, and served others, following this model?

When you extend to others what the universe extends to you, you help strengthen the universal whole. The more you serve in this way, the stronger you become. The more you expand your Partner and Creator influence, the more others will move to higher levels of calm, cooperation and oneness.

Service and The Modes of Power

As a quick review, consider that the way you serve reveals your mode of power.

If you subjugate yourself, you are in Victim mode. This subjugation can occur in two ways. You can cede your power to someone else. Or you can submit to the emotions themselves. Whether you let others control you or you let your emotions dominate you, you relinquish your self.

If you serve reluctantly, you are in Interpreter mode. Almost all emotions in this mode have a sub-context of reluctance. You give because you must, or should, or have ulterior motives. Sometimes you want to avoid pain; sometimes you strive to come out ahead through  manipulation. Often, if you could see another option, you’d take it.

If you detach your emotions from your service you are in Observer mode. Neutral service takes little energy on your part, feels optional, and promises no particular benefit – and not offering it carries no penalty. Such gentle service can be as simple as offering a smile to a stranger, making a joke to ease tension, or holding the door for someone.

If you cooperate, you are in Partner mode. Overt generosity requires an emotional investment. You consciously and mindfully open your heart and help the other person in a pro-active way. Your service might be physical, but it can as easily be thoughtful or emotional. You want the other person’s success, the other person’s growth, the other person’s happiness and wellness, without putting it in the context of your own success or happiness.

If you bless, empower and trust, you are in Creator mode. At this level you become one with the other person – even if you remain in disagreement. You become one with the universe in sustaining and facilitating. You easily and effortlessly invest peace, love and joy in their efforts. You trust the other person’s best good as you trust your own.

Serve and Soar

Every worthy intention benefits someone else. As you align yourself with the miracle you have chosen to manifest, incorporate service into your efforts and watch those efforts take flight.

Service always imbues intention with greater power and swifter attainment.

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Get Out of Your Own Way

Sunday, February 13th, 2011

I call one of the manifestation steps “Purify,” or the but exercise. You may remember the exercise I suggested in Becoming Congruent. You write your intention statement across the top of a sheet of paper, use the conjunction but to form a compound sentence, then complete the sentence with whatever comes up when you say but.

For instance, if you wanted to manifest a better relationship with someone – partner, spouse, child, boss, etc. – you might compose an intention statement like this:  “With love and tranquility, I welcome a loving, healthy relationship with (insert name).”  You would then say but and let your doubts and frustrations come up one after the other. For example, your list might look something like this:

but . . .

. . . she’s impossible.

. . . we hardly talk any more.

. . . we’ve said things to each other neither of us can take back or forget.

. . . her way of doing things drives me nuts.

. . . I’m not sure we respect each other any more.

. . . she’s unwilling to change.

. . . we’ve been to counseling and we  still have the same problems.

. . . I’m willing to meet her half way but she has to take the first step.

By letting your fears and uncertainties flow to the surface, you are now able to address them. In my article titled Pacify Your Obstacles, I suggested techniques for healing the past, living in the present, and visualizing the future you want to create. [If you’ve tried one or more of these techniques, I invite you to share your experiences.]  Each of these techniques focuses on emotions and explores their creative power. As I’ve often written, emotions are the key to all manifestation.

­Recognize the Source

Today I’d like to return to the concept of obstacles and address those that continue to block you.

Last summer I drove from Colorado to Seattle. During my three days on the road, I had a lot of hours with myself to think and do inner work – which is one of the reasons I like road trips. During the drive home, while working on one of my intentions, I realized the most important thing I could do for myself is get out of my own way.

In order to do that, I had to review the ways I erect barriers for myself. Then I considered ways I’ve seen clients put up roadblocks, and I came up with quite a list. Perhaps you’re like me and have long experience with one or more of the following:

  • Holding expectations.
  • Setting conditions.
  • Saying “no,” or “not yet” or “soon.”
  • Clinging to what you know.
  • Believing how is up to you.
  • Giving power to past experiences.
  • Letting others influence us with their beliefs and opinions.
  • Not trusting your own power.

When you review your list of buts you may find them to be examples of the above barriers. When you review your list of barriers you will probably discover your own unique pattern of ways you get in your own way. Following are some  strategies for stepping aside and allowing best good to manifest.

Become the Observer

Recognize the driving force behind every obstacle will be a Victim or Interpreter emotion. (Refer to the Emotions List.) Such emotions always create misery and struggle. When you live with these emotions you are effectively creating your own obstacle course. By releasing or discarding the emotions you clear the way for something else. Fear exists only if you create it, or hold onto it, or stake it like a dragon in the path ahead of you. You can discard such emotions by saying, “I’m finished with that belief, that state of being.”  Choose an emotion from Observer mode and adopt it instead.

Give up Expectations and Conditions

Expectations and conditions usually play off each other.

You have an idea of how things should be, and when you picture that as the only acceptable outcome you create an expectation . Then, expecting a certain outcome, you attach a list of conditions that must be met in order for that outcome to be acceptable.

For instance, if your boss is impossible, look at what you want her to be instead. Gentle?   Efficient?  Prompt?  Prepared?  Nice?  Visionary?  A better communicator?  Less chatty?  More like you?  Less like you?  Almost always, when we create expectations, the picture includes aspects that suit us, and we rarely consider what suits the other person or is realistic to the situation.

So we establish the conditions that will bring the person or situation into conformity with our expectations. For instance, what conditions must be met before you consider your boss to be reasonable?  Does she have to return messages in a more timely manner?  Does she have to stop criticizing you when others are present?  Does she have to acknowledge your work more publicly?  Does she have to stop taking long lunch breaks?  Does she have to wear her hair differently?  Does she have to take elocution lessons?  Generally when one person has complaints about another person, the complaints are not the problem. The problem lies in the expectations, and until acceptance replaces judgment, the conditions will keep morphing and become increasingly un-meetable.

Perhaps you think a better relationship with your boss means she’ll be nicer and more respectful of you. Well, yes, that would be good. Perhaps you think the way to make that happen is to confront her, or to have someone else intervene in your behalf, or to go to HR. Those are all how solutions, and when you focus on how (your conditions), you’ll lose track of what (your intention). What if your best possible relationship with her is a restructuring of the organization?  Or a promotion for you?  Or maybe that you get another job?  Or one of a hundred other possibilities?  You can’t know how the better relationship will come about. Be willing to trust best good, and get out of the way.

Take away the judgment, become the observer, give the other person the benefit of the doubt, and the relationship will change. (This is also true of non-human conflicts and relationships.)

Release Past History

If what has been in the past has power in the present or future, you have bestowed that power.

Perhaps you want to be healthy, but you’ve been ill in the past. Your past experience establishes a pattern, and you project that pattern into the future. Try revising your history to one of health. Imagine yourself as a healthy child, a robust teenager, a vigorous adult. Visualize it, feel it, and notice how your body responds.

Perhaps you want to be wealthy, but you have a history of scarcity. Because money has always been in short supply, you have established a belief about your relationship with money that now sits in front of you like a concrete wall. To dismantle the wall, rewrite your history. Adopt a past of abundance, of wealth, with a steady flow of money gushing through your life. Imagine yourself financially secure, handling your debts, never lacking. Let the sense of abundance expand within you. When you change your belief, you change your reality.

To change your history, stop saying, “I always ____.”  Instead, say, “I used to _____, but now I ______.”  “Now I’m healthy.”  “Now I have plenty.”  “Now I love my work.”  “Now I’m worthy of love.”  “Now I’m happy.”

Again, emotion is the key. Adopt the emotions of yes instead of no, and see what happens.

Stop Waiting

The weather won’t be better next year. You won’t be younger. The kids won’t be less trouble. You won’t be more prepared. The economy won’t be sufficiently different. If you want to, you can think of a myriad reasons to delay.

Simply say “yes.”  When it comes to taking on something new, you will always be naïve. No one knows what something will be like until they’ve experienced it first hand. (Until you’ve had a baby you can’t know what it’s like. Sure, you can read the books and buy the furniture and change your schedule, but then the baby arrives and you discover a thousand things you never imagined.)

Perhaps you’ve decided to stop waiting for the right time, the right conditions. You’ve taken the first step and set an intention. Good for you!

How are you doing with aligning your emotions, thoughts, and actions?  Or are you waiting until you’re not so scared?  Are you hoping the obstacles will go away by themselves?  Are you waiting for the other person to change?  Are you putting all your energy into doing the right things?

Most people start by taking action. They think they must do something in order to have something in order to be something. Then if what they do doesn’t produce the desired result, they conclude they can’t, or that it just wasn’t meant to be.

Try moving in the other direction. Start with your emotions. Be the happiness you want, the love you want, the abundance you want, the wholeness you want. Then redirect your thoughts. Have the positive attitude, the better frame of mind, the creative energy, the forward momentum. Finally, adopt new habits of doing things. Cooperate rather than challenge. Appreciate rather than envy. Recognize instead of criticize. Trust rather than resent.

By being, you have, and by having, you will do.

Moving Forward

Barriers can, of course, come from other sources besides yourself. These suggestions specifically address those you established and/or have all allowed to remain. When you change your approach and start removing those obstacles, it’s very likely the ones you didn’t erect will lose their obstructive power.

And it’s always good to remember not all barriers need to be removed. Sometimes you can simply step over them and be on your way. You probably have more power to engineer your path and your future than you know.

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Receiving

Sunday, January 30th, 2011

Imagine it’s your birthday, and someone hands you a gift. Do you reach out and take it or let it fall to the floor?  Do you unwrap it or set it aside?  Do you smile and say thank you or ignore the giver?

Clearly, you cannot “get” what you don’t receive.

Just as you won’t get the present someone hands to you if you refuse to open your hands and take it, you have received  – by thought, action or emotion  – every single thing that comprises your life. Starting with life itself.

Let’s define receiving as allowing the possibility of. Before you can “get” something, you allow it to be possible. Probably subconsciously. Almost certainly the acceptance occurs in your emotional patterns before it ever enters your thought processes; nevertheless, at some level you agree it’s possible.

At some point, you allowed the possibility of your current state of health, your current level of abundance, your current relationships, your home, your work, your recreation, your beliefs, your attitudes. Perhaps you didn’t exactly welcome these things, but you received them.

Receiving and Not Receiving

At the same time, you have not received worse health, greater scarcity, relationships with more violence, or death (yet). However, neither have you quite opened up the possibility of better health, a higher income, stronger relationships, a different home, some other forms of work and play, a different belief system, or other attitudes. Perhaps you want something different from what you have, perhaps you even strive for it. However, until you are able to receive whatever you long for, it will continue to elude you.

Many of the exercises I’ve presented in past blog entries are geared toward opening up your willingness and ability to receive what you want. Right from the beginning, the focus has been on shifting your emotional energy from Victim or Interpreter modes – which limit and restrict possibilities – into higher levels of power.  See The Power of Emotion.

Notice the difference in what you get/accept/receive when you make that shift. For instance, here are typical results of Interpreter mode:

  • If you exist in frustration over your daughter’s nose ring, you basically tell the universe you’re willing to receive conflict, and you “get” struggle with your daughter.
  • If you indulge in hostility with your neighbor over his dog, you’re willing to accept combative emotions, and you may “get” loneliness or illness.
  • If you desire one thing (such as your career) to the exclusion of something else (such as your family or your health), you are willing to accept the tradeoffs. You may “get” what you strive for; you will certainly not “get” whatever you sacrificed.

Now here are some typical results of Partner mode:

  • If you appreciate your daughter’s challenging and creative personality, you become cooperative with her in developing her talents and expanding her personal power. She may become one of your closest, best friends.
  • If you extend friendship to both your neighbor and his dog, you express a willingness for community and sharing, and you may “get” a stronger, more cohesive neighborhood.
  • If you desire wholeness, to live your wisdom and power in all aspects of your life, you discover no tradeoffs are necessary. You allow the possibility of a fabulously successful career and a strong, loving family.

To inventory what you’re willing to receive, look at what you have. Conversely, if you don’t have it, you haven’t opened your hands to receive. The not-receiving may be an inability to accept the possibility. Or it may be an unwillingness to be in one-ness with what you want.

If you haven’t been mindful of this cause-and-effect of your life, you probably see what is as merely the facts of life rather than choices you can make or unmake.

Now that you’ve worked with intention and choice for a while, truly welcoming the result you want may be the final step.

Receiving Actively

Receiving is not passive. There are action steps involved. Imagine the birthday present again:  Hold out your hands. Take hold of the gift. Say thank you – for the thoughtfulness, if nothing else. Unwrap it. Show your delight. Say thank you again. And then, if the present is something you truly want, incorporate it into your life. Using the gift will be the true gratitude.

Let’s look at this act of receiving as it applies to manifestation. Take a moment to review the intention you’re working with:

  • You identified what you want.
  • You clarified it in terms of value, motivation and cost.
  • You purified it by identifying your fears, doubts and false beliefs.
  • You pacified your obstacles.
  • You amplified it by expanding your possibilities.

Now it’s time to satisfy the intention itself. It’s time to receive.

Hold out your hands. Welcome what you’ve asked for. Your part is finished.

(Well, okay, maybe your part isn’t quite finished. Maybe you’re still producing your product – gaining the skills, taking classes, putting your business plan together, writing the book. Or maybe you’re still indulging in some of those doubts and false beliefs.)

Once you receive a gift, any action involved shifts from the giver to you. Until that moment, the giver chose, planned, prepared, assembled, wrapped, and presented. After that moment, you hold, recognize, appreciate, use, display, honor. Or ignore. Before the exchange, the giver “owned” the present – and all the choices regarding it. After the exchange, you own it – and you own all the choices regarding it.

Shift the Direction

With manifestation, the process flows in the other direction. Before you receive, all the choices belong to you. All necessary action is yours to take. You “own” your intention. In order to receive the results of your intention, however, you must release your ownership and present the intention – like a gift – to the infinite. (Think of the infinite in terms of what’s most comfortable for you:  God, The Source, Cosmic Consciousness, The Universe, The Absolute, The Force.)  The moment the gift of your intention “changes hands,” the moment you surrender control, the infinite will act. On the cosmic level, this is when the real action begins.

Actually, I doubt this transaction takes place in a flash. I suspect we progress through this shift in awareness the entire time we’re working (or playing) our way through the parts of the process that belong to us.

Working with Emotional Energy

The most important key to manifestation (to creating, building, attracting, etc.) is your emotional involvement. Anything you are involved with at a Victim or Interpreter level feels difficult, challenging, stressful, even impossible. Only as the Observer can you connect with the infinite in a mindful way. Perhaps you’ve already discovered the difference in your results when you shift into the higher levels of emotional involvement. Let’s look at these modes of power from a different angle to get a better idea of their impact on receiving – and of your relationship to the infinite.

First, turn the diamond on it’s side and restructure it into a butterfly shape, so it’s narrowest in the middle and widest at the ends. The original diamond shape represents possibilities. Victim mode is narrow because few possibilities exist. Observer mode is widest because the infinite expanse of possibilities opens up in this mode. The diamond then narrows again as you chisel your way from possibilities to probabilities, and from probabilities to inevitabilities.

The butterfly shape represents emotional results. At the widest part of the wings, both Victim and Creator modes are so intense, they require no action on your part to generate results. None. No action required.

Recall some situation in which you were in Victim mode. Your emotions were everything; your actions were futile. No matter what you did, you couldn’t win. You couldn’t protest loudly enough. You couldn’t fight hard enough. None of your arguments won any points. As long as you let Victim-level emotions have the power, you were helpless. And miserable.

At the other end of the scale, Creator mode emotions are equally powerful, and no action on your part is required for you to enjoin with the infinite in oneness. Be love, joy, enthusiasm, delight, peace, eagerness, etc. and your infinite consciousness unites with the universe to create your best good.

Moving inward from Victim to Interpreter, and from Creator to Partner, the dynamic changes. The emotions may be every bit as strong, but the results of those emotions become narrower.

In these modes,  actions play a role as essential as emotions, and of course thoughts jump into the mix – in the form of beliefs, attitudes, ideas, judgments, assumptions, etc. It’s often impossible to identify which comes first. Perhaps events incite emotions, perhaps beliefs inspire you to action, perhaps feelings energize assumptions or ideas. It all jumbles together, and if emotions are laden with judgment, struggle ensues. If emotions are filled with partnership, cooperation expands.

In both Interpreter mode and Partner mode, you generate the emotion. And you receive the resulting struggle or support.

At the center of the model, in Observer mode, you neither generate nor receive. You simply are. You reside in a place of calm, calm mind, calm body and calm heart. You can relax, investigate, admire, explore, bask, hope, forgive, soothe, and accept. Compared to the tension and stress of Interpreter mode, Observer mode feels like a blessing, like a vacation, like an amazingly powerful place.

And it is powerful. When you review the list of representative Observer emotions, you can feel the release from struggle, the freedom from stress, the ease of being. It’s a lovely resting place and many people reside in the contentment of this mode for the better part of their lives.

Becoming A Receiver

No one lives in Observer mode 100% of the time. Consider those times and situations in your life when you are energized, happy, loving, companionable, fond, pleased, trusting, confident. At those times you have shifted into Partner or Creater mode. If you have decided something is currently missing from your life and you want to add it in, use Partner mode emotions to enlist the cooperation of friends, family, mentors, co-workers, your boss – or the universe.

When you are fully and unconditionally ready to receive, then you move into Creator mode. Then you do, you have, you are.

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Be Your Magnetic Self

Sunday, November 14th, 2010

Almost anywhere you turn, you can run into a concept called “The Law of Attraction.”  It’s the latest iteration of ancient wisdom.  Two and a half millennia ago, the Buddha said, “As we think, so we become.”

Yes, what we think is critical to our results.  This does not mean it’s possible to think something into existence.  Napoleon Hill, the author of Think and Grow Rich and a major modern source on the subject said, “First comes thought; then organization of that thought, into ideas and plans; then transformation of those plans into reality.”  Somehow thoughts need to be transformed into reality, and transformation always takes energy.

Energy requires a power source.  In the physical sense, that’s the sun; one way or another all available  energy comes from the sun.  In the metaphysical sense, where does personal power some from?  Actually, I don’t know; maybe we also get it from the sun.  What I do know is that every human being has an unlimited amount of personal power stored inside, sort of like the sun.  Most of us tap into a very miniscule amount of inner power, so maybe a more apt analogy would be a volcano.  Consider the vast energy of a latent volcano, and imagine a tiny wisp of steam escaping through a geyser pool.  We possess that vast energy, but we use only that wisp of steam.

As you live your life, this infinite power source matters in two ways – the amount you access at any given time, and the pressure that builds inside when you keep that energy closed off.

Your power to “attract” comes from within.  Attraction is magnetism.  (Okay, so you’re a volcano and a magnet.)  Magnetism pulls.  You energize your connection with what you’ve chosen, and that creates the pull.  When you entice what you’ve chosen to come to you, it’s more likely to come.  Nothing pushes.

Except no two people engage their magnetic energy in exactly the same way.  In this article I’m presenting four approaches.  One may immediately resonate with you, or you may want to experiment until you discover the way that will work most powerfully for you.

Think

An amazing number of sources advise getting out of your head.  Or to avoid the “paralysis of analysis.”  Or to stop over-thinking.  Some experts even claim the mind’s the enemy.

What they really mean is, “Don’t think yourself into a pit.”  When you get caught up in some story, that story is probably wrong, and faulty premises always produce faulty conclusions.  But that’s not the fault of the mind.  The mind is an excellent, highly-evolved, most wonderful aspect of the human state.  Use your mind well, and it will assist you in marvelous ways.  Be confident of your mind and yourself, and confidence will turn on your magnetic field.

Confidence is freedom from doubt.  To increase your confidence, try the following:

  • Honor your past accomplishments.

Do you find yourself downplaying your role in something that went well?  Perhaps you’ve been taught not to toot your own horn, or not to get a swelled head, or not to get too big for your britches.  Break free of those restrictions and recognize your strengths, your abilities, your contributions.  Make this self-assessment of your accomplishments as a neutral observer.  Send both the harsh judge and the meek supplicant out of the room.  For this exercise, you need neither humility nor ego; you do need detachment and curiosity.

  • Acknowledge your talents and abilities.

Every human being is gifted.  Your gifts may have shown up early in your life, you may have grown up honoring and cultivating them.  Maybe you didn’t start to discover what you’re good at until you had a chance to explore and experiment.  Perhaps your faults and flaws and weaknesses were more readily reinforced than your strengths.  Turn off every one else’s voice besides your own and recognize your strengths.  Honor who you are.  Also honor who you are not.

  • Recognize the ways in which your choices are true for you.

If you try to force fit yourself into something that is not true for you, you will experience struggle and disappointment.  If you resist something that is true for you, you will experience struggle and unhappiness.  Untrue choices never respond well to the Law of Attraction.  True choices come with ease and joy.

  • Invest your awareness in whatever you’ve chosen.

Be mindful.  Stay attentive.  Visualize.  Affirm.  Reinforce.  Love.  Enjoy.  Imagine the result of what you want.

Act

Action is probably the point of most disagreement when it comes to the Law of Attraction.  On the most ethereal end of the scale, where the emphasis is on thinking something into existence, action is often scorned.  On the most practical end of the scale, action is The Way – if you don’t do, you don’t get.

For some people, action is the most important component, and therefore the essence of their personal power.  However, power responds better to some implementations than others.  Action likes to be invited, not forced.  In fact, enjoyment is the most important ingredient in all actions intended to attract.  Invite what you’ve chosen to attract to come out and play.

To increase enjoyment, try the following:

  • Delight in your self, in your choices, in your partners, and in The Infinite.

To increase your delight in yourself, imagine yourself as a loving parent entranced by a toddler.  Imagine you are the toddler and a loving parent applauds and encourages everything you do.  Even if you’re stumbling around and making mistakes, let yourself experience surprise and delight at you just being you.

To increase your delight in your choices, imagine each choice as a Christmas present, unwrap it and rediscover every wonderful thing that makes it attractive to you.

To increase your delight in your partners (including those of non-human nature), identify them, reach out to them with acceptance and appreciation, and celebrate their contributions to your efforts.

To increase your delight in The Infinite, think of the best friend you ever had, the one you’ve always had the most fun with.  Then imagine The Infinite in that role, with a sense of humor and a sense of adventure, a friend who hates to be left behind.

  • Realize your talents and abilities are both opportunity and responsibility.

Here you sit, a bundle of creative talent and energetic ability.  It’s as if you are both artist and studio.  You are all the paints and canvases and palettes and brushes.  You are also the artist who can turn you into a masterpiece.  You can.  And you have everything you need.  And if you don’t, who will?

  • Reinforce your choices by your actions.

Look at what you want to attract.  Choose it.  Then assess what you need to learn, what skills you need to acquire, what effort might be required to reach the level you aspire to.  Then go to work.  You can’t be a best-selling novelist without putting words on a page.  You can’t run a marathon without putting in the miles.

  • Engage all your partners in the how.

I often advise my clients to concentrate on what and surrender how to The Infinite.  Expand that idea.  Reach out to every person or thing or energy involved in your endeavor and invite their help.  Let your friends, your tools, your resources, and your beliefs be a part of the action.

Feel

Emotion is energy.  Every emotion you experience emits an energy that goes somewhere.  When you’ve chosen something you want to attract, your feelings matter.  They help or they hinder.  They rarely do nothing.

This is true for everyone, but for some people emotional energy impacts their ability to attract more than either thoughts or actions.  For these people, Emotions can be obstacles that block attraction in ways Thoughts and Actions can’t break through.  If your attractive power comes from your heart, your best approach is to remove those emotional barriers and open the flow.  The key is tranquility, which is essentially freedom from stress.

To increase tranquility, try the following:

  • Release all attachments and expectations.

To release attachments, let words like should, must, necessary, and can’t become signal lights.  When they enter your thoughts, recognize them as indicators of an emotional attachment to something that causes stress – such as a belief.  No, it’s not all up to you.  No, you don’t have to work twice as hard.  No, what you’ve chosen doesn’t have to be difficult.  Yes, you have within you all the abilities and strengths needed for this choice.

To release expectations, expand your vision of the possible.  Make a list of all the possibilities you can think of – good and bad.  Recognize it’s all possible, then cross off the ones you don’t want.  This lets all those you consider acceptable to move from possible to probable.  You make way for your Best Good.

  • Believe your talents and abilities are aligned with your best good.  Believe a miracle is possible

Take the previous suggestion one step further.  Imagine the most miraculous way your choice could manifest.  Let your emotional response to that probability expand until your entire body tingles with it.  Relax into that energy without letting it congeal into an absolute, and then carry that tranquility around with you.

  • Give and take in equal portions.

Most people who access their power through the heart find it easy to give.  They tend to be caregivers, teachers, ministers, healers, and giving is what they do.  Many of them find it difficult to be on the receiving end.  Welcome the efforts of your partners, your patients, your congregation, your students, and The Infinite to help you on your way.

  • Energize your choices with your emotions.

Removing resistance and stress must come first.  Once you’ve achieved tranquility, add those creative emotions that will energize your magnetism:  respect, compassion, gratitude, peace and authenticity.

Leap

Do you often get ideas that seem to come out of nowhere?  Maybe a creative solution to a problem, or a sudden urge to walk down an unknown street and turn into the first restaurant you come to, or a decision to go back to school.  Perhaps you can find the seeds of thought or latent emotions that inspired it, but you couldn’t track back through the progression that took you from Point A to Point B.

Sometimes you look at such intuitive leaps and think, “Yeah!  Of course!  Exactly what I was looking for.”  Sometimes you think, “Really?  That’s got to be the craziest thing ever.”  Intuition can be both disconcerting and energizing.  If you’re operating from some level of struggle or judgment, it’s generally wiser not to leap.  If you’re operating from some level of calm or creativity, the energy can pull you in the direction of something you’ve chosen to attract.  To improve the magnetism of your intuition, let yourself reside in a state of willingness.

To increase willingness try the following:

  • Believe what you choose is possible.

You know the old saying, “Whether you believe you can or you believe you can’t, you’re right.”  Well, it’s true.  From a place of calm neutrality, probe for what you believe about yourself and what you’ve chosen to attract.  If your current belief doesn’t allow for it to be possible – even probable – decide what you want to believe instead, and adopt the new belief.

  • Synchronize your choices with your talents and abilities.

You have the talent and the ability to do (or have, or be) whatever you choose.  If those talents and abilities are not fully developed, or if you are not employing them fully, bring them up to speed.  Become the person who does (or has, or is) whatever it is you’ve chosen.

  • Simplify your thoughts, action and emotions.

Perhaps when you’ve made some intuitive leap, you’re one of those people who has to make it make sense.  Relax.  Let go of all those loose ends you’re grasping at.  Let whatever you’re wrestling with assume its simplest, easiest form.  Let it tell you what to do with it.

  • Facilitate what you’ve chosen to attract by getting out of your own way.

Any leap can become encumbered.  Add a touch of fear, a dab of protection, a bit of defensiveness, a sprinkle of meekness, and before you know it you’re facing a major obstacle of your own making.  How can you possibly expect whatever your trying to attract to get through?  Dismantle such roadblocks.  Clear the way.  If you believe your choice is possible, you can also believe it’s easy.

If what you’ve been trying to attract remains elusive, I invite you to contact me for empowerment coaching.  Email me at kathy@kathyjacobson.com.

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Posted in Acceptance, Attention, Attraction, Body Power, Calmness, Choice, Cooperation, Curiosity, Gut Power, Heart Power, Mind Power, Miracles, Neutrality, Possibilities, Surrender, The Law of Attraction, Trust, Willingness, personal power | 43 Comments »

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