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Mindfulness

Sunday, February 20th, 2011

Consider the ways in which thoughts, actions and emotions are the three powerful and creative energies of your life.

You know all about actions, those physical things you do with your body.  You know thoughts motivate and move you in certain directions.  And you experience every day the power your emotions have on your moods, your relationships and the state of your health.  When you bring these three forces – actions, thoughts, and emotions – into one congruent whole, when you live intentionally, you open the way for miracles.

These three forces always interact to create a result.  They must.  There is no alternative.

When you are aware and focused, these aspects of yourself create what you want and bring it into existence.

However, even when you are unaware, incongruent, and living by accident, these three energies interact to create a result.  They are your life forces, and they strive to satisfy your desires.  The trouble is, if you think you want one thing, yearn emotionally for something else, and act in favor of something else again, these forces become conflicted and bring turmoil to your life.  For instance, if you are in a difficult, combative relationship with someone (or something), at some level you have injected combative energy into that relationship.

On the other hand, in the smooth, easy, cooperative relationships of your life, your thoughts, actions and emotions are unified with love, generosity, confidence, and oneness – and that’s what you receive.

Putting in; Getting out

What you put in creates what comes out. If you want to know what you’re putting in, look at what’s coming out.

Assume there is an area or two of your life in which you’d like to get a different result.  You know you need to put something else in, but you’re not sure what you need to change.

Sometimes it helps to come at this challenge from a different angle, so consider using different words:

Action   =   Doing

Thoughts   =   Having

Emotions   =   Being

In your experience, which comes first?  Do you do, in order to have, in order to be?

That’s the typical order for most people.  For instance:

  • You want a loving, intimate relationship.  Obviously, you’ve got to do – meet people, go on dates, get to know someone, make peace with the person you’re with.  Then you can have – a boy friend/girl friend/significant other.  And then you can be in a satisfying relationship.
  • You want wealth.  You can easily come up with a list of things to do – get the right degree, start investing, initiate a savings plan, market more effectively, etc.  These actions enable you to have – credentials, the right job, something to start investing with, a larger base.  Then you can be rich.
  • You want to be at the top of your game.  You review the actions of those who have gone before – study, practice, learn, network, perform, create a business plan.  Through hard work you can have – skills, finesse, contacts, a product.  And then you will be among the best.

This is the obvious, common sense, Western-culture way to approach anything you want to achieve.

For Better Results

The miracle way works in the opposite, counter-intuitive direction.

To make miracles, be first, then have, and leave doing for last.  For this radical approach to make sense, we have to redefine the terms just a bit.

Doing is about taking action; it’s also about partnering – especially with the universe.  Of course you must focus, learn, practice, implement, etc.  That’s your part.  To accept the universe as your partner, you must also welcome, attract, be willing, agree, appreciate, honor, etc.

Because we’re associating having with thoughts, let’s look at it as having the mental resources you want to possess:  knowledge, abilities, skills, qualities of character, attitudes, beliefs, insights, wisdom, etc. (Basically, what you might be able to take with you when you die.)

Being refers to being in your personal power, and that’s determined by your emotional state.  How you feel is how you are.  Whatever your emotional state, that emotion resonates throughout your entire being, and then it vibrates outward.  These outward vibrations affect everyone and everything they touch.  They are the power you generate, just as the sun generates the power of heat and light.

Now let’s put this in the context of real life, using the above examples.

If you want a loving, intimate relationship.

  • Identify what kind of person do you want to be in this relationship – loving, generous, kind, happy, considerate, neat,  adventurous.  (It might help to look at what kind of person you were in past relationships and review how that worked for you.)
  • What you want to have may include:  attitudes, such as patience, good sense of humor, confidence, compassion; skills and abilities, such as communication, tenderness, better organization, scuba-diving; beliefs, such as that you are loving and lovable?
  • Lastly, what can you do to further the above?  Practice, put yourself out there, stop arguing, release fear, go dancing, buy gear. laugh more, believe it’s possible?  Receive?  Welcome?

If you want wealth/abundance.  Ask yourself the same questions:

  • Determine the kind of person you want to be: confident, generous, willing, open, aggressive, optimistic?
  • What you want to have may include:  attitudes, such as an expansive outlook, honesty, generosity, attentiveness; skills, such as financial knowledge, market acumen, better proficiency in your field; and what you need to believe, such as money is your friend, or money is easy, or you are aligned with prosperity.
  • Finally, what can you do to further the above?  Study, practice, bless your work, network?  Receive?  Appreciate?  Attract?

If you want to be at the top of your game.

  • What kind of person will you have to be? Confident, respectful, determined, productive, willing, optimistic, humble?
  • What attitudes will it serve you to have? Serenity, tenacity, respect, excellence?  Wisdom?  What skills will you have to acquire?  Subject knowledge, proficiency, insight?  What belief will serve you?  That your abilities are a divine gift?
  • What can you do to further the above?  Study, practice, perform, write, invite challenges, give it away?  Welcome?  Nurture?

Put it on Paper

Take a piece of paper, and write your intention statement across the top. (See Living With Intention) Take a minute to feel that intention.  Imagine it as real, as a done deal, as manifested in your life.

Draw a grid with three columns and three rows below your intention statement.  Label the columns Be, Have, Do.  Label the Rows Today, This Week, This Month.  Because you’re probably in the habit of thinking of what to do first, I suggest you start with the far right column – Do – and work your way left.

The first row of the worksheet is labeled Today.  In the Do square at the far right, identify what you can to today to further your intention.

An intention I’m working on currently is:  With enthusiasm and gratitude I welcome and receive money in a steady, abundant flow.  I love money and it loves me.

I filled in the Do-Today square of my grid with:

  • Blog
  • Welcome 3 new clients.
  • Personally invite people into my manifestation workshop
  • Refuse my habitual distractions

In the Have-Today square, I wrote:

  • Peace
  • Wisdom
  • Love
  • Enthusiasm
  • Money
  • Clients
  • Greater sense of purpose

In the Be-Today square, I’ve identified:

  • Serene
  • Confident
  • Attentive
  • Spiritually magnetic
  • Willing
  • Enthusiastic
  • Happy

Clearly, blogging is a physical function – a do.  My part is to sit at my computer, think, compose, post.  I partner with the universe by inviting wisdom and insight. (Also by inviting clients and students.)

In order to welcome, invite, attract, and serve, I must have peace. Having peace about money right now is a bit challenging because my bank account is pretty slim, but just performing this exercise brought a surprising level of serenity.  Much of having, as I wrote last week, is just getting out of your own way.

Which brings me to being.  Being serene helps me have peace.  Being willing and receptive opens the door so abundance can come into my life.  Being attentive helps me have focus, so I can do the next thing that comes up for me to do – receive.

In coming up with your program, I advise starting at the right and working left.  When you want to implement your program, I encourage you to start at the left and work right.  Remember, the only time frame for implementation is today.

Now consider the coming week.  When you expand your time horizon just that much, what changes?  Again, think from right to left; implement from left to right.

Here’s my program for the week:

Be:

  • Confident
  • Serene
  • Attentive
  • Generous
  • Conscientious
  • Happy

Have:

  • Commitment
  • Consistency
  • Focus
  • Love
  • Enthusiasm
  • Wisdom
  • Confidence
  • Money

Do:

  • Post blog
  • Welcome 6 new clients
  • Receive students in the new manifestation workshops.
  • Attract enough money to pay my rent.

When I’m looking at seven days rather than one, I can come up with more things to do. To get it all done, I’m going to consciously have more going on within me.  Which means I have to be at a higher level of my personal power.

Now, project forward for one month.  What can you do during the next thirty days to further your intention?  In order to accomplish all that, what qualities will you choose to have (adopt, improve, be open to, focus on)?  And what emotions (mode of power) will you generate, operate from, be?

Here is my plan for the coming month:

Be:

  • Serene
  • Happy
  • Enthusiastic
  • Generous
  • Sure
  • Open
  • One
  • Productive

Have:

  • Wisdom
  • Receptiveness
  • Willingness
  • Creativity
  • Empathy
  • Focus
  • Abundance

Do:

  • Organize thinking for next book.
  • Work with 15 clients per week.
  • Post weekly blogs.
  • Open the floodgates of abundance.

Once you’ve aligned your actions, thoughts, and emotions on paper, begin by letting the emotions expand within you, then focus your thoughts, and finally, act accordingly.

In past blogs I’ve made the point that what is up to you, while how is up to the universe.  Unifying your life forces, however, is as aspect of how that belongs to you.  Only you can choose how you will feel, how you will think, and how you will act.  Only you can decide who you will be, what you will have, and what you will do.

(Note: I wrote and published this article in 2009.  I am happy to report my prosperity intention is smoothly and delightfully coming to fruition.)

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Posted in Making Miracles, The Law of Attraction, manifestation | Comments Off

Get Out of Your Own Way

Sunday, February 13th, 2011

I call one of the manifestation steps “Purify,” or the but exercise. You may remember the exercise I suggested in Becoming Congruent. You write your intention statement across the top of a sheet of paper, use the conjunction but to form a compound sentence, then complete the sentence with whatever comes up when you say but.

For instance, if you wanted to manifest a better relationship with someone – partner, spouse, child, boss, etc. – you might compose an intention statement like this:  “With love and tranquility, I welcome a loving, healthy relationship with (insert name).”  You would then say but and let your doubts and frustrations come up one after the other. For example, your list might look something like this:

but . . .

. . . she’s impossible.

. . . we hardly talk any more.

. . . we’ve said things to each other neither of us can take back or forget.

. . . her way of doing things drives me nuts.

. . . I’m not sure we respect each other any more.

. . . she’s unwilling to change.

. . . we’ve been to counseling and we  still have the same problems.

. . . I’m willing to meet her half way but she has to take the first step.

By letting your fears and uncertainties flow to the surface, you are now able to address them. In my article titled Pacify Your Obstacles, I suggested techniques for healing the past, living in the present, and visualizing the future you want to create. [If you’ve tried one or more of these techniques, I invite you to share your experiences.]  Each of these techniques focuses on emotions and explores their creative power. As I’ve often written, emotions are the key to all manifestation.

­Recognize the Source

Today I’d like to return to the concept of obstacles and address those that continue to block you.

Last summer I drove from Colorado to Seattle. During my three days on the road, I had a lot of hours with myself to think and do inner work – which is one of the reasons I like road trips. During the drive home, while working on one of my intentions, I realized the most important thing I could do for myself is get out of my own way.

In order to do that, I had to review the ways I erect barriers for myself. Then I considered ways I’ve seen clients put up roadblocks, and I came up with quite a list. Perhaps you’re like me and have long experience with one or more of the following:

  • Holding expectations.
  • Setting conditions.
  • Saying “no,” or “not yet” or “soon.”
  • Clinging to what you know.
  • Believing how is up to you.
  • Giving power to past experiences.
  • Letting others influence us with their beliefs and opinions.
  • Not trusting your own power.

When you review your list of buts you may find them to be examples of the above barriers. When you review your list of barriers you will probably discover your own unique pattern of ways you get in your own way. Following are some  strategies for stepping aside and allowing best good to manifest.

Become the Observer

Recognize the driving force behind every obstacle will be a Victim or Interpreter emotion. (Refer to the Emotions List.) Such emotions always create misery and struggle. When you live with these emotions you are effectively creating your own obstacle course. By releasing or discarding the emotions you clear the way for something else. Fear exists only if you create it, or hold onto it, or stake it like a dragon in the path ahead of you. You can discard such emotions by saying, “I’m finished with that belief, that state of being.”  Choose an emotion from Observer mode and adopt it instead.

Give up Expectations and Conditions

Expectations and conditions usually play off each other.

You have an idea of how things should be, and when you picture that as the only acceptable outcome you create an expectation . Then, expecting a certain outcome, you attach a list of conditions that must be met in order for that outcome to be acceptable.

For instance, if your boss is impossible, look at what you want her to be instead. Gentle?   Efficient?  Prompt?  Prepared?  Nice?  Visionary?  A better communicator?  Less chatty?  More like you?  Less like you?  Almost always, when we create expectations, the picture includes aspects that suit us, and we rarely consider what suits the other person or is realistic to the situation.

So we establish the conditions that will bring the person or situation into conformity with our expectations. For instance, what conditions must be met before you consider your boss to be reasonable?  Does she have to return messages in a more timely manner?  Does she have to stop criticizing you when others are present?  Does she have to acknowledge your work more publicly?  Does she have to stop taking long lunch breaks?  Does she have to wear her hair differently?  Does she have to take elocution lessons?  Generally when one person has complaints about another person, the complaints are not the problem. The problem lies in the expectations, and until acceptance replaces judgment, the conditions will keep morphing and become increasingly un-meetable.

Perhaps you think a better relationship with your boss means she’ll be nicer and more respectful of you. Well, yes, that would be good. Perhaps you think the way to make that happen is to confront her, or to have someone else intervene in your behalf, or to go to HR. Those are all how solutions, and when you focus on how (your conditions), you’ll lose track of what (your intention). What if your best possible relationship with her is a restructuring of the organization?  Or a promotion for you?  Or maybe that you get another job?  Or one of a hundred other possibilities?  You can’t know how the better relationship will come about. Be willing to trust best good, and get out of the way.

Take away the judgment, become the observer, give the other person the benefit of the doubt, and the relationship will change. (This is also true of non-human conflicts and relationships.)

Release Past History

If what has been in the past has power in the present or future, you have bestowed that power.

Perhaps you want to be healthy, but you’ve been ill in the past. Your past experience establishes a pattern, and you project that pattern into the future. Try revising your history to one of health. Imagine yourself as a healthy child, a robust teenager, a vigorous adult. Visualize it, feel it, and notice how your body responds.

Perhaps you want to be wealthy, but you have a history of scarcity. Because money has always been in short supply, you have established a belief about your relationship with money that now sits in front of you like a concrete wall. To dismantle the wall, rewrite your history. Adopt a past of abundance, of wealth, with a steady flow of money gushing through your life. Imagine yourself financially secure, handling your debts, never lacking. Let the sense of abundance expand within you. When you change your belief, you change your reality.

To change your history, stop saying, “I always ____.”  Instead, say, “I used to _____, but now I ______.”  “Now I’m healthy.”  “Now I have plenty.”  “Now I love my work.”  “Now I’m worthy of love.”  “Now I’m happy.”

Again, emotion is the key. Adopt the emotions of yes instead of no, and see what happens.

Stop Waiting

The weather won’t be better next year. You won’t be younger. The kids won’t be less trouble. You won’t be more prepared. The economy won’t be sufficiently different. If you want to, you can think of a myriad reasons to delay.

Simply say “yes.”  When it comes to taking on something new, you will always be naïve. No one knows what something will be like until they’ve experienced it first hand. (Until you’ve had a baby you can’t know what it’s like. Sure, you can read the books and buy the furniture and change your schedule, but then the baby arrives and you discover a thousand things you never imagined.)

Perhaps you’ve decided to stop waiting for the right time, the right conditions. You’ve taken the first step and set an intention. Good for you!

How are you doing with aligning your emotions, thoughts, and actions?  Or are you waiting until you’re not so scared?  Are you hoping the obstacles will go away by themselves?  Are you waiting for the other person to change?  Are you putting all your energy into doing the right things?

Most people start by taking action. They think they must do something in order to have something in order to be something. Then if what they do doesn’t produce the desired result, they conclude they can’t, or that it just wasn’t meant to be.

Try moving in the other direction. Start with your emotions. Be the happiness you want, the love you want, the abundance you want, the wholeness you want. Then redirect your thoughts. Have the positive attitude, the better frame of mind, the creative energy, the forward momentum. Finally, adopt new habits of doing things. Cooperate rather than challenge. Appreciate rather than envy. Recognize instead of criticize. Trust rather than resent.

By being, you have, and by having, you will do.

Moving Forward

Barriers can, of course, come from other sources besides yourself. These suggestions specifically address those you established and/or have all allowed to remain. When you change your approach and start removing those obstacles, it’s very likely the ones you didn’t erect will lose their obstructive power.

And it’s always good to remember not all barriers need to be removed. Sometimes you can simply step over them and be on your way. You probably have more power to engineer your path and your future than you know.

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Posted in manifestation, personal power | 3 Comments »

Receiving

Sunday, January 30th, 2011

Imagine it’s your birthday, and someone hands you a gift. Do you reach out and take it or let it fall to the floor?  Do you unwrap it or set it aside?  Do you smile and say thank you or ignore the giver?

Clearly, you cannot “get” what you don’t receive.

Just as you won’t get the present someone hands to you if you refuse to open your hands and take it, you have received  – by thought, action or emotion  – every single thing that comprises your life. Starting with life itself.

Let’s define receiving as allowing the possibility of. Before you can “get” something, you allow it to be possible. Probably subconsciously. Almost certainly the acceptance occurs in your emotional patterns before it ever enters your thought processes; nevertheless, at some level you agree it’s possible.

At some point, you allowed the possibility of your current state of health, your current level of abundance, your current relationships, your home, your work, your recreation, your beliefs, your attitudes. Perhaps you didn’t exactly welcome these things, but you received them.

Receiving and Not Receiving

At the same time, you have not received worse health, greater scarcity, relationships with more violence, or death (yet). However, neither have you quite opened up the possibility of better health, a higher income, stronger relationships, a different home, some other forms of work and play, a different belief system, or other attitudes. Perhaps you want something different from what you have, perhaps you even strive for it. However, until you are able to receive whatever you long for, it will continue to elude you.

Many of the exercises I’ve presented in past blog entries are geared toward opening up your willingness and ability to receive what you want. Right from the beginning, the focus has been on shifting your emotional energy from Victim or Interpreter modes – which limit and restrict possibilities – into higher levels of power.  See The Power of Emotion.

Notice the difference in what you get/accept/receive when you make that shift. For instance, here are typical results of Interpreter mode:

  • If you exist in frustration over your daughter’s nose ring, you basically tell the universe you’re willing to receive conflict, and you “get” struggle with your daughter.
  • If you indulge in hostility with your neighbor over his dog, you’re willing to accept combative emotions, and you may “get” loneliness or illness.
  • If you desire one thing (such as your career) to the exclusion of something else (such as your family or your health), you are willing to accept the tradeoffs. You may “get” what you strive for; you will certainly not “get” whatever you sacrificed.

Now here are some typical results of Partner mode:

  • If you appreciate your daughter’s challenging and creative personality, you become cooperative with her in developing her talents and expanding her personal power. She may become one of your closest, best friends.
  • If you extend friendship to both your neighbor and his dog, you express a willingness for community and sharing, and you may “get” a stronger, more cohesive neighborhood.
  • If you desire wholeness, to live your wisdom and power in all aspects of your life, you discover no tradeoffs are necessary. You allow the possibility of a fabulously successful career and a strong, loving family.

To inventory what you’re willing to receive, look at what you have. Conversely, if you don’t have it, you haven’t opened your hands to receive. The not-receiving may be an inability to accept the possibility. Or it may be an unwillingness to be in one-ness with what you want.

If you haven’t been mindful of this cause-and-effect of your life, you probably see what is as merely the facts of life rather than choices you can make or unmake.

Now that you’ve worked with intention and choice for a while, truly welcoming the result you want may be the final step.

Receiving Actively

Receiving is not passive. There are action steps involved. Imagine the birthday present again:  Hold out your hands. Take hold of the gift. Say thank you – for the thoughtfulness, if nothing else. Unwrap it. Show your delight. Say thank you again. And then, if the present is something you truly want, incorporate it into your life. Using the gift will be the true gratitude.

Let’s look at this act of receiving as it applies to manifestation. Take a moment to review the intention you’re working with:

  • You identified what you want.
  • You clarified it in terms of value, motivation and cost.
  • You purified it by identifying your fears, doubts and false beliefs.
  • You pacified your obstacles.
  • You amplified it by expanding your possibilities.

Now it’s time to satisfy the intention itself. It’s time to receive.

Hold out your hands. Welcome what you’ve asked for. Your part is finished.

(Well, okay, maybe your part isn’t quite finished. Maybe you’re still producing your product – gaining the skills, taking classes, putting your business plan together, writing the book. Or maybe you’re still indulging in some of those doubts and false beliefs.)

Once you receive a gift, any action involved shifts from the giver to you. Until that moment, the giver chose, planned, prepared, assembled, wrapped, and presented. After that moment, you hold, recognize, appreciate, use, display, honor. Or ignore. Before the exchange, the giver “owned” the present – and all the choices regarding it. After the exchange, you own it – and you own all the choices regarding it.

Shift the Direction

With manifestation, the process flows in the other direction. Before you receive, all the choices belong to you. All necessary action is yours to take. You “own” your intention. In order to receive the results of your intention, however, you must release your ownership and present the intention – like a gift – to the infinite. (Think of the infinite in terms of what’s most comfortable for you:  God, The Source, Cosmic Consciousness, The Universe, The Absolute, The Force.)  The moment the gift of your intention “changes hands,” the moment you surrender control, the infinite will act. On the cosmic level, this is when the real action begins.

Actually, I doubt this transaction takes place in a flash. I suspect we progress through this shift in awareness the entire time we’re working (or playing) our way through the parts of the process that belong to us.

Working with Emotional Energy

The most important key to manifestation (to creating, building, attracting, etc.) is your emotional involvement. Anything you are involved with at a Victim or Interpreter level feels difficult, challenging, stressful, even impossible. Only as the Observer can you connect with the infinite in a mindful way. Perhaps you’ve already discovered the difference in your results when you shift into the higher levels of emotional involvement. Let’s look at these modes of power from a different angle to get a better idea of their impact on receiving – and of your relationship to the infinite.

First, turn the diamond on it’s side and restructure it into a butterfly shape, so it’s narrowest in the middle and widest at the ends. The original diamond shape represents possibilities. Victim mode is narrow because few possibilities exist. Observer mode is widest because the infinite expanse of possibilities opens up in this mode. The diamond then narrows again as you chisel your way from possibilities to probabilities, and from probabilities to inevitabilities.

The butterfly shape represents emotional results. At the widest part of the wings, both Victim and Creator modes are so intense, they require no action on your part to generate results. None. No action required.

Recall some situation in which you were in Victim mode. Your emotions were everything; your actions were futile. No matter what you did, you couldn’t win. You couldn’t protest loudly enough. You couldn’t fight hard enough. None of your arguments won any points. As long as you let Victim-level emotions have the power, you were helpless. And miserable.

At the other end of the scale, Creator mode emotions are equally powerful, and no action on your part is required for you to enjoin with the infinite in oneness. Be love, joy, enthusiasm, delight, peace, eagerness, etc. and your infinite consciousness unites with the universe to create your best good.

Moving inward from Victim to Interpreter, and from Creator to Partner, the dynamic changes. The emotions may be every bit as strong, but the results of those emotions become narrower.

In these modes,  actions play a role as essential as emotions, and of course thoughts jump into the mix – in the form of beliefs, attitudes, ideas, judgments, assumptions, etc. It’s often impossible to identify which comes first. Perhaps events incite emotions, perhaps beliefs inspire you to action, perhaps feelings energize assumptions or ideas. It all jumbles together, and if emotions are laden with judgment, struggle ensues. If emotions are filled with partnership, cooperation expands.

In both Interpreter mode and Partner mode, you generate the emotion. And you receive the resulting struggle or support.

At the center of the model, in Observer mode, you neither generate nor receive. You simply are. You reside in a place of calm, calm mind, calm body and calm heart. You can relax, investigate, admire, explore, bask, hope, forgive, soothe, and accept. Compared to the tension and stress of Interpreter mode, Observer mode feels like a blessing, like a vacation, like an amazingly powerful place.

And it is powerful. When you review the list of representative Observer emotions, you can feel the release from struggle, the freedom from stress, the ease of being. It’s a lovely resting place and many people reside in the contentment of this mode for the better part of their lives.

Becoming A Receiver

No one lives in Observer mode 100% of the time. Consider those times and situations in your life when you are energized, happy, loving, companionable, fond, pleased, trusting, confident. At those times you have shifted into Partner or Creater mode. If you have decided something is currently missing from your life and you want to add it in, use Partner mode emotions to enlist the cooperation of friends, family, mentors, co-workers, your boss – or the universe.

When you are fully and unconditionally ready to receive, then you move into Creator mode. Then you do, you have, you are.

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(N)Ever Surrender

Sunday, October 17th, 2010

I first encountered the concept of surrender in a manifestation class many years ago, and it made no sense to me.  Even though I understood the idea, (intellectually, at least) of surrendering one’s struggles to God, this was a manifestation class.  We were talking about choosing and creating and attracting, and I didn’t see what I was supposed to surrender.  I could see quite clearly various aspects and behaviors I could adopt – but surrender?

Well, during the years since then, I’ve come to realize surrendering is relative.  There are things to ever surrender, and there are things to never surrender.  Today I’m going to put some of them into context with each other.

Personal Power and Guarantee

In life, there can be no guarantees, and yet our culture seems to demand them.  Wherever we see danger, we look for protection.  Everywhere we look we see rules, regulations, safety features, alarm systems, guard rails, insurance policies, fences and armies, all devised to save us from harm.  But if you demand security from others – from the government, from parents, from the legal system, from social custom, from an employer – you are basically saying, “My well-being is your responsibility, not mine.”

Of course, it can be very comforting to place that responsibility in someone else’s lap.  Then, if anything goes wrong, you have someone else to blame, maybe someone to turn to for compensation.  However, when you cede responsibility, you also cede personal power.

To avoid surrendering your personal power, surrender your need for a guarantee.  Or, conversely, when you retain and strengthen your personal power, you release your need for a guarantee.

Every human being has within them the potential for unlimited personal power, the potential to become the creators of their own lives.  (Although, we’re not all born into equally conducive environments.  You, for instance, have more freedom to access your power than a starving mother in the Sudan.)   You have within you the powers of peace, love, joy, awe, delight, optimism and authenticity.  When you cultivate these aspects of your personal power, when you trust them and use them to create your life, you create your own well-being and your own security.  Never surrender your personal power; always surrender the need for a guarantee.

Discernment and Judgment

In our lexicon, judgment has two meanings.  In one sense, it has an objective meaning with clear distinctions – something is right or wrong, legal or illegal, pure or sinful.  In another sense, it’s subjective and relies on perception, encompassing the full range of from bad to good.  Perception, of course, is relative to present circumstances, past experiences, embedded beliefs, future expectations, etc.  For instance, snowy weather might be “terrible” to a commuter and “terrific” to a skier.  A beautiful chocolate torte might be “fabulous” to a connoisseur and “obscene” to an ascetic.

In both the objective and the subjective sense, judgment generates struggle.  Once you judge something “good” or “bad”, you impose limitations, and limitations induce conflict.  Let’s look at some every-day situations to see how this unfolds.

  • You have a co-worker who dominates meetings with rambling monologs.  You judge this associate to be annoying, or stupid, or a pain-in-the-neck.  As soon as she starts talking, your resentment kicks in and you tune out.  When you stop caring about what she has to say, you also stop seeing than anything good can come out of the meeting.
  • You and your brother are on opposite sides of the political spectrum.  You’re “right” and he’s wr—oops, “left.”   You wish he’d open his eyes to the facts, and he acts like you’re the one who’s stupid.  You can’t even talk to each other any more without calling each other names.
  • You’ve been a procrastinator all your life.  At various times you’ve judged this as “lazy,” “free-spirited,” “rebellious,” or “insecure.”  By now, you’ve given up trying to understand it, you just know it’s an insufficiency.  You hate it in yourself, it causes you stress, but you’ve pretty much concluded there’s nothing you can do about it.

Judgment increases stress and decreases possibilities.  So, what if you surrendered judgment?  What if you simply let go of any need to see things as right/wrong, good/bad/ full/empty, in/out?  What would you have left?  Discernment.

When you surrender judgment, you surrender limitation and conflict.  When you lay claim to discernment, you open yourself to possibilities and cooperation.  Let’s look at the above situations and see the difference.

  • Where judgment translates into annoyance at the rambling co-worker, discernment stays focused on the purpose of the meeting.  Discernment can separate contribution from distraction and look for the win-win.  Discernment can tease out what’s going on beneath the surface and bring benefit into the open.
  • Where judgment erects fences, discernment finds common ground.  Discernment asks questions instead of labeling and dividing.
  • A personal strength is often the other end of a continuum of a trait that’s been labeled a flaw or weakness.  “Procrastinators” may be at their most creative while they’re delaying.  A “bad memory” may be the gateway to greater depths of understanding.  Being “too cautious” may be an assessment process, the weighing of options to find a wiser approach.

Never surrender your discernment; always surrender the need to impose judgment.

Choice and Victim-ness

Victims don’t have options.  Or at least they believe they don’t.  If you believe you have no choice in some area of your life, in that area you have surrendered your free will.  The moment you surrender free will, you become a victim.

Choice exists in every situation, in every realm, under every circumstance.  Sometimes the circumstances may seem impossible, such as a genetic condition, or the situation of your birth, or the state of the economy, or an earlier choice than now feels binding and irredeemable.  Every day, either consciously or subconsciously, you say “yes” or “no” to that situation.  If you say “yes,” you agree to be a victim and surrender the pursuit of other possibilities.  If you say, “no,” you start looking for further options, hidden opportunities, unrecognized solutions.

Never surrender your freedom of choice; always relinquish the ties that bind you to victim-ness.

Enjoyment and Attachment

Attachment is a binding.  You become bound up with something, glued to it, and now you carry it around with you wherever you go.  You might be attached to another person, a principle, a belief, a goal, your houses, an animals, a cause, your friends, your enemies, a car, a habit, a perception, an outcome, etc.  Any separation from the object (or effort to separate) causes you anxiety and/or pain.

Enjoyment, by comparison, has no strings.  With enjoyment, you’re free to stay or leave – and so is whatever you’ve become attached to.

Emotions are key components of both attachment and enjoyment.  The difference is in the kind of emotion you’re applying, and what you expect as a result.  The emotions of attachment always include an element of desperation – as if without the object of your attachment you will be less in some way.  Such emotions include fear, desire, hatred, anxiety, concern, insecurity, rigidity, guilt, grief, certainty, etc.  The emotions of enjoyment are always expansive:  affection, openness, contentment, delight, trust, fun, confidence, etc.

Never surrender your enjoyment (of life, of others, of today, or the hidden treasures in challenging situations); always surrender your attachment to the things and circumstances of your life that are not yours to control.

Self and Ego

By definition, ego is simply another name for self.  By connotation, however, it carries all kinds of burden.  It’s used as a stand-in for pride, self-importance, conceit, vanity, arrogance, etc.  In that guise, it becomes the enemy of the self, almost the anti-self.

The best description of ego in this sense came from a little book on Hindu philosophy I read a decade or so ago.  Ego is when you believe something about yourself and it becomes important to you that others see you the same way.  Any trait or feature of yourself applies here – beauty, intelligence, extroversion, spirituality, productivity; irresponsibility, brashness, rebellion, superiority.

To surrender ego without surrendering yourself, recognize all the true and precious aspects of you.  Let go of any need for others to see you in any certain way.

Strength and Guilt

Guilt drains away strength.  Guilt appears when you perceive you acted wrongly.  Perhaps you said the wrong thing, or lost an opportunity, or hurt someone, or make a bad choice, or over-reacted, or committed a sin, or didn’t exercise, or broke your diet, or spent too much money, etc., etc., etc.  You believe yourself in error (or worse).  In a case against yourself, you decide the verdict first and then you act as the prosecutor, the judge and the jury.  You refuse to call any witnesses in your own behalf.  And then you sentence yourself, and you surrender to some self-imposed punishment.  You abandon any good feelings toward yourself, such as kindness, or compassion, or trust, or gentleness, or joy, or any other indicator of inner strength – because you don’t deserve them.

And when you surrender your strength, you also relinquish any power you have to make amends, to change, to learn, to improve, to recoup, to compensate, to rebuild.

Never surrender your strength.  See it as the way to identify your contribution to the events and circumstances of your life.  See it as a form of divine guidance, steering you through the shoals of challenge.  Instead, surrender  all pangs of guilt that eat at you from the inside, gnawing at both your mind and your heart.

Neutrality and Defensiveness

I’m not sure whether the old saying, “The best defense is a good offense,” was first applied to football or to war.  Not being a fan of either, I’m also not sure how well it works in either case.  I do know it’s often applied in interpersonal relationships, and in those situations it’s never effective.

In relationships, defensiveness is deadly.  It will eventually destroy all companionship, respect, love, trust, ease, enjoyment, and peace.  All the attitudes I’ve suggested in this article for surrender (and many others) usually result in defensiveness.  You will become defensive if you expect a guarantee, if you judge yourself or the other person, if you’re prone to victim-ness, if you’re attached to something that matters more than the relationship, if you have an ego need, if you feel guilty.

The best cure for defensiveness is to surrender it.  To become neutral.

When you are neutral, you can see the other person’s point of view, you can look for more options, more possibilities become visible, you plug up the holes from which you leak personal power, and you can discover your strengths.

One thing that is true:  when you stop being defensive, you also stop being offensive.

The What and The How

A true statement of surrender is, “Let go, and let God.”  Stop trying to control all the little details, and trust The Infinite.

But what is God’s job, and what is your job?  Choice is always your job.  God cannot choose for you.  Free will is more than a right, it’s an obligation.  A responsibility.  When you surrender choice, you surrender will, and without will all that remains is chaos.

What you want is up to you.  Never surrender your intention, your ability to choose.  Never surrender your ability to see options, to imagine the possible.  Never surrender your confidence that you can create the life you want.

Always surrender the how. You don’t have to be able to see every step of the way between where you are now and where you want to go.  How is not up to you.  Trying to control how, constricts possible solutions and limits potential miracles.

Good personal life coaching helps you explore possibilities and gain more effective tools.  For a free introductory coaching session, write me at:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com

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Posted in Beliefs, Calmness, Free will, Making Miracles, Possibilities, The Law of Attraction, manifestation | 1 Comment »

Surety

Sunday, September 26th, 2010

Last week I emphasized the importance of conceptualizing what you want (instead of what you have) and then believing the result you imagine is possible.

When you believe something is possible, that belief establishes a surety around that possibility, increases its likelihood.  When you believe something is impossible, that belief establishes a surely which decreases the possibility.

The possibility, in and of itself, is neutral, neither likely nor unlikely, poised in the middle of a scale, yet having no power to tip the scale either way.  The force that tips the scale one direction or the other is belief.  Imagine the scale looks like this:

Impossible < Improbable < Possible > Probable > Inevitable

If you are neutral about a possibility, you sit in the middle of the scale.  More likely, you have a belief and the scale is already tipped in the direction of your belief.

Sometimes when you want something, you start at that middle point where everything is possible.  Perhaps what you want exceeds your knowledge of how to achieve it, but you know other people have reached a similar objective, which means it must be within reach.  Other people stay out of debt, other people weigh the right amount for their height, other people have jobs they love, other people have happy relationships.  Therefore, perhaps you can, too.  In this neutral state, you are calm, steady, interested, mindful.  Your sense of your own abilities allows for the likelihood of success as much as the likelihood of failure.

Sometimes, failure looms larger than success.  Maybe you doubt your abilities, your opportunities, or your luck; maybe you see obstacles or limitations in the way; maybe your experiences have taught you to keep your expectations in check.  Other people may have achieved what you want, but the path ahead seems overgrown with struggle and difficulty and attainment seems improbable.  Just thinking about it makes you tired.

Sometimes the desired result seems impossible, more fantasy than reality.  You’ve never actually seen anyone else achieve that “pie-in-the-sky” outcome, so you doubt the success stories.  Yeah, sure, John and Mary fell in love and lived happily-every-after, just like Prince Charming really saved Cinderella from a life of drudgery.  The sheer impossibility of the dream immobilizes you.

Other times, the scale tips toward attainment.  When you envision what you want, the way ahead looks clear.  You know what to do, you are willing to do it, and you feel confident.  With a good plan, a little luck, perhaps some help along the way, the possible becomes probable.  You proceed willingly and full of hope.

And sometime what you want shines ahead of you like a beacon, strong and bright.  You know you’re aligned with yourself and the universe.  Without conscious effort, your stride forward eagerly; all you have to do is head for it and it’s yours.  Inevitably.

So which comes first?  Your level of belief?  The energy you project?  Your degree of confidence?  The outcome you envision?

Actually, each of these elements contributes to the others.  You can shift your energy, you can reinforce your confidence, you can more clearly envision, or you can relax your doubt and expand your belief.

Belief Produces Results

Some things happen with such regularity and consistency, you know they’re true:  breathing, gravity, magnetism, the phases of the moon, trees lose their leaves in the fall, etc.  No belief is necessary.

Some things you have come to believe over the course of your lifetime and they also feel true.  Of course these things vary from person to person, but consider what you know vs. what you believe about such things as whether your parents love you, how smart (or athletic, or artistic) you are, whether the world is hostile or friendly, etc.

Then there are the things you hope to be true, such as that you will advance in your company, that you will find your soul mate, that your back will stop hurting, that you will get out of debt, etc.  Generally speaking, hope is the factor that sustains desires you’re not quite sure of.

And finally are the things you believe are not true.  This might include practices that make no sense to you, such as astrology, or alternate medicine, or prayer, or self-flagellation.  It might include things about yourself, including what you believe you are not talented in, or capable of, or have the resources for.

There’s an old adage that says, “Whether you believe you can or your believe you can’t, you’re right.”  If you’re willing to review your beliefs, you will find a strong positive correlation between what you believe and your results.

Clearly, if you change what you believe you will change your results.

Belief = Surety

The certainly of your belief about a given possibility, however, is only one of the sureties influencing your results.  There is also the surety of your own personal power.  Just as no two people access their own power in exactly the same way, not everyone comes to trust their personal power in the same way.  I’ve identified four important starting points for believing in your own inner strength.

A starting point means exactly that.  The point at which it’s easiest for you to become calm, recognize the possibilities, and proceed more confidently toward what you want.

As I describe these four starting points, consider your own approach and see which one resonates most with you.

Trust Yourself

You believe in your strengths.  You sense (or know) you have talents, abilities, knowledge, experience, and you know your strengths can (or have the potential to) serve you well.

The more you trust yourself, the more you grow in confidence.  As your confidence grows, you recognize you are competent, smart, inventive, brave.  You realize you can easily transfer a competence (or aspects of that competence) from one situation to another.  As a problem solver, you trust your ability to see the scope, identify the steps, and learn the details as you go.  So there’s no limit to the types of problems you can take on.

You know your strengths – and you maximize them.  You minimize your weaknesses.  You don’t claim to be something you’re not, but neither do you let insufficiencies get in your way.  If there’s something you can’t do, you know someone who can and you’re not afraid to ask.

Trust Your Choices

You believe in growth.  You sense (or know) there are no mistakes.  You rely on the laws of cause-and-effect, knowing every choice simply produces an outcome.  The outcome then produces knowledge, and knowledge produces growth.

As you learn from experience, you gain confidence in your ability to make informed decisions, to take the known variables into consideration, and to do the necessary research.  This empowers you to choose again, proceed into the unknown, and continue to accumulate new knowledge.

Because you look for growth, you take difficulties, obstacles, or mishaps in stride.  Sometimes you may feel as excited about what you’re learning as you are about reaching your objective.  For you, every choice opens the door to adventure, and learning what not to do is as satisfying as learning what to do.

Trust The Infinite

You believe in a higher power (call it God, Cosmic Consciousness, The Field, The Universe, The Source, The Higher Self), and you are willing to (or already do) cultivate a personal relationship with it.

You sense (or know) you are not alone.  The more you trust the influence of The Infinite in your life, the more you look for and practice communicating with it.  You recognize guidance is always available, you stay receptive, and you trust that guidance to ease your way.

In addition to guidance, your connection with The Infinite provides both serenity and protection.  It accompanies you when you take risks, it encourages curiosity and amusement, it provides comfort in times of trial and courage in times of difficulty.  The more you rely on The Infinite, the more you understand your life.

Trust Your Intuition

You believe in your “sixth sense.”  You sense (or know) you gather information not limited to your five physical senses, and you incorporate it (or would like to) into the way you go through life.

You may see this information as coming from somewhere outside yourself, or it feel like a “gut” instinct.  It helps you make connections between disparate things, find unique solutions to problems, understand yourself at a deeper level, and recognize unusual possibilities.

As you gain experience with your intuition, you recognize the importance of neutrality, since prejudices of any kind will skew your insight.  The more you clear away intrusive thoughts, unruly emotions or impetuous behaviors, the more trustworthy your intuition becomes.  Ultimately, your intuition will guide you to the truest intentions, the most rewarding partnerships, and sustainable achievements.

Acquire Surety Through Mindfulness

So, you’ve found your starting place.  You’ve identified the one that resonates with you, and you want to expand your trust level.  Begin by mastering neutrality and stay mindful.  Just as each of these styles of surety can help you access and master your own personal power, they all present challenges along the way.

Beware of pride, ambition, fanaticism, arrogance, or a need for validation.  Be wary of any inner narratives that compare, measure or dispense judgment in any way.  Cultivate neutrality, awareness, generosity and compassion.  Pay attention to your thoughts, acknowledge your emotions, recognize the connection between the energies you generate and your results.  And be willing to take baby steps.  Progress of a slow but sure nature will bring you to the greatest levels of sureness and mastery.

If you would like person help creating the life you want, or mastering your personal power, please contact me.  As I life coach, I help people “move to the next level,” whatever that means to you.  Write me:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com

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Posted in Beliefs, Free will, Neutrality, Possibilities, manifestation, personal power | 1 Comment »

Growth as a Goal

Sunday, September 19th, 2010

As a life coach, I am committed to helping my clients make their lives work better.  Since what that means is up to them, I usually start with the question, “What do you want?”  And almost always the answer is some variation of, “Something different from what I’ve got.”

If you are experiencing some level of dissatisfaction in one or two areas of your life, you know the feeling.  You know what you’ve got.  You might know exactly what you want instead – or you might not.  You might believe something else is possible – or you might not.  You might want to make the most of the hand you’ve been dealt – or you might want to change the rules, maybe pull an ace out of your sleeve.

Identifying what you believe to be possible is as important as deciding what you want.  And what you believe to be possible will directly correlate to your level of Personal Power.

What You Belief to be True is True

For those operating from Victim mode, nothing looks possible.  A sense of futility reinforces a belief in helplessness; emotions such as fear, resentment, anger, envy, loneliness, and anxiety support the belief in futility; actions tend to be a choice between fight or flight.  They may yearn for something else, but they believe it to be impossible.  Victim mode is a pit, and the and the walls of the pit are all the person can see.

For someone operating from Interpreter mode, the view of what’s possible is amazingly more expansive.  Interpreter mode is a mire, with solid ground in clear sight.  Options begin to immerge, even if they all seem fraught with difficulty.  The themes of fight and flight morph into themes of hard work and rebellion.  An Interpreter of the hard work theme might decide to gain more knowledge, acquire the proper tools, accumulate the right credentials, obey all the rules, etc.  An Interpreter of the rebellion theme might decide to blame and complain, undermine the competition, emigrate to another country, defeat the enemy, not make waves, etc.  Either way, Interpreters believe in struggle as much as they believe in possibilities.

Those who operate from Observer mode stand on solid ground.  Because they can see in any direction, everything becomes possible.  They’re more humble than hurt, more pragmatic than skeptical, and far more curious then certain.  Even though they acknowledge the worst could happen, they accept the best is at least as likely.  Their belief in the possible reveals pathways and doors that someone struggling in the mire cannot see.

Those operating from Partner mode have chosen a general direction and are moving forward.  They may not know all the twists and turns of the road ahead, but by choosing this particular direction they eliminate a host of other possibilities.  What they want becomes probable.

Those who operate from Creator mode believe what they want to be inevitable.  If they make wrong turns, they trust the detour will benefit them.  They may dally along the way, and good things will come from the delay.  Obstacles are valuable challenges, hindrances bestow blessings.  What they’ve chosen becomes the only possible result.

The movement from what you have into what you want is always a growth process.  What you currently have matches what you believe is possible, and your beliefs reflect the way your thoughts, emotions and action merge together.  When you want something else instead, you have to believe the new something is possible, and you have to bring your thoughts, actions and emotions into congruence with that new belief.

Change a Belief and you Change Yourself

In order to have something different, or do something different, you have to be different.  And that means growth.

Imagine Victim mode as an acorn buried underground.  Instead of “fight or flight” the options are grow on don’t grow.  When you choose to grow you move into Interpreter mode, and that’s like sending out the first tendrils of roots and stem into the hard, dark earth, running into rocks and other roots and risking being eaten by whatever feeds on tender growing things underground.  Growing into Observer mode is like bursting through the surface.  You experience sun and rain, day and night, warm and cool, and you can see the possibility of becoming a viable, healthy tree.  As you Partner with both nourishment and adversity, you continue to grow.  Your trunk becomes stronger and taller, you branch out, and you trust the probability of your future as a beautiful oak.  Ultimately, you mature into Creator mode.  Inevitably, you become the originator of future forests.

Sometimes, in deciding to transition from what is to something else, it’s easy to forget that growth is part of the deal.  Let’s take the Law of Attraction, for example, with its basic principle of, “Give your attention to your Intention.”  So you set a clear Intention, and you come up with a good positive affirmation or a rhythmic mantra for meditation, and you strengthen your focus on your Intention.

If your Intention manifests, you have experienced personal growth from your efforts.  If you your Intention doesn’t manifest, you have not.

Growth will begin when you believe what you want is possible – and that often includes a paradigm shift.  Growth will include mastering your thoughts and emotions at higher levels of power.  Growth may include forgoing old habits and/or gaining new competencies.  For growth, you must expand your awareness, become more mindful, and develop a more trusting relationship with your intuition.  Thus, growth becomes an essential aspect of manifesting your Intention.

When the Intention is for Growth

For some people, Personal Growth is the main objective rather than a means to an end.  While for most of us, growth is the way to achieve an Intention, for them the Intention is the way to achieve growth.  For instance, I have two clients who have both set Intentions for greater prosperity.  One wants to break free of old beliefs he acquired during childhood about money being scarce and difficult on the one hand and a burden on the other.  To do this he must leave the old stories behind, see money as neutral and stop judging himself for past choices.  The other sees prosperity as a condition of wholeness.  For her, more abundance is secondary to mastering the principles of Partner mode.

These two clients are at different stages of growth.  Even though their Intentions are essentially the same, one is growing in Personal Power from Interpreter  to Observer in order to achieve greater prosperity.  For him, the starting point is to believe money can come easily.  She wants to master Personal Power at the Partner level, and she’s using her Intention as her classroom.  Her starting point is to believe her wholeness unconditionally encompasses abundance.

Manifesting an Intention has three basic steps:

  1. Set an Intention that is true for you.
  2. Bring your thoughts, actions and emotions into congruence with your Intention.
  3. Receive.

Manifesting Growth by way of an Intention requires a bit more mindfulness:

  1. Achieve the calm of neutrality.
  2. Recognize the power of choice.
  3. Believe what you want is inevitable.
  4. Set a true Intention.
  5. Surrender into willingness.
  6. Receive.

At this moment in time, your level of Personal Power produces what you currently have.  To achieve something else, put the necessary effort and attention into your own growth so you can be in harmony with your wants.

(If you find value in what I write, you might like to experience what can be achieved through one-on-one coaching.  The first session is always complementary.  Write me at kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

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Posted in Beliefs, Cause and Effect, Creator Mode, Interpreter Mode, Observer Mode, Partner Mode, Personal Growth, The Law of Attraction, Victim Mode, intentions, manifestation | 3 Comments »

Truth and Consequences

Saturday, July 31st, 2010

(If you would like more information about personal life coaching, or would like a free introductory session, please contact me:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

In an old parlor game called Truth or Consequences, on your turn you had to choose between telling the truth or accepting the consequences.  This was a game of risk.  Someone else got to ask a question to which you had to answer with the truth.  If you didn’t want to risk the truth, you could choose to take the consequences.  Of course, you got no advance notice of what the consequences would be.  You might have to go outside and howl at the moon or kiss the person next to you.  Since either answering the question or performing the consequence would put you in an uncomfortable spot, you were likely to end up embarrassed.  The relationship between truth and consequences was always either-or.

Life often feels as risky as the old game.  Sometimes we can see a direct correlation between a choice and result, but often events seem random.  Accidents happen.  The unforeseen takes us by surprise.  Yet it’s hard to be satisfied with non-answers.  There had to be a cause.  Surely there were clues.  There must be reasons why.

One of the conundrums of wanting to know the cause-and-effect of some things is that we then have to accept that all things are governed by the same laws.

If, as Newton stated in his Third Law of Motion, “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction,” then everything that happens in our lives is a result of something that came before.  Do our personal lives conform to Newton’s Laws?  Or are we playing Truth or Consequences.

Facts vs. Truth

First, we want to discover the facts – and so things get interesting right from the start.  Many things in life are factual and irrefutable, such as the diameter of the earth and the speed of light.  If the sun’s shining, it’s hard to argue otherwise.

But do The Facts necessarily equal The Truth?

Some things, such as mathematical equations, can be identified in purely scientific terms.  Most things, especially living things, develop around a subjective backbone.  The Facts filter through our perceptions, beliefs, cultural norms, etc, and influence our Truth.

No matter how determinedly we try to stay neutral about an event (or a relationship or a situation), we can never be totally objective.  (I’ve been practicing neutrality regarding weather for years, and I never complain, but I still chill when my body cools and I still sweat when I get hot.  Because my body reacts to temperature, I am subjectively more or less comfortable.)   We’re human.  We process things with our bodies, our minds and our emotions.  We see things through our personal set of filters.  We draw conclusions.  We care how things turn out.

And because we care, we influence the result.  Our thoughts and emotions become contributing factors that affect The Truth.

For example, say you have a challenging relationship with your mother.  Perhaps she criticizes or complains about something(s) that matters to you – your taste in clothes, the person you’ve chosen as a life partner, your profession, what you feed your kids, etc.  Such criticism has been going on for so long you can hear it coming before she opens her mouth.

If you were to compile a list titled The Facts, it might look something like this:

  • She’s controlling.
  • She doesn’t want me competing with her.
  • She thinks she’s the only one who knows anything.
  • I’ll always be her “baby.”
  • She twists everything I say.

If you’re self-aware enough to admit you add to the problem, you might include:

  • I always get defensive.
  • I’m always primed for an argument.
  • We don’t seem to speak the same language.

For everything on the list, you can come up with Facts to substantiate your points.  But your mother can use equally specific Facts to justify her behavior.

So, here you are, with examples, reasons, perceptions, convictions, beliefs, etc.  Where, in this mess of Facts is the Truth?

The Truth is in the Consequences

One way to understand a situation is to tease apart the end result until you find the component parts.

Assuming the universe operates in a logical, consistent manner, true processes will always be replicable.  Mix the right proportions of hydrogen and oxygen and you’ll get water.  Every time.  Mix the right combination of resentment and contempt and you’ll get war.  Every time.  It’s just that in human interactions, the “right combination” means different things in different situations, depending on different criteria (such as the differences in personalities).  Still, if you have water, you know you can break it down into hydrogen and oxygen.  If you have war, you can break it down into resentment and contempt (with any number of additional elements thrown in for good measure).

Every situation can be reversed engineered to discover the component parts.  When people are involved, the components usually consist of a core belief and an central emotion, and here lies The Truth of the situation.  Consider the following possible combinations:

  • Being alone might result from the combination of the belief that, “I’m not welcome,” and the emotion of insecurity.
  • Not enough money might result from the combination of the belief that, “Money is evil,” and the emotion of aversion.
  • An aching back might result from the combination of the belief that, “It all rests on my shoulders,” and the emotion of doubt.

Let’s see if we can find a reasonable Truth of  the conflicted relationship I used as an example.  A relationship involves more than one entity (even your relationship with yourself), but the only part you directly influence is your own.  So even though your primary frustration may arise from your mother’s behaviors, it’s important to look first at what you bring into the conflict.

Perhaps you get defensive because you believe some variation of, “I’m not good enough.”  Quite a number of emotions could be central to such a belief:  resentment, self-doubt, defensiveness, contempt, yearning, misery, envy, etc.

Perhaps you believe some variation of, “She’s a bitch.”  Your central emotion might be hate, contempt, disdain, rebellion, anger, asperity, etc.

Whatever you believe and whatever you feel, you bring your own subjective energy to every encounter with your mother.  Your energy is one of the contributing elements.   Of course, her energy also contributes, but as in any chemical formula, if you change one element – or even the quantity of one of the elements – you get an entirely different compound.

Create the Consequences You Want

To produce different consequences, you have to change the Truth.  To change The Truth, change the energy.  To change the energy, make different choices.

(How’s that for a scientific formula?)

You don’t need to go searching for The Old Truth before you adopt A New Truth.  The Truth is what you feel and what you believe.  Without knowing precisely which emotion you’ve been radiating, you can choose the one(s) you want to exude instead.  Without deciphering the exact belief contributing to your past results, you can adopt a new belief that will serve you better.

Let’s get specific:

Say you want to change the fact that you’re alone.    Choose an emotion that radiates confident, welcoming energy, such as humor, pleasure or enjoyment.  Internalize the belief that will become the backbone of your new reality:  “I’m surrounded by people who like me.”  “I like others and others like me.”  “I eagerly respond to invitations to participate.

Say you want to increase your prosperity.  Choose which empowering emotion will best support your decision – love, enthusiasm, joy, exuberance, delight, gratitude, generosity.  And choose which belief will break any paradigms of scarcity:  “I happily welcome financial abundance.”  “I love money and money loves me.”

Say you want to heal an aching back.  Choose an emotion that infuses you with confidence – calmness, resilience, assurance, humor.  Find a belief that frees you of any sense of burden:  “I trust my family to have the strength and ingenuity to take care of themselves.”  “I am surrounded by partners, and I receive their love and support.”

Any shift in perception is a new choice which moves you into a different energy field.  To check this out, try a little experiment.  First, think of some recent event in which you felt delighted, happy or excited.  Review it a time or two in your mind, then notice what’s going on in your body.  How does your face feel?  Your hands?  Your shoulders?  Your stomach?  Now remember a recent situation in which you felt angry, annoyed or resentful.  Replay that incident in your mind a couple of times and pay attention to what happens to your body.  What changes in your face, your hands, your shoulders, your stomach?  Now switch back to the enjoyable situation.  If you had a scowl did it switch to a smile?  If your hands clenched, did they relax?  Etc.

Energy radiates in every direction.  It impacts other people and influences situations in much the same way it affects your body.  If you bring harsh, angry, disgruntled energy into a situation, that negative energy bombards others.  If you bring cheerful, confident, welcoming energy, that positive energy relaxes others.

Because energy, either negative and positive, affects the subjective response of everything it encounters, it changes The Truth as seen by all participants.

Let’s return again to my example of a conflicted mother-child relationship.  The decision to inject peace and acceptance into every encounter with your mother changes your subjective truth.  You see yourself through a different lens; you see her through a different lens.  This changes the energy between the two of you and that changes the energy of the situation.  Your peaceful, accepting energy permeates her energy field and changes her subjective Truth.  It’s like placing a new filter over the lens through which she views your encounters.  These changes in Truth change the Consequences.

Once you know how the two Truths of emotion and belief produce your Consequences, you can adopt the formula into all aspects of your life:

Positive energy creates Positive Truth produces Positive Consequences.

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Free Will and Limitation

Sunday, July 11th, 2010

It seems to me one of the most important characteristics of sentience is free will.  As human beings, we all have the ability to choose.

Or do we?

We seem to find restraints everywhere we look.  We are bound by laws, restrictions, obligations, duties, policies, responsibilities, handicaps, social mores, habits, rules, genetics, etc.  How much free will do we actually have when we’re surrounded by limitations?

Do we, as human beings, have unlimited choice, in all things, in all areas of our lives?  What about those times or those situations where there seems to be no choice, or the choices are extremely limited, or the best choice seems to be the lesser of two evils?  Where’s the free will then?

History is full of examples of real people who have transcended their lot – people who overcame the constraints of race, sex, poverty, lack of formal education, politics, religious restrictions, caste, or physical limitations.  What about them?  Did they choose or were they destined to have those limitations in the first place?  Did they choose or were they destined to overcome them?

Free Will and Personal Power

Consider the strong correlation between free will and personal power.  The more powerless you feel, the fewer options you recognize.  Conversely, the greater you grow in your personal power, the more options appear before you.   My model – The Diamond of Mastery – illustrates the relationship between personal power and possibilities.  At the lowest point of the diamond, power is at its lowest and nothing seems possible.  At the highest point, power is at its highest, yet it’s as narrow in scope as the bottom segment of the diamond.

Does this mean the range of possibilities is no wider at the top than at the bottom?  Well, yes.

Does this also mean free will also narrows?  Yes, but for very different reasons.

Maximum Free Will

Consider the nature of observer mode, which cuts a wide swath across the middle of the diamond.  observer mode is neutral – without judgment, without criticism, without censure, without approval or disapproval, free of either condemnation or praise.  From a neutral perspective, everything is equal:  the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful, the hard and the easy, the true and the false, the tall and the short, the thick and the thin – plus everything in between.   The best brainstorming, the best questions, the best critical thinking, and the widest range of possibilities come from this place of neutrality.  The more neutral you are the better you can weigh the pros and cons.  Neutrality give you that broadest, highest, deepest, clearest view of any situation.  You can see what you do want; you can see what you don’t want, and you will have a pretty strong idea of why, of all possible options, what you choose will be true for you.  From this fish-eye, wide-angle 360-degree vantage point, you have the absolute highest level of free will.

Narrowing the Scope

From this center band of neutrality, the diamond narrows in both directions.  Going down into interpreter mode, you have fewer options because you distance yourself from your personal power.  In a sense, you forfeit power – which is a choice in itself.  Going up into partner mode, you have fewer possibilities because you eliminate the ones you don’t want and concentrate your personal power on the options you’re still willing to consider.

Let’s take a closer look at this idea of forfeiting power or concentrating it.

Picture this.  Your town (or city) has a municipal water supply, stored in tanks in anticipation of need.  When you want a glass of water, you turn a tap, and water comes to you from the supply.  If a pipe breaks somewhere between the tank and your house (or a drip in your house) water leaks (or flows) out and ends up as wastewater without having been put to any good use.  Perhaps all available personal power is stored in a big cosmic tank somewhere.  Certainly, all you could ever want is available to you as easily as turning on a water tap.

interpreter mode is like living with a leaky tap.  Drip, drip, drip.  Through your thoughts, emotion, or actions, you let your power leak away.  Except it doesn’t end up in some civilized “wastewater removal system.”  It puddles around you, muddying the ground you stand on, creating a mire of difficulty.  If left unattended long enough, you end up struggling in a quicksand of limited possibilities.  Your free will gets stuck in the mud.

Conversely, partner mode is like having access to a power hose.  One flick of the tap and power gushes out in a steady stream.  You point that power at something you want, and it concentrates from possible to probable.  Your free will becomes more narrowly focused.

Losing and Gaining

Toward the tips of the diamond – in either direction – your possibilities narrow even more.

Going down, you hit victim mode, where it feels as if you have little or no choice.  Because you have assumed the role of Victim (in the story of your life), it’s extremely difficult to acknowledge the past choices that brought you to this point.  But all along the way you have been forfeiting power, relinquishing responsibility, choosing by refusing to choose, and perhaps finding advantage as well as pain in your helplessness.

At the upper tip of the diamond, you access your personal power at astonishing levels and create with seemingly little effort.  However, your free will has concentrated by  previous choices into a laser-like point.  The range of choices available in creator mode may be as narrow as in victim mode, but that’s the only similarity between self-mastery and self-deprivation.

Somewhere in observer mode, you chose to go in a particular direction.  Perhaps you decided to become a writer, or major in science, or go to law school, or move to Ghana, or join a nudist colony.  In making that one choice, you discarded a whole slew of other choices.  You became discerning, shifted out of neutral, sharpened your focus – and “limited” the extend of your free will.  Of course, you retain the power to go back to neutral at any time.

Mastering Free Will

Free will is one of the most important aspects of growth.  It’s the well-spring of purpose, it expands personal power, it sharpens the energies of manifestation, it channels self-mastery.  Free will is a gift.

Free will is also one of the most important obligations of sentience, because only through thinking and choosing, only through free will, can we live in love and joy and peace.

Whatever Mode of Mastery we operate from on any given day, we always have the choice to live today to the best of our ability.  Today we can choose frustration over anger, choose flexibility over frustration, choose cooperation over flexibility, choose enthusiasm over cooperation.  (Choose any progression that describes your own situation.)

Today is the only point of choice available to us.  The gift of yesterday’s choices brought us to today’s choices.  What gift do you want today’s choices to present to you tomorrow?  If you feel constrained, bound, limited, or struggling – move into observer mode energy and give yourself expansion, assurance, or calm tomorrow.

observer mode is amazingly freeing, wonderfully open, restfully secure.  But after a while it may begin to feel unfocused, detached, uncommitted, too loose, too free.  Clearly, you’re ready to master partner mode.

Just as partner mode is an expansion of personal power, it’s also a concentration of possibility.  Narrow your options.  Choose what you do want, and form your partnerships with those possibilities.  Toss the options you don’t want out of your basket of possibilities.

Yes, by concentrating your free will you constrain it, but you’ve step into a realm of greater personal power.

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What’s True for You

Sunday, June 27th, 2010

As I’ve worked with intentions, my own and those of others, I’ve found the following to be a good rule of thumb:

Choose what’s true for you, and be willing to be true to it.

Of course, this may raise the challenging question: “How do I know what’s true for me?”

For the following discussion, I’ll be referring often to my Modes of Mastery Model and the Emotions list

It’s important to note that someone in VICTIM mode can’t even ask that question. People in VICTIM mode are more likely to want safety than Best Good.

INTERPRETER mode also thwarts this question. If you’re focused on validation, keeping score, weighing the odds, what’s not right, making your point, reasons why not, blame, or any other form of struggle, you will have no energy left to look within. The stories you’ve generated to justify, explain, reclaim, rationalize or validate will distort your perspectives of the world, of your relationships with others, and of especially yourself. You can ask, “What’s true for me?” but you will not be able to discern the answer.

Allowing What’s True for You

When you move from INTERPRETER mode to OBSERVER mode, everything changes. When you achieve neutrality, your view of what’s possible suddenly expands and moves from black-and-white to full-spectrum color. Now when you ask what’s true for you, you can attune to the indicators.

People are most likely to choose something that’s not true for them when operating from VICTIM or INTERPRETER mode. It’s all about possibilities – or lack of them.

In VICTIM mode, things range from the total darkness of no hope to the dark gray of no more. The emotions of INTERPRETER mode range from grim dark gray to the light gray of merely frustrating. The darker emotions (violence, hostility, anxiety, grief) create the most struggle and keep the possibilities most restricted. The lighter INTERPRETER emotions (pride, devotion, relief, desire) allow enough illumination to move from not possible to difficult. The world is still restricted to black and white, however, while you are a full-color person.

In OBSERVER mode, your options become much brighter. Any neutral choice will be more true for you than those struggling for air from the muck of disappointment, embarrassment, smugness, shame – or any other emotion derived solely from your interpretation of past experiences.

Because OBSERVER mode emotions have the power of neutrality, any intention set from this mode will be true for you in a calm, neutral way. Deriving contentment and comfort from your choices now becomes possible.

When you operate from PARTNER mode, you enter the world of color, and every intention you set will take you more and more strongly toward your deepest truth. This is a realm of more risk, more challenge and more growth. The path is tougher, the gains greater, the service fuller, and the results more exhilarating. You may, on occasion, experience emotions from INTERPRETER mode. Observe them, identify them, acknowledge your investment in them, and replace them with emotions from PARTNER mode.

Creating What’s True for You

CREATOR mode is full spectrum, full density, living color. When you are attuned to CREATOR emotions, every intention you set, every choice you make will be true for you.

Most people rarely connect with what is true for them. Most people operate from VICTIM or INTERPRETER modes most of the time. VICTIM mode produces pain and suffering. Any intentions set or any choices made from VICTIM mode will also produce pain and suffering, and you can be sure those intentions and choices are not true for you. INTERPRETER mode produces struggle. Any intentions set or any choices made from INTERPRETER mode will also produce struggle, and you can be sure those intentions and choices are not true for you.

Likewise, since OBSERVER emotions produce calm, any intentions you set or choices you make from neutrality will produce calm, and that calm indicates increasing alignment with what’s true for you.

PARTNER emotions produce opportunity

(A word of caution here: “opportunity” can mean different things in different circumstances. Bernard Madoff lured people into his Ponzi scheme with an “opportunity,” but the emotions that motivated his victims were probably those of INTERPRETER mode. They may have been motivated by acquisition emotions: greed, ambition, desire, envy, gloating, yearning, lust. Or they might have been motivated by anxiety emotions, particularly concerning lack: defensiveness, dread, frustration, impatience, insecurity.)

When we look at opportunity from the PARTNER perspective, consider the expansion value of attraction, confidence, gratitude, harmony, willingness and tenacity. Practitioners of PARTNER mode know their part includes effort, focus, attention, respect for both the challenge and the other participants.

Your Best Good is Always True for You

CREATOR mode produces Best Good, and your best good always connects most strongly to your truest truth.

People persist in situations that are not true for them for many reasons, including:

· One or more of their values keeps them where they are.
· The unknown is too frightening.
· They lack confidence in their abilities.
· They defer to the values and expectations of others.
· They believe they’ll win out if they just try harder.
· They can’t see any other possibilities.
· They doubt their abilities.

Since I have experienced most of the above reasons, I can personally testify that choosing or persisting in any situation that is not true for you, for whatever reason, costs more than it’s worth.

By observing your emotions, you can recognize the extent to which you are connected to what’s true for you. By observing and acknowledging your results, you can recognize the extent to which a past choice was aligned with your truth. By observing current results, you will receive early-warning signals when a choice is not true for you.

Early warning signals can include physical ailments, losing things, forgetting things, accidents, persistent troublesome situations, conflicts with others. The first signal may be mild: a simple cold, a stubbed toe, spilled milk, feelings of annoyance. If you ignore the first signal, the second will be stronger: a sore throat, a sprained ankle, a clogged drain, increasingly frequent arguments. The more you ignore the signals, the harder your soul will work to get your attention. The ultimate penalty for persisting along a false course is death.

Please, please, please do not assume that all normal frustrations and set-backs of life indicate soul-level mis-alignment. Please do not judge yourself or others by a cold or a sprained ankle or a clogged drain. Accidents happen. I do, however, urge you to be willing to observe your own life; be willing to listen for the ways your soul speaks to you.

So now let’s look at ways to recognize whether the intention you want to set is true for you.

· True choices draw you to them; you do not have to push into them.
· True choices help you connect to PARTNER and CREATOR emotions.
· True choices supply you with the courage to face your fears and doubts.
· True choices resonate with your soul.
· True choices serve others.

Finally, I’d like to touch on the second half of my opening statement: be willing to be true to the choices you make.

Personal growth is an extremely uneven process. Sometimes it feels like a long slow slog, sometimes the learning curve rises in a breath-taking sweep. Sometimes periods of steady growth can be marked by obvious gains. Sometimes there are fallow periods of absorbing, nurturing and rejuvenation. Because of this variance in your own personal growth patterns, you may sometimes feel impatient or frustrated.

Stay True During Fallow Season

During a slow slog or times when your momentum feel stalled, you may set an aggressive intention in an effort to “get the show on the road.” You may not be mentally ready, emotionally connected or sufficiently prepared to be true to such an intention. At such times it’s possible to set out in a true direction yet make an un-true choice. I have lots of experience with this one.

For instance, when I chose to become a writer, that was true for me. When I chose to write romance novels, I chose quickly and from self-doubt (I thought it would be easy), and my choice was not true for me. I continued along that path for fifteen years, and it was all struggle.

On the other hand, during that struggle, when I began teaching writing, that was true for me. I grew, I served, I had fun, and happiness was my way. Many of my students have become successful authors, and I observed that those writers who succeeded were those for whom the intention was true for them, and they were true to it.

To be true to an intention requires you to make a couple of important decisions first.

· Be willing to know yourself.
· Be willing to release any fears, doubts and false beliefs.
· Make sure your value system is yours and not someone else’s.
· Be willing to listen to your heart.

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What You Have is True for You

Sunday, June 6th, 2010

(I am a life coach.  If you would like personal help in applying the principles I explore in this blog, please contact me through my web site.)

A TRUE INTENTION MUST be true for you.  It must resonate with you, be congruent with you, be in accord with your world view.  To bring something into existence, your thoughts (including beliefs and assumptions) must align with it; your emotions must be harmonious with it, and your actions must support it.  When those conditions are met, you will get what you want.  Your intention becomes reality.

This formula, in accordance with any scientific formula, works both ways.  Your reality is comprised of the alignment of your thoughts, emotions and actions.  What you have now conforms to what’s currently true for you.

“Wait!” you say.  “I don’t want my current degree of scarcity (or conflict, or pain, or confusion, or loneliness).”

Of course you don’t.  (Neither do I.)  But you’re aligned with it.  (And so am I)

However, in order to create something else, sometimes it’s necessary to first become un- aligned with what you currently have.  And that often includes recognizing why what you have now is true for you.

Here are four possible ways something you don’t really want could have become true:

1. You have a deep emotional tie to it.

Emotions are learned – and we learn them early.  In The Biology of Belief, Bruce Lipton describes how the emotions of parents can be conveyed to an unborn child.  This seems to apply to both parents, so it may be genetic rather than simply physiological.  If your mother (or perhaps your father) was sad during your gestation, that sadness could imprint on the proteins that carry the messages of your DNA.

And then, children easily pick up the emotions of their parents and caregivers.  If your parents always worried about money, you certainly picked up on their fears and doubts.  If they felt insecure with each other, you probably absorbed levels of mistrust and withdrawal.  Etc.

Thus, you may have a strong but deep emotional tie to sadness.  Or your troubled relationships with money could have roots to your early childhood.  Or your inability to be intimate may reflect your parents’ misgivings about each other.

However, just because such deep ties formed early does not mean they’re cast in concrete.  Emotions are always a choice – even those you acquired before you were born.  Not only that, emotions are the key to your personal power.  Recognize those emotions, acknowledge they have been true for you, and you begin the process of uprooting them and planting something else in their place.  Every time you exchange one disempowering emotion for one with more power, you grow stronger – and you change what’s true for you.

2. You’ve accepted a false premise.

There’s an axiom in computer programming that is a new way of stating an old principle:  Garbage in, garbage out.  Faulty premises produce false conclusions.  And yet, human beings have a tendency to accept conclusions without testing the premises.

Likewise, observed (but unproven) conclusions often promote faulty premises.  For example, if you have a 5, and you want to know how you got 5, you can say that 5 comes from 3 and 2.  That’s correct.  But what if your particular 5 is the sum of 4 and 1?

A real life example I encounter often comes when people analyze a health issue.  Perhaps someone has asthma (or tendonitis, or an ulcer, or a recurring cold) and wants to solve it.  They start looking for the components, and quite logically the first components they look for are physical.  When they discover the allergies and sensitivities that trigger asthma symptoms, they come up with a 2 + 3 = 5 equation, the 2 being a genetic predisposition, and the 3 being environmental factors.  Based on that equation, the treatment for asthma focuses on removing (or treating) the environment factors.  And yes, the asthma abates.

Except what if this particular asthma in this individual is a 1 + 4 problem?  The 1 might be environmental, and the 4 might be emotional.  Treating the symptoms still leaves the largest element of the equation unresolved.  (See books by Louise Hay and Karol Truman on this subject).  Or the components might by 1+1+1+2, with the numbers representing factors yet to be discovered.

Whatever your persistent issue, examine one or more of the following as an unidentified premise:

  • You have an unresolved emotion.  If anger, grief, anxiety, disappointment, resentment, etc. are buried in the body, their toxic nature is as dangerous as any environmental contaminant.
  • You get a payoff.  Generally, when behaviors are rewarded they are repeated, and they often become habitual.  Common rewards include:  more attention from others, control over others, a reprieve from an expected punishment, an exemption from something you don’t want to do, freedom from responsibility, a good excuse.
  • You’re staging a good defense.  When faced with problems too big to handle, people often retreat.  Illness, poverty, loneliness, etc., become coping mechanisms of choice.
  • You’re employing a good offense.  The drive to conquer can produce results as debilitating as the desire to run away.  Aspiration, greed, hostility, lust, pride and possessiveness can  result in illness, poverty and loneliness, etc.

As with emotions, when you recognize a self-defeating element in any equation, you’ve taken the first step toward breaking free of a “truth” you don’t want and adopting one that’s congruent with what you do want.

3. You’ve formed an attachment.

The Buddah concluded life is suffering and all suffering is attachment.  Whether you can currently see it or not, if you suffer you probably have some kind of attachment to your current reality.

Sometimes such attachments are obvious.  Perhaps you want a partner (lover, spouse, business partner, comrade), but you prize privacy more.  Perhaps you want health, but you’ve come to rely on your doctor.  Perhaps you want an active, adventurous life, but you’re attached to safety.

Because money has been one  of my challenges, I approach it with the techniques I suggest to others.  Very recently, I probed for any attachment I might have regarding it, and I discovered an attachment to scarcity.  At first, I labeled it “minimalism,” but I realized its true name very quickly.

Since money has been scarce my entire life, I can assume deep emotional roots:  My parents were very good at doing without.  My father did all the home maintenance; my mother made all our clothes and cooked from scratch.  When I was a teenager I realized I had adopted a strategy of not wanting.  By not wanting, I avoided disappointment and resentment and could just be happy.  As a young wife, I followed  my mother’s pattern.  I made my children’s clothes (often from scraps) and I cooked from scratch.  I am very, very good at doing without.

It’s been challenging to realize I formed an attachment to getting along without, especially when that extends to an attachment to scarcity.  I’d much rather have plenty, prosperity, abundance.

When releasing attachment, it’s important to avoid simply substituting a different attachment.  It’s the attachment that causes suffering.  As the opposite of attachment, consider appreciation, peace, respect, and gratitude.

4. You have an ego investment.

Several years ago, in a book on yoga philosophy, I read a definition of ego I particularly like.  Unfortunately, I don’t remember the name of the book or the author so I can’t cite it, but the gist was that ego is when you need others to see you as you see yourself and/or you need to keep proving that how you see yourself is true.  I like this approach to ego because it doesn’t deny the self.  For instance, you can be smart and know you’re smart.  You don’t have to deny you’re smart, and you don’t need other people to know you’re smart.

Consider whether you have an ego investment in your current reality.  (I have to admit, I have had an ego investment in being a minimalist.)

Here are a few examples of how this can play out to keep you where you are – and how you can break the cycle:

  • You see yourself as competent.  The more problems you solve, the more you prove your competence (to yourself or others).  Thus you have lots of problems to solve.  To manifest a less complicated life, acknowledge your competence and stop needing to prove it.
  • You see yourself as sensitive.  The more you react to other people’s emotions, the more you prove your sensitivity.  Thus, other people’s needs have higher priority than your own.  To manifest more personal fulfillment, acknowledge your sensitivity and stop needing to prove it.
  • You see yourself as a sick person, and you need other people to take your illness seriously.  Their acknowledgment of your illness may be more important to your ego than your wellness.  To move toward wellness, stop claiming the disease or condition.  Call it a sinus infection, not “my sinus infection.”  Call it a back ache, not “my aching back.”
  • You see yourself as productive.  The subconscious often translates this to busy, so the busier you are the more productive you feel.  Consequently, you fill up your days and weeks and years with tasks and activities, and you have little time for what you really want.  Let go of a need to prove you’re productive and you’ll find more satisfaction.

So, what is true for you?

What’s true for you is what you believe to be true.  All the above ways can contribute to “truth,” in that they influence your results. But when you look at them logically and/or connect with them at the heart level, you may see they have nothing to do with your authentic self, with your infinite nature.

At any given moment – including this one – you can make a new choice.  You can sever an emotional tie that seeps your power and choose an emotion that supports you.  You can trade a false premise for one that’s accurate.  You can release attachment and find neutrality.  You can surrender any need to prove something about yourself and accept where you are at this moment on your life’s journey.

When you break free of an old belief and call it a lie instead of truth, what’s true for you changes.  It adapts to your new beliefs and your new choices, and you will experience new results.

Since I try to walk my talk, here’s the current status of my own story:  I realized I was attached to scarcity.  I realized I didn’t want to simply exchange attachment to scarcity for attachment to money.  But I do want prosperity, so I’ve been choosing appreciation and enthusiasm.  I’ve been embracing prosperity with love (instead of doubt).

And I’ve been getting more checks in the mail.  I’ve had more inquiries from potential clients.  I’ve had fewer cancellations for appointments.  It’s only been a week, so I don’t know what’s cause and effect and what’s coincidence.  I do know I’m going to continue along this path.

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