(I am a life coach. If you would like personal help in applying the principles I explore in this blog, please contact me through my web site.)
A TRUE INTENTION MUST be true for you. It must resonate with you, be congruent with you, be in accord with your world view. To bring something into existence, your thoughts (including beliefs and assumptions) must align with it; your emotions must be harmonious with it, and your actions must support it. When those conditions are met, you will get what you want. Your intention becomes reality.
This formula, in accordance with any scientific formula, works both ways. Your reality is comprised of the alignment of your thoughts, emotions and actions. What you have now conforms to what’s currently true for you.
“Wait!” you say. “I don’t want my current degree of scarcity (or conflict, or pain, or confusion, or loneliness).”
Of course you don’t. (Neither do I.) But you’re aligned with it. (And so am I)
However, in order to create something else, sometimes it’s necessary to first become un- aligned with what you currently have. And that often includes recognizing why what you have now is true for you.
Here are four possible ways something you don’t really want could have become true:
1. You have a deep emotional tie to it.
Emotions are learned – and we learn them early. In The Biology of Belief, Bruce Lipton describes how the emotions of parents can be conveyed to an unborn child. This seems to apply to both parents, so it may be genetic rather than simply physiological. If your mother (or perhaps your father) was sad during your gestation, that sadness could imprint on the proteins that carry the messages of your DNA.
And then, children easily pick up the emotions of their parents and caregivers. If your parents always worried about money, you certainly picked up on their fears and doubts. If they felt insecure with each other, you probably absorbed levels of mistrust and withdrawal. Etc.
Thus, you may have a strong but deep emotional tie to sadness. Or your troubled relationships with money could have roots to your early childhood. Or your inability to be intimate may reflect your parents’ misgivings about each other.
However, just because such deep ties formed early does not mean they’re cast in concrete. Emotions are always a choice – even those you acquired before you were born. Not only that, emotions are the key to your personal power. Recognize those emotions, acknowledge they have been true for you, and you begin the process of uprooting them and planting something else in their place. Every time you exchange one disempowering emotion for one with more power, you grow stronger – and you change what’s true for you.
2. You’ve accepted a false premise.
There’s an axiom in computer programming that is a new way of stating an old principle: Garbage in, garbage out. Faulty premises produce false conclusions. And yet, human beings have a tendency to accept conclusions without testing the premises.
Likewise, observed (but unproven) conclusions often promote faulty premises. For example, if you have a 5, and you want to know how you got 5, you can say that 5 comes from 3 and 2. That’s correct. But what if your particular 5 is the sum of 4 and 1?
A real life example I encounter often comes when people analyze a health issue. Perhaps someone has asthma (or tendonitis, or an ulcer, or a recurring cold) and wants to solve it. They start looking for the components, and quite logically the first components they look for are physical. When they discover the allergies and sensitivities that trigger asthma symptoms, they come up with a 2 + 3 = 5 equation, the 2 being a genetic predisposition, and the 3 being environmental factors. Based on that equation, the treatment for asthma focuses on removing (or treating) the environment factors. And yes, the asthma abates.
Except what if this particular asthma in this individual is a 1 + 4 problem? The 1 might be environmental, and the 4 might be emotional. Treating the symptoms still leaves the largest element of the equation unresolved. (See books by Louise Hay and Karol Truman on this subject). Or the components might by 1+1+1+2, with the numbers representing factors yet to be discovered.
Whatever your persistent issue, examine one or more of the following as an unidentified premise:
- You have an unresolved emotion. If anger, grief, anxiety, disappointment, resentment, etc. are buried in the body, their toxic nature is as dangerous as any environmental contaminant.
- You get a payoff. Generally, when behaviors are rewarded they are repeated, and they often become habitual. Common rewards include: more attention from others, control over others, a reprieve from an expected punishment, an exemption from something you don’t want to do, freedom from responsibility, a good excuse.
- You’re staging a good defense. When faced with problems too big to handle, people often retreat. Illness, poverty, loneliness, etc., become coping mechanisms of choice.
- You’re employing a good offense. The drive to conquer can produce results as debilitating as the desire to run away. Aspiration, greed, hostility, lust, pride and possessiveness can result in illness, poverty and loneliness, etc.
As with emotions, when you recognize a self-defeating element in any equation, you’ve taken the first step toward breaking free of a “truth” you don’t want and adopting one that’s congruent with what you do want.
3. You’ve formed an attachment.
The Buddah concluded life is suffering and all suffering is attachment. Whether you can currently see it or not, if you suffer you probably have some kind of attachment to your current reality.
Sometimes such attachments are obvious. Perhaps you want a partner (lover, spouse, business partner, comrade), but you prize privacy more. Perhaps you want health, but you’ve come to rely on your doctor. Perhaps you want an active, adventurous life, but you’re attached to safety.
Because money has been one of my challenges, I approach it with the techniques I suggest to others. Very recently, I probed for any attachment I might have regarding it, and I discovered an attachment to scarcity. At first, I labeled it “minimalism,” but I realized its true name very quickly.
Since money has been scarce my entire life, I can assume deep emotional roots: My parents were very good at doing without. My father did all the home maintenance; my mother made all our clothes and cooked from scratch. When I was a teenager I realized I had adopted a strategy of not wanting. By not wanting, I avoided disappointment and resentment and could just be happy. As a young wife, I followed my mother’s pattern. I made my children’s clothes (often from scraps) and I cooked from scratch. I am very, very good at doing without.
It’s been challenging to realize I formed an attachment to getting along without, especially when that extends to an attachment to scarcity. I’d much rather have plenty, prosperity, abundance.
When releasing attachment, it’s important to avoid simply substituting a different attachment. It’s the attachment that causes suffering. As the opposite of attachment, consider appreciation, peace, respect, and gratitude.
4. You have an ego investment.
Several years ago, in a book on yoga philosophy, I read a definition of ego I particularly like. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the name of the book or the author so I can’t cite it, but the gist was that ego is when you need others to see you as you see yourself and/or you need to keep proving that how you see yourself is true. I like this approach to ego because it doesn’t deny the self. For instance, you can be smart and know you’re smart. You don’t have to deny you’re smart, and you don’t need other people to know you’re smart.
Consider whether you have an ego investment in your current reality. (I have to admit, I have had an ego investment in being a minimalist.)
Here are a few examples of how this can play out to keep you where you are – and how you can break the cycle:
- You see yourself as competent. The more problems you solve, the more you prove your competence (to yourself or others). Thus you have lots of problems to solve. To manifest a less complicated life, acknowledge your competence and stop needing to prove it.
- You see yourself as sensitive. The more you react to other people’s emotions, the more you prove your sensitivity. Thus, other people’s needs have higher priority than your own. To manifest more personal fulfillment, acknowledge your sensitivity and stop needing to prove it.
- You see yourself as a sick person, and you need other people to take your illness seriously. Their acknowledgment of your illness may be more important to your ego than your wellness. To move toward wellness, stop claiming the disease or condition. Call it a sinus infection, not “my sinus infection.” Call it a back ache, not “my aching back.”
- You see yourself as productive. The subconscious often translates this to busy, so the busier you are the more productive you feel. Consequently, you fill up your days and weeks and years with tasks and activities, and you have little time for what you really want. Let go of a need to prove you’re productive and you’ll find more satisfaction.
So, what is true for you?
What’s true for you is what you believe to be true. All the above ways can contribute to “truth,” in that they influence your results. But when you look at them logically and/or connect with them at the heart level, you may see they have nothing to do with your authentic self, with your infinite nature.
At any given moment – including this one – you can make a new choice. You can sever an emotional tie that seeps your power and choose an emotion that supports you. You can trade a false premise for one that’s accurate. You can release attachment and find neutrality. You can surrender any need to prove something about yourself and accept where you are at this moment on your life’s journey.
When you break free of an old belief and call it a lie instead of truth, what’s true for you changes. It adapts to your new beliefs and your new choices, and you will experience new results.
Since I try to walk my talk, here’s the current status of my own story: I realized I was attached to scarcity. I realized I didn’t want to simply exchange attachment to scarcity for attachment to money. But I do want prosperity, so I’ve been choosing appreciation and enthusiasm. I’ve been embracing prosperity with love (instead of doubt).
And I’ve been getting more checks in the mail. I’ve had more inquiries from potential clients. I’ve had fewer cancellations for appointments. It’s only been a week, so I don’t know what’s cause and effect and what’s coincidence. I do know I’m going to continue along this path.
