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Choosing and Using

Sunday, January 29th, 2012

In the mid-1990s, I attended a powerful workshop on abundance presented by Unity teacher  Edwina Gaines.  Somewhere in her workshop, she said, “What is up to you.  How is up to God.”  It’s the only thing I remember from the workshop, probably because at the time I was caught up in the importance of taking action.  Even though she continued with, “Listen for the divine idea,” I couldn’t get past my own belief in the need to do. I had experienced the difference between affirmations that worked and those that didn’t, and I saw that difference as aligning emotion with thought.  And I had observed over and over again the necessity of also aligning actions – putting words on paper if you want to write a book, putting miles on the bike if you want to take pack trips, eating right if you want to be healthy, etc.

So I pondered and puzzled over Edwina’s words, and after about a decade, I finally got it.  I finally learned to differentiate the what from the how. I saw that what is the essence of free will.  As human beings, choosing what is our opportunity, our responsibility, our obligation.  No force in the universe (not even God) can choose for us.  We must choose, and choosing what must come first.  If we jump too quickly into the how, we’ll end up with the wrong what. Further, if we try to control the how we limit the miracle.

Taking on Your Part

However, since I’ve been working with the modes of personal power, I’ve begun to see aspects of how that do belong to us.  The more I work with emotions, the more I see them as the energy of how. Emotional energy is the force that empowers results.  If you want a certain result, you can identify the emotional energy that produces the outcome, generate that emotion within you and then use the energy to fuel the result you’ve chosen.  This is not exerting power over your emotions so much as accessing the power of your emotions.  In this respect, identifying and investing emotional energy is the how that’s up to you.

I’ve also been observing another interaction between what and how that blurs the boundary between them even more.  When you decide you want something, it’s totally natural, perhaps instinctive, to immediately begin mapping out the route between here and there.  Whether you call this a business plan, a plan of attack, a project plan, or merely a to-do list, you gain confidence in your idea when you assure yourself of the potential for success by envisioning the means to get there.  If you can’t see the how, you may discard the idea immediately.  This could be called the process of how-to-what.

Moving From What to How

Consider instead a what-to-how approach.

Begin by identifying what you want.  You can be as broad or as particular as you like, but use specific terms.  A general sense of something, expressed in general terms can come out hazy and not quite formed, i.e., “I’d like to get to a place in my heart where I can let go of animosity towards others,” or “It’d be nice if I could feel confident enough of my voice to sing in front of people.”

Instead, either the broad statement, “I want joy,” or the specific statement, “I want a happier relationships with _______,” gets more to the heart of what you want.  You can say, “I want to live on purpose,” or you can say, “I want to sing at the Met,” and either one can be perfectly accurate and true for you.

To illustrate this for yourself, draw a pyramid on a piece of paper.  Draw a horizontal line slightly below the peak of the pyramid, forming a small triangle on top.  Write what you want in the triangle.  This is your intention.  At this point, don’t give a single thought to the large space below the line.  Everything below this topmost level is how.

Sometimes we choose things that aren’t true for us.  Sometimes we resist something that is true for us.  The first how that belongs to you is to make your intention absolutely, totally, 100% true for you.

You may already have a deep emotional connection with what you want.  If so, this aspect of how may feel pretty straightforward and easily itemized.  Whether you have the connection or want to achieve it, the following practice will help you strengthen and empower your intention.

  • Imagine what you want as accomplished, manifest, complete, a done deal.

Refuse to let doubts and potential obstacles interfere with this envisioning.  If you want joy, imagine you have it.  If you want a relationship with someone to be happy, imagine it is. If you want to be living your purpose, imagine you are.  If you want to sing at the Met, imagine you’re on the stage.  See it accomplished, real, now.

If you can’t quite imagine what you want as real, find something comparable you have experienced and recall the feeling.  Perhaps seeing yourself on stage at the Met is a bit of a stretch, but when you ski you maneuver the moguls with ease and confidence.  Remember the success and pleasure you experience on a challenging slope.  Once you feel it, it’s transferable.

  • As you envision what you want as fulfilled, let the emotion(s) of fulfillment bubble up within you.  Recognize them and name them.  Do you feel happiness?  Joy?  Peace?  Love?  Confidence?  Exhilaration?  Gratitude?
  • Let yourself experience these emotions to the fullest.  Be them.  Let them expand and fill your entire body.  Let them flow down your arms and legs to your fingers and toes.  Feel the vibrations of them as fully and completely as you can.
  • Think about your intention and envelop it in this heightened level of your emotions.  Infuse it with these emotions.
  • At least once a day, repeat this exercise.  Imagine, identify, experience, infuse.

Emotion as How

Choosing and using Partner and Creator emotions is your part of how. This practice will help you align your thoughts and emotions with each other and with your intention.

When you become truly, fully aligned with your intention, it becomes accomplished.  You may not be joyful to the exclusion of pain or suffering, but you see such joy as both possible and attainable.  You may not yet be fully living your purpose, but you are fully connected and aligned with that purpose.  You may not yet be singing at the Met, but you know without a doubt performance is your destiny.  You may not yet have a loving relationship with someone, but you have unflinching trust best good for both of you.

And now it’s time to look below the pinnacle of the pyramid.  Using horizontal lines, divide the large space into several sections to represent the steps of how – the journey from where you are to where you want to be.  Some journeys may have two or three steps, and others may have more than ten.  What do you see as your next step along the way, the next leg of your journey?

If joy is your intention, perhaps the next step is a happy home, or peace with your body.  If a happier relationship is your intention, perhaps the next step is becoming happier with yourself.  If singing at the Met is your intention, perhaps the next step is gaining confidence during auditions.  If living on purpose is your intention, perhaps envisioning the way you will serve is your next step.

Whatever you see as your next step now become a what. Now you can set a new intention specific to this step.  Now you can identify the emotions that will help you partner with it and/or create it.  Now you can choose to experience those emotions.  Now you can infuse this what with those emotions.

Continue building your pyramid from the top down by converting each successive how into a what. At each level remember that everything beneath the level you’re working on will stay a how until you get there – and as long as it’s a how it’s not up to you.

Enhance your Product

Now draw a strong vertical pole from the base of your pyramid up through the peak.  This pole is your product.  Your product is what you give to others, the way you do and/or will serve with this intention.  It remains a constant, receiving your efforts, no matter what step you are on, no matter what others efforts you make in support of your intention.  What you ultimately create will be directly related to your product.  In many cases the quality of your product determines the ultimate quality of the miracle.

Some intentions have very obvious products, i.e. the knowledge, the skill, the wisdom, the techniques, the music, the manuscripts, etc.  For other intentions, the product can be more nebulous.  For instance, if you want joy, what’s the product?  Actually, joy is both the what and the how. The more you practice joy – in your heart and in your service – the more joy you’ll have.

This brings us to yet another aspect of how that is up to you.  It’s up to you to become a person who is whatever it is you want.  When you start asking, “But how do I do this?” practice responding with this answer:  “By becoming the person who is this.”  (Or has this, or does this.)

If you were already this person, you would already be or have or do.  Since you are not or have not or do not, give attention and energy to becoming.  Working on the product certainly contributes to your becoming your intention, but action must be supported by thoughts and emotions.

In instances where the intention and the journey are the same, all efforts to become are investments in the product.  The core of any product is the service you render.  If you are becoming joy, let your joy be a service to others.  The more you become your product, the more you enrich the lives of others through the state of your own heart.

Other more physical intentions also require you to be the person who does.  As you strengthen your product, refine your thinking.  As you refine your thinking, continue to evoke and express partner and creator emotions.  Through the energy of you emotions, your thoughts, and your actions, you will become the person who receives.  You will manifest the miracles you’ve chosen.

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Getting What You Want

Sunday, December 11th, 2011

To paraphrase Shakespeare:  What to choose and what not to choose, that is the question.

Followed, of course, by all manner of other questions:  What choices are actually within my power?  What if what I want is not within my power to obtain or achieve?  What if I make a mistake?  What if I don’t deserve it?  What if God has something else in mind for me?  How do I go about getting it?  What if I fail (stumble, look stupid, hurt someone else in the process, lose)?  What if I get it, and end up disappointed (again)?  Etc.

Choosing can be difficult for many reasons, starting with the need to know yourself pretty well and including the limits of the human imagination.  No matter how creative you are, it’s impossible to envision every outcome.  And it’s especially impossible to envision the best way for something to come about.

So here you sit, facing the questions of what to choose (or not choose), besieged by additional questions and limited by your imagination.  And held captive by your assessment of yourself.  Now what?

Well, you can wait for something to happen and hope it’s good.  You can fall back on old habits and old choices and make the best of it.  You can find ways to explain your immobility:  reality, the economy, your obligations, your fears, other people, ego, your lack of resources (money, education, talent, opportunity).  You can look for a sign.  You can experiment with the options you see.  You can go to work on becoming better acquainted with yourself.

You can learn to make miracles.

The Nature of the Miracle

Traditionally, miracles carry a religious connotation, occurring as a result of divine intervention.  You pray, and the gods respond in your favor – if they favor your request.  When I first began to explore the idea of miracles, I realized I held a core belief in the laws of the universe.  I believe natural laws govern all outcomes, and even the gods work within the laws.  I concluded if we can’t see how an outcome happens, we simply do not understand the laws.  (I’m even more convinced of that since I’ve been studying quantum physics.)

For most of my life, I’ve been observing patterns and then dissecting the patterns to discover the contributing factors.  One of the most powerful insights I’ve gained over the years is that any energy or entity “out there” wants our best good.  Completely.  In all things.  Without exception.  Cosmic Consciousness (or God, or The Source, or whatever you want to call it) wants us to be happy, healthy, wealthy, wise, successful, and abundant.

That entity wants us to know ourselves, to know love, to gain enlightenment, to access the full measure of our personal power, and to serve powerfully.  There are no trade-offs.  We don’t have to sacrifice something in order to receive something.  We don’t need to have abundance in order to be happy, or health in order to be wise, or love in order to serve, or service in order to know love.

Of course, if you believe in such trade-offs, they become true.  But what if they aren’t true?  What if you could believe in miracles without limitations?  What if you could believe in your own best good?  What if you could believe your best good was your birthright?  What if you could believe that just because you were born on this planet you were given the right to enjoy the full fruits of life?

I’m going to assume you do believe this, and you do want Your Best Good.

Who Knows What’s Best?

Let’s explore Best Good a bit more deeply.  First of all, recognize Your Best Good is best for you, and you are the only arbiter.  No one on this planet knows what’s best for you better than you do – although cosmic consciousness might.  Your parents don’t know, your teachers didn’t know, your boss doesn’t know, your neighbors don’t know, you minister doesn’t know, your therapist doesn’t know.  No one else knows.  Everyone else will see your best good through their own lenses, and their lenses will be tinted by such factors as their beliefs, their experiences, their values, their view of you, and what’s in it for them.

But, you may be saying, I don’t know what my best good is!  Yes, you do.  At least your soul knows.  Your mind has probably been listening to others for too many years to be able to sort what you know from what everyone else says.  However, your heart and your body have ways of communicating that knowledge to you, if you are willing to listen.

I envision the methodology for making miracles to have three parts.  Each part of the model is an action point and requires your full commitment .

First – Choose, and Choose Truly

First, the choice you make must a true for you – and you must be willing to be true to it.  If you make a choice that is not true for you, you will know it in one of two ways:  1) You won’t be able to hold the intention.  It will simply slip out of your mind and out of your life.  2)  You’ll start getting messages from your true self.  Those messages will begin with a nudge, a pinprick of discomfort, a slip-up somewhere:  you’ll come down with a cold, your car won’t start, you’ll lose a computer file, etc.  (This is not to say every slip-up is a message, but it pays to explore the possibility.)

If you pay attention to the first message and correct your course, you’ll soon be on your way to Your Best Good.  If you ignore the first message, the second will be stronger:  the flu, perhaps, or a rear-ender, or a crashed hard-drive.

If the second message slides past without acknowledgment, and you continue to pursue a choice that isn’t true for you, each successive message will be stronger still.  Pay attention to your pain, whatever form it takes.  It could be serving as a wake-up call, as a seer stone, as a magnifying glass, as a window to your soul, as a reflection of a past un-true choice, etc.

Choices in favor of Your Best Good will always result in less pain, less suffering, less struggle, fewer obstacles, a faster pace, and greater peace.

Second – Align With Your Choice

This section is tricky because it’s absolutely impossible to see the unification – the alignment – take place.  The only way you can know whether or not you’re aligned is to look at the result.  If what you have chosen isn’t happening, you’re not aligned with it.  You’re aligned with whatever is happening.

The mis-alignment can be in your thoughts, in your emotions, or in your actions.  Since actions are the most observable, it’s fairly easy to assess whether they’re in unity with your choice.  If you’ve chosen to be healthy, are you living healthily?  If you’ve chosen to write a book, are you actually writing?  If you’ve chosen to build a business, are you focused on service?

Conscious thought is also fairly easy to monitor, just tune into your mind and listen.  Are you critical or creative?  Are you distracted or determined?  Are you candid or calculating?

Sub-conscious thoughts, beliefs and emotions are more subtle, but they are not invisible.  They show up in such non-subtle ways as trials, tribulations, and pain.

During three recent coaching sessions I worked with people in physical pain.  One client had pain in her shoulder and numbness in her forearm, one had sciatica, and one had irritable bowel syndrome.  In each case, we looked for emotional conflicts by probing for the metaphorical message in the pain.  Once the client found the message, listened to it, and made a different choice, the pain eased up.  My client with shoulder and arm issues, found a belief that it was her responsibility to be the “good right arm” of others, and in accordance with that belief she was investing an excessive amount of energy in other people’s goals.  She decided to refocus her attention on her wholeness and best good.  My client with sciatica realized the pain began when she let herself be drawn into a situation she didn’t like and became angry with herself.  We revisited the incident and she chose calm instead of anger.  My client with the irritated bowel found he was taking responsibility for the emotions of others.  As soon as he identified this burden and acknowledged he had chosen to take it on, he was able to release it.

In each case, when my client recognized the inner conflict and released the part that wasn’t in alignment with Best Good, the pain subsided or disappeared.

Third, Receive the Miracle

Receiving may seem like a no-brainer.  If you choose truly, and if you unify your thoughts, actions and emotions, of course you’re willing to receive!

However, since the miracle will be Your Best Good, it might not look exactly like you envisioned when you first made your choice.  You’ve heard the old story of the guy sitting on his roof during a flood, praying for deliverance and turning away rescuers because he expected God to magically transport him away from danger.  You can’t know in advance what the miracle will look like, what form it will take, or how it will show up in your life.  Be willing to open your arms and embrace the miracle that comes.  Sometimes the miracle is the end result, and the only thing left for you is to celebrate.  Sometimes the miracle is an opportunity, and it’s up to you to stride through the door and proceed eagerly up the path.

Wanting Your Best Good is not a substitute for more specific choices.  If you want to write a best-selling novel, decide what that would feel like to you, and choose it.  Unify your thoughts, actions and emotions with that choice.  Then let go of any expectation, any concept of what that must look like.  Go to work; keep your emotions in partner or creator mode, and willingly receive Your Best Good.

The universe will then deliver the miracle.

(If you would like more information about personal life coaching, or would like a free introductory session, please contact me:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

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Impeccability

Sunday, May 1st, 2011

I first encountered the concept of impeccability several years ago, while reading Carlos Casteneda’s accounting of his work with his mentor Don Juan. Don Juan claimed the first requirement to becoming a “man of knowledge” is impeccability, establishing it as essential in accessing one’s personal power. Because this was a new concept to me, I’ve pondered it, explored it, and come to see its importance.

According to the dictionary, impeccability means to be perfect, to be unblemished. Yet humans are prone to error, so what does unblemished mean in human terms?  To be free of flaws and bruises, like a peach picked carefully and handled gently?  Who could possibly live up to such a standard?  Who would want to?

I agree impeccability means perfect. I also agree with Don Juan that it has more to do with personal power than personality. I think it means becoming aware of your power, in terms of emotions and energy, understanding the nature of that power, and using it impeccably.

The power itself is always unblemished (although it can be used in destructive ways). When you access your power and utilize it toward your best good and the best good of others, you become impeccable. Here are some ways to explore your impeccability, your relationship with your own power.

Self-Consistency

Self-consistency has two parts:  self and consistency.

Self is you as you have been, as you are, and as you will be. When you understand and honor the past, present and future aspects of your life and your path, you have self. Since other people, outside influences and your sometimes-skewed interpretations of your experiences affect the person you are, becoming your true self may be one of the major challenges of your life. Sometimes you may wish you lived in a vacuum so you could be free to just be yourself, but experiences and relationships are the way we grow, a way we can test ourselves. Learn what works for you and what doesn’t by testing what you think and by observing the results of your choices.

Consistency is alignment with your self. Alignment requires constant intention and attention. First you have to know what you want and where you are going, and then you have to pay attention to your progress. Just as a pilot has to monitor the course, a carpenter has to check each angle, and a business has to watch its balance sheet, to stay consistent means watching for errors and correcting them as quickly as possible.

When your path, your desires, your energy, and your truth are steady and congruent, it’s easy to hold firm to your intentions. If you are wobbly in yourself, it’s much more difficult to remain consistent and stay impeccable. Try asking yourself these questions to help correct the wobble:

  • “What is the ideal outcome for this situation?”
  • “What do I want from this situation?”
  • “What kind of person do I want to be?
  • “What is there for me to learn in this situation?”
  • “What do I have to give in this situation?”

Know yourself. Know what’s true for you. Be as consistent as you can to yourself and what’s true for you, and you become more perfectly you. Your power grows, and you hold it more surely. While some choices may shift you slightly off course, impeccability grows whenever you practice course-correction.

Connection with the infinite

You already have access to the most powerful and positive partner there is. This partner is at hand to guide you, sustain you, assist you, enlighten you, and empower you. You can depend on this partner to answer your call no matter how faint your voice. This partner is eager to help and asks nothing in return. This powerful partner has many names; address it with the one that resonates best for you:  God, your higher power, the universe, Spirit, the ancestors, The Goddess, The Source.

Of course, the connection comes with a few conditions. These conditions are like the keys to a lock, and if you cannot or will not insert the key and unlock the door, your powerful partner is unable to enter. The conditions are:

  • You must choose what you want.
  • Your choice must be true for you.
  • Your choice must be un-conflicted.
  • You must be ready to receive the results of your choice.
  • You must be willing to hear your partner’s suggestions.
  • You must accept your partner’s help.

Through connection with your partner, your impeccability grows, your personal power increases, and what you’ve chosen becomes inevitable.

So how do you acknowledge this partner and open the channels to accept this empowered relationship?  It’s very simple.

  • Know you are not alone.
  • Be as true to yourself as you possibly can.
  • Honor yourself and respect others.
  • Employ love as your healing energy.
  • Employ happiness as your creative energy.
  • Employ gratitude as your receiving energy.

When you are impeccable, as soon as you say, “This!” your partner will say, “Yes!”

Forgiveness

Accessing your power and keeping your power strong are the two challenges of impeccability. The first comes with becoming true to yourself and linking with the universe. The second comes by strengthening the integrity of your self, and this means looking at integrity the way an engineer would (to keep the system from warping or deteriorating) or as a potter would (to keep the vessel from leaking).

One of the biggest drains on a person’s power is resentment. When you attach negative emotion to experiences from your past, your resentment becomes a leech. The stronger your resentment,  the deeper it can burrow into your soul and suck your power. The best way to shed such a power-leech and regain your impeccability is through forgiveness.

Forgiveness is often a five-step process, and while you can leap straight to step #5, you may find greater value in working through the leading steps.

  1. Become neutral. Acknowledge the facts of the situation. Acknowledge the other person(s). Acknowledge yourself and your part. What was, was. What is, is. It happened. You can’t change it. It’s over. When you keep wishing something could have been different, you’re grabbing fists full of your own power and handing it over to those you resent. Regardless of how much time has passed since the situation, you continue to cede your power to others.
  2. Extend recognition. See the other person(s) as real, as human, as acting according to what they know, what they believe, and the skills they possess. Recognize their intentions are for their version of best good. Recognize you did the best you could with what you knew, what you believed, and the skills you possess. When you accept the intention of best good (on their part and on yours), you start plugging the holes from which you have been leaking power.
  3. Provide acceptance. This step removes the energy from what the other person did and focuses instead on what you gained. Look at what you learned, how you grew, the insights you acquired. When you can look for the strengthening of your soul rather than any losses you incurred, when you transition from resistance to welcome, you begin to replenish your power.
  4. Be grateful. Let the acceptance of what you gained grow into thankfulness. You’ve already found the value in the experience, now appreciate the other person(s) for providing you with that experience. Say, either to the other person or in your own mind, “Thank you for giving me ______.” (My thanks to my wonderful friend Claire for this wisdom.)  Fill in the blank with whatever insight, strength, freedom, opportunity, new choice, and/or increased power you gained through the challenge they provided. In this way, you fully receive their gift to you, and you become aware of your power in new ways.
  5. Bless others. Blessings are given from power. When you ask for a blessing, you request it of someone (or something) with more power than you possess. When you bestow a blessing it comes from the realm of your own power. In order to bless those who might mistreat you, harm you, impose upon you, threaten you, etc., you must be centered in your own power. Every blessing you bestow not only benefits others, it increases your impeccably. Blessing others strengthens your power and increases your access to it.

Intentionality

The word intention indicates a choice.  When you choose, you become intentional. Most people, however, make choices with clear intention. The more clearly you know what you want, the more intentional you become; the stronger your intention; the more you empower your choices.

To transform a want into a choice requires intentionality. Consider these factors:

  • What you want must be true for you.
  • You must be ready and willing to be true to what you want.
  • Your must give your attention to what you want (both time and focus).
  • Your actions must align with what you want.
  • You can empower what you want with enjoyment, tranquility and/or confidence.

To be true to what you want, make sure your reasons for wanting it are true, your emotions are aligned, you understand any costs involved and agree to meet those costs, and you don’t want something else more.

You can give your time and focus to what you want through meditation, concentration and/or practice. Feel it. Visualize it. Affirm it. Practice it.  Imagine yourself in possession. Experience it as a done deal.

Perform the necessary actions to bring about what you want. If you want to write a book, sit down and put words on paper. If you want to earn a degree, enroll in a university program. If you want to increase your bank account, save instead of spend. Some intentions do not have such specific action requirements, but most do. Do what is required.

Become impeccable with respect to your intention. Keep your power strong and focused. Let the refiner’s fire strengthen your integrity.

Alignment

To build and hold impeccability, the two most important alignments are with yourself and with the infinite. Both have no limits, and you will continue to develop and refine these alignments as long as you exist.

Because you, too, are infinite, you can never fully know yourself while in a finite state. Every life experience reveals more of your character, every choice expands your possibilities, every achievement increases your power, and every lesson broadens your wisdom. Therefore alignment is a continuous process. Monitor your alignment and correct your course as needed by:

  • Reviewing your values
  • Acknowledging what’s true for you
  • Strengthening your intentions
  • Reinforcing your motivations
  • Listening to your intuition.

With every course correction, every realignment, you become more and more impeccable.

The infinite is unwavering, ever-powerful, and always there. Because it is an invisible force, however, you may occasionally forget how available and constant it is. During those times when your link with your omnipotent power thins, it’s up to you to reinforce the connection. Remember. Reach out. Receive.

Empowerment and enlightenment are like the sides of a ladder. Without both uprights, the rungs fall away. The upright post of empowerment is logic, the upright post of enlightenment is wisdom. Some situations in life require more empowerment, some more enlightenment, so your best alignment comes when you combine them.

When you are out of alignment or your integrity weakens, you are likely to leak personal power and thus your impeccability becomes bruised. Conversely, the more consistently you correct your alignment the more impeccable you become, and thus your personal power strengthens.

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Empower Your Miracles

Sunday, February 27th, 2011

In the article Clarify Your Intention, I invited you to set an intention and formalize it as a statement. Part of the exercise was to identify those whom your intention would serve and to imagine how it would serve them. I believe when you add service to others, your intentions grow wings. Suddenly what you want is no longer grounded, no longer plodding along. Once in flight, it soars swiftly and easily into the miracle.

Service, at this miracle-level, is given without conditions, carries no judgment, and holds no expectations. You reach out to others, simply to help them along their way, to enrich their experiences, to empower them.

Giving and Receiving

One of the biggest obstacles to such simple service is thinking that what someone else wants conflicts with or obstructs what you want.

Say, for instance, you love the city life you’ve created, and your significant other wants to move into a cabin in the mountains. Or you want your daughter to go to college, and she wants to be a ski bum in the winter and write during the summer. Or you want to implement a new process at work and your boss doesn’t want anything to change. Or your neighbor supports gun control and you want to carry.

When your values, ideals, preferences and desires conflict with those of someone else, where does service come in?  You can’t even understand what they want; let alone support it.

It is, of course, important to stay true to your integrity, which may make such situations seem non-negotiable. Perhaps they are. How can you compromise on the second amendment, or not give your best at work, or let your daughter ruin her life, or uproot and leave friends and family for the sake of some mid-life crisis?

On the other hand – assuming miracle-making service is given without conditions, carries no judgment, and holds no expectations – what would happen if you removed any conditions you’ve imposed, stopped judging, and released your expectations?  What if you stepped outside your own agenda and chose to truly understand the other person’s position?

So, your husband wants to simplify and move to a cabin. You’ll have to set your own preferences aside in order to recognize his underlying motivations. Some of those reasons will be more obvious (and perhaps more acceptable to you) than others. It may be easy to understand the need to simplify, but can you empathize enough to actually feel the urge to live closer to nature, to detach from past paradigms, to go looking for something that’s been missing?

So, your daughter wants to ski and write. If you can set your agenda aside, you’ll have a better chance of recognizing her hunger for freedom, her creativity, her love of adventure, her determination to listen to her heart and find her own way. Where you see a college education as a good way to both knowledge and security, she may see it as a good way to erode her soul.

So, you want to innovate and your boss wants to stagnate. Do you know anything about his obligations?  Are you privy to the pressures from his investors, his board of directors, or his family’s traditions?   Can you appreciate his efforts to do the best he can with what he’s got?

So, you think your neighbor wants to ban all guns, wants stern laws and stiff penalties. Have you ever asked him what gun control means to him?  Have you ever listened to the reasons supporting his concerns?

Becoming neutral – exercising acceptance, empathy and compassion – is the first step toward service at the Creator level. (See The Power of Emotion.)

Mastering Your Emotions

The second step is to become the master of your own emotions

When you’re in conflict with someone else, you see your reasoning as logical and your arguments as valid. You are steadied by your facts and supported by your common sense. Naturally, you’re passionate about what’s right.

But what if your passion – and that of the other person – creates and maintains the conflict?  What if the factors of the situation are actually secondary?

When you deem your position to be right (or even just mostly right) and the other person’s position to be wrong, you are in Interpreter mode.

Consider again the above examples.

Perhaps you resist the idea of moving to the mountains because: the whole idea is scary and overwhelming, you resent that your feelings don’t get more consideration, you deplore the prospect of roughing it, you want to protect what you’ve already built, you believe your spouse is immersed in a temporary and unrealistic fantasy.

Perhaps you resist your daughter’s plan for her life because you’re anxious for her, you’re disappointed in her choices, you’re certain a college education is necessary. Maybe deep down you envy and resent her free-wheeling ways.

Perhaps you resist your boss’s inertia because you’re certain you know a better way, you’re frustrated your suggestions aren’t given more consideration, you’re irritated by his attitudes and fears, you long for more responsibility and recognition, you’re afraid at this rate you’ll soon be out of a job.

Perhaps your differences with your neighbor are only partly about guns. Sure you believe in the right to carry, and you think he’s naïve, his dog barks half the night and poops on your lawn, and half of his front yard is an unsightly, poorly-tended vegetable garden.

Such underlying emotions are all from Interpreter mode, and Interpreter emotions always produce struggle. And the more you struggle, the stronger the conflict grows.

If you’ve already dropped your conditions and released your expectation, if you’ve already chosen neutrality, you’re halfway there. From that place of calm it’s fairly easy to release any remaining Interpreter emotions. And when you refuse to indulge in interpreter mode habits, you access more of your own power.

You also ease others away from their Interpreter tendencies by not adding the fuel of your so-called “passion” to their fires.

Mastery comes as you practice consciously choosing Partner mode emotions instead. When you operate from Partner mode, you create cooperation instead of conflict. For instance:

Imagine how discussions of whether or not to move to the mountains would be different if you replaced fear with trust, resentment with affection, aversion with tranquility, frustration with harmony, and suspicion with respect.

Imagine how your relationship with your daughter would improve if you replaced anxiety with confidence, disappointment with admiration, certainty with respect, envy with contentment, and impatience with gratitude.

Imagine how your dissatisfactions at work would abate if you replaced frustration with eagerness, ambition with willingness, longing with tenacity, and fear with confidence.

Imagine how the tension between you and your neighbor would ease up if you replaced arrogance with friendliness, helplessness with amusement, hostility with patience, and vexation with recognition.

The higher you move on the scale of emotions, the more personal power you access and the more you become the master of your emotions. The more you master your emotions, the more wisdom and empowerment you bring to the situations of your life.

Whenever you bring wisdom and empowerment into any situation, you serve others as well as yourself. You serve by releasing tension, by shedding fresh and clear light on situations, by making some of your enlightenment available to others.

When you empower others through your understanding, acceptance, encouragement, cooperation, and love, you expand your influence, gain credibility, form alliances, broaden your base, and roll out the welcome mat. What you give to others comes back to you.

Partner emotions always result in cooperation. When you free yourself from conditions, judgments and expectation, you open the door to a far wider range of possibilities than exist in Interpreter mode. When you are in full mastery of Partner emotions, best good becomes probable. You become an agent in bringing about the best good of others. You provide extraordinary service when you take yourself out of someone else’s picture.

The Universal Whole

This expansive energy you now experience and generate also strengthens your connection, partnership and oneness with the universe. In Partner mode, it’s easy to trust the universe will support you and others at the same time. Conflicts dissolve in best good because almost always the best good of others is also your best good.

Consider these ways in which the universe partners with you:

1.    The universe never judges. Your outcomes result directly and inevitably from the energies you generate – your thoughts, your actions and your emotions. There is no score-keeper-in-the-sky recording on a tally sheet whether you’re good or bad, marking you down for “bad” choices and rewarding you for “good” ones.

2.    On the universal level there are no arbitrary or unstated conditions. The rulebook never changes. You get out according to what you put in, and that’s that.

3.    The universe is never disappointed in you, because the universe holds no expectations. You do what you do, and you experience the results of your choices. If the universe has any desires for you, they are for your growth, your joy, your well-being and your best good. There may be hope that you will receive these miracles, and there may be rejoicing when you do; nevertheless, there will always be love and encouragement when you don’t.

Does this partnership with the universe support you, empower you, serve you?

What if you supported, empowered, and served others, following this model?

When you extend to others what the universe extends to you, you help strengthen the universal whole. The more you serve in this way, the stronger you become. The more you expand your Partner and Creator influence, the more others will move to higher levels of calm, cooperation and oneness.

Service and The Modes of Power

As a quick review, consider that the way you serve reveals your mode of power.

If you subjugate yourself, you are in Victim mode. This subjugation can occur in two ways. You can cede your power to someone else. Or you can submit to the emotions themselves. Whether you let others control you or you let your emotions dominate you, you relinquish your self.

If you serve reluctantly, you are in Interpreter mode. Almost all emotions in this mode have a sub-context of reluctance. You give because you must, or should, or have ulterior motives. Sometimes you want to avoid pain; sometimes you strive to come out ahead through  manipulation. Often, if you could see another option, you’d take it.

If you detach your emotions from your service you are in Observer mode. Neutral service takes little energy on your part, feels optional, and promises no particular benefit – and not offering it carries no penalty. Such gentle service can be as simple as offering a smile to a stranger, making a joke to ease tension, or holding the door for someone.

If you cooperate, you are in Partner mode. Overt generosity requires an emotional investment. You consciously and mindfully open your heart and help the other person in a pro-active way. Your service might be physical, but it can as easily be thoughtful or emotional. You want the other person’s success, the other person’s growth, the other person’s happiness and wellness, without putting it in the context of your own success or happiness.

If you bless, empower and trust, you are in Creator mode. At this level you become one with the other person – even if you remain in disagreement. You become one with the universe in sustaining and facilitating. You easily and effortlessly invest peace, love and joy in their efforts. You trust the other person’s best good as you trust your own.

Serve and Soar

Every worthy intention benefits someone else. As you align yourself with the miracle you have chosen to manifest, incorporate service into your efforts and watch those efforts take flight.

Service always imbues intention with greater power and swifter attainment.

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Becoming Congruent

Sunday, February 6th, 2011

As sentient beings, we approach everything from three directions at once.  We view them through our emotions, we think about them, and we act – not necessarily in that order.

Our best results come when these three tactics work in harmony with each other, when we’re congruent.  In fact, you can recognize the areas of your life where you are congruent by looking at your results.  If you’re getting what you want, you’re in alignment.  If you’re not getting what you want, one of these forces doesn’t mesh with the other two.

Alignment begins by making sure what you want is true for you and that you can be true to it.  Your congruence with what you want is the first step of alignment, but sometimes being true to what you want can be challenging.  Even when it feels true and you know it comes from your heart, you’re beset by doubts or objections or experiences that deny the possibility of attainment.  Then it’s time to search out your impediments and remove them from your path.

Identify the Impurities

For a good way to I way to identify your obstacles and objections here’s something I call The “But” Exercise.

Write your intention at the top of a piece of paper.  For instance,

With delight and gratitude I enjoy unrestrained financial abundance.

Then turn your statement into a compound sentence with the word but, and finish with whatever fear, belief, or doubt comes up.  Since you probably have more than one fear or doubt, repeat this exercise at least 10 different ways.

If you’ve been working with an intention statement on a daily basis, it’s very likely some objections have been intruding.  This is your chance to commit them to paper:

With delight and gratitude I enjoy unrestrained financial abundance,

  • But I’m stuck in a job that barely pays the bills.
  • But every time I try to feel abundance my stomach tightens up.
  • But the economy’s so bad, where would any new money come from.
  • But I’m farther in the hole than I’ve ever been before.
  • But money is the root of all evil.
  • But the rich only get that way on the backs of the poor.
  • But I have to make sure everyone else is okay first.

If you discover more than ten obstacles, keep going.  Perhaps you know your strongest doubt already, so it comes up first.  Continue anyway just to probe for anything else.  If you’re not sure what’s stopping you, this is a good way to release your subconscious.  Maybe you’ve got such an array of doubts you could find twenty without batting an eye.  However it is for you, this is the first step toward dissolving your objections and becoming completely congruent with your intention.

This exercise may take some time.  You may need to come back to it a couple of times.  Stay open and receptive.  You may discover some old beliefs embedded in your subconscious.  You may be able to articulate a persistent fear.  You may be confronted by an attitude or opinion that surprises you.  Write them all down.  If you resist your resistance, you give your obstacles permission to block you.

Now, with your list in hand, read through the buts and select the one you perceive to be the strongest.  Which one do you believe hinders you the most?

Dissolve the Obstacles

And now, dissolve the obstruction.  For clarity’s sake, I’m going to number the “steps,” although in practice they often overlap.

1.  Write your complete, compound statement on a fresh piece of paper (your original intention and the but you’ve decided to dissolve).

With delight and gratitude I enjoy unrestrained financial abundance, but the rich only get that way on the backs of the poor.

2.  Examine your statement for implications and connotations and take note of what you find.  There’s quite a lot embedded in this example, including disdain for the rich (and a reluctance to become one of them), fear of becoming manipulative and exploitive, and identification with the poor.  Your own statement may be equally loaded.

3.      Consider what you would like to believe instead.  Perhaps you already consciously accept something else, even while your subconscious holds onto an attitude or belief that clearly doesn’t serve you.  You might find it helpful to think of neutralizing the old belief.

  • I can be rich and loving at the same time.
  • Some of the richest people in the world are also the most generous.
  • Money is merely a form of energy, and all energy can be used for either good or bad.
  • Creative endeavors produce as much wealth (perhaps more) than exploitive endeavors.
  • While exploitation exaggerates the difference between rich and poor, cooperation benefits everyone.

4.      Work with your list to come up with a statement of belief that strongly replaces the old one:

I cooperate with and empower others in every way, and we all prosper.

5.      Envision this as true.  Feel it as true.  Let it expand within you until you can observe your supportive and prosperous relationships with everyone.  What emotions come up for you?  What emotions do you think would most actively create this?  Love?  Delight?  Enjoyment?  Gratitude?  Serenity?  Generosity?

Remember, all emotions are creative.  You create according to the emotions you experience and generate.  Whereas Victim emotions create pain and suffering and Interpreter emotions create struggle, Observer emotions create calm, Partner emotions create opportunity and Creator emotions connect with your best good.

If some latent Victim emotion continues to reside within you, no matter how illogical or convoluted, that emotion retains the power to block what you want.  However, it’s impossible for any Victim emotion to reside in the same space as any Creator emotion.  You can neutralize fear, hate, anger, jealousy, etc. with love, kindness, peace, joy, etc.  Always.

To eradicate Victim or Interpreter obstacles, identify an emotion one step up the chart and choose to feel it instead.  Then identify an emotions one step up from that and adopt that one.  Keep going until you can access one of the Partner or Creator emotions.  Then incorporate one or more of those emotions into this new statement.

I lovingly cooperate with others and generously empower them, and we all prosper.


6.    Now replace your original but with and to form a new compound statement.

With delight and gratitude I enjoy unrestrained financial abundance, and I lovingly cooperate with others and generously empower them, and we all prosper.

Align

Your new compound sentence may sound a bit cumbersome.  When you recognize the parts of your statement and their importance, you can abridge the statement while retaining the power of it.  Your statement encompasses the following:

1.    What you want. In the example I’m using, this is abundance.  Yours might be an improved relationship, greater health, a successful business, wholeness, making a living with your talent.

2.    Why you want it or the service you’ll provide. The example circumvents the belief that when some win others lose and focuses on win-win.  Your motives can be personal or broad.  If your own peace of mind is more important to you than world peace, focus on your own peace of mind.

3.    The emotion(s) you’ll use to create what you want.  In the example, the emotions are delight, gratitude and love.  Yours might be peace, enthusiasm, vigor, or anything from Partner or Creator mode.

By understanding these parts, you can sit with your intention without using any words at all:  imagine what you want, evoke the creative emotions, feel it as a done deal.   It’s impossible to know when or in what manner your intention will manifest, so relax and observe.

I provide one-on-one coaching in Personal Power and Manifestation.  Please write to me at kathy@kathyjacobson.com

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Posted in Congruence, Creator Mode, Interpreter Mode, Observer Mode, Partner Mode, The Law of Attraction, Victim Mode, intentions, manifestation | 7 Comments »

Pacifying Your Objections

Sunday, December 19th, 2010

When I first realized the power of emotions, I thought of them as prayers.  (Or wishes, or desires, or intentions, or choices.)  I saw happiness as a prayer for more happiness, and misery as a prayer for more misery.  Then I began to also see thoughts as prayers and actions as prayers.  For the past fifteen years, my observations have affirmed and expanded that original idea, and I have come to see the power of combining these three energies into a congruent whole

Congruence Produces Results

When thoughts, actions and emotions are joined toward something, that something results.  This is true whether the result is something you want or something you don’t want.

For most people, most of the time, results occur more by accident than by intention.  For instance, you probably have no intention to catch the cold bug that happens to be going around.  But if you have the thought/belief that illnesses are passed by germs, the emotion/acceptance that you’re vulnerable, and an action/contact with those germs, you’ll be congruent about catching cold.  You can easily catch it by accident.

The recognition of congruence is easy when what you have is what you like, enjoy, delight in, appreciate, love, or are at peace with.  It’s much more difficult to acknowledge a potential alignment with the troubling aspects of life – conflicts, illnesses, hardships, frustrations, lacks, etc.

When you look at what you don’t like in your life, perhaps you experience dislike, frustration, impatience, grief, fear, anger, or some other emotions from Victim or Interpreter mode.  It’s natural to wonder how you can possibly be aligned with something you so passionately don’t want.  It isn’t necessary to dissect or analyze the experiences of your past for the answer.  Simply look at your results and the energy that produces those results.  Are you suffering?  The energy of Victim mode emotions produces suffering.  Are you struggling?  The energy of Interpreter mode emotions produces struggle.

Remember, all emotions have power.  All thoughts have power.  And all actions have power.  Everything in your life indicates these three powers are pulling together in the same direction – or in conflict with each other.  If you change any one of the three, you will get a different result.

Today we’re going to do a little time traveling in order to de-energize what you don’t want – and energize what you do want.

In my previous blog (Becoming Congruent), I suggested a “But” exercise.  From that exercise, you’ll notice past experiences tend to be at the heart of many of your buts. Not all, of course.  Some will have to do with your current circumstances, and a few will reach into the future.  Take a moment to review your list and mark which is which.  Mark those rooted in the past with P, those centered in the present with C (for Current), and those projecting into the future with F.

To illustrate, here’s the sample intention I used last week.  I labeled long-held beliefs with P because such beliefs tend to have such deep roots into the past.

With delight and gratitude I enjoy unrestrained financial abundance, but:

  • I’m stuck in a job that barely pays the bills. (C)
  • Every time I try to feel abundance my stomach tightens up. (C)
  • The economy’s so bad, where would any new money come from? (F)
  • I’m farther in the hole than I’ve ever been before. (C)
  • Money is the root of all evil. (P)
  • The rich only get that way on the backs of the poor. (P)
  • I have to make sure everyone else is okay first. (P)

Change the Past

In science fiction, one of the primary challenges of time travel is to not interfere with history.  One little change in the past could completely obliterate the present as you know it.  For instance, what would happen to you if one set of your great-great grandparents didn’t conceive your great grandparent?  Or what would your childhood have been like if your father did different work?  Or what would your current situation be if you’d gone to a different school?

Look at your but list and choose one of those you marked with a P.  What if one little thing had been different in the past?  Would that but have the same power?

To change the past in a positive way, you will travel back in time and “rewrite” the event that originated the but, or influenced it, or reinforced it.  While there may be no mechanism to travel through time physically, metaphysically you can revisit your past and powerfully re-create your current reality.

Here’s one of the buts from the above list:  But I have to make sure everyone else is okay first.

Beliefs such as this may have resulted from a single event, but more likely they take shape through repetition.  The seed may have been planted when you were forced to share your toys, nurtured at functions (including your own birthday parties) where guests were served first, cultivated when you were instructed to watch out for your little brothers and sisters, etc. until you came to believe other people’s needs take precedence over your own.

Using the but you selected from your own list, travel back in time to a situation from the past that reinforced your belief.  It doesn’t matter if the situation actually happened or is simply representative.  It does matter that you can re-experience the feelings of the situation.  Also, the more meditative and experiential you can become, the better.  You’ll be moving through the situation emotionally, and you’ll control the clock so you can stop the action at any time.

Begin by letting your memory travel back to the situation you have in mind.  Imagine yourself at the beginning of the scene, when your emotions were in the neutral-to-happy range.  Say you’re happily playing by yourself with your toys when another child arrives.  Or you’ve just finished blowing out the candles on your cake and it’s time to serve it to your guests.  Or you’ve been left in charge of your cute little sister.

Now let the scene unfold until the moment when your needs or wants get pushed into the back seat.  Stop the clock.  Recognize this a choice point for you.

Of course, back in the past you couldn’t know you had a choice.  You were young, you were still forming your world view, you were vulnerable.  You couldn’t orchestrate the situation to please yourself.  (Violators will be prosecuted!)  Yet you felt something.

Start the clock and move through the scene just long enough to recognize what you felt then:  angry, frustrated, guilty, belittled, miserable, resentful, helpless, bitter, defensive, ashamed?  Stop the clock again.

With the clock stopped, acknowledge your emotion as one from Victim or Interpreter mode.  From your current wisdom you know Victim mode emotions result in pain and suffering; Interpreter mode emotions result in struggle.  The emotion you experienced then has been affecting your life ever since.  So, since you’re traveling back in time, now’s your chance to change the past.  And since you’ve stopped the clock and can pause it for as long as you want, take the time to decide how you would like to react instead.  Emotions from Observer mode will neutralize the old belief, Partner emotions will generate new opportunities, and Creator emotions will produce best good.

When you know the emotion you want to experience instead, choose it.  Generate it within you.  Feel it.  Let this be the mode you operate from.  Now start the clock again.

As you let the scene continue, the other players will try to follow the old script.  But when you use your chosen emotion to motivate new dialogue and responses, they will have to follow your lead and adapt to your new choices.  Pay attention to what happens within yourself as the scene plays out.  Notice any shifts that occur.

In science fiction, any changes to the past usually occur within the characters, with no permanent changes to history.  (Except they may have fixed something that had broken.)  When the characters return to their present, it’s often to the present they knew before, but they themselves have gained a measure of enlightenment.  In your reality, you will probably experience a similar inner transformation, and that inner transformation will impact your current circumstances.  You will have changed the past in one small way, and that change will also change the present.

Choose the Present

For this technique, return to your but list and select an item you identified with an C for Current:  But I’m farther in the hole than I’ve ever been before. Compared to changing the past, choosing the present is fairly straightforward, although it requires the same meditative and experiential attention.

  1. Identify the emotion(s) most entangled with this very present but.  For instance, my example may generate insecurity.  (Ah, I’m feeling insecure.)
  2. Recognize the creative power of the emotion you’ve been experiencing.  (Insecurity about money makes me feel sick to my stomach.)
  3. Acknowledge your power to choose your emotions.  (Oh my, I’ve been choosing to feel insecure.)
  4. Decide what you’d rather feel, what would be an antidote for insecurity.  (Hope.  I want to feel hopeful.)
  5. Relax into what you want to feel instead.  This step requires conscious willingness to replace the old habitual emotion with the new intentional emotions.
  6. Choose to operate from that new space.

When you replace insecurity with hope you move from Interpreter mode to Observer mode, and you will experience calm.  If you choose a Partner mode emotion, such as gratitude or eagerness or tranquility, new and unexpected opportunities will open up for you.  If you choose a Creator emotion such as delight or peace or optimism, your best good will unfold.

Connect with the Future.

You already travel into the future to create the present.  When your time machine is powered by Partner or Creator emotions, your visits empower your congruence with all that you enjoy and appreciate in your life.  When your time machine is powered by Victim or Interpreter emotions, you strengthen your congruence with those things you passionately dislike.

This technique will help you become more intentional about using the future to become more congruent with what you do want.

Most likely, when you look at the but statements you’ve labeled with an (F) for Future, you’ll find fear or worry.  In my example:  The economy’s so bad, where would any new money come from? Embedded in this are the Interpreter emotions of self-doubt, trepidation, worry, anxiety, and also a bit of helplessness from the anger and woe of Victim.

Such emotions make the future look dark and dismal, and if you draw such fear from the future into the present, the present becomes dark and dismal.  Even if today is bright and sunny and you have money in the bank and work scheduled on the books, you may find it impossible to enjoy any security in the now.  In other words, you’re using the future to create the present.

Imagine the time continuum between the present and the future as an assembly line belt.  The belt runs continuously, forward from you into the future and from the future back to you.  The now-emotion you put on the belt scrolls into the future, and the future scrolls the result back to you now.  Because this is a continuously running loop, the emotion you put on the belt determines your future and your present.

To try this, select one of your (F) but statements:  The economy’s so bad, where would any new money come from?

Review your intention statement.  Perhaps you’ve already selected an emotion or two to energize this intention:  With delight and gratitude I enjoy unrestrained financial abundance.

Generate the emotions of delight and gratitude within you.  Let the energy of them circulate through your body. Feel them.  Be them.  Let them expand within you and radiate from you.  Put them on the conveyor belt and send them into the future.

Now, receive what the future puts on the conveyor belt and returns to you.

Congruence is Power

There is no one way to become congruent, to align with what you want.  Sometimes it’s a process of dismantling or deconstructing.  Sometimes it requires release or surrender.  Sometimes all you have to do is become willing and welcoming.  Sometimes it involves practice or assembly.  Regardless of the ways or means of becoming aligned, when your thoughts, actions and emotions form a single, congruent prayer in unity with what you want, what you want must result.  And the results are often immediate.  When those three aspects of your power click together into a congruent whole, the miracle happens.  (The final result may take a little time.  You probably won’t loose those 20 pounds instantly.)

If the miracle hasn’t happened yet, stay mindful of your congruence.

For one-on-one coaching to create a new reality, please email me directly:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com

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Clarify Your Intention

Sunday, December 5th, 2010

Consider the difference between willfulness and willingness.  Willfulness is filled with determination, urgency and control, and is an expression of force.  By contrast, willingness is filled with acceptance, partnership and welcome, and is an expression of power.  Personal power.

For an intention to have power, it must be true for you and you must be willing to be true to it.  The truth of an intention often becomes clearer as the intention itself becomes clearer.  As you understand an intention more fully, you often understand yourself more fully.  Greater understanding tends to strengthen your willingness to receive what you want.

I once worked with a client who wanted to manifest an intimate relationship.  She’d been alone for a while, and she had a busy, full life, and she’d decided she wanted a partner to share it with.

We spent most of the coaching session focusing on what that would look like to her and how it would feel, and then I asked, “If a fabulous guy knocked on your door tomorrow and said, ‘Here, I am,’ would you say, “Come right on in, I’m excited to have you become part of my life.”  My client look a moment or two to imagine it, then shook her head.  “No, I don’t think I would.”

When she looked truly at her heart she realized she wasn’t willing to change her life, even to accommodate a loving, intimate relationship.

Wanting What You Want

Manifestation is as easy as, “Ask and you shall receive.”  The missing element of that promise is:  “Unless you want something else more.”  Almost always, when you want something and can’t seem to make it happen, you’re resistant at some level.

Want can also mean not wanting: not wanting change, not wanting to take a risk, not wanting to look too deeply within, not wanting to be different, not wanting to challenge old beliefs, etc.

Fear of the unknown is probably the strongest form of resistance, and such fears are often so deeply buried they’re difficult to identify.  What if success changes the structure of your relationship?  What if you fail?  What if something takes more time or energy or resources than you bargained for.  What if you can’t even see around the first bend, let alone all the way to the finish line?

Following are some ways to strengthen your willingness to receive what you want.  They help you assess what pulls you in that direction.

Define Your Terms

In a previous blog, I invited you to create an intention statement.   Such statements don’t have to be specific or detailed.  You probably have a general sense of what the words you’ve chosen mean to you.  Or maybe you only sort of know what you mean.  Take a few minutes to dig into what the  words and phrases you’re using truly mean to you.  If you want to write a best-selling novel, what does “best-selling” mean to you?  If you want work that provides a good income, does “good income” mean a specific dollar figure or a level of comfort or a degree of security?  If you want greater inner peace, what does peace look like to you?

Do this with each part of your statement.  If you’ve referred to the way your intention will benefit others, what do you mean?  Perhaps you want to heal others.  Does that mean by laying on of hands or by helping them make healthier choices?  Perhaps you want to empower others.  What does their empowerment look like to you?  Perhaps you want to provide a good time through your music or your stories.  Does that mean you’re a catalyst for fun?  Pleasure?  Escape?  Laughter?

By clarifying what you mean, you strengthen your partnership with your subconscious and with the universe.  When you say/think/pray that word or phrase, there’s no ambiguity, it becomes a shorthand communication.  You know exactly what you mean.  You don’t have to remind yourself that “abundance” means a million dollars (or a steady flow of money or freedom from want, or confidence about money rather than fear).  The images of fulfillment follow naturally, and the clarity you have established provides an adhesive so that with repetition and focus your intention grows bigger and stronger.  As fulfillment expands within you, all the forces involved also focus and strengthen to bring about your best good according to your own definition.

Connect With Your Values

You have acquired your personal values system as a result of many influencing factors throughout your life.  Some of them came from the beliefs and practices of your family, some from your religious or spiritual training, and some from your culture and education.  For instance, from your family you may value thrift, order, togetherness, hard work, etc.  From your religion, you may value charity, obedience, compassion, etc.  From your education, you may value knowledge and challenge; from your culture, etiquette and respect.  Of course, from those same sources you may have realized you couldn’t adopt the values of others.  You may value freedom more than obedience, independence more than unity, creativity more than compliance, achievement more than good manners.

From among your assortment of values, identify those that support your desires.  The values you have adopted and live by reflect what’s true for you.  Therefore, if your intention is true for you, your values will support it.  Identify the principles and ideals that reflect and confirm your intention.

Say for instance you’ve decided to manifest financial abundance, and to you that means an income two or three times greater than you’re currently earning.  Say your parents held a strong value for hard work and believed money is honorable only if earned by the sweat of your brow.  But you want to write a book.  No manual labor involved.  You may not want to discard the value of hard work, but you may need to redefine it to mean steady, consistent focus.  Or you may realize you value curiosity and commitment more than hard work.  Take the time to identify these supportive values.

Understand Your Motives

Next consider your supportive motivations.  Why to you want what you want?  Do you want abundance for greater peace of mind? So you can travel?  So you can invest in an idea or a project?  So you can give it away to some worthy cause?  So you can describe yourself as rich?  For the power and status of it?

For the purposes of being true to your intention, all motives have the same power.  There are no “worthy” or “unworthy” motivations.  Only your commitment matters.  It is extremely important, however, that your motivations are true for you.  Do you want to earn a Ph.D. because you should, because it’s expected in your family?  Then the motivation is probably not yours, but theirs.  Or do you want the learning and the degree?

Listen to your heart.  What propels you from within to pursue the path you have chosen?

Create With Your Emotions

Finally, what are your supporting emotions?  You will have identified some or all of these emotions while setting your intention.  As you work with your intention statement, others will emerge.  Read your intention statement aloud, listen to it with your heart, and identify the emotions that arise.  Do you feel happy, peaceful, enthusiastic, jubilant, determined?  Write them down.  These emotions have creative power.

These three aspects of what’s true for you – values, motivations and emotions – will support, sustain, and nourish your manifestation effort.  Whenever you feel doubt or uncertainty, reconnect with these aspects of what your original intention means to you.

Make the Commitment

Now ask yourself this important questions:  What will I have to give up? Currently, you’re devoting your time and energy toward your reality as it is now.  Your intention will change the balance of your life in some way.  Will it require time you currently dedicate to something else?  Will it require you to refocus your energy?  Will it cost money?  Will it challenge your creativity?  With you have to break an old habit?  Will you have to give up a long-held belief?

When I was writing fiction (and not selling what I wrote), I realized I held a deep fear that my success would negatively impact my marriage.  If I had been asking these questions then, I would have answered:  I have to give up that fear.

Expand into Yourself

And a final point to consider:  Who will I be as a result? Currently, you see yourself as a person who does not have what you have stated you want.  If you change your thinking, your beliefs, your habit patterns, your focus, and/or your priorities, you will be someone who does have.  What differences do you imagine might occur?  If you give up fear (guilt, poverty, anger, depression, loneliness, frustration), who will you be?

Can you see yourself as healthy?  Happy?  Strong?  Confident?  In your power?  On purpose?  Whole?  Can you see yourself as the creator of your life?  Can you see yourself in partnership with the universe?  Take a moment and feel the power of having/being/doing.  Feel the truth of it.  Know it’s already within you, and your willingness will bring it into fullness.

Reinforcing Your Intention

Now that your intention is becoming clearer and stronger, I encourage you to work with your statement every day.  Use the emotions you’ve associated with this intention.  Let them expand within you.  Let the energy of them circulate through your body.  Repeat the words of your intention.  Visualize what you want as finished, complete, manifest, fulfilled.  Express your gratitude for it.  See yourself serving with this intention and through it.

The time you dedicate to this practice can be the same fifteen or twenty minutes every day, i.e. 3:30 p.m.  Or you can attach it to something you already do every day:  when you wake up but before you get up, just before you go to sleep, after breakfast, in the shower.  Or you can keep it in your head and heart throughout the day, repeating it often and frequently evoking the emotions by which you will manifest it.

Establish a “sacred” space around your practice, in that you do not profane it with fear, doubt, objections, ill-will toward anyone else, or self-judgment.  Reverence this time as your communion with your soul, with your intention, with those you want to serve, and with the universe.  However, in the beginning, if doubts and objections should arise, keep a piece of paper or a notebook handy and jot them down.  Observing and naming any resistance will acknowledge to your subconscious that you’re paying attention.  Keeping a log will allow you to focus on the intention rather than the potential problems.

As you continue through this process, this sacred space will become more and more important to you, and you will find your practice becoming increasingly powerful.

I provide one-on-one empowerment coaching.   Feel free to contact me personally by emailing me directly:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com

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Posted in Beliefs, Choice, Clarity, Making Miracles, Willingness, intentions, manifestation | 4 Comments »

Living With Intention

Sunday, November 21st, 2010

Every moment of every day you make choices.

Very likely only a small percentage of these choices give you pause, since most of them are subconscious, requiring no deliberation.  Sometimes the choice is reflexive, such as jumping at loud noises or laughing at a good joke.  Sometimes the choice was made long ago and has become a habit, such as whether to fasten your seat belt or brush your teeth.  Sometimes the choice is cultural, such as wearing shoes in restaurants or saying grace before a meal.  Sometimes the choice is personal, such as what you prefer to eat for breakfast or the route you take to work.  Such choices, once made, function like pre-sets on your radio, freeing you from constant evaluation and decision-making.  They help you save the energy of fine tuning for more important stuff.

Pre-set, however, may also keep you locked into patterns that no longer serve you.  Most people draw conclusions about life from incomplete evidence or faulty premises.  Such conclusions become beliefs and habit patterns, and are often accepted as “truths,” and they can extend across the full spectrum of your life.  For example, at some point you chose what you believe about . . .

  • Yourself:  I’m funny/serious, I’m an introvert/an extrovert, I’m dumb/intelligent, I’m athletic/clumsy.
  • The way the world works:  Life is struggle, life is good, life’s a bitch and then you die.
  • Humanity:  people are basically evil, people are basically good.
  • Specific people:  He’s trustworthy, she’s caring, he’s harsh, she’s sly, she’s creative, he’s solid.

Early Choices Influence Later Decisions

Even though in many cases, such beliefs feel true, sure and incontrovertible, they are all choices, which means other possibilities exist.  Still, as long as you hold a certain view, it forms the basis for myriad other decisions:

  • If you have decided you’re clumsy, how does that influence other choices such as the work you do, the activities you participate in, the people you associate with, the parties you attend, etc?
  • If you have decided life is good, how does that influence the way you handle money, the work you’ve chosen, the things you do for fun?
  • If you have decided people are basically evil, how does this affect where you live, the way you do business, the defenses you erect around yourself, even the way you walk down the street?
  • If you have decided your child is irresponsible, how does that influence other choices such as the permissions you grant, the gifts you bestow, the allowance you set, the rules you impose?

Yet how many of these beliefs did you acquire intentionally?  How many did you adopt from someone else?  How many are based on tested premises and how many are based on assumptions?  How many are true for you?

Of course, many of the factors of your life seem accidental:  you had little choice regarding your parents, your gender, the country of your birth, or your genetic structure.  Others were determined by someone else:  You had little choice regarding the work your parents did, the neighborhood you grew up in, your family’s religion, or your primary education.

Given you had no control over the above factors, how much do you now live by accident, and how much do you live on purpose?

Choose to Live on Purpose

Most people live by accident, even when they would prefer to live on purpose.  For instance, did you choose the work you do, or did you sort of fall into it?  You probably chose the neighborhood you live in, did you choose the city, the state, the country?  Whether or not you were born into it, did you choose your current religion?

Any un-examined aspects of your life tip the scale in favor of by accident. Any aspects you have examined and chosen consciously tip the scale in favor of on purpose. Whenever you’re on auto-pilot, the scale tips toward by accident. When you live mindfully, you live on purpose.

Mindfulness is key.  Through mindfulness, you discern what’s true for you and what’s not.  When you persist in something that is not true for you, there are always consequences.  Your soul rebels, your body suffers, the endeavor takes more effort, success is difficult if not impossible.  By paying attention to the signals, you gain self-knowledge and you can make wiser choices.

I have a basic rule regarding manifestation:  An intention must be true for you, and you must be willing to be true to it.  In this post, I’m going to probe the second half of this rule – being willing to be true to what you want.

Listen to Your Resistance

If something is not true for you, your entire being will resist.  Your intuition will provide uneasiness, your emotions will register unhappiness and frustration, your body will send signals of unwellness, etc.  As soon as you acknowledge the messages and make a different choice, the struggles will abate.

When you resist something that is true for you, you will experience the same kinds of messages.  Your soul will ache to go in the direction of your best good, you will experience unhappiness and feelings of loss, your body will send signals of unwellness, etc.

An acquaintance of mine was born with a phenomenal artistic ability.  When he was young he believed in himself and saw himself as an artist, but somewhere along the line he began to doubt.  He knew art was true for him, and he yearned for it all his life, but he was never willing to be true to it.  Someone once said, “Don’t die with the music still inside.”  My acquaintance died with his art still inside.

If you’ve been resisting something that’s true for you, you can make a different choice any time you want.  You do not have to explore your psyche or your past to discover why you’re resisting.  You do have to leave Interpreter Mode.  You do have to stop indulging in all fears, reasons, blame, resignation, doubts, frustrations, rationalizations, etc. that support your resistance.  You do have to open both your heart and your mind to your “music.”  Your talents and abilities and your core values reveal your truth.  The universe supports your truth.  When you trust your truth, every aspect of that truth becomes available to you.

Willingness is Key

Such willingness begins with choice.  You may be fully aware of what’s true for you, yet still resist receiving it.  Here’s a basic program for unleashing the innate power of something that’s already true for you.

1.  Identify something you want in a general (even vague) way.  It could be something you want to have – a house, job, family, health, peace, etc.  It could be something you want to be – kind, rich, happy, successful, etc.  It could be something you want to do – travel, build a business, paint, get married, etc.  Identify it.  Name it.  Put it into words

2.  Imagine what you want as finished, complete, yours.  What emotions come up for you?  What draws you toward this thing you want?  Imagine how will you feel when this is what you have, who you are, what you do.  Will you feel happy, confident, at peace, giddy, ecstatic, grateful, proud

3.  Identify who besides yourself this will serve and how it will serve them.  You are not the only one who will benefit from what you want.  All true intentions include others in some way.  Perhaps what you want will serve others directly; for instance, if you want to be a doctor you will help people to better health.  Perhaps your service will be less direct; for instance, artists serve by creating their work and giving it to the world.  Perhaps your service is intimate and personal, i.e. loving someone.  Perhaps you serve the world generally simply by generating positive energy.

4.  Describe what you want.  Using words, dive into it.  Feel it, taste it, revel in it.  Immerse yourself in it.  Let it expand, solidify, evolve, mutate.  Jot down any particulars that comes to mind:  what components it includes, where it could take place, additional aspects of how it feels, where it might lead.

Before step 5, I’d like to make a couple of observations about intention statements.

  • The words themselves are not magic.  Regardless of your beliefs about the power of words, the words themselves have no power – the power is in the emotions that support the words.  Words have only the power you give them.
  • The more you empower your words with high-level emotions, the more powerful your statement will be as a tool and the more benefit you will receive from it.
  • If something else works better for you than words, (such as meditation or visualization) let the words help you identify your intention and connect with the creative emotions in a way that is true for you.

5.  Identify the following components that will comprise your intention statement.

  • Choose an emotion or two from Partner Mode or Creator Mode to use in bringing what you want into reality.   Select those with power for you, that resonate with you, and that will help connect you with what you want.  You may want to use the emotions you chose in step 2, or you may want something with more creative power.
  • Claim ownership of what you want, by phrasing your intention in first person.  When you put yourself in the picture, you become the creator, you assume the power of your intention.
  • Choose a strong verb.  Use present tense, as if it were a done deal.  Consider the following variations and see which seems strongest and/or most appropriate to you:  I am welcoming.  I welcome.  I have welcomed.  I am.
  • Get specific.  Name what you want:  a successful business, optimal health, a new car, a happy relationship.  Throw in as many adjectives as you like:  you might prefer thriving, profitable and customer-focused to successful.  If you like, add the outcome you envision:  and we’re blissfully happy together.

6.  Put these four components – creative emotion, noun, verb, intention – together in a statement.  Here are some examples.

  • With joy and authenticity I enjoy exuberant prosperity.
  • With delight and gratitude, I live and love happily with my new significant other.
  • With confidence and enthusiasm, my business doubles in size and service.
  • With generosity and serenity, I send my manuscript out into the world to be enjoyed by millions of readers.

Spent 15-20 minutes every day processing this statement (this intention) into your mind, your heart, and even your body.  Imagine it as a done deal, as real, as a miracle.  Let the energy of it fill your body and resonate within you.  Create it from within as possible, then as probable, then as inevitable.

As you work with this statement, you may find yourself using different words and revising the order of those words.  Let it evolve; it’s likely to become more and more true for you as you allow your subconscious to contribute.  As you empower with this statement with time and energy, you will bring what you want to life.

And have fun.  Don’t take it too seriously or fill it with expectation.  Let what you want come to you.

For the past fifteen years or so I have been helping people manifest what they want.  If you would like help creating what you want,  please contact me and let’s chat.  If, after the initial call, you decide to experience a coaching session, the first one is always on me.  Write me at kathy@kathyjacobson.com.

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Posted in Attraction, Creator Mode, Interpreter Mode, Partner Mode, Willingness, intentions, manifestation, personal power | 8 Comments »

Growth as a Goal

Sunday, September 19th, 2010

As a life coach, I am committed to helping my clients make their lives work better.  Since what that means is up to them, I usually start with the question, “What do you want?”  And almost always the answer is some variation of, “Something different from what I’ve got.”

If you are experiencing some level of dissatisfaction in one or two areas of your life, you know the feeling.  You know what you’ve got.  You might know exactly what you want instead – or you might not.  You might believe something else is possible – or you might not.  You might want to make the most of the hand you’ve been dealt – or you might want to change the rules, maybe pull an ace out of your sleeve.

Identifying what you believe to be possible is as important as deciding what you want.  And what you believe to be possible will directly correlate to your level of Personal Power.

What You Belief to be True is True

For those operating from Victim mode, nothing looks possible.  A sense of futility reinforces a belief in helplessness; emotions such as fear, resentment, anger, envy, loneliness, and anxiety support the belief in futility; actions tend to be a choice between fight or flight.  They may yearn for something else, but they believe it to be impossible.  Victim mode is a pit, and the and the walls of the pit are all the person can see.

For someone operating from Interpreter mode, the view of what’s possible is amazingly more expansive.  Interpreter mode is a mire, with solid ground in clear sight.  Options begin to immerge, even if they all seem fraught with difficulty.  The themes of fight and flight morph into themes of hard work and rebellion.  An Interpreter of the hard work theme might decide to gain more knowledge, acquire the proper tools, accumulate the right credentials, obey all the rules, etc.  An Interpreter of the rebellion theme might decide to blame and complain, undermine the competition, emigrate to another country, defeat the enemy, not make waves, etc.  Either way, Interpreters believe in struggle as much as they believe in possibilities.

Those who operate from Observer mode stand on solid ground.  Because they can see in any direction, everything becomes possible.  They’re more humble than hurt, more pragmatic than skeptical, and far more curious then certain.  Even though they acknowledge the worst could happen, they accept the best is at least as likely.  Their belief in the possible reveals pathways and doors that someone struggling in the mire cannot see.

Those operating from Partner mode have chosen a general direction and are moving forward.  They may not know all the twists and turns of the road ahead, but by choosing this particular direction they eliminate a host of other possibilities.  What they want becomes probable.

Those who operate from Creator mode believe what they want to be inevitable.  If they make wrong turns, they trust the detour will benefit them.  They may dally along the way, and good things will come from the delay.  Obstacles are valuable challenges, hindrances bestow blessings.  What they’ve chosen becomes the only possible result.

The movement from what you have into what you want is always a growth process.  What you currently have matches what you believe is possible, and your beliefs reflect the way your thoughts, emotions and action merge together.  When you want something else instead, you have to believe the new something is possible, and you have to bring your thoughts, actions and emotions into congruence with that new belief.

Change a Belief and you Change Yourself

In order to have something different, or do something different, you have to be different.  And that means growth.

Imagine Victim mode as an acorn buried underground.  Instead of “fight or flight” the options are grow on don’t grow.  When you choose to grow you move into Interpreter mode, and that’s like sending out the first tendrils of roots and stem into the hard, dark earth, running into rocks and other roots and risking being eaten by whatever feeds on tender growing things underground.  Growing into Observer mode is like bursting through the surface.  You experience sun and rain, day and night, warm and cool, and you can see the possibility of becoming a viable, healthy tree.  As you Partner with both nourishment and adversity, you continue to grow.  Your trunk becomes stronger and taller, you branch out, and you trust the probability of your future as a beautiful oak.  Ultimately, you mature into Creator mode.  Inevitably, you become the originator of future forests.

Sometimes, in deciding to transition from what is to something else, it’s easy to forget that growth is part of the deal.  Let’s take the Law of Attraction, for example, with its basic principle of, “Give your attention to your Intention.”  So you set a clear Intention, and you come up with a good positive affirmation or a rhythmic mantra for meditation, and you strengthen your focus on your Intention.

If your Intention manifests, you have experienced personal growth from your efforts.  If you your Intention doesn’t manifest, you have not.

Growth will begin when you believe what you want is possible – and that often includes a paradigm shift.  Growth will include mastering your thoughts and emotions at higher levels of power.  Growth may include forgoing old habits and/or gaining new competencies.  For growth, you must expand your awareness, become more mindful, and develop a more trusting relationship with your intuition.  Thus, growth becomes an essential aspect of manifesting your Intention.

When the Intention is for Growth

For some people, Personal Growth is the main objective rather than a means to an end.  While for most of us, growth is the way to achieve an Intention, for them the Intention is the way to achieve growth.  For instance, I have two clients who have both set Intentions for greater prosperity.  One wants to break free of old beliefs he acquired during childhood about money being scarce and difficult on the one hand and a burden on the other.  To do this he must leave the old stories behind, see money as neutral and stop judging himself for past choices.  The other sees prosperity as a condition of wholeness.  For her, more abundance is secondary to mastering the principles of Partner mode.

These two clients are at different stages of growth.  Even though their Intentions are essentially the same, one is growing in Personal Power from Interpreter  to Observer in order to achieve greater prosperity.  For him, the starting point is to believe money can come easily.  She wants to master Personal Power at the Partner level, and she’s using her Intention as her classroom.  Her starting point is to believe her wholeness unconditionally encompasses abundance.

Manifesting an Intention has three basic steps:

  1. Set an Intention that is true for you.
  2. Bring your thoughts, actions and emotions into congruence with your Intention.
  3. Receive.

Manifesting Growth by way of an Intention requires a bit more mindfulness:

  1. Achieve the calm of neutrality.
  2. Recognize the power of choice.
  3. Believe what you want is inevitable.
  4. Set a true Intention.
  5. Surrender into willingness.
  6. Receive.

At this moment in time, your level of Personal Power produces what you currently have.  To achieve something else, put the necessary effort and attention into your own growth so you can be in harmony with your wants.

(If you find value in what I write, you might like to experience what can be achieved through one-on-one coaching.  The first session is always complementary.  Write me at kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

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Posted in Beliefs, Cause and Effect, Creator Mode, Interpreter Mode, Observer Mode, Partner Mode, Personal Growth, The Law of Attraction, Victim Mode, intentions, manifestation | 3 Comments »

Attraction and Detraction

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

(If you would like more information about personal life coaching, or would like a free introductory session, please contact me:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

Perhaps you’ve heard of the Law of Attraction.  It’s been going around for a long while, with such catch phrases as:  “Thought precedes action.”  “You are what you think about.”  “Anything the human mind can perceive it can achieve.”

Almost everything I’ve ever read about this law considers thoughts to be the magnetic force.  The more focused the thought, the more magnetic power it has.  If you think about money (or health, or love, or happiness), and you give it your full attention, it will come to you.

Philosophically, I accept this principle.  But in my experience, thoughts are only a part of the power.  Actions and emotions are equally necessary.  You must bring thoughts, actions and emotions into congruence, and any misalignment can skew the result.

Aligning the Law of Attraction

Say, for instance, you want to loose weight.  You know the key actions – eat better and exercise more.  In addition to acting appropriately to your goal, you decide to think yourself thin.  So you put together an affirmation, “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight.”  And you repeat this affirmation all the time:  when you’re building a healthy salad for lunch, when you’re jogging on the treadmill, when you’re walking toward the mall from the far distant corner of the parking lot, when you’re taking a shower.

So far, so good.  You’re solid with two pieces of the formula – but your ideal weight stays stubbornly out of reach.  Time to bring in supporting emotions.  Love is probably the strongest healing energy, so you decide to love your body, love your thinness, love yourself as a thin person.  You also decide to enthusiastically enjoy being your ideal weight.  With this inclusion of supporting emotional energy, you might find the weight peeling away.

Or you might not.  And if not, you’re blocking it.  The block might be an action – perhaps you’re still taking in more calories than you’re burning.  It might be an emotion – perhaps you’re impatient, investing in expectation, comparing yourself to others, or holding some other kind of judgment.  Or it might be a thought.  Affirmations in and of themselves are not magic.  Just repeating what you want to be might not get you where you want to go.  If you carry a belief that contradicts what you want, you may be investing as much in the Law of Detraction as in the Law of Attraction.

Beliefs are extremely powerful.  They’re like fences, like boxes.  They hold you in, they limit your progress, they establish boundaries beyond which you cannot go.  To break past them, you must dismantle them.

An exercise I find both helpful and powerful is to write out your intention statement or affirmation, use the word “but” as a conjunction, and create a compound sentence with whatever comes up after the “but.”  For example, “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but keeping weight off has always been a struggle for me.”  Repeat at least ten times, letting other fears, objections, past experiences, and beliefs come to the surface:  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but I can’t resist dessert.”  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but when I was young and tiny I felt insignificant.”  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, but it won’t last.”

Once you have your list of “buts,” sort them and start to dissolve them.  Most such barriers fall into one of three categories.

  • Some reflect the present, your current situation.  Reframe those and use new affirmations to embed a new belief in your subconscious:  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, and thin is my new reality.  I am and I will be.”  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, and I easily resist dessert – even Key Lime Pie.”
  • Some are rooted in the past, old experiences or deeply-rooted beliefs about yourself.  For those, explore the story that supports the belief:  Were you insignificant?  Was your thin stature the reason?  Use logic to help you disengage from a story that probably had no basis to begin with.  For increased power, extend love and compassion to the child or adolescent you used to be, who adopted those beliefs.  Again, a new affirmation can strengthen your revised thinking.  “I am thin, healthy and at my ideal weight, and I add significant value in every situation.”
  • Some project into the future.  For those, identify the strongest emotional energy that will help you create the future to your liking.  Any partner or creator emotions will support and sustain future results.  Consider the creative power of something such as, “With delight and trust, I celebrate my idea weight every day.

Recognizing the time zone of your “buts” will help you identify the most effective ways to dissolve them.

The above suggestions are starting points.  Sometimes the first removal exercises work like magic.  Sometimes, however, other forces interfere with The Law of Attraction at a deeper level.

The Law of Detraction

The comparison of The Law of Attraction with magnetism works beautifully if you think of your desire as a magnet and what you want as iron filings.  Just increase the intensity of your desire, and you will pull more “filings” toward you.  But if what you want is another “magnet” you’ll run into the properties of polarization.

Consider magnets:  Each has a positive and a negative pole.  The only way two can connect is through opposite poles.  If they both present the same polarity, they repel each other.

In metaphysical terms this could be called The Law of Detraction:  Misaligned energies repel each other.  You have to be appropriately aligned with what you want in order to attract it.  Otherwise, your energy and the energy of what you want repel each other.  What you want must be as eager to connect with you as you are eager to connect with it.

It’s been my observation that in most cases what you want wants you.  (When what you want is human, however, that person brings a full range of human complexities into the equation so attraction is also more complex.)  If you want money, money wants you.  If you want health, health wants you.  If you want peace, peace wants you.  Very simple.

If you aren’t attracting what you want, if it isn’t responding eagerly and positively to your “attraction,” you can safely assume something is out of alignment.  Since you are the chooser, since you are the person with free agency, you alone have the potential to find the misalignment and repair in.

The Law of Detraction kicks into action any time you operate from Interpreter mode.  Every judgmental emotion interferes with attraction.  Every thought, belief, assumption, expectation or story that mires you in struggle or limitation disrupts the polarity of your energy.  Every action that doesn’t support what you want deters the positive action you desire.  This detraction  occurs whether you are the generator of the disruptive energy, or whether you assign the interference to your intention.

For example, Shelley* wanted to switch jobs to one that’s truer for her.  She set the following intention:  “With enthusiasm and joy, I relish my new job.  What I bring to my work is accepted and respected by others.”  She practiced generating feelings of enthusiasm and joy from within.  She’d worked through layers of uncertainty about the economy and her competition and her own ability to perform at higher levels.  She sent out a bunch of resumes and responded to some ads, and for weeks nothing moved.  One day, in frustration, she said, “What more can I do?  Maybe my ideal job doesn’t exist.”

I suggested we take a closer look at her perception of what was going on.  Did the job not exist?  Or did she believe, it didn’t exist?  She realized she’d never worked at a job she truly enjoyed.  She always made do, took whatever came along, settled.  I asked her to consider whether she would emit different energy if she unconditionally believed this idea job existed –  instead of believing it didn’t.  Since she had done her own inner work on this (when she affirmed enthusiasm and joy, it was real), I invited her to shift the focus of her intention statement from her own energy to the energy of the job:  “My idea job exists and it wants me.  It welcomes me, and we do beautiful work together.”  Within a week she had an interview, and a week later she had a job offer.

Here’s a set of simple questions to assess whether you’ve got Attraction or Detraction most at work with one of your intentions:

  • Are you getting what you want?  (Is your intention clearly stated?  It is true for you?)
  • Have you aligned your own thoughts, actions and emotions and thereby dismantled any barriers?
  • Are you giving your intention sufficient attention by reinforcing your aligned thoughts, actions and emotions?  (In other words, are you sticking with the program?)

If you answer yes to these three questions and what you want is still not opening up for you, take a serious look at your energetic relationship with what you want:

  • Accept that the object of your intention wants you as much as you want it.
  • Convey to the object of your intention that you want to be equal partners.
  • Ask it what it wants from you.
  • Do your best to provide what it wants.
  • Receive its best in return.

Edward* is doing this with his violin.  To Edward, the first two steps were already givens.  Then he asked his violin what it wanted from him, and it suddenly occurred to him to disregard his chin rest.  So he did, and removing that physical barrier between his body and the violin immediately changed his relationship with his instrument.  Since then he’s connecting with his violin more as a partner than a possession, and his musicianship has moved to a whole new level.

When you accept what you want as a partner at this energetic level, I suspect you will experience The Law of Attraction in surprising new ways.
*  Not their real names

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Posted in Making Miracles, The Law of Attraction, Uncategorized, intentions | 4 Comments »

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