Archive for January, 2012

Choosing and Using

Sunday, January 29th, 2012

In the mid-1990s, I attended a powerful workshop on abundance presented by Unity teacher  Edwina Gaines.  Somewhere in her workshop, she said, “What is up to you.  How is up to God.”  It’s the only thing I remember from the workshop, probably because at the time I was caught up in the importance of taking action.  Even though she continued with, “Listen for the divine idea,” I couldn’t get past my own belief in the need to do. I had experienced the difference between affirmations that worked and those that didn’t, and I saw that difference as aligning emotion with thought.  And I had observed over and over again the necessity of also aligning actions – putting words on paper if you want to write a book, putting miles on the bike if you want to take pack trips, eating right if you want to be healthy, etc.

So I pondered and puzzled over Edwina’s words, and after about a decade, I finally got it.  I finally learned to differentiate the what from the how. I saw that what is the essence of free will.  As human beings, choosing what is our opportunity, our responsibility, our obligation.  No force in the universe (not even God) can choose for us.  We must choose, and choosing what must come first.  If we jump too quickly into the how, we’ll end up with the wrong what. Further, if we try to control the how we limit the miracle.

Taking on Your Part

However, since I’ve been working with the modes of personal power, I’ve begun to see aspects of how that do belong to us.  The more I work with emotions, the more I see them as the energy of how. Emotional energy is the force that empowers results.  If you want a certain result, you can identify the emotional energy that produces the outcome, generate that emotion within you and then use the energy to fuel the result you’ve chosen.  This is not exerting power over your emotions so much as accessing the power of your emotions.  In this respect, identifying and investing emotional energy is the how that’s up to you.

I’ve also been observing another interaction between what and how that blurs the boundary between them even more.  When you decide you want something, it’s totally natural, perhaps instinctive, to immediately begin mapping out the route between here and there.  Whether you call this a business plan, a plan of attack, a project plan, or merely a to-do list, you gain confidence in your idea when you assure yourself of the potential for success by envisioning the means to get there.  If you can’t see the how, you may discard the idea immediately.  This could be called the process of how-to-what.

Moving From What to How

Consider instead a what-to-how approach.

Begin by identifying what you want.  You can be as broad or as particular as you like, but use specific terms.  A general sense of something, expressed in general terms can come out hazy and not quite formed, i.e., “I’d like to get to a place in my heart where I can let go of animosity towards others,” or “It’d be nice if I could feel confident enough of my voice to sing in front of people.”

Instead, either the broad statement, “I want joy,” or the specific statement, “I want a happier relationships with _______,” gets more to the heart of what you want.  You can say, “I want to live on purpose,” or you can say, “I want to sing at the Met,” and either one can be perfectly accurate and true for you.

To illustrate this for yourself, draw a pyramid on a piece of paper.  Draw a horizontal line slightly below the peak of the pyramid, forming a small triangle on top.  Write what you want in the triangle.  This is your intention.  At this point, don’t give a single thought to the large space below the line.  Everything below this topmost level is how.

Sometimes we choose things that aren’t true for us.  Sometimes we resist something that is true for us.  The first how that belongs to you is to make your intention absolutely, totally, 100% true for you.

You may already have a deep emotional connection with what you want.  If so, this aspect of how may feel pretty straightforward and easily itemized.  Whether you have the connection or want to achieve it, the following practice will help you strengthen and empower your intention.

  • Imagine what you want as accomplished, manifest, complete, a done deal.

Refuse to let doubts and potential obstacles interfere with this envisioning.  If you want joy, imagine you have it.  If you want a relationship with someone to be happy, imagine it is. If you want to be living your purpose, imagine you are.  If you want to sing at the Met, imagine you’re on the stage.  See it accomplished, real, now.

If you can’t quite imagine what you want as real, find something comparable you have experienced and recall the feeling.  Perhaps seeing yourself on stage at the Met is a bit of a stretch, but when you ski you maneuver the moguls with ease and confidence.  Remember the success and pleasure you experience on a challenging slope.  Once you feel it, it’s transferable.

  • As you envision what you want as fulfilled, let the emotion(s) of fulfillment bubble up within you.  Recognize them and name them.  Do you feel happiness?  Joy?  Peace?  Love?  Confidence?  Exhilaration?  Gratitude?
  • Let yourself experience these emotions to the fullest.  Be them.  Let them expand and fill your entire body.  Let them flow down your arms and legs to your fingers and toes.  Feel the vibrations of them as fully and completely as you can.
  • Think about your intention and envelop it in this heightened level of your emotions.  Infuse it with these emotions.
  • At least once a day, repeat this exercise.  Imagine, identify, experience, infuse.

Emotion as How

Choosing and using Partner and Creator emotions is your part of how. This practice will help you align your thoughts and emotions with each other and with your intention.

When you become truly, fully aligned with your intention, it becomes accomplished.  You may not be joyful to the exclusion of pain or suffering, but you see such joy as both possible and attainable.  You may not yet be fully living your purpose, but you are fully connected and aligned with that purpose.  You may not yet be singing at the Met, but you know without a doubt performance is your destiny.  You may not yet have a loving relationship with someone, but you have unflinching trust best good for both of you.

And now it’s time to look below the pinnacle of the pyramid.  Using horizontal lines, divide the large space into several sections to represent the steps of how – the journey from where you are to where you want to be.  Some journeys may have two or three steps, and others may have more than ten.  What do you see as your next step along the way, the next leg of your journey?

If joy is your intention, perhaps the next step is a happy home, or peace with your body.  If a happier relationship is your intention, perhaps the next step is becoming happier with yourself.  If singing at the Met is your intention, perhaps the next step is gaining confidence during auditions.  If living on purpose is your intention, perhaps envisioning the way you will serve is your next step.

Whatever you see as your next step now become a what. Now you can set a new intention specific to this step.  Now you can identify the emotions that will help you partner with it and/or create it.  Now you can choose to experience those emotions.  Now you can infuse this what with those emotions.

Continue building your pyramid from the top down by converting each successive how into a what. At each level remember that everything beneath the level you’re working on will stay a how until you get there – and as long as it’s a how it’s not up to you.

Enhance your Product

Now draw a strong vertical pole from the base of your pyramid up through the peak.  This pole is your product.  Your product is what you give to others, the way you do and/or will serve with this intention.  It remains a constant, receiving your efforts, no matter what step you are on, no matter what others efforts you make in support of your intention.  What you ultimately create will be directly related to your product.  In many cases the quality of your product determines the ultimate quality of the miracle.

Some intentions have very obvious products, i.e. the knowledge, the skill, the wisdom, the techniques, the music, the manuscripts, etc.  For other intentions, the product can be more nebulous.  For instance, if you want joy, what’s the product?  Actually, joy is both the what and the how. The more you practice joy – in your heart and in your service – the more joy you’ll have.

This brings us to yet another aspect of how that is up to you.  It’s up to you to become a person who is whatever it is you want.  When you start asking, “But how do I do this?” practice responding with this answer:  “By becoming the person who is this.”  (Or has this, or does this.)

If you were already this person, you would already be or have or do.  Since you are not or have not or do not, give attention and energy to becoming.  Working on the product certainly contributes to your becoming your intention, but action must be supported by thoughts and emotions.

In instances where the intention and the journey are the same, all efforts to become are investments in the product.  The core of any product is the service you render.  If you are becoming joy, let your joy be a service to others.  The more you become your product, the more you enrich the lives of others through the state of your own heart.

Other more physical intentions also require you to be the person who does.  As you strengthen your product, refine your thinking.  As you refine your thinking, continue to evoke and express partner and creator emotions.  Through the energy of you emotions, your thoughts, and your actions, you will become the person who receives.  You will manifest the miracles you’ve chosen.

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The What and Why of Personal Power

Sunday, January 22nd, 2012

In the movie, Shrek, our hero compares being an ogre to an onion because they both have layers. This is not a new analogy; many have made the same comparison to the human personality.

As you’ve probably observed, being yourself a human, human nature is extremely complex and makes self-understanding particularly challenging. Even the most rigorous scholars and scientists have difficulty teasing apart the innate from the learned and separating nature from nurture.

Many systems for analysis and understanding have evolved throughout the ages, starting way back with the original horoscope. So now, in addition to astrology, we have the Enneagram, Myers-Briggs, Kiersey, IQ tests, skills surveys, and gene sequencing. But how does such an assortment of tools help us truly know ourselves? We can never fully differentiate what we were born with, what we were taught, what we’ve concluded, what’s influenced us, what we’ve internalized and what we’ve rebelled against.

Personally, I’m a Sagittarius, an INFP, a 5-Thinker, an Idealist, the oldest of nine children, a European-American, and a baby-boomer. Although such explorations have helped illuminate aspects of me I might not have noticed on my own, they haven’t help me be truer to myself. My observations, expectations and conclusions have all influenced the way I perceive myself. And then, what does my self-knowledge have to do with the way I access and utilize my personal power?

Self-Knowledge and Power

Here are three specific ways self-knowledge and personal power interact.

  • The better we know ourselves, the more wisdom we bring to our choices. Ultimately personal power has more to do with choice than knowledge – even self-knowledge.
  • All the complex layers and facets of us influence the way we access power, and in turn are affected by the power we access.  Consider some of your own layers:  genetics, up-bringing, circumstances, relationships, experiences, self-knowledge, choices, etc.
  • Running through all those layers and facets is that un-specified and un-measurable aspect of self we call The Soul – whatever it is we come into this life with, regardless of any and all physical influences.

Of course, there are more layers than that, and they are not discrete, they bleed into each other, feed on each other, influence each other, etc. And running through it all is that straight, broad constant, the soul, that connects the layers and pierces through them.

So we have our physical human-ness, and we have our soul-ness. Our soul-ness possesses unlimited access to infinite power. An important responsibility/opportunity of human-ness is to connect to our soul-ness and thus gain access to that deep inner power.

Okay. So What?

When I was writing and teaching fiction, I realized the importance of the question, “What’s in it for me?” Characters must be motivated on a very personal level. Readers must be given reasons to care about the characters. Writers must see the reasons for employing various techniques. Good writers make it all personal. Always.

This is equally true when it comes to personal power. Why bother? What’s the point? What’s the benefit? Will it change anything? What’s in it for me?

Consider the following benefits to putting forth the effort and doing the inner work:

  • You’ll be happier.
  • You’ll find inner peace.
  • You’ll manifest miracles.

I’m not going to expound on happiness and inner peace; I trust you already know what they mean to you personally. The concept of miracles, on the other hand, may have as many definitions as there are people.

I use it in a very broad, very non-religious way. I see miracles as extraordinary results, happening in unexpected ways. A miracle is a result you couldn’t make happen, probably couldn’t foresee, and certainly can’t control.

When I was young, I equated miracles with acts of God, with divine intervention. I was taught miracles depended on two factors: 1. Faith. 2. A special authority bestowed only on select individuals. As a female, I was never going to be eligible for that special authority, but I took faith to heart. I believed Jesus’ statement that anyone with faith the size of a mustard seed could move mountains, and I puzzled over how to attain that level of faith.

I still believe anyone can manifest miracles. And a mustard seed is probably a good illustration of the amount of energy it takes, because quantity isn’t nearly as important as quality.

Manifestation

So far in my articles I’ve been exploring aspects of personal power without posing the question: Power to do what?

Basically, we’re talking about the ability to transcend and the ability to create. I believe every human being possesses the potential for infinite power. Therefore, as a human being, this power exists within you.

While everyone possesses the potential for infinite power, access comes as human-ness connects with soul-ness. We gain access according to the way we experience and employ our emotions. As we’ve been observing in past newsletters, the emotions of the different modes produce different results. Now let’s look at the aspects of transcendence and creation.   (See my archived article The Power of Emotion and the graphic The Modes of Mastery Diamond.)

Victim Power

Victim Mode emotions tend to restrict power down to the weakest possible flow, but enough still leaks through to empower a declaration of No. That simple choice transcends helplessness and creates an opening for something other than more of the same. To say No more fear (or anger, or hate, or despair) will not immediately dispel the fear (or anger, or hate, or despair); it does open the space for something else. It does illuminate the path into the next level of personal power.

Interpreter Power

People operating from Interpreter Mode emotions know they are no longer helpless. Compared to the thin trickle of power available in Victim Mode, the stronger flow vastly widens the spectrum of possibilities. In spite of the continuing struggle, there is now sufficient power to transcend helplessness and to create action.

Observer Power

With Observer Mode comes a shift in the balance of power. Before, the emotions held the reins of power, now you become the master. This is a transitional state and transcendence has a circular quality. As you transcend judgment, you gain the ability to create a desired result. The more you observe, the less you judge, and the less you judge the more you can observe. This process moves you inexorably away from Interpreter and toward Partner.

Consider the following kinds of emotional energy and the results they produce:

Interpreter Mode:

  • Anxiety often results in illness
  • Certainty often results in rejection.
  • Self-pity often results in torment.
  • Distraction often results in delay.
  • Guilt often results in culpability.

Observer Mode:

  • Acceptance often results in health.
  • Curiosity often results in acknowledgment.
  • Compassion often results in self-recognition.
  • Amusement often results in focus.
  • Courage often results in authenticity.

As you can see, Observe Mode opens the door to vast creative potential. You move from the zone of possibilities into the zone of probabilities.

Partner Power

Partner Mode emotions empower you to transcend limitations, including: financial lack, physical impairments, career stagnation, insufficient education, inadequate tools, entangled relationships, failure, etc. You now have sufficient power to create abundance, health, success, friendships, contentment, vitality, etc.

One of my sisters has had more health challenges than any ten normal people, beginning with the discovery of a birth defect when she started to walk. She also has an amazingly cheerful outlook on life. The first medical intervention she endured was a year in a body cast as a toddler; since then there have been too many treatments and operations to count. When she was twelve and spending a summer in yet another body cast, she observed no one wanted to hang around a gloomy invalid. They would come to visit and stay to play if she was happy.

All her life, my sister has refused to find misfortune in her situation. She’s never complained, gotten defensive, pitied herself, or mourned a life she might have had. She’s created a beautiful family, a welcoming home, a wide circle of loyal friends, and myriad opportunities to serve and grow. One time a visiting neighbor commended her ability to overcome adversity, and my sister couldn’t figure out what her neighbor meant. Looking for clarification, she asked, “What adversity?”

Transcending does not necessarily mean eliminating. The “adversity” may continue; it has no power to inhibit or destroy. As Partner with all aspects of your life, you transcend in ways known only to yourself. What you create, however, will be visible to all.

Creator Power

When you ultimately move into Creater Mode, you gain access to the infinite wellspring of your divine power. I suspect you experience and employ Creator emotions in a number of areas of your life. Sometimes, with some people, in some situations, you experience love, happiness, peace, delight, etc. Sometimes you are stress-free, conflict-free, worry-free. Sometimes you experience that inner knowing that you are one with the universe. The no-upper-limits aspect of infinite means you can continue to expand in this mode forever and not exhaust the possibilities.

At this level you can transcend anything, and create anything. I personally believe at this level it’s all possible. In fact, I believe it’s impossible for the human mind to imagine beyond the realm of possibility. (Although, I have absolutely no evidence to support that belief.)

Manifestation is not magic. There are no designated formulas, no set rituals, no worship, no requirements for membership. There are, however, principles and practices. For the next series of aticles , I’ll be presenting what I know about manifesting miracles, about becoming the creator of your own life.

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The Power of “What if . . .”

Sunday, January 15th, 2012

Since I started to see emotion as the key to personal power and to identify the characteristics of different kinds of emotions, I’ve been paying more attention to my own judgment patterns.  In some areas of my life, based on the results I enjoy, I seem to have attained a place of pretty secure neutrality.  Based on the results in other areas of my life, however, I’m clearly still in the struggle.

When I look at the difference in my results, I can see that if I try to use Partner or Creator emotions without first becoming neutral, my efforts are handicapped by my interpretations, by the stories I’ve come up with to explain, to rationalize, to accommodate, or to place blame.  And the strongest way to eliminate judgment is to become the Observer, to employ neutral emotions.

From my own experience it seems the path to personal power is one step at a time.  You can’t simply leap from Victim mode to Partner mode.  If you’re stuck in the mud you have no traction.  You have to achieve the leverage of solid ground, and that’s what Observer mode provides.

An area of challenge for me has been my purpose.  About fifteen years ago, I got a sense of purpose far bigger than I could identify with.  I didn’t deny it exactly, but for at least ten years I wrestled with it, struggled with how, side-stepped it, and tried to make it small enough to reconcile.  Choosing to become a life coach was my first straight-forward, head-on move in the direction of that purpose, but I still couldn’t quite put it into words.  Eventually I came to peace with it as, “I teach wisdom and personal power.”  I stopped fighting it, stopped struggling with it, acknowledged it, and stopped judging myself as insufficient to the task.  After that things got easier.  My coaching practice blossomed, and the quality of my coaching improved.

But something was still missing.  Since coming up with the Diamond Of Mastery and using it as a coaching tool, I’ve realized how much I’ve been in Interpreter mode.  I still doubted my abilities, doubted I was the right person for the job, doubted I knew enough.  Yet I kept trying to leap straight from the mire to the mountain top.  So I started practicing acceptance, willingness, wonder, and courage.  As a result, when I sit down to write, the ideas come much more easily and the words flow.

And this personal understanding of the importance of starting from where I am has given me new understanding of where my clients are and how to help them start from where they are.

How do you measure?

Recently I was working with a long-time client from where she is, which is locked into a belief of good and bad.  She has a long list of criteria for being a good person, and if she can’t live up to that list (no one could) she’s a bad person.

I asked her what it would feel like if there was no such thing as bad or good.  She said it would feel good, easier, but she kept arguing in favor of the measuring stick.

Of course, we’re all in the habit of measuring, evaluating, weighing pros and cons, and trying to make the best choice.  However, we don’t make decisions based on logic; we make decisions using emotion.  (Individuals who have lost the emotion centers of the brain through accident or surgery can’t make decisions.  All options have the same weight to them.)  No matter how much data we collect or how we assess the data we collect, in the end we finally decide based on how we feel.  Therefore, the measuring stick we use to evaluate bad or good will always be subjective – subject to our beliefs, values, stories, interpretations and judgments.  And this is true whether we’re trying to buy a new car, considering whom to marry, deciding what we want to be when we grow up, or evaluating our own self-worth.

Unfortunately, if you’re in victim mode, the emotions you’re subject to are marked by helplessness and produce pain and suffering.  If you’re in interpreter mode you’re subject to emotions that produce struggle.  To create a different result for yourself, choose different emotions as your subjective base for making decisions – about yourself, about your life, about other people, about your relationships with all things.

Imagine what it would be like if there was no such thing as bad or good?  What if you could accept the world simply as it is and other people simply as they are?  What if you could not only accept yourself as you are, but also accept that you have power greater than you know?  What if you could look at yourself and what you want and say, “I am a writer.”  “Í am a smashing success.”  “I am the country’s top cartoonist.”  “I am a healer.”  “I am a perfect human being.”  “I am in partnership with the infinite.”  “I am a creator.”

What if you could acknowledge the truth residing somewhere inside you that recognizes your personal power, even if that required you to acknowledge you’re afraid of it, intimidated by it, don’t know what it means, and maybe don’t have a clue where to start.

Because my client likes to know what’s ahead, because she likes to plan and be sure, she kept asking, “But what would not knowing look like?”  I can’t answer that question.  I don’t know what’s ahead for myself, much less for anyone else.  But all the emotions of Observer mode have that aspect of not-knowing.

Transcend Measurement

Curiosity and wonder are among the most potent emotions when asking What if. . .

  • What if you valued curiosity over certainty?
  • What if you liked surprises?
  • What if wondering what else might be possible was fun?
  • What if being comfortable with the unknown took the pressure off?
  • What if some troublesome reality wasn’t a given?

More possibilities exist than you could ever know, or even imagine.  When you’re in Observer mode, you trust that expanse of possibilities.  You’re willing to say, “No, I don’t know, but I’m willing to find out.

Some of the aspects of life people commonly approach with strong Interpreter tendencies include:

Self-Perception

What if you could look at yourself with curiosity and wonder:

  • “I wonder what it would feel like if I believed I deserved to be successful (or rich, or happy, or whole).”
  • “What if I could love myself unconditionally?”
  • “I wonder what it would feel like if I believed I could sing (dance, build, heal, laugh, fly).”

Habits and Beliefs

What if you could look at your long-time habits and beliefs with curiosity and wonder:

  • “What if I believed I didn’t have to work my guts out?”
  • “I wonder what it would feel like if my emotional connection to this unwanted habit or that detrimental belief just evaporated.”
  • “If I could replace this habit with anything in the universe, I wonder what I’d choose?”
  • “I wonder what it would feel like if I let go of my frustration about ____.”
  • “What if life was easy instead of hard?”

Life Choices

What if you could look at your life choices with curiosity and wonder:

  • “What if I actually have the ability, skills and personal power to follow my dream?”
  • “What if I wasn’t afraid?”
  • “What if I truly knew I’ll be just fine?”
  • “What if I was okay with not being able to see around the next corner?”

The fact is, we can never know for sure the impact of our choices on others or on the future.  We can never know what’s ahead.  We can’t even know if we’ll be here tomorrow, let alone what tomorrow will bring.  Becoming comfortable with not-knowing can be challenging but it doesn’t have to be distressing or scary.

A few months ago, one of my students wanted a visualization she could use to become calmer about the future.  Perhaps you’re familiar with the one I suggested:  While driving at night, you can only see as far ahead as your headlights illuminate.  They only go so far, but they always illuminate the same distance ahead.  My student immediately took the metaphor ever further.  She said, “And if I stop moving, I’ll never discover what’s beyond that limited light beam.  Moving into what’s possible requires that I give the car some gas.”

Accelerate

You may find that with curiosity and wonder you also experience anticipation and hope.

It’s very easy with either anticipation or hope to start getting specific.  If you anticipate a specific outcome or hope for a certain result, you begin to narrow the possibilities.  When you restrict the possibilities, you slide back into Interpreter mode.  Almost automatically, you will begin to spot the difficulties and find the obstacles.

If, however, you stay open and continue to be curious, the scope of possibilities will expand beyond your ability to imagine.  The range of your vision will expand, almost as if you switched your headlights from dim to bright.

Hope from the Observer perspective produces the calm that all will be well.  Anticipation creates momentum toward the unknown future.

Whatever particular area of your life is currently proving the most challenging, consider taking the following steps to move from Interpreter to Observer:

  • Identify the scale by which you’re measuring.  (good/bad; for/against; me/them; easy/hard)
  • Ask yourself, What if this scale didn’t exist?
  • Be open to the possibilities.
  • Anticipate (don’t force) an answer that will amuse, astonish, excite or gratify you.

If you’re struggling with a health issue, maybe you’ll discover wellness.  If you’re struggling with financial problems, maybe you’ll discover abundance.  If you’re struggling with an unhealthy relationship, maybe you’ll discover harmony.  If you’re struggling with your purpose, maybe you’ll discover confidence.

I want to re-emphasize that when you resist, when you lock yourself into your stories, when you refuse to go forward, you create your own struggle.  Deep inside, you know who you are and you know what you are for.  As a first step, be willing to ask, “What if I opened up to that inner knowing?”  “What if I were willing to be all that I can be?”  “What if I let all the possibilities open up for me?”

What if . . .

(If you would like more information about personal life coaching, or would like a free introductory session, please contact me:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com)


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Observer Challenges

Sunday, January 1st, 2012

In my recent post titled The Creation Conundrum, I ended with one of the challenges of  Observer Mode, the difficulty of staying in neutral.  As with a car, when you shift out of gear you take away one of your means for control.  When the transmission’s disengaged, the car will easily follow the path of least resistance.

To stay in neutral emotionally, you must maintain equanimity.  You can use your breaks – refuse to let momentum pull you into Interpreter Mode.  You can use your gas pedal – consciously chose an emotion from Partner Mode.  Or you can use the transmission – hold steady with the emotions of Observer Mode.  Which one you choose depends on where you are parked, how hard it was to get there, how urgent you are to go somewhere else, and how full your gas tank is.

First Challenge – Stay in Neutral

To be in neutral emotionally is to have reached a relatively flat surface.  It doesn’t take much of a shove to start coasting back down the hill again.  However, your response to a shove will depend not on the steepness of the hill but the difficulty of the climb.  Very likely, in some areas of your life you can stride up a steep slope with ease, while in other areas you struggle to surmount a slight incline.  The energy required to go backward is inverse to the energy it took to go forward.  If you achieved the plateau of neutrality with little effort, it will probably take a huge effort to push you back down into judgment.  If it took a concerted effort to become neutral, a little tap might send you sliding down.

There’s an emotional position in Observer Mode I haven’t mentioned yet.  It’s the state of healthy discontent.  Often, discontent takes the form of judgment, much like consternation or discomfort or irritation.  It can also be the soul’s yearning for best good.  You possess a basic instinct to be the best person you can be, to serve the world and mankind to the best of your ability, and to gain mastery, empowerment and enlightenment.  In Victim or Interpreter Mode, it’s easy to loose touch with that instinct, but the spark will never die out completely.  When you reach Observer Mode, you essentially add energy to the spark, and it flames into life.  The resulting sense of healthy discontent will pull you toward Partner Mode.

Whether you can put yourself in gear and step on the gas will depend on your reserves.  Staying in neutral a while gives you a chance to refuel, to get to know yourself better, to enjoy the view, to study your road map, to take stock of your options.  In Observer Mode you have 100 times the personal power you had in Interpreter Mode, and it may take some time to discover the full range of your new capabilities.

When you are free of judgment, your possibilities include: child-like levels of enjoyment and delight, security as in a mother’s arms, clarity like rain-fresh air, the hope of a new day, and in-the-now acceptance.  It may take practice to fully make use of your expanded ability to marvel, to savor, to give thanks, to enjoy, to relax, to be.

Eventually, you will know your emotions are secure, you will know it would take more than a nudge (or a shove, or a blast) to knock you into a state of less power.  Refueled, your innate desire for growth, for maximizing yourself, will propel you up the next slope.

Second Challenge – Accept the Possibilities

Another new challenge of Observer Mode is that of dealing with infinite possibilities.

Interpreter Mode makes things difficult, while Observer makes things possible.

When you leave Interpreter Mode for Observer Mode, the sudden vista of what’s possible can be both overwhelming and confusing.  If you could see the spectrum of possibilities as a continuum, everything you don’t want would stretch off to the left and everything you do want would stretch off to the right.  You could easily pivot to the right and march straight in the direction of what you want.

In actuality, the landscape is not flat or even.  It spreads out in every direction, with hills and dales, broad avenues and dead-ends, successes and failures, comfort and discomfort, security and danger.

In Interpreter Mode your options seemed mostly “bad,” and you could count it a win if you made the best of a bad situation.  In Observer Mode the possibility certainly exists that you could make a mistake.  Except as soon as you fear choosing badly, you slide back into judgment.  And this presents another conundrum for the Observer:  How do you remain neutral in this landscape in which everything (good and bad) is possible?

The answer can be found within the personal power you access when you become the observer.

As with all modes, the power that becomes available to you exists in the emotions of that mode.  Mastering the power you’ve accessed is yet another challenge of Observer Mode.

Third Challenge – Master the Emotion

Each of the emotions of Observer Mode has its own power, its own energy.  When you experience one of these emotions, you tap into the energy and embody its power.  If you want to experiment with this a bit, try the following:  Sit quietly.  Get into the now by letting go of all judgments and becoming neutral.  Then pick an Observer emotion and think of something that will evoke that emotion within you.  Spend a moment or two observing the way your body responds to that emotion.  Then pick another and repeat the process.  Take note of the shifts of energy in your body.

As I tried the experiment myself, when I evoked compassion I felt my heart swell.  When I evoked curiosity, my face and forehead relaxed.  And when I evoked amusement, I chuckled.

No two people experience emotional energy in exactly the same way, so pay attention to how it feels to you.  And if you can’t sense the energy immediately, no worries.  You wouldn’t expect to play the piano the first time you sat at the keyboard.

Here’s something you can do – sort of like a first finger piano exercise:  Find a quiet place and seclude yourself for ten or fifteen minutes.  Choose any Observer emotion and let it fill your consciousness.  The following guide might help:

  • Think about what that emotion means to you.
  • Thing about times when you’ve experienced that emotion.
  • Remember what generated that emotion within you.
  • Identify any current aspect of your life that might benefit from receiving that emotion.

Take admiration for instance.  You could begin by mentally cataloguing things you admire (sunsets, great art, beautiful bodies, skyscrapers, thick hair, a good book, a job well done).  Then bring any one of these things to mind and recall your admiration.  Next let your body recall the sensations of admiration.  And when your thoughts and your body are connected to the emotion of admiration, recall something that’s going on in your life right now (frustration at work, an interest you want to pursue, tight money, the times you spend with your best friend).  Now send admiration toward that aspect of your life (something you admire in a co-worker, what you admire most about what interests you, the good things money will buy, the way your friend listens to you).  Enjoy the calm produced by the admiration you first evoke, then feel, then send out.

Consider the time spent engaged in this sort of practice as holding sacred space.  Let it become sacred by honoring it and giving it high priority.  Do not profane it with Interpreter or Victim emotions.  When you schedule the time and dedicate yourself to feeling the energy of Observer emotions, being the energy of Observer emotions, you will discover you can:

  • Neutralize your conflict.
  • Ease your pain.
  • Smooth your way.
  • Send others encouragement.
  • Open doors.

When you use the power of Observer Mode emotions for these purposes, you will look out over the landscape of possibilities more objectively.

When you review any downside, you will do so with patience and courage.  Just because you can observe the possibilities on the left side of the continuum doesn’t mean you’ll head in that direction.

When you explore the possibilities on the right side of the continuum, you will do so with curiosity and excitement.  You’ll see them as real options.

Fourth Challenge – Serve Through Neutrality

Have you ever noticed the calming effect of some rooms or buildings?  Researchers are studying the impact on mood and productivity of such things as color, ceiling height, the sharpness or roundness of corners and the placement of furnishings.  Sometimes the calm space you enter will have structural elements that contribute to that energy.  Other times the calm will be generated by the emotional energy of the person or group that uses the space.

When you are firmly in Observer Mode, your personal power includes the ability to calm others.  The calming energy of your neutrality will touch everything within your immediate vicinity.  It will also reach across time and space when you think of someone or something and focus your  emotions in that direction.

In my previous blog, I mentioned my client who said, in reference to moving out of Interpreter Mode, “But that wouldn’t be any fun!”  In reply, I said to him, “It’s a different kind of fun.”

Observer Mode presents many challenges, perhaps more than I’ve mentioned today.  Conflict is not one of them.  In addition to calm, I expect you will find meeting these challenges to be agreeable, confidence building, constructive, liberating, and healing.

(If you would like more information about personal life coaching, or would like a free introductory session, please contact me:  kathy@kathyjacobson.com)

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Posted in Mind Power, Observer Mode, personal power, service | 26 Comments »